>Tfw start to get depressed, apathy kicks in >tfw can't

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You don't enjoy the apathy brought on by depression? I crave it. It makes you content. Once you completely give up on life it oddly becomes simpler, you realize that any attempt at trying to find purpose or control your life is meaningless and in all honesty is not possible.

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>>26383960

>talks to therapist: "so tell me how you feel, anon."
>"ijustdontknow.jpg"
>"huh."
>slowly mounts ground on all 4's, startlingly begins screeching like a baby owl
>"let me call in a secondary therapist," nervously, and looking at his wristwatch frantically, like a post-natal-abortionist at a rugby game
>meanwhile, you've ejected from your clothes, furiously masturbating on your back, attempting to suck your own dick unsuccessfully
>"...and how does that make you feel?" says the back-up therapist, bursting through the door, eyes bulging from six shots of espresso and deep sexual repression
>"ree?" you're now gushing, near drowning on your semen. a bird suddenly crashes and dies at the window. the sun sets and rises, instantly, and repeats this rapid cycle indefinitely.
>tornado sirens begin somewhere, inaudibly
>"well, i'd say you're perfectly fine, anon. just get some fucking rest, and perhaps stop being such a little faggot."
>you whimper vacuously, then shuffle into an oblivion of shitposting, forever drained of consciousness
>at age 30, mumbling vigorous over unfelt feels on an aboriginal toaster-pastry coupon forum

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>>26384246
>it makes you content

I'm never content. Tbh, when I'm going though a "depression" spell, at least I'm feeling something, but then the apathy kicks in as a coping/defense method.

I enjoy nihilism, accepting then rejecting everything, might as well further my negativity.

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>>26384294
>tfw I used to sleep during my therapy sessions because I was so downtrodden

Idk, maybe it was because she was a psychiatric/psychotherapist? I know there's a meme on therapy, but it did and does help with my self awareness and dealing when I start to get unhinged.

Recently it feels as if I'm detaching again (can't think of the right term) and it's just interesting knowing it's happening.

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Some music for thread. Pretty good album if you can handle "extreme" metal to a certain degree. https://youtu.be/iezyTjg-8iY

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>>26384483

emphasis on the quotation marks...would call this pretty easy listening, tbqhfamilia, i'd just jump straight to gnaw their tongues for such a deep and darkened thread

>>26384294
I kinda know these feels. Post natal abortionist made me kek very hard.

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>>26384605
It was the current album I was listening to. Easy listening, but still good. I haven't really checked out GTT, yet but I'll be seeing Primitive Man in a month or so.

I really wish their weren't so many shit DSBM bands

>>26383960
Oh man that's not the worst part man, just wait until you can't cry or get sad anymore and you just feel anger, unjustified anger with no outlet. I wish I could be depressed instead, but now its just small fits of utter hysteria. I just wish I can cry, but no tears come out

>>26384860
I might've skipped a step, I basically have no anger. Just negativity and negative emotions, and then the apathy when things kick in.

I'm still young, so it'll still get worse but idk man, I just don't know anymore.