>Go to see a doctor today
>Asshole has been sore and itchy for over a year
>Finaly pluck up the courage to seek help
>The doctor is a milf
>Explain the situation
>Pull down pants, spread cheeks apart for her to see the hairy red rashy crevice that is my anus
>She prescribes me a cream
>"Apply this to your bumhole twice a day"
>Not rear end
What the fuck? Isn't there a medical term she could have used? I don't want a proffesional saying "bumhole" to me REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I think she's using childish rumor to cope with the reality that her next meat was earned by fingering some dude's infected asshole.
>see patient today
>he's a new one
>look over his chart before going in
>patient has just listed ass under reason for visit
>walk in room
>see the ugliest, creepiest guy I have ever seen in my life
>without saying anything or having me ask him anything he pulls his pants down and shows me his ass
>I look at the chart and his ass
>put two and two together and give him a hemorrhoid cream
>he looks mentally retarded so I tell him to apply it to his bumhole to not make him laugh or offend him since he has the mind of a child
>fuck my job
>Be medical expert
>Faggot NEET comes into my office
>Calls me a Wagecunt and sits down
>Tells me his asshole is itchy as fuck and has been for more than a year
>Ask why he didn't come to me sooner
>mumbles something about "normalscum" under his breath
>Ask to see it, reluctantly
>His festering putrid anus creates a stench that wafts from my office down to the parking lot and beyond
>Get the strongest ointment I can find that won't cause his asshole to turn black and fall off
>The fumes from his rotting anal cavity have me the slightest bit delirious, so for a moment, forget that patients for whatever reason like it when I use pointlessly proper terms for every day things
>Tell him to apply it to his bum hole
>He takes the ointment, slaps me with a feces covered hand and sprints full tilt out of my office with his pants still down
>Screeching "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" as he goes
My asshole is constantly open, im afraid to get rectal exam. I ruined my asshoole (and life) with champagne bottle violently shoved up there (by myself).
Any doctors or whatever? Will they mock me?
>broken rectum feels
I just started doing reflexive kegels from reading your post.
>tfw first bf you get has a huge donger and your afraid to have a sloppy used up streched out boypussy that no man will ever want if he dumps you.
>do way too many kegels and my ass is way too tight preventing easy entry
>go see doctor because brown eye itchy
>doctor says remove pants
>bend over and spread
>fire alarm goes off from years of unwashed putrid ass juice vapours
>doctor on floor, dead from initial toxic radius
>paint peeling from walls
>take ointment doc offered before death saying to use around bumhole
>look closer, it's soap
>Guy in next cube asks what is funny, I can't speak
>He walks over, I point. he reads the thread, starts laughing
>Boss comes over, we point
>He reads it. he's laughing, too
Why I come here