>Be Jeb Bush
>Wake up in the morning
>Instantly pull out a .22 from my cabinet and put it to my head
>Remember it's Sunday Funday!
>"Not today Jeb, not today"
>Go downstairs and see Columba
>"ay dios Yeb!, i made you your favorito guaco mealo for todays Sunday Funday! I also let in one of your amigos!"
>Friends? I don't have any fri--
>"Hey Jeb, could you pass me the milk?"
>See Trump sitting at breakfast table pouring himself some cereal
>"Did you not hear me? Pass me the milk!"
>"y-y-yess d-d-d-donald, r-right on it"
>go to get the milk
>on my way back I trip on one of my toy turtles and fall in a puddle of milk
>"ay no Yeb! I told you to put away your toy tortugas before you go to bed!"
>Columba goes to help me up as I cry in my milk soaken clothes
>Trump glances over at me
>"Jeb stop fooling around already, I'm tired of waiting! And go change out of your pajamas"
>Realized I was still wearing my green guac colored turtle furry costume from bed
>Run up the stairs sobbing and lock the door behind me
>Rush to get my .22 and put it to my head
>Pull the trigger
>Wake up in the hospital
>Trump and Columba sitting at the base of my bed
>Trump sees me open my eyes
>"You've been out for 3 days, Jeb"
>I have no idea what's going on, "h-h-how did I survive a p-point blank shot?"
>Trump looks at me, "Jeb, the bullet was low energy"
>trying to live up to dad's expectations when your brother was literally the president of the greatest country on earth
>get called a foolish guac bowl merchant and lose
I'm still voting trump.
>Be Donald Trump
>wake up promptly at 2:35 pm. A typical American Morning.
>Decide to head out for an all american breakfast, True Americans shouldn't have to cook for themselves.
>Hop inside my all american FORD F1-50 that gets a WHOLE 10 miles to a gallon! Who said Americans can't make quality auto-mobiles.
>Head to the most American Restaurant I can think of, McDonalds!
>Walk up to spic cashier
>Order Two egg and sausage wraps, a mcgriddle with AMERICAN cheese, 3 all american flapjacks and a coffee...but not too black. Black is fucking disgusting.
>Stupid bitch cashier asks me to repeat my order in broken english
>Tell that bitch to get it together or she's gonna be behind that great american wall soon with the rest of her los cousinos and la tacos.
>Scream at pedro to hurry those sausage patties on the grill up before I call immigration to check his residency status.
>Eventually grab my American breakfast and proceed to go make america great again
C A N T
S T U M P
T H E
T R U M P
>Be a 2015 Ford f1-50
>Drink your daily meal of shit quality 87 gasoline
>slowly tread your way through the highway to the local junkyard where your owner hauls heavy stinky trash onto your back.
>Meanwhile your big brother F750 Is out on another cross country vacation with a camper trailer hitched to his back, probably out doing donuts with Porsches and mazda miatas.
>Your rear end is weighed down by several trump 2016 and confederate flag bumper stickers
>After a long day of doing meaningless manual labor, you get home to your cold driveway and consider suicide for the 365 day in a row.
Why is life so cruel?
>never really cared for politics because I turned out to be a depressed neet
>hear all this crap about trump in the media
>torrented the art of the deal audio book just to see what all the hype was about
>finished it 3 months ago
>actually believed in myself for the first time in years
>bought a suit with my neetbux
>got accepted to my first job
>started saving so I could move out of my parents house
I really hope he's our next president