why is this never open on friday night. wtf. its the lonliest night of the week.
so come on in. take a dirnk. if you dont get served it, just take it off the shelf.
>Therapist suggests doing roleplay of everyday situations
This is so disgusting to me. I don't want to learn how to pretend to be normal, I want to be normal.
Why do I have to work my ass off to create an incredibly obvious illusion of something most people can just do?
Scotch, please. The best you got. Make it a double, actually.
Do you take NEET-bux?
I refuse that.
I don't want to live a false life.
I'd rather be alone and know that the true me is repugnant than be part of a crowd who only know a shadow
It's not false if you develop and become a better version of yourself.
It's not better if it's against my nature.
You do have to learn though. It's true most people learn their social skills naturally, but not because you're learning them now it means they're less real than anybody else's. And roleplaying those situations are a good way to learn them on a safe environment.
No, it's disgusting, playing pretend with some doctor on the off chance that it might fool someone.
If I don't change, then what's the point?
I don't want to be able to convince people that I'm normal, I want to be normal.
I don't want to have to learn how to talk about the whether in some artificial bubble, I want to know how to do it naturally
What is someone's nature? What is so sacred about it that it can't be changed? Are you implying that it is immutable? How would you even know?
If it feels unnatural to me, then it's against my nature.
I want my nature to be changed, but this isn't the answer.
Learning how to suppress it is meaningless, and it only leads to more pain, because you lose yourself in the mask you create for others' sake.
I want my nature to be like that of nearly every other person on the planet, not that of an autist who's learned to pretend to be less of one.
People can tell, no matter how hard you pretend. They can tell you're off, whether it be because you unnaturally force yourself to look them in the eye or pause to consider the conversational options you've rehearsed, they can tell you're not natural.
Even if they can't quantify it, they can tell.
Sup barkeep. A dark beer if you don't mind.
I've been feeling OK, most of the time. Can't say I feel good, because I don't really remember how that felt, or what does it even mean. If anything, I'm not in a depressive mood. I'm getting a little concerned though, because of an internet friend. He's hard to talk with sometimes. I don't know if I'm too optimistic or 's just enormously pessimistic. I think both lf us can get through our problems and eventually feel good about ourselves. He, on the other hand, is pretty much convinced he's an irredeemable piece of shit, something I honestly don't believe. He doesn't do anything to fix some of the issues he can actually work out because he is convinced that it won't amount to anything.
Right now I'm letting him think whatever. I've discussed this with him so many times, tried to pick him up and motivate him so many times and for so long I'm just tired. I still believe in him, but if he does have what I think he has (that is, potential to be a better person), he has to do it by himself. I, being just another loser like him, can't keep carrying the weight of two.
I feel ya, it's hard to be inside your head all of the time just pretending
naw dude its easier to do it naturally. you just have to learn how to get over the initial reaction against it. once you start practicing it, you'll realize how easy it was in the first place.
Then go outside and do it on purpose, with real people instead of a controlled environment. Regular people actually go through that "pretend" phase you speak of, but it happens so early in their life that they don't really remember it. For sone spergs like the r9k userbase (or you in this case) it didn't really happen, or something fucked them up.
You have to go through these training wheels, son.
>"i'll cut across this frozen pond its been cold for a long time"
>fall through in the very middle
>technique I learned in boy scouts saved my life
I'll just have a hot chocolate if you've got em, barman. Gotta stay sober since I'm heading to the grocery store once my coat dries so that I can get some white rice to maybe salvage my phone so my folks don't catch wind of this latest episode of mine.
Actually, throw some gin in there with it, I can't feel the tips of my fingers anyways.
Yes, I was a freshman. EU, so I could drink booze in my senior high school year already.
Family is known for holding their liquor and mom let me "practice" holding my liquor at home so I wouldn't bring shame to the family name. Out of all things I drank at home, dark rum appealed to me most.
That's the most stupid reason to kick somebody out of a party. It smells to me that those people were just looking for an excuse to throw you out. I've been to a couple of parties and anybody who drinks their liquor pure would be considered a tough guy for the people I've met, not someone to mock.
Heya Barkeep, I'll take my usual Cuba Libra
Things are okay, I... don't think I'm getting the job I was supposed to get at Lowe's but that's fine. I'll look into other places, there was a janitorial job in the next town over but I don't want to
burden my mom with driving me there day in and day out unless the pay is great
Things are starting to rear their heads again. Been thinking about my abuse lately and I realized that shit was fucked up back then. But I still forgive my father for what he's put me through and I still love the man as if he was my real father.
I consider him to be my true father
But that's enough blogging for now.
Don't fall for it man. One of my exes wanted me to sneak over to her place to have sex in her backyard in the dead of night in the middle of winter. Said no but still got nudes.
What technique was that anon? I doubt I'll ever cross a frozen pond but you never know. Glad to hear you made it through.
>there's only a shadow of me, in a manner of speaking I'm dead
I'll take the strongest
Pepsiyou've got barkeep
>tfw read an essay today about absurdist philosophy
>feel even worse about existing
just fuck me up, barkeep
No worries, I am taking over for the moment.
What will it be? I know my way around some cocktails.
Also, yeah, the usual barkeep is terminally ill... So that sucks. Frog and Feels will be around, though,
Want a Moscow Mule? Should pack the punch you need. Hell, I'll serve one to myself.
Give me a blowjob
Just watched deadpool with my [email protected] alpha chad little brother could not go cuz he is a little bitch that got upsettie when my aunt (that I live with) said no cuz it is too late.
She let me go cuz I was not a little bitch and I am over 18. Good time
So there is this Stacey type....I am thinking of asking her out, but tbqh I don't really want more than just talking about personal stuff and maybe cuddling.
The old man keeps calling me to tell me he's proud of me which is weird as shit. The fuck does he have to be proud of? Fucker thinks he can butter my useless ass up and convince me to take over the farm.
I'm getting worse with handling interactions at work. I end up holding my breath if anyone so much as looks at me. I've started doing this sketchy thing with my eyes and lately random people ask me if I'm okay.
Of course I'm not okay but nobody could understand what this is like.
Shot of Tito's please.
Actually bring me the whole bottle.
I think living on a farm and taking care of animals could be comfy. But there's a lot of hard, back breaking work involved as well.
Things aren't good with you and your pops anon?
Thanks man, if it's not too much I'd like some butter cookies to go along.
Do you ever get vocal with it? Whenever something embarrassing or I feel like I fucked up I usually do a little scream in my throat when I'm alone. I also bite my tongue
I honestly don't know how shit is between us I don't have enough experience with family or relationships in general to know. I know his name and thats about it but thats the same with all my family. He has suddenly started calling me and telling me hes proud of me but then he becomes increasingly dissappointed when he finds out life hasn't changed since my childhood outside of work. Maybe hes dieing or some shit but I have no idea why he is bothering with me its weird and I dont like these weird ass feelings
Good evening Barkeep.
Black Russian please.
I'm feeling pretty crushed.
Thought a girl liked me, but turns out I was just fooling myself. I was at a party with her and some others last night and she couldn't have been any less interested in being around me and talking to me.
It's not as if that last shred of self confidence was of any use to me anyway.
Feel like just giving up on the idea of finding someone who loves me. It seems to come so easy to the people around me, but it's as if I'm just meant to be alone.
I can't do that, I still cringe about things from back then. It's hard to let go of the past.
Try taking a day to eat out or something? Maybe it could make you feel better about why he's calling and trying to nudge his way back into your life.
My father came and saw me once about three summers ago and then he left just like that. Haven't heard any solid news on him. Fathers are weird aren't they anon?
So my little sister is staying over with mom and I for the weekend, and while she's stealing bandwidth and making my dota lag, it's kind of nice having the apartment a bit more occupied.
Other than that, my older sister wants mom and I to go to her college play, literally titled "The Vagina Monologues" if I'm recalling correctly.
An entire play about the lives of gay stacies
One mountain dew, on the rocks, please.
Here you go. My canadian buddy told me it's good, but I don't drink vodka.
Women can't love the way men do. As long as you believe that you will love on eye-level and be loved the same way, you'll be unhappy with your relationships. Here's a Black Russian, enjoy.
Some german PAX. Craft.
The thing is, the play is next saturday, and tickets are 10 dollars, so I'm going to go and pretend to have fun in an auditorium full of college kids with their shit together while I'm at home with mom staying up until 7 AM posting frogs and feeling sad
I'll just have a regular dew, thanks.
I think im going tribal, the last 6 months of isolation in the woods and ive noticed its alot harder to think in words and getting my tongue to move while I speak is really hard.
A beer would be great mr bartender
Got any detail to go with that?
>tfw started exercising again today
Did about 3 miles and 85 push ups. Arms feel like they are going to literally fall off since I haven't used these muscles in over a year. As much as it hurts, I actually feel a lot better now.
No need to go super-hard, don't hurt yourself out there.
Here's the basic gist of what's going on right now. I'm a sophomore in college with a traumatic brain injury from a car accident when I was 16, that's the root of the majority of my robotic tendencies. I'm 20 now.
I've got this younger cousin, she's 17. She lives on the other side of the country. When I visited last summer, even though I've known her my entire life, I noticed something different about her. Our conversations were different. We were family, but never before had we actually talked like friends do. We started writing and playing music and recorded an EP together. She has the most gorgeous voice I've ever heard in my entire life. Perfect. I fell in love and freaked myself out because I had feelings for someone I shared blood with.
Eventually I went back home, but the summer I shared with her was stuck in my head. I couldn't talk to anybody about it, obviously, and I sure as hell couldn't tell her. She's visiting colleges right now. We talk whenever she checks her Facebook. Her family doesn't have cellphones with texting, because they're practically Mennonites and farmers. She wants to go to dance school, but mentions traveling the country playing music with me. She doesn't know what that actually means to me.
The whole thing is fucked and I feel really guilty.
>tfw have crush on younger cousin
>tfw i will never travel the country playing music with cousin
I have something a but weird
A lot of my mental problems are randomly going away and I don't know why it's happening
But I don't want them to. They're all I had and they're the only thing that made me unique.
It's just making me feel scared and anxious and I don't know what to do
I used to stare in the mirror/my reflections for hours a day in combination but now I don't go out of my way to seek out reflections to see how horrible I look anymore. I used to think of suicide every day and had a voice always telling me to do it but it's gone now.
I want them back, they're all I know
No. I am telling you to divert your attention. Meet other girls - See what you can manage to pull. Omegle is great if you go for girly tags. Interpals works, too. Basically: Talk to women to exchange your feeling of expendability through your feeling of their expendability.
As of now, i reckon, you believe that men are expendable as in: She has her pick, and she can pick whatever she wants. Fuck that noise. So can you, too.
Become confident and dont build oneitises. Spread your attention over at least 2 girls, online or IRL. IRL is harder, thats why I say do it online.
I'm in a sad mood again.
It started when I saw people talking about the future technology, it made me upset because I know I don't really have a future.
I cry every time I see people going to work in the morning, people talking to their friends and especially college students, because I'm 20 years old.
It's one thing to see people improving themselves on the internet, it's a completely different thing to see people improve/succeed in real life.
>I see people going to work in the morning, people talking to their friends and especially college students, because I'm 20 years old.
Repeating digits of truth