>>26486789 I don't see myself being happy and ive dropped out of college. The only thing I could possibly live for is the search for philosophical answers and the seldom times I can hang out with one of my two friends. One is becoming pretty normal though and it isn't satisfying. It feels hedonistic. If I could do anything Itd be studying anti-aging in an attempt for philosophical answers(can't think of you're dead) otherwise I'll probably just kill myself sooner or later. I need to burn the bridges first so they won't be as hurt
Like, I don't even know what you should do with people or about what you should talk with them, interacting with others without that protection of anonymity just seems impossible for me. I also often break up contact with others online, because I feel like I just bother them, there will always be another person, who would be much better for them, talking with me is like talking with a wall. 1on1 conversations just seem so alien to me, I don't even know anymore tbqh
>>26486920 Go for it, academics is cushy. Doesn't give you much but PhDs get their near poverty lifestyle comped by the university. Just have to be on your game amount getting grants which should be easy enough in that field
>>26486947 I've got the same issue, I always feel like I'm bothering someone when I talk to them, afraid that I'll be boring and eventually ed up being boring, but I have no issue being a snarky funny guy when around my family. I wonder if this thing has a name.
I'll be 30 this year and I've never had a relationship. I dated one guy for a couple months in 2006, another guy for a couple months in 2010, and fucked one guy on and off for about 4 years from 2011-2015.
I realized with this last one that I will never be wanted by a man in any meaningful capacity so I kept him around for as long as humanly possible in the faint glimmer of hope it might turn into something long-term.
Meanwhile I'm getting older and fatter. So there's really no point in dating anymore. But I make a very good salary, so there's that at least.
can't form real connections with people, even if they like me. my thoughts are a constant torrent of negative judgmental bullshit even though i'd never say any of it out loud. been trying "fake it til you make it" for years upon years, only thing that's changed is i'm a much better actor
Being vulnerable and open in front of someone and getting rejected is like getting knifed in the chest. I never want to do it again.
Too scared of rejection, too scared of meeting new people, too scared of revealing my true feelings, too scared of abandonment, too scared that everyone can read my thoughts and tell I'm a worthless shit right away.
Honestly man I think I might be like 1% autistic because I have fucking 0 ability to go up to a woman and start a non-cringe conversation. I feel like I can't connect with people like everyone else can. I hate it.
>>26486920 >I need to burn the bridges first so they won't be as hurt
This was exactly my thinking from the ages of 15-25. Then at some point I realized that I have a long life ahead of me and that I'd rather those future unknown experiences than be dead. And I don't want to be alone that entire life, so I started to participate more in life and try to say "yes" to things rather than a reflexive "no, ill get hurt or embarrassed" which doesn't happen as much as you think it will
>>26487089 I know exactly what you mean. I think I'm just now rediscovering myself after years of turmoil and depression. It feels like learning how to get back home. But one thing that helped was trying really hard to figure out what I wanted from life, and separating that from what I'm just envious of. I wanted to be compassionate, but deep down I'm selfish. It felt good to know where I stood, like I'm not lying to myself anymore, and I'm not extending myself beyond what I'm capable of.
personally, i think i have attractive enough looks to date girls. i did when i was in high school.
the problem that i have is that im entirely uninterested in short term relations and it seems like thats all the women at my age want. i am not even remotely interested in sex unless the sex has some substance behind it.
why am i lonely? because the only thing ive ever seeked out in life is genuine, real love from a fairytale i keep to myself of "the one."
id rather be alone than used again, but i still desperately wish to not be alone.
You may feel more guilt than what's warranted. I thought I was too, but being an ass was also sort of a put on. Think b-tard humor, it was a flavor of the month so to speak back then. But once I felt that it was just shock value and it wore off I wasn't as much of an ass as id have thought.
Because I don't want to be friends with people who are shallow, as in, they are plebeian for every medium, and constantly are going out to cafes and shit. It would be cool to make some friends which aren't shallow, but I don't know how to meet them. Also, they would still be kind of a burden, because I like being alone and doing what I want, without any obligations.
>>26486789 I feel lonely because I chose not to be numb and detached to my emotions. For the situation is because I am ugly and introverted but the ugly part is keeping me the most from relationships. Friends wise I am too different and cant function normally if I dont exhaust myself pretending. Its a result from not enough love and care from parents and being in isolation through my critical years before 20ties.
Now at 24 its hard even for normies to form meaningful relationships without their former friends, nearly impossible for broken individuals like me. I am glad that at least Im not lacking social skills, even though it exhausts me, I can still function semi normally in society, just without meaningful relationships.
What you're speaking of is a kind of complimentary lust. As I got older I realized relationships only work if both are interested in building something more than merely your primal urge of lust. Short flings are entirely self serving but they're so common because it's so easy to unconsciously fall into them. Then when it goes wrong they can blame it on some minute or ridiculous factor because self awareness was never a part of the relationship to begin with. You're in for a rough road if you want the best kind of relationship this early in life - you're asking for the stars to align.
>>26486789 After so much time on the internet, 4chan in particular, I can truly say that I'm not "lonely" anymore. Maybe as a kid, but not anymore. Relationships are all so fake and forced, it's like something straight out of a TV show, because normies live their lives how the Jew says they should. I actually discuss things I care about here and feel some sort of attachments to people and different boards are like different worlds. Maybe I want to talk about video games, I'll go to /v/. Maybe I don't want to be in a see of shitposting, buy go just talk shit, I'll go to /pol/. Maybe I just want to complain about how much I hate people, I'll go to /r9k/ Maybe I could use a _______boyfriend, but the more I think about 3D people the more I get disgusted Even though I've been browsing for only 2 years, I feel like this place was made for me
>>26487675 Kinda young, especially for having stunted growth by playing vidya too much. I know because I was you.
Yeah, stop playing wow. Or don't and forget girls. Take one of those out of the equation and you won't feel the stress and despair. But I get it, it can be addicting. Even despair isn't quite hopelessness, even a saddening dream is more comforting than none at all.
>>26487392 i guess i'm mostly an ass by other people's standards. i have a low tolerance for some of the dumb shit people say and do, and i don't hesitate to call them out. there was a time when i was really pretty rude about stuff, but i grew out of that a long time ago and i'm civil enough now. still, people have gotten mad at me and accused me of being too argumentative over what i would consider a friendly conversation
I cannot relate to people my age. Even when I try to socialize, I feel like I'm from another world. My co-workers go on about going out and getting black out drunk. I try to talk to them, but I do not care about that shit.
I grew up as an only child with out of touch old parents. I don't consider myself lonely at all, but I am alone and I prefer it that way. I have been in relationships and it made me a less complete person.
I had friends and a gf in school because it just came naturally to me. I never initiated anything. When i dropped out i started creating my opinions and realised i dont enjoy human contact and that im not interested in humans.
I grew out of that by empathizing more, and giving less of a shit about arguments. It was a superiority thing for me, but after reading into the side I was defending I still didn't know what I didn't know about the issues. So once I realized my ignorance, it took the wind out of my sails, "how can I argue it if I don't truly know?"
Then what was left was just the feeling to dominate others. Ultimately i thought was a fools errand and just got apathetic about that shit. It's funny how much I changed - from being passionate about that sort of shit to shrugging off everything. I find things more dull, but at least I don't worry about the dumb shit dumb people will always continue to say.
That was my experience anyways. Ironically the smarter I got about arguing the less I cared. Ymmv
>>26487839 They call me quiet. But it's just I have nothing to say to them. We don't have the same interests. It makes me lonely but what can I do? I can't change the people I interact with in my life.
>>26487823 Keep living that fantasy. The general trend for women is that they date up. You have to be worthy of such a girl, and your otaku ways won't be attractive to her. If so, more than likely she'll be damaged
>>26487910 I have no idea. Im mostly studying so I dont go to work now but when I was at work I just spent time in library. Kind of made my world around reading and dont care anymore about people. Its probably not healthy or I dont know what but what can you do? I tried to socialize for years, was friendly and inviting. It just doesnt work if you are too different as you said. I cant pretend and I wouldnt if I could, there is no point in that anyway.
>>26487890 I'd say it's an acquired taste. It started with anime, then doujins, then just admitting I'm a homo. It's not like I see every guy in a sexual manner, just like how "straight" guys see traps in a sexual manner.
>>26487943 i don't believe every single person of a single gender is the same way, contrary to popular r9k belief. maybe i'm crazy, but i truly believe that there is somebody out there that will care for the same things that i do, and i won't give up until i find her, even if looking for her isn't a super active process...
>>26488021 Eh, it's a stretch to say homosexuality is an acquired taste. That would mean it's something great and everyone should strive towards it. Now on the other hand, saying "The Brothers Karamazov" is an acquired taste, that's different. The phrase fits more here. I still like traps though, started with 2D, now I fap to certain 3D ones, but rarely. Since I started fapping to them, I think I started noticing male looks more. I wouldn't say I'm gay, but I think I can see better which male is hot and which isn't.
Because I'd rather lock myself up alone than worry about what other people do. Was bullied a lot and took a huge hit to my confidence/self esteem (used to be more outgoing and social), this has kinda been the norm since then.
>>26487225 I'm not so afraid of being embarrassed as I am just not motivated. I haven't talked to one of my friends in forever and I could leave the other behind. I don't have a lot to lose so why be embarrassed? Interesting viewpoint though. >>26487297 That and things will go away with time. Sure you remember that embarrassing thing from March 4 years ago but no one else does.
After all these years losing all contact with the outside world I literally feel physically bad when I'm outside. When I have to get outside for a longer period of time and then finally come home I can feel my heart slowing down as soon as I open my front door. The moment I sit infront of my computer it's almost like I take some instantaneous drug to calm me down. I am so used to my home surrounding and my routine that I can't see how could I break out of my comfort zone. I can't even talk properly now, small talk is the worst for me, it's like a RPG conversation where you have to choose the right answer but instead you have a million choices to choose from.
Because I'm autistic and hate myself and never try to meet new people and am not capable of socializing, having conversations, or interacting with other people in any meaningful way. I'm also extremely boring, have no interesting interests, and hate fun hings.
>no friends >only family is mom and dad >never leave the house >22 years old >no social interaction since dropping out of high school >severe anxiety, can't even interact with pizza delivery guy without spilling spaghetti >can't play online games because human interaction is too much
>>26486789 I ditched my last group of friends by intentionally having them hating me I said I don't consider anyone who calls me "generic stupid nickname" my true friend (they all did kek) Seemingly being phony is worse than literally humiliating someone and making everybody laugh at him
me, personally, only 3 girls were attracted to me in my entire life. but I didn't want any, because I'm just not made for them, I'm not made for FUCKING NORMALFAGS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
one was really cute and it was actually not a long time ago, like a year or less. she actually had perfect looks for my eye but she was just so fucking normie I couldn't stand being near her for more than 8 minutes. the second one was really fucking ugly and was a tumblrina aswell. the third one was in my childhood or some shit, I don't remember.
other than that, I have no real life friends, only friends I met through online communities. I talk to them every single day, today's talk was 10 hours.
I want a weird gf, not only a lurking one or some shit, I want her to be awkward, intimidating, with social anxiety or something. I want to lead her in life, I want someone to be almost fully dependant on me.
I hope you robots enjoyed my presentation. goodbye
>>26489531 >I want a weird gf, not only a lurking one or some shit, I want her to be awkward, intimidating, with social anxiety or something. I want to lead her in life, I want someone to be almost fully dependant on me.
>>26486789 I'm constantly haunted by thought that I can never truly be honest about myself around a single person. So I just feel a void that can never be filled. Sure I have a few people that I can relate to that surround me but I'm just projecting a facade of myself to satisfy them. I don't know how to adequately describe it but it I feel like I'm not human at all.
>be highschool >never got laid >always tried to talk to girls I didnt know for nudes >my picture was semi chad >got some, some didnt >word got around that I was a weird horn dog >be chubby with shitty tier poofy thick hair >get laughed at for being a cuck >tons of rumors are spread about me >some say I have a small dick >some are that im a creep >highschool ends >get laid during spring break by some drunk slut >cum in like 30 seconds >tells me my dick is small and i cant last
i have no feeling for how people feel or what they say anymore, I'd rather just be to myself. I've seriously been alone for so long I find solace in being alone. Like I've been locked in solitary confinement to a certain extent.
because I'm transgender and refuse to talk to anyone who isn't sincere and accepting of it. The worst part is that I don't even know if I even feel like living because the transition is going to be so hard. It hurts a lot, and sometimes I'll lash out at people who I can trust, and they'll leave me for it. Sometimes I'll just be too heavy for too much of the time, and make them too depressed to keep spending time with me.
The only people I have left are those too lonely themselves to let me go. That's how shitty my life is.
>>26486789 people are too much work I tried being social but since am not that interesting people are not interested in me either I spark up conversation and the don continue and prefer to be in silence
>>26486789 On the surface I'm the most bland and boring looking guy. If anyone gets past that they realize I'm fucking insane within a month or so without me doing anything I could think of that tipped them off.
I have a pretty bad stutter which means I can't talk most of the time. Life's pretty tough due to it anyway, making friends is just impossible. I find it very hard to just order some food at a shop or say my name to someone when I meet them. Everyday is stressful because of it, and the future just seems terrifying.
>>26489950 just thinking about those times boils my blood. My dick is 6 1/2 x 6 inch girth.
I fucking hate normies man. I know Im going to die alone, I don't even want to get married due to my overdose of redpill anyway sadly. As much as I would love a son who looks up to me and adores me, I don't see it happening like how College was just a fantasy I never applicated myself too.
I need a kind of love I'll never actually find. I have mommy issues. I don't want some woman to replace my mother or anything, but I just want someone to love me, be very affectionate and be crazy enough about me that I'll never have to worry about them cheating on me or leaving me.
But I know that's unrealistic and I'm not worth it so I don't actually expect that. I also have too much pride and would rather endure being alone the rest of my life than take a chance and ask a girl out. I fear rejection too much.
I want love but I'm too afraid to actually find it. I know it's my fault and I have to get over the fear and just go for it, but when I'm in the moment I just can't. Yesterday at work a qt as fuck coworker and I were sitting alone in the break room and I noticed her looking at me a few times but I could never find the courage to actually do anything about it. I just can't.
I also fuck myself over with everyone by generally being a theatrical asshole that acts like he has everything under control when in reality I don't. But people don't want to be around a bleak little faggot, so I joke and act. I've lied and been different people so much I don't know how to show people who I really am.
I also can't seem to get over this girl I'm involved in a fucked up situation with. She strings me along when I have no chance and I'm an idiot for always getting my hopes up.
I did this too. I had to start working on not being an ass instead of "accepting myself". Who actually likes themselves if all of their actions and behaviours are things that they're rightfully ashamed of?
>>26490268 trust me when I say that hiding everything that you like is not only exhausting but requires you to isolate yourself from the people you like, out of fear of being clocked.
I feel like I'm accepted by normies, but at the cost of my own sanity. I just wanna spend my nights drinking and getting butt-fucked by people just as insane, if not more insane than I am. Most of my days, I want to die, but I feel too much empathy for others to kill myself. People depend on me to do things. It sucks. I just want to die, but I would feel bad if I died, because then I'm leaving people not only with emotional trauma, but also with all kinds of loose ends from obligations I made that will never be picked up.
You're blaming others for not being interesting instead of taking responsibility for your "boredom". Is it really that everyone else isn't interesting or is it that you're choosing not to respect what they have to contribute? It sounds like you think your own interests are superior.
>one was really cute and it was actually not a long time ago, like a year or less. she actually had perfect looks for my eye but she was just so fucking normie I couldn't stand being near her for more than 8 minutes.
How was she "normie"? Did she have good hygiene and work hard in life unlike you?
>>26490385 I'm a law studen, and I'm fit and active, and all that good stuff.
Doesn't mean I don't see a point, but I forgot to go into the empathy part. On my phone and didn't want to type it all up, since it wasn't my main point. It's not something I think I could concisely convey, but I think it's important way to not get upset at others. Like David foster wallace's take on living in a modern age.
Do I want to? Maybe not, but once you stare into the abyss, and so forth
>>26486789 Because I'm addicted to sadness & pain( not physical). I have a couple friends, though, we never share our personal problems, they're really great and I like the times I spend with them. The thing is, I never want to see them or spend time with them, I literally force myself. I've always been an introvert and unable to make friends alone (it was always those same very very social friends who'd do introducing, etc. for me). I've had a severe depression last year, which led to agoraphobia, and became a real shut-in, I'd stop going to uni, and only leave my room in order to shower/pee/poo/buy food. I did one suicide attempt. Ended up hospitalized, and now, I'm back at home living with my parents. After a year my suicidal thoughts are completely gone. I'm still on medication but everything's good. I'm able to make friends at uni, I go everyday to class, got good grades this semester.
And yet, I don't know why, but sometimes, mostly in the week-ends I stay alone in my room. And have a certain nostalgia of those times I felt bad. I keep watching dramas, and anime with muh feels in order to cry. I wish I could, like when I was depressed again, start to feel such a pain, I'd start to cry for no reason, sit on the ground, my legs against my chest, under my desk. I don't know, those were horrible times, really horrible, it was really painful, and I keep telling my psychologist I don't want to feel that ever again. But the truth is, I think it had its good sides, and I have no rational reason to give, which makes it so hard to describe it.
That's the reason why I'm slowly now and then, but more and more, slipping again in trying to be lonely. I've never accepted any invitation at uni, and I'm going out less and less with my friends. I know I shouldn't but I don't know why I keep doing it, and it somehow feels good.
>>26487131 Sounds a lot like me, except replace guys with women, and instead of an on-and-off sex thing I actually had a relationship.
But I'm 30 this year too, and that one relationship ('09-'13) was a nightmare I trapped myself in and should have left after the first year. I stayed because I was sure that I'd never get another one if I left, and sure enough, it's been almost 3 years and I haven't had a single date or sex or anything. Every time I meet a woman that I have chemistry with, she turns out to already be in a relationship.
Often wondered this, and it's entirely my own fault.
I'm not overly socially retarded. I can hold a conversation, and I guess I must have some redeeming qualities because people seem to intentionally talk to me at university and stuff.
But I've always admired those who live a solitary life. Those who remain on their own, no wife, no kids, no friends, just their own little company. I was always a huge fan of Dick Proennekke for this reason.
So I aspire to be like them. I sit at home in tears with my phone vibrating once an hour or so with someone asking me to go out for a drink or whatever, but I deny their world, because I wish I was a good enough man, a strong enough man to survive on my own. But I'm not. So I get fucking lonely, and I'm the only person I can blame.
>>26486789 On an abstract level, I feel as if human contact is inherently harmful and that humans are inherently evil. Imagine if you were the only man on an undeveloped planet. You could starve, die to the elements, disease, random accidents, and so forth. You can still do that with people around, but the difference is you can also be betrayed, attacked, used, lied to, and tormented. Humans just add another layer of suffering on top of what you can already experience.
Of course, being more realistic, I live in the 21st century. I can starve, but I likely won't. I can die to elements, but I'll have to go out of my way to. And although I can still be betrayed and hurt by others, I can filter them out and get my social outlets in places like this, if I so wish. But that's sort of where the loneliness stems from. People are shitty, myself included, and that's not news to anyone. So I filter them out and end up alone, because it's better to be alone than with others who hurt you.
Personally, I have trouble connecting to "the masses". Not to come off as a pretentious twat at all either. It's more like I just don't care about keeping up appearances in caring about mainstream media, events, or dogma. I mostly just care about my own inconsequential little nerd hobbies and my niche porn and that's it. I have nothing to talk to most people about because they aren't interested in me and I'm not interested in them.
Not only that but I find it ridiculous how much people can blather on about super trivial things and talk with confidence about stuff they know nothing about. I might speak 100 words in a day, other people average ~2-3k words a day and most of those words are wasted on meaningless babble. People will pass judgement on others and label people they've just met, saying so-and-so is "fake" or "creepy" or "an asshole". What ever happened to walking a mile in each other's shoes?
tl;dr- people are mean, dumb, shallow and boring and I won't have anything to do with it.
>live in a very small-populated place >bullied as kid >over-protective mother >i fucked up everything at the last year of highschool when i felt the few ''friends'' i had were making fun too much of me for not being enough normie + always got bad grades because I was too depressed to study enough and my parents were always arguing all day >this led me to abandon school and lose all the contacts I had >re-join school next year but didn't make any friends >know a girl on the internet,have a short relationship with her but we were always arguing so it just last 4 months >now i'm completely alone
>>26491201 because I hate my body for being too masculine. I hate my nose, my chin, my brow, because they look attractively masculine. I hate them. I want to lop off my balls every time I get a boner. It's annoying and uncomfortable and it makes me want to scream. It's more than just, "I like feminine shit". It's, "I want to be a girl, now."
Because the vast majority of people seems boring (or the effort required to engage with them seems unworthy) to me at first sight or is actually boring, and those who are fine end up being boring after some time.
I finished college, and I realized that I wasn't going to be in situations where I was forced to meet with new people or that things were going to improve. All my past relationships with friends had faded away and they became preoccupied with their jobs, had found a girlfriend, or they simply moved away. Was never close with family or the like either.
Everybody has grown up and become more distant, and I feel like I'm standing still due to never wanting to take risks and staying in my comfort zone. It's why I never asked a girl out or even dared try. It's why I don't actively meet new people or try new things. The only friends I've made in my life they've taken the first moves, or I was forced to interact with them by outside circumstance (school, roommates, etc). Fear of rejection and a fear of getting close to other people I guess.
I don't know. Just know I don't have that glimmer that things might change in the future like I did throughout college or earlier.
>>26486789 The type of women I attract are so god awful that being alone literally makes me better off. I cannot into long and deep friendship. THAT was when I was healthy and trying to make something of my life. Honestly didn't feel the lonelyness too much because I kept myself busy. Turned out that busy part was very important.
I have since became a sick sad little cripple of a man. On the plus side the nightmarish women I attract should lose interest and I already know that I suck at friendship. Downside is for obvious reasons my health and the inability to stay busy. Which turned out to be all important when it came to pushing back the loneliness.
Its game over me for robots. If you still got your health try to get out while you still stand a chance.
>>26491919 whats the fake personality you put on? what does it consist of?
>>26491970 maybe we would have actually turned out normal. its easy to say that the internet has kept us alive or something, but maybe it was 4chan and the internet that allowed us to stay how we are, allow us to stay shut in indoors instead of trying to improve
>permanently angry because it feels better than being sad >hate people like an edgy teen >constantly make fun of them and they interpret it as sarcasm or dry humor >whenever someone tries to reach out to me i push them away because it'll just be normie advice >crave affection but feel repulsed by it at the same time >loud, talk with my hands, generally obnoxious
Honestly I can see why people wouldn't like me. They tend to drift away after they realize it's not a tough front and that I am genuinely a fucking asshole.
>>26492098 >>26492084 it's one way, but it's definitely not the only way. you're way optimistic if you think that. Actually, if it's that easy just turn off your internet subscription and see for yourself. I'm pretty sure 4chan helped me accept myself better as I saw others facing the same problems as I did. Sure, I still have anxiety issues and can't make significant relationships, but I don't feel bad about it anymore. I can be fulfilled in my own way.
>>26486789 because I fall in love with every girl I see that is at least kind of cute, but never talk to a single one. I have a crippling fear of the unknown, I don't want things to go horribly wrong between me and a possible mate. also I'm not very attractive
Becuase through growing up i learned how to cope by being alone. I had siblings but during middle school and high school kids want to do their own thing and make their own identity.
So the status quo,the familiarity has usually been lonliness. And that it must take alot of pent up frustration for me to abandon the fear of risking changing my situation. Otherwise the familiar is comfortable and i am person y Through nature or niture or both that doesn't like to take risks.
As i have gotten older i tell my self that my psyche has been getting weaker and weaker and if i fail at attaining my dreams i will sure kill myself,Be a bitter scrooge to everyone, or go full on psychosis. So i wait till i get so frustrated with lonliness that ill probably end up killing myself.
Because I want to be. I spent the last year integrating myself into normie status, accepting coworkers invites to hang out after work, cleaning myself up, laughing at regurgitated shit that isn't remotely funny, pretending to be interested in the daily woes of these people, even had sex with one of them.
I fucking hated it. All of it. The "normal" people's social lives are full of sickening amounts of dependency, pretense, and anything else they can do not to have to deal with themselves on a real level for more than a few minutes at a time.
The biggest misconception in modern society is that "real life" relationships are somehow better than the ones we've formed online. In an online setting, both parties have the option to simply walk away at any time once they see fit to do so, with 0 fear of repercussion or faux pas. If you have an interest that lies outside the realm of immediate pop culture, your best place to find conversation about it without anything else drawing the limelight is the internet.
I hate myself, but at least I'm not spending my life pretending I don't.
>>26486789 I had to move away to another country with my parents and left all my friends behind. known some of those guys for 13 years. Also I'm a recovering NEET and I think about suicide on the daily so it's kind of hard to get close to people.
>>26492206 Anon, hating people isn't exclusively for edgy teenagers, I've discovered that a teenager hates people but he doesn't realize why but whereas an adult hates people for all the right reasons.
>>26486789 No social interaction among peers besides really close friends who I hang out with occasionally. Lately my bros have been talking about marriage and one of them got engaged and then another one of them was thinking about it in a year or two. Shits really bums me out hard sometimes. I haven't dated a girl in like a year and I can never bring myself to go to a club or anyplace to meet grills.
But i'm somewhat content with myself, I'm in my career with decent pay and benefits, i have my car and i have 3 days off every week. I just want someone to come home to and go out with on the weekends with.
I essentially have the personality of Milo Yiannopoulos, along with generally the same views, safe for religion. I pride myself on my wit and off the cuff sense of humor, but I'm very vain and opinionated, and it just so happens that there aren't many people that are charmed by that sort of thing when I live in an overwhelmingly liberal area.
I can't really tell what the exact reasons are, I can only base it off the factors I have learned are detrimental to social life/mental development through this image board, general observation and over analysis.
Apparently having a single mother who was 35+ at birth and chain smoked can have a profound effect on how you turn out and develop, I'm lucky enough to be in a economically developed country and be in a half decent city.
Growing up I didn't speak to anyone until about the age of 4 where It was forced out of me. No Idea why but its refereed to as "selevctive mutism" and it limited my social development up to the age of 4/5. So I had no actual friends.
After that my mother did have 2 local friends on the street with sons so I made 2 childhood friends but I suppose because of their individual circumstances by secondary school (middle school) we faded away as friends as they followed completely different paths to me, one adapted to the "hood" culture and the other one was gay and basically made his friend group entirely girls and ravers. So they were gone.
I had your typical acquaintances during school but they obviously just dissipated once it ended as they had their own friends aside from me. I suppose it comes down to me not being needed and becoming an outcast through the means of being forgotten.
To be honest, every friend I've had essentially did what happened in the paragraph about my 2 childhood friends, just a different variation of that general formula of losing friends.
Sometimes when I talk to people that I consider friends I just have this gut feeling or can see from the way they interact with me that they aren't really invested in the friendship. As if they only talked to me to have a human being there because they can't bear the idea of being alone for half an hour.
Luckily I've stopped caring at this point.
Who knows really, Introspection and analysis of your past can only go so far.
>>26486789 I don't feel lonely due to growing up as and anti social only child with a single parent(father) who was always working. I was always alone in my room. But i guess i'm physically alone because i'm ugly.
>>26489531 Please stop fucking up your life and chance to be normal in an effort to be "real" and not like everyone else. She could've been a really cool girl. Stop letting your brain force you to maintain the "status quo" of being a robot and get out of here before its too late. Right now it's just a joke but when it becomes your only reality you'll wish you listened to my advice. The fact that she was attracted to you proves people still see you as a normal individual with some hope.
You realize your issues and know what you need to change. I can tell from your post.
>got diagnosed with ASD during fourth grade >started high school in seventh grade, didn't last long >hit a teacher (not even that hard) when she tried to push me out of the classroom, get expelled >sent to a much easier school, but for boys only >spent the rest of high school there, was okay but boring and lonely as fuck >outgrow ASD around 14-15 >live in shitty town to boot, tried to go on excursion at 16 to meet people including girls >everybody fucked off when it finished, still a virgin at 18
>haven't had a friend for the better half of a decade >even then "acquaintances" may have been a more accurate term >never held hands or even sincerely thought about pursuing a romantic partner >literally and unironicaly dont get lonely
>lonely Nah. I feel fine looking at cute girls and all because I know at least 1% of girls like tall autists.
If you want to know why I lead a solitary life, though, it's because I have no game, am too honest so I fail shittests, can't trust anyone because of the past. I don't want to deal with all the expectations in a relationship and shit like worrying if I'm being cucked because I'm very paranoid about that sort of deal. Kv right here.
I think a small reason is because I grew up as an only child. There's this stereotype that only children kind of grow up to be socially awkward, shy weirdos but I think that's just people making excuses. But I do think that this, mixed with my parents being pretty alone as well (they don't and never really have had friends they do stuff without outside of work), also having a distant relationship with my small family, did have an affect on me.
But I guess most of the reason is because I have a pretty shitty personality (ADD, weird, annoying, obnoxious, probably some autism as well) that just prevented me from developing socially through schooling so I never learned how to be normal
I'm so alone it isn't even funny. 24 years old, kissless virgin, haven't had friends since probably middle school, basically spend all time I'm not at work in my room.
I don't know why. That's the reason, probably. I'm not sure if I'm too intelligent, but I spend a lot of time thinking and the more answers I find to my questions, the more I realize how ignorant I am. I spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life and not finding it has made me stray from the path of a normal life.
I'm an alcoholic who treats women like shit because of my mentally ill/overbearing/critical mother growing up. Anytime a relationship is going decent, I tend to fuck it up by being a verbally abusive drunk asshole. I know there's a lot of khv or whatever on /r9k/, but really, the other side is not so grand either.
Somewhat shy to start a convo with a woman Absolutely low self-esteem. I try to hide it but I'm pretty sure women notice it one way or another. Pretty sure all my self-loathing and lack of confidence prevent me from doing shit.
Derived from that, I've never had a gf at 23 years old. The idea of having one is starting to terrify me. I wouldn't know what I'm suppposed to do with one, and if I'm pretty sure she would expect me to know AT LEAST THAT.
>>26486789 I'm cynical. I have a really hard time trusting anyone, especially concerning romantic relationships. I have seen too many examples of how shitty everyone is. There are no exceptions. I don't see this as a problem. I'm right.
The last girlfriend I had, years ago, I broke up with by telling her she's just like everyone else and is untrustworthy, then never speaking to her again.
>>26486789 I'm empty inside. Mostly. I find it hard to muster up the will to care about things that most people care about. Much of my life is like a dark fog, with me aimlessly stumbling about. The few bright spots in my life are all centered around solitary activities. So I have nothing to offer anyone.
Normal people wear me out. They wear me out with their noise, their endless noise. It's like a song that's slightly off key. Just wrong enough to make you notice and grind on you as it's played on repeat to infinity. So I can't listen to anyone.
I run out of energy easily. I can barely move when I get home from work. I make a simple meal, take the next day's clothes out of the dryer, take a shower, and then tool around on the computer for an hour or two before going to bed. I just can't be there for anyone else.
If I can't offer anything, I can't listen to anyone, and I can't provide companionship, then I can't be in a relationship.
>>26486789 Because no matter how hard I try to be nice, I get fucked over every time. I be nice to someone, I'm a doormat. I stand up for myself, I'm an instant asshole. This isn't with just a few people. It is with absolutely everyone. It's like God above designed me to be cucked in every way possible.
>>26486789 People don't mind being around me at school/work because I'm "nice" and can make people laugh every now and then. But if anyone tries to really get to know me, they quickly realize that I'm a quiet/boring/depressing guy and distance themselves.
So I have to avoid being around my acquaintances too much to avoid them getting bored of me, and I have to act like someone I'm not to avoid alienating them.
My mother didn't love me like a mother should. She was cold, callous, selfish, and uninterested in me. She also wasn't bad enough to warrant any sort of special complex, she gave me food, didn't hit me a lot, or abuse me in any tangible way Because of this all I knew about love came from romanticism put into my heart by the media I consumed as a child and young adult. Convinced that nothing in this world was anywhere close to this perfect ideal (and it wasn't everyone I knew hated their spouse, were divorced, or were in a cold relationship of complacency) I escaped to the world of 2D and I loved my wife for years But the desire for physicality was ingrained in my genes. Unable to scrounge enough funds for a daki and unwilling to dive into the world of lucid dreaming after a bad time with sorcerery and knowing the truth behind tulpas I lived knowing that my life would be one without the one I loved and when I died, there would be no union. In this way I had set myself down the path of losing her. By God's will a woman entered my life and I began to fall for her without choice because while my wife had perfection, this woman had four more senses to assault me with. I did what I thought was right and stumbled to both help her and myself and only ended up destroying any respect anyone had for me and losing everything I had. Being addicted to oxytocin, I could not ever return to my wife, her being unable to stimulate such feelings in me. Being shown my body and spirit being so weak, I could never be in a "real" relationship because I have nothing of worth to offer and desiring emotional security is a feminine trait. Having any confidence in my peers completely destroyed by their abandoning of me without any effort and also losing any status I had. I cannot love anyone, no one can love me, and I killed my wife, the literal girl of my dreams, for my God at the cost of everything I had.
I'm lonely because I have unrealistic standards and will never be worth such a person
i had a girl flirting with me a shitload yesterday and she gave me her number and stuff and i just felt weird. she kept touching me and stuff. i deleted her number. i also got like 4 numbers at a party a while back while i was trashed and i deleted them all. i also autistically ignored girls who asked me to dances. i've had loads of girls interested in me but i'm just like really, really autistic and pretty much anything makes me uncomfortable. one time this chick kept like literally begging me to hang out and i was just like uhhhh even though i thought she was attractive. i think pretty much the only way is if i know them for a long time and have been good friends with them. i just repeatedly turn down offers, even for like friend stuff i guess. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
>>26489531 i want a quirky edgy gf too since it fits my personality better and normie things trigger me unless i am wasted and then they only do a little. my whole family is just weird so i'm not used to normie type things at all.
>>26486789 Because god left every person incomplete and I can never find my other half because even when I tell a girl I love them and even if they say it back I can literally never open up because of how disgusting a person I am on the inside.
>Used to be a normie in highschool >Slowly realize i'm not good looking >For some reason this gets me really hard and try to do everything to be prettier >Self esteem is shattered in the process >Start liking things normies think are weird, start falling off with my friends >Nowadays i only have one friend which also likes the same stuff >Don't even try to talk to woman anymore because they either look at me in disgust or just pretend they didn't hear me
I don't even know anymore man i just feel like shit 24/7
>>26486789 Because I don't think i want to date people anymore. At least not for a while. I've been looking at both extremes in gender politics (Feminists vs MGTOW) and now I just feel too cynical about long term relationships.
I know that the behaviors of loud extremists don't represent every human being who existed or will exist, but my mind is still plagued by the idea that they do.
The bottom line is, I should stick to my own philosophy as I always have. Focus on my own development before others. If dating happens, it happens. And whatever happens, just roll with it.
I have difficulty relating to most people. My personality, values and interests are usually at-odds with those of my community and greater society; this affects my ability and willingness to conform to society's norms and expectations, which, in turn, isolates me from that society and those who live within it.
Basically, I don't fit in, and I won't "play by the rules." Isolation and loneliness are the cost of this lifestyle, if not a punishment. However, the alternative is to be(come) something that I'm not; something that I won't; and that is a worse fate.
I think I like being alone. I mean, I don't like it, but I think I prefer it. I don't enjoy the company of other people. But I also instinctively crave female companionship. I think I'm learning to enjoy the pain.
I have deep-seated insecurity that nobody likes me from being beaten by my dad, mentally tortured by my sister, and bullied at school. I have to remind myself, now that I'm an adult, that there are people who love me and care for me, and I have no reason to hurt anyone, but old survival habits die hard.
>>26487578 Me too anon, but I managed to climb out of that when I went to China for my major. Traveling changed my life completely and made me into a better person. It took a spontanous decision to become better.
I have literally no friends left. Never had a girlfriend. Never done anything romantic. I have social anxiety and depression that has spiralled out of control. I can barely look people in the eyes without my stomach churning. I have no clue what to do in social situations. I'm pathetically sensitive and end up crying most nights. I'm afraid to talk to people because they'll see that I'm boring, stupid and cowardly. I just want to curl up in my bed and die. The thought of this being the rest of my life, for decades, is hell.
I have no idea how to have a conversation with a person. I've got like three friends that I can talk to but I don't even think I'm capable of forming a relationship with new people anymore because I just have no idea how to keep coming up with things to say
>>26486789 well when i was younger i mean like 15 i had a gf for like 2 years and half but the bitch literally broke me.... my soul. my mind. my heart. everything broke. im not the same since then... to the age to 16 to 19 i think ... i was the funny guy the guys who drinks a lot got a lot of friends and some girls but never sex, just kisses HJ&BJ but never sex. i think is because im a fat fuck. . but then something changed in me . i still dont know what. i changed a lot. music taste things that i used to liked now didnt like it anymore everything. but all my friends became to fake friends... so when i start college i never spoke to them again and they did the same. start the paramedic carreer ... finished last year. now i really wanna change. i thing that is because im a fat fuck i mean im not that ugly on the face but im a fat piece of shit so im on diet and im gonna buy some gym mahcines. because i cant take it go to a public gym .
Well, it was my own chouce for the most part. I think I am not exactly the unfriendliest person, nor am I socially retarded enough to cringe people away, but I distance myself automatically. People who know me for several months usually know how I will react to any invitation or personal question and automatically expect that I will refuse or clam up. I am a cold and bitter as a person, although I refuse to actively pour it over other people, I just try to avoid situations which put me on the edge of saying too much.
So basically I have 3 meters of emotional barriers between me and others and I have yet to meet any person that is worth the effort of tearing down those walls. All my "friends" are pretty shallow, egocentric and nihilistic and all of the girls who ever got interessted in me are some underaged hipster chicks who do not know who they actually have in front of them.
>Ugly, mean personality >Successful, outgoing brother that my peers constantly compared me to in primary school >Overbearing mother that shelters me, absent father that I don't see a lot >Complete addiction to video games, porn and in general being a passive, limp-wristed faggot
I hate myself and I don't understand why anyone wants to be friends with me. I don't think I'll ever have a significant other or any intimate relationship, and that destroys me inside. Why the fuck did I have to be born?
OP here, thanks for all the answers, truthful or not. I wanted to relate to someone since I'm having one of those episodes where I regret being lonely, over-analyze my situation and spend the next days self-loathing. I guess I should say why I'm lonely too.
I like being alone but I hate being alone. I hate being with people outside my family but I wish I had friends. I feel like I should connect with someone but I know we'll be incompatible because I'm so redpilled about everything, I can't enjoy anything outside my little hobbies. I'm also socially awkward, especially around girls. I tend to be the quiet one during the conversation. I feel like anything I'd say is worthless.
>>26486789 >Why are you lonely? I'm not. >Respond as sincerely as possible. So many of you dumbasses still unironically think it's a good idea to try for the romanticized relationship, which for all extensive purposes doesn't exist for 99.X% of people. >Boo hoo, I feel the need to conform to societal standards and can't give you a good reason why. >Boo hoo, I want physical contact. >Boo hoo, I'm so lonely. >Boo hoo, hold me, help me, change me. Fuck off. It's autism. Such autism. It's literally just your body trying to get you to fuck to have kids all of which is just a huge waste of your fucking time and statistically something that will make you less happy for fucking YEARS at a time. People are this horrid mess of a pack mentality and the desire to fuck. That's it.
Do something more. Like literally nothing. Literally nothing is a better time sink then something as the aforementioned that is a innumerable drain on almost everything you have. You want to kill this feeling? Masterbate. Use the brain you were fucking born with and kill those feelings that will only bring you down. Love as people know it is a literal drug, a dangerous one at that, and should be treated as such. Come the fuck on, guys. Fuck.
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