What would someone have to say to you to get you to step back from that ledge?
"They've just approved new safe 100% efficacious treatment for depression which also gives you a lot of motivation"
You did your best, it's all anyone ever asked you to do. You're worthy. Don't use anyone else's benchmarks for success as your own; they aren't you. You are exactly as you should be right now, and that can change but only at the rate you will it to.