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>become friends with girl
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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>become friends with girl
>fall for her
>pretty sure she doesn't like me back
>we hang out regularly, message each other etc.
>probably in the friend zone but hold onto the belief that maybe the time will come and we'll hit it off
>she starts dating some guy
>i'm heartbroken
>she comes over and starts telling me about him, the dates etc.
It's the last part I truly can't handle /r9k/. Actually hearing her speak about this guy to me was like a knife into my stomach over and over again.

How do I get out of this situation?
>>
>>26422233
be awkward and aloof when she does that

if she isnt completely oblivious she will realize you arent interested in that conversation topic
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>>26422267
Won't that give away the fact that I like her?
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>>26422233
Just mind your business and stay from her
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>>26422233
Why the fuck are you friends with her? Just start ignoring her, she'll be shook as fuck and it'll be interesting to see how she reacts.
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>>26422289
no

act like a fucking retard at all times

then when you act awkward and aloof during that time it wont be out of place

that is what i generally try to do around girls
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>>26422289
You should tell her actually, or provoke her to ask question about that. If she denies you - just cut off from her. You're already written off by her.
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>>26422347
>Why the fuck are you friends with her?
I don't know. She's just a great person.
>>26422356
If I suddenly switch like that, it will just be silly won't it?
>>26422368
I can't tell her. Out of the question.
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>>26422397
>I can't tell her. Out of the question.
Why not?
>>
Want to shit on some roasties?

>>>/pol/63839729
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>>26422467
>Why not?
Her folks and my folks are now friends. If it goes wrong and both families find out my life is ruined.
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>>26422233
Learn from this experience, next time you like a girl make it abundantly clear or else gtfo

I'd say drop the entire relationship right now, cause its the best way to make feel as betrayed as you
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>>26422233
For future reference:

1. Meet reasonably attractive female.
2. Determine her level of interest in you.
2.1 If there is mutual attraction, try to make her your gf.
2.2 If you are attracted to her but she doesn't feel the same, subtly move on.

Repeat as necessary.
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>>26422397

Tell her you like her. If it gets awkward just stop being friends - either way you need to sink this friendship since its like crippling you.
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>>26422233
...why didn't you tell her how you felt before she found a bf?
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>>26422530
>>26422531
I didn't like her in the beginning. Over time I fell for her though.
>>26422627
>>26422634
I can't tell her. Just trust me on this.
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>>26422233
>the belief that maybe the time will come and we'll hit it off
Pro-tip, if a woman isn't dating you after like a week, she's not going to want to.
>>
I can't believe you're still even talking to her m8.
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>>26422233
>hold onto the belief that maybe the time will come and we'll hit it off

How did you end up with such woefully low self-worth?
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>>26422741
But she's still my friend? Wouldn't it be ridiculously selfish to ruin a perfectly good friendship?
>>26422707
>>26422750
I'm a loser.
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>>26422524
Okay, let's imagine your father was killed by bees, in front of you, when you were a child. Now, bees are a very sensitive subject for you. You hate bees, you're afraid of them, you don't like hearing about them.

Your best friend then takes up bee keeping. He wants to talk about it all the time. Would you ask him not to talk to you about bees?

Of course you would, because it causes you emotional stress. In the same way, it's okay to ask your friend not to talk to you about her dating troubles.

The next time she brings it up, literally say to her "I don't want you to talk to me about dating." Either she is your friend, and can respect that, or not.
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>>26422660
I think you just want to tell yourself that. You can't be pissed she's seeing someone if you didn't make your intentions clear. How was she suppose to know?
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>>26422794
>Wouldn't it be ridiculously selfish to ruin a perfectly good friendship?

Maybe it is.
But what is wrong with thinking about yourself?

Men in this generation are taught to always put others needs before their own, and sacrifice their happiness for other people.

It's sick and wrong. Stop believing their lies and do what is best for yourself once in a while.
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>>26422794
Is she really your friend? Or is she just using you for your time. You should just focus on yourself and ignore her if it's hurting you.
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I've very recently had to cut contacts with the only girl in 23 years that I can say I truly loved.

I speak from my heart, I know how hard it is. I'm living it in this very moment
You need to ignore her, cold turkey.

Either she likes you, either she doesn't
These are not the kind of things that "maybe in the future will get better"
They wont

I've spent the past 2 days crying, and god knows how long this will last. But this is way better than prolonging the inevitable day where you'll understand there's no other solution
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>>26422841
So I just say "Don't tell me about your dates" and she won't think that's suspicious?
>>26422844
>I think you just want to tell yourself that.
Which part of the post are you referencing?
>How was she suppose to know?
I guess she couldn't have. I don't blame her, please don't think I'm doing that.
>>26422880
I would feel guilty if I cut it off with her you know. I would probably feel worse than I do right now.
>>26422906
>Is she really your friend?
I think so, yea.
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>>26422233
Nice tripdubs.

Anyways faggot, I was in this situation. However, I actually beat the 1 to 1,000,000,000,000 odds and we began dating recently.

Tell her how you feel immediately, and if she denies you, leave. There are exactly ZERO other valid options. Staying is only going to make you hurt more. Fuck ANYTHING else that happens because of it, this is something that needs to be taken care of immediately if you don't want to go insane with strife.
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>>26422937
Why did you cut contact?
>>26422986
I am going insane here.
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>>26422986
*addon:

I had to cut off shit with her prior to us beginning to date, because I was convinced that I wasn't going to get anywhere with her, and because I'd fallen for her hard and didn't want to hurt so much anymore.

I admitted that I liked her, apologized for telling her like this, and cut off contact. I cried for a week, until eventually she told me that she did actually really like me, and a couple weeks later we started dating.

That week prior to her talking to me again, I was sad, but a LOT less stressed out and heartbroken. Trust me.
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>>26423045
Refer to >>26423053 , I forgot to include that.

Take my advice. Tell her your feelings, and cut contact immediately. Get some feelsy music, let out as much of your tears as you can, and do what I said.
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>>26422986
I agree with anon if you really won't otherwise abandon ship faggot.
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>>26423078
You got the fairy tale ending. I won't.

It's totally different.
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>>26423113
I never said that you will. You probably won't. In fact, 99% chance that you won't. But it's going to eat at you forever if you don't at least let her know how you feel before you cut contact. You're always going to have that illogical, irrational "what if?" thought in your head, if you don't.

Like I said, you have 1 option here, and that's to do what I said.

Or don't. Keep being a beta orbiter. Keep going through daily heartbreak. Keep looking at the girl that you love and thinking about her taking the cock of that other guy. Cry every night about how you thought you had a chance. Always let her keep you around, keeping you in the cycle of misery.

Your decision, dumbass. There's not only one option, but there is only one option that ends even a fraction of a favorable way.
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>>26423184
I honestly feel cutting off would be more viable than telling her.

And cutting off feels horrible.
>>
Tell her you don't like to hear dbout it, I tell this to pretty much all my female friends who talk too much about their boyfriends.
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>>26422233
shut up and be happy for her? She IS your friend, right?
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>>26422951
She may or may not think it's suspicious. If she were your friend though, she wouldn't want to be causing you pain. If you were her friend, you wouldn't be concealing important things from her.

I don't think you should be keeping your feelings from her a secret at all. That's like designing a way to hurt yourself for no purpose.

It doesn't have to ruin your friendship. It might start a romance. It might not. Even if your friendship did get ruined, that wouldn't ruin your life. Your parents would understand. Sometimes you are friends with people, sometimes you like girls, sometimes they don't feel the same way, etc, etc.
>>
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>>26422233
I am you... several years later, without getting out. Either cut off contact or kill yourself now, it DOES NOT get better.
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Op cut her off.make it a slow burn.
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>>26422233
Listen up, OP. A friendship with a girl you're interested in who has no feelings for you is bad for both of you. It's not selfish to cut contact but even if it was there's no problem with being selfish. Value yourself a bit more.
You messed up here by going for the 'we'll be friends and a relationship will blossom from it' meme which almost never works. As soon as you know you want a girl you need to polarize. Females will never take the initiative in matters like these. You catch feels for a girl? Polarize straight away and if she doesn't reciprocate you cut contact. Don't be a martyr for an unhealthy friendship.
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>>26423337
I'm jealous I guess.
>>26423540
What do you mean polarize? Just say it straight away?
>>26423388
>>26423397
>>26423456
I'm leaning towards to cut it off. But in a subtle way.
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>>26423689
Basically. Do something which makes it blatantly obvious you're interested in her. She'll be forced to figure out right away if she likes you or not. This almost never means spewing out all your feels. Girls don't like that and it's awkward as hell. Just say something or ask her on a date - something that can't be construed as platonic. Then you know with certainty where you stand.
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>>26423975
Do you want to know what's pathetic?

Deep down I believe she's doing this to me "to make me jealous" because she loves me too.

I should kill myself.
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>>26424027
SIMP
I
M
P
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>>26424059
What does that mean? I'm not familiar with it.
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>>26424095
Opposite of pimp.
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>>26424126
Well I guess that would be about right.

I wish I could stop being a pussy.
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>>26424027
I know that feel. There's hope for just about anyone so don't despair. I was a 23 year old severely clinically depressed and anxious virgin neet who never left the house. 2 years later I do well with girls and am very happy in general.
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>>26424154
Well anon, the root of suffering is desire.
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>>26424162
How did you change?
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>>26424239
The cure for severe clinical depression is penicillin.
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>>26424265
But how did you change towards women? Doing well...
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>>26424290
>>26424265 wasn't me. Doing well with women can only really happen after you're happy with yourself. After almost a decade of depression I finally started feeling a bit better - instead of just thinking 'who cares about anything I'm just gonna off myself as soon as I grow a pair' I started to think long term. I latched onto this small amount of motivation and started doing things to help myself (reading, going outside, lifting, continuing uni, etc) and my depression slowly went away. As for getting better with girls specifically, a lot of it is aesthetic and the intrinsic confidence you gain from knowing you look good. Also as a byproduct of doing stuff I was forced to talk to people and learn how to interact well. Eventually I started reading the red pill and other sources to help understand how women think and act. I never got into PUA stuff but it apparently helps some people a lot.
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>>26422233
>How do I get out of this situation?
Things with this particular girl may be too far gone, but..

Ratchet up the banter a bit and tease her. If you're acting like a nice guy, stop it. Don't start being a complete asshole but if you're acting like a nonsexual little puppy, it's not good. Sit close to her when you hang out, flirt with her, touch her. You don't have to full on grab her ass but look for opportunities to touch her hands, rub arms a bit, get into her comfort zone, look her straight in the eye when you're talking to her. Touch builds attraction (and helps people feel closer to you). If she's receptive to your touch (doesn't pull away or put distance between you), go for a kiss at some point. You're a man with a sex drive, it's completely natural to do these things. She's likely not going to bitch at you or call you an asshole.

When you're not hanging out, limit how much attention you give her. If you're talking to her on the phone or texting all day, stop it. If she starts talking about other guys, get out of the conversation and go do something else. She has girlfriends for that shit, and you don't want to be one of them. Make yourself unavailable.

I will say though if you have a good friendship with her and you can handle the possibility that she may not feel the same, going no contact may not be your best move. Female friends are social capital. When you go out with her, you're that much more attractive to other women because females love men who are taken. Ask her if she has any girlfriends she can hook you up with. This may activate her jealousy a bit and kindle some interest.

Basically stop being a pussy. It's completely possible that she was interested in you at some point but because you failed to make a move, she moved on. Women always have options.
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>>26424979
When I said comfort zone, what I really meant is her personal space
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>>26424501
As an addendum (I genuinely hope you see this and start helping yourself), you need to get rid of nervousness around girls. You have to cultivate the mindset that there's millions of girls who would fuck you and no single girl is particularly special or worth getting upset over. Practise approaching or just talking to girls after you get to an entry level of attractiveness to get rid of that fear. It'll be hard at first but just fucking do it. Also living a life you enjoy, separate from girls, helps a lot. Your self worth can't come from your relationships with women.
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>>26424979
You know we actually touch all the time. She tells me stuff like she misses me and loves me.

It's just as a friend though.
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>>26425081
>You have to cultivate the mindset that there's millions of girls who would fuck you and no single girl is particularly special or worth getting upset over.
This seems like good advice. I always place so much importance on girl.
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>>26422841

Great analogy haha
Thread replies: 59
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