I'm afraid of the future. You know, in the end, neither you nor I will be remembered. What's happened to us is very far from a first in the history of the human race. You're reacting like a thousand blokes have before you, and I'm reacting like a thousand whackos have before me, It's disturbing to think about how common this situation is.
Nothing about our lives is unique. You and me, I think we're failures in the sense that we are entirely forgettable human beings. We're just like everyone else and when we die, we won't be remembered. You're just a failure who doesn't think about what will happen once you're gone.
Humans are disgusting. I want to leave behind this garbage life, these garbage feelings and these garbage instincts to become a god. I want to be memorable. Fading away is a horrible fate.
>>26528891 I'm just a guy. All my friends think I'm a girl but I'm not really. It's just an illusion. No matter how much I sound and look female I know that I'll always be worth less than a normal person. I feel overwhelming guilt for tricking people, not that I go out of my way to deceive.
The fact that you couldn't see through me scares the shit out of me. I so wanted to believe you could understand the way I operate. I guess pretending to be on the same wavelength was the natural thing to do since you were infatuated.
It's so disgusting when humans lie to each other because they're in love. "You're irreplaceable"? Mein arsch. People can be replaced in a heartbeat, that's why break-ups happen. "You're the only one for me"? Mein arsch. When someone gets rejected by someone "special", they go straight for someone else and repeat those same shitty lovey dovey lies without thinking twice. Human beings replace each other all the time, you've proven that.
The only type of love that cannot be shaken is the parent/child relationship, and even then only in certain families. I hate love.
You will leave, just like everyone else does. I'm not too clingy-- I only talk to you when you contact me first, and I only go to your place when you ask me to. I'm difficult to be near, though. I'm the common denominator in all of the problems I have experienced.
I've started to plan how to live without you. You will be the one to decide to leave.
I'm a man who lusts after men. I'm self conscious and anorexic. Noone knows I'm depressed or gay because I do everything in a "mask", but they probably suspect both. I have no talent and I'm afraid of the future. I can't see myself working until I'm 40, I fucking hate it. I simultaneously hate and crave attention. I want to commit suicide but I think my parents would be heart broken and I'mm too much of a pussy to do it. All the quick and easy ways are inconvenient and expensive. I've made music the center of my life, my way escape route, yet despite all the time I've spent on my hobby I'm still an awful performer, in either or the instruments I know. I fall for straight people all the time even though I know it's hopeless. Everytime I they somehow remind me they're straight, that don't have the same unnatural disgusting urges I do, I feel like shit. It's worse then a rejection. At least after a rejection you can improve, you can recover, there's a chance in the future. When I see that everyone else is straight I feel it's more then a rejection, it's like "you are and will never be on my radar". I feel subhuman then.
I failed out of university 2 years ago and nobody knows. I had planned to kill myself when it became official but chickened out. Since then, I've been piling lies upon lies upon lies to cover myself. My parents think I graduated this year, and are waiting to attend my convocation. I've been trying to figure out an excuse they'll accept as to why I'm not going. In the meantime it was also the most productive year of my life. I've been working and moved out so that I would find it easier to cover my tracks.
I'm absolutely terrified they'll find out. I get the feeling they're on to me. I keep thinking about disappearing and faking a psychotic episode or something might get them off my tracks. This lie has consumed my life and I don't have any way of fixing it.
>>26528891 If I could eradicate all Muslims, I would. For this reason, I hate seeing feel-good stories about Muslims because I know that, although as a whole they're incompatible with civilization, many of them are good people and it would pain me to know I killed them which is ironic because I feel like I would be doing them a favor because an absence of feeling in any way seems great because I think the only way life would be worth living is if you experience absolutely nothing bad, your whole life is good, which is pretty much impossible to do. It doesn't matter how good your life is, once you feel something bad, it's already worse than nothing. I don't understand it, it feels like a fucking math equation that I have the answer to but not the proof, or even the full question. Measuring the good and the bad in numbers, negative of course being bad, and positive of course being good, -1 + 9,001 is 9,000 which is greater than 0, true, but I feel this is more a problem of ratios rather than integers. 1:9,001 = 0.0111% of your life is bad, meaning you had a pretty good life, but 0:0 = 0%, meaning absolutely nothing bad has happened to you. It's funny to think about, absolute nothingness being better than the best days of your life.
THIS ISN'T EVEN THE END, MY POST WAS TOO LONG HAHSHAHHAHAWHFASDOJHIASDFPOIHUADFGASD
>>26531109 I get pissed off whenever I hear someone say abortion is a woman's right. And when I tell them that, they get pissed off that I'm against abortion. This isn't a fucking binary question, retards, there's more than one answer. I think abortion should be legal. No fuck that, I think abortion should be mandatory, because you didn't ask that child if it wants to be alive, you selfish bastards, do you even think? Oh no, you're too busy thinking about how much fun having kids is going to be for you.
Another thing is how the fuck does "it" work in the English language? If I reworded that other sentence over there, I could make it 'Oh no, you're too busy thinking about how much fun "it" is going to be to have kids.' That's grammatically correct, right? But what the fuck does the "it" mean? Having kids? That's later in the sentence. Am I supposed to take out "to have kids"? Fuck, I never got that shit and it pisses me off whenever I see it BECAUSE I JST DONT FUCIING GET IT AND THE ONLYU TENGLISH ETACHER I ASKED BAOUT IT IDND'T UDNERSTAND WHAT TI WAS ASKING GOD FUCKING DAMAN IT I'M Going to cry myself to sleep I think, it's almost 5 A.M. I hope you enjoyed my rambles also I just realized I have to lie to this reCAPTCHA thing about not being a robot lol
I'm fat and slowly getting less fat but it's a goddamn fight every single fucking day and I still just want to give up and eat everything. Obviously, I want to lose weight more, so I don't. This is more than just discipline now, though. After years of eating whatever I wanted whenever i wanted, forcing myself to stay under a certain calorie limit feels like psychological torture. Like for years I was a fat kid in a candy store, and now I'm still in the middle of the fucking candy store doing squats and eating vegetables while everything I had before is right. Fucking. There.
>>26531489 Continuing my fat fueled frustration because fuck it
What people who don't try to lose weight don't get is that it's the very situation of an uphill battle. Of course CICO is real. Of course it takes time to lose weight just as it took time to gain. No fatlogic here.
But simple thermodynamics doesn't take into account that five minutes of eating a shitty burrito negates a whole hour of exercise. That's why, even though I'm sure there are a lot of factors that skelly bros face that prevent them from gaining weight, it will N E V E R be as hard as losing weight. CICO, faggots.
>>26531622 I've lost 93 lbs in the last 2 years. Stop trying to lose weight. You're weak-willed, and you blame your problems on everything but the source - you. It's an addiction, but I guarantee if you fill up on heads of lettuce instead of a shitty burrito, you'll still lose weight. You just want the easy way out - you want to eat shit food without the consequences of eating shit food. Reevaluate yourself, or cry and be fat. >>>/fit/
>You just want the easy way out - you want to eat shit food without the consequences of eating shit food.
Of course I do. Who wouldn't?
I am not weak willed. Like I said before, as much as I'd love to stuff my face, I want to lose weight more. I've lost 60 pounds so far. But the cravings never went away. I overcome them, but that doesn't mean they don't drive me nuts.
You were a manipulative, lying, abusive bitch. And I miss you. I made my mistake and i'm not going back on it, but you could be so much more if you started getting help. I deserved better than you and you fucked up my perception of life for a solid month. I'm happier now, and I hope you're happy eventually, just don't hurt anyone the way you hurt me.
I love bestiality porn and keep looking online for a guy who will let his dog fuck me or a guy with mares that I could fuck. And I know eventually I'm going to get busted and my parents will know I went to jail for trying to fuck a horse.
I want to fucking job so bad. I graduated from college. Built a great portfolio, but I can't even get an interview. Why do people tell me I'm talented when I can't even get an interview. I'm not talented in this field but this is all I know. Life is all about winning and I never win anything. I'm not gonna survive. I'm not gonna make it in this world. It's over. I'm done.
I wake up every morning wishing for something to kill me because I hate everything about my life...College feels now like torture, I don't have any friends, I've never had a gf, I can barely concentrate in class and I can feel my parent's dissapoinment growing every day.
Hopefully, I will end this soon. (Sorry for bad english)
I'm deeply insecure about my lack of intelligence and education, and it's where all my edginess derives. I want nothing more in life than to be fully knowledgeable in something that interests me.
Also, I have become completely consumed by awful /pol/itics, and it's driving me angry. My every thought contains elements of them, and I'm constantly furious about the trendy progressivism that is ubiquitous to our society. I can't engage with recent art and media because that ideology is present in almost all of it. I no longer can even talk about the things I like because my mind only dwells on these nast politics.
>>26528891 I took a nap and fell into REM sleep so I had a dream. Because it was just a nap I remember it pretty well. I imagined that, instead of my actual backyard which is shit instead there were green hills and a great view. I mean it was unbelievable. So I thought, hey I'm going to get off my fucking computer and go take a walk in that area with my sister because we are both depressed (well I'm fine actually, I just get depressed when tired and every once in a while) and it would be good for us. Then I was driving, my sister wasn't there, but I decided that Newfoundland was only a 30 minute drive away from where I was (I live in Southern California heh) so I decided to drive there because the view would be really nice and I need to get off my fucking computer. So I did. At this point in the dream I realized I only know Newfoundland by name and location so I didn't know what it looked like so I sort of made a meta reference to looking it up on the computer. That was in the dream but I didn't know I was dreaming. That was weird. So I imagined up an ocean view which was pretty nice. Next thing you know I am gambling. I was on a slot machine, and every time I pulled the lever it felt like the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I felt like a dopamine rush. At this point I felt that I understood gambling addiction, and that I should probably stop. Thinking back, I don't think gambling addicts use slot machines, I think they prefer card games and betting. I suppose you could get addicted to slot machines, you can get addicted to anything really. That was my story about gambling in Newfoundland, which is a 30 minute drive from Southern California and my backyard which has a great hilly green view.
This huge underbite is tearing me and my self confident to pieces. Girls have approached me when I was younger but I didn't do anything about it because I was too fucking nervous thinking about my fucking jaw. It still gets to me to this day. Being a normie would been much easier if it wasn't for this underbite. I can't tell if women find me disgusting looking or OK looking. It kills me not knowing how I look in their eyes.
I feel like lots of my efforts are pointless and the pressure from responsabilities I don't want is too much for my nerves. I just want to be alone and left in peace so I can draw and watch stuff with no problems whatsoever.
>>26535771 Pretty much. I always have recruiting agencies find me somehow. I'm not sure if that means anything, but they keep saying oh we love your portfolio i know you're fit for this job here. Like, stop lying to me.
>>26537239 >mad as hell about everything i know this feel all too well, sometimes if i'm home alone i start rambling about all the things that make me angry that happened/i've seen recently, i could do that for hours.
>>26537130 You'd think masturbating would get it all out temporarily, but for me, it makes me desire the real thing even more, and when I do talk to girls, another part of my mind is undressing and playing with her body, sometimes I wonder if asexuals have that aspect of life easier through blissful ignorance.
>>26534484 >Neon Evangelion was the last really good anime. since then most have been shit except for a few evangelion is a shit the anime that fucking ruined the industry. all pretentious faggots like because it fucking romanticize there fucking teenage angst it's the most overrated anime ever
I know everything. I've been keylogging you. I've seen all of the fucked up dirty things you write. I've seen the girls you hit on. I've seen your shitposts. I've read your secrets. I've read your passwords. You're my bitch now and you don't even know it yet.
There'll be enough time for silence in death so why hold it all in? Why not take a chance and blurt out your feelings to people? If people are truly existential then they'll realize they are truly free, no shackles of life holding them down when it all won't matter anyway. I hate it when I leave an important conversation with things left unsaid, despite all my efforts to think of all the things to say id much rather regret saying something than saying nothing at all. I hate laying in bed going over all the possible combonations of things being said with people I'll never meet again or things that'll never happen again I hate not being happy with what went down I hate not feeling like I did enough and I can never be satisfied because despite all the things I do there will always be some small thing I wish I'd done differently
I think i might be going paranoid, i occasionally have thoughts popping up in my head that the person i'm talking to is plotting against me, even though i can differ it from real thoughts it still scares me a bit, is this gonna get worse or even worse is it gonna stay forever?
Used to have terrible social anxiety and coulnd't hardly speak my damn mind coherently. Then I had some kind of mental breakdown after failing university and feel like a...Robot. I just go to my kitchen job, which I like. I can talk to anyone now with no hesitation but any emotion I try to show is manufactured. It's fucking stupid. I've been feeling a bit less mental lately though and have stopped drinking quite as much. Who knows. Going to buy some weed, get high, and wait everything to blow over.
I'm on probation and can't smoke weed until March 31st. I'm in so much pain, my sex drive is coming back from being sober and it's killing me, I have all these gay feelings that make me feel shitty for being alone and not having a gf. I just want to get high and play computer games again without feeling like compelled to masturbate or find a woman. God dammit, it's not that I can't get a gf I just can't fucking handle one right now, that kind of stuff just drains too much emotional energy. I'm so confused.
I KNOW IN REAL LIFE I ALWAYS LOOK LIKE I'VE GOT IT TOGETHER. I'M TOLD HOW SMART I AM, HOW I LOOK LIKE I'M GOING PLACES, HOW I'M "NOT LIKE THE OTHER GUYS", BUT NONE OF THAT MEANS SHIT. BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS ANYBODY LIKE THAT. NOBODY WANTS SOMEONE WHO THEY THINK IS "SMART" OR "NICE" BECAUSE IT'S JUST A CODE WORD FOR BORING
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S FINE, I'VE ACCEPTED IT. MY LIFE IS ON A COMPLETELY NORMAL TRACK RIGHT NOW AND I REALIZE IT'S ALL FUTILE BUT I HAVE TO BURY THIS FEELING OF KNOWING I WILL BE ALONE FOREVER IN MY FUCKING SOUL BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING ASPERGIC TO EVEN THINK ABOUT SPEAKING TO A GIRL ROMANTICALLY LET ALONE GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE. ALL I'VE EVER TRULY WANTED IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS JUST TO FIND SOMEONE WHO COULD LOVE ME
I'VE SPENT A QUARTER OF MY LIFE WITH UPS AND DOWNS BUT HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOVE AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL. SO WHY DO I KEEP EVEN THINKING I CAN BELIEVE MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL GET IT TOGETHER. I WON'T, I FUCKING WON'T.
Sorry for the Caps. I've heard it helps when you vent
>>26538163 You need to see a psychiatrist. If money is tight, please see what is available in regards to low-income or county services. Sometimes, having someone to talk to and a CORRECT prescription makes a world of difference.
You keep talking about weed like its worth mentioning. I smoke weed everyday and routinely cut it out for months at a time. You sound like a lunatic, get some help.
"Why don't you pay more bills?" "Why are you still living in the old house?" "Don't you have a Masters? Get a better paying job" "Do you have a girlfriend yet" (as he smirks)
You fucking asshole. You keep comparing me to your goddamn son who I love as a brother, but you are such a fucking fucktard that I can't take it. I pay literally all the bills in the house except for one, I have 0 debt, I have a well-paying job, I am doing better than the majority of people my age but you just can't stop being such a whiny bastard can't you? I've never asked you for a single thing in my life and am living it honestly with no records or smoking or any of that. But it's still not good enough for you?
Fine, I've already fucking given up a long time ago on trying to even think you would be such a judgemental ass
>>26538340 I do. I have correct meds and everything, I'm pretty good at keeping my shit together. I do all the average normie shit except try for a gf. Meds aren't just magically gonna give you emotional fulfillment you have to work for. My confidence is too far gone. I don't wanna think about it because it gives me anxiety, so I just get ripped and play vidya like an autistic spergboy. Its worked for years but now I'm freaking out. I don't like these feelings.
Gonna get a lot of shit for this but fuck it, I'm posting.
Since I broke up with her three years ago, it was the event that turned my life around completely. It was definitely a wake up call for me to get my shit together and realise that nothing ever lasts forever but to this day I still don't know if it was truly the greatest event that ever happened or the one that caused me to die so much inside. I live every day doing stuff mechanical, absolutely no happiness or joy, feels like I'm just a shadow of my former self and I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing because you see, I was an outcast. But I was happy and found happiness in the tiniest things, even if I was miserable sometimes. When I met her I was even happier. She humanised me and I humanised her. Then she left for some shitty reason and then I got up my ass after almost killing myself and now I can easily hook up with almost any girl. But what's the point? Back then I felt happy. Now I see everything as a fucking algorithm...like a fucking puzzle that I already know the answer to and I do it and then I feel no joy, nor happiness. I made friends. Lots of them. And yet I feel so empty. That's why I have no idea if breaking up with her was my uprising or my downfall. I am confused, anons. >inb4 reeee normie get out
im trying to understand people and every time i fail to do so years of friendship go down the sink when someone flips 360 on me and i never see or hear from him again. idk i don't think im better than other people but i can atleast rationalize things when im asked about it unlike other people who relentlessly lie about everything when they don't feel like talking to other people
I don't know what I want to be but it sure as hell isn't engineering. I want to change my major to something that is exciting and involves public speaking but my family would hate it because I've tried and I don't want to be stuck in a job I hate
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