Not a joke. Please read and reply.
Jesus fuck r9k I accidentally my compensation barrier and all my feels came back. For the last year and a half I've been compensating hard and actually got over my desire for genuine life experiences. I was completely content browsing 4chan, drinking, and occasionally speaking with one platonic friend. But last night I fucked it up good.
I'm recovering from a surgery and cant work or get out much so I started watching movies with real people, not anime like usual. I made the huge fucking mistake of watching some slice of life shit where some beta weeb wins over a hot as shit girl and goes on some spontaneous adventures.
I am now so full of regret for my wasted time that my chest hurts and I am holding back tears. I am 22 years old, graduated from college, and have never known what it means to have someone want you or to have had a meaningful experience. I know this is nothing new for you guys which is why I am here but having held all this shit back for so long and now having it come out hurts worse than my fucked up limb.
Regret general. Thanks for listening.
Op you put too much value in other people. You let them dictate your happiness because no one "wants" you. I've been alone for 6 years (28) and I'm more than content with my life. I talk to people maybe 2-3 times every month only because I have to eat and shit. Once you come to the realisation that investing even a single second into other people is a massive waste of time and your thoughts you'll be content with your lonliness and even begin to hate the idea of interacting with people. People are so garbage that keeping them out of your existence is beneficial
Thats where I was for a long time. I became a collector and would compensate my lack of meaningful experiences with a rare object that I had just bought. Its hard to cuddle an antique though. Fucking biological need for social interaction.
Thank you for acknowledging me
it's normal, regret is part of the process.
You have to let go, relationships are meaningless, you will more likely end up more broken than before.
If you REALLY want to have a meaningful and long lasting relationship and experiences then, well good luck with that, there's no secret formula.
Accept the loneliness because the sooner the better, i've been coping with it during and after hs, years after that i'm 23 now, wageslave, i find myself without a companion and am a shut in, during weekends i don't do shit but browse.
All that regret leads to rage, you need to understand that nothing good comes out of rage, you just need to distract yourself as much as possible and consume as much media as possible.
Gf's aren't worth your time effort and money, live by yourself get a dog and train him to perfection. After that's done go hiking with him or go out in the woods and camp.
Nothing matters your actions don't matter, your life my life and that of everyone else is absolutely meaningless, you have to give life a meaning for yourself.
How did you know?
For additional feels, trying watching Adventureland, Charlie Countryman, project x, superbad, and nick and norahs infinite playlist. Ive alse seen parts of the perks of being a wallflower. Watched charlie countryman.
He knows because you summarized the plot.
But you have to understand what you are doing is wanting to live a life in a medium that is only used as escapism, the shit you see there you obviously understand it's not true, it's never been true.
What you are experiencing now is a massive outflow of feels.... you'll get over it
As much as I wish I could swear off social interaction and my desire to be loved, I just don't think it's possible
You can keep it up for a while, which is what you did, but it comes back and hurts more than ever before
I realize that these movies arent realistic but having never experienced anything close to whats portrayed in these movies its difficult to tell between fantasy and reality. I would feel better knowing real life isnt that pretty but i have nothing to compare it against and wouldnt know. The films are just so meaningful that I wish I could have something nice too, not just sitting in this goddamn chair listening to my mom bitch and my dad talk about asinine garbage. There has to be more than this.
When that fucking movie is the closest thing you will ever have to a functional adult with a normal happy life then yes its painful to watch. You should understand that be being here.
>Today I accidentally felt my own feelings. Being human sucks.
You're not old enough to have wasted a meaningful amount of time. If you live a normal lifespan, you're a third to a quarter of the way in. If you want experiences, go have some. The best way to not have some is to sit at home mourning over the opportunities to have some that you've already missed.
I'm trying friend, beleive me. I regret missing valuable times in college and sometimes feel like that could have been the epitimy of living but am trying to work things out. Currently trying to see what I beleive is a robot grill but she doesnt have a cell phone or social media so she is very hard to reach. Was introduced by a friend over a month ago and havent heard anything since. Havent given up yet tho. By some miracle that shes more awkward than me I might actually have something.