>tfw people are starting to notice how depressed and lifeless you look all the time and are asking questions
>tfw told you should see a doctor
who /canthideitanylonger/ here?
"fake it till you make it" is such a fucking crock of bullshit.
if I keep this up any longer i'm gonna lose my fucking mind.
I hate when my Mother asks if everything is alright?
Well besides the last 6 years being an absolute waste and wanting to stick a shotgun in my mouth everyday, yeah everything is going great.
My mom. At the peek of my depression. She would notice I was acting in odd manners. She was the only reason I tried to look happy, because I knew that being sad qould hurt her. For her sake I tried to pose as a normie. I used to lay down in the cold bathroom listening to sad songs and crying every night, in the dark. At first she thought I was masturbating, but she soon noticed The lights were offand I always wpuld take my mp3 with me. So I started to lie and said I was going out with friends, when I'd just go downstairs (i live in a huge apartment complex) and sit by the pool or maybe risk a night walk to the beach to wet my feet on the sea while crying and listening to music. I was never robbed because I guess I looked like a thief myself, dressed in black and with a hoodie. But people here in my country are so fucking sympathetic... I lost account on how many times complete strangers would approach me on the streets or in my apartment, to ask what was wrong or if everything was fine or if I needed any help. I guess I have a suicide face. Asthough I was screaming for help on the inside, hoping that one of those strangers would just hug meand stay with me until the sadness was gone, as much as I wanted help, to be cherished, taken care of, fed and put to sleep like a little child, I always refused any attempt of approach by anyone. I'd just dodge any interaction and oportunity to get help, specially by mom. I don't know why I did it. I just did. I wanted to be taken care of as much as I wanted to be left alone. And Alone I stayed. Alone I am.
>at grocery store
>some random woman passes by and says "Somebody loves you" out of the blue
i dont fake anything
i wear a constant frown
i gaze into the nothingness in front of me all day
i dont open my mouth sometimes all day through multiple hours of classes and things
no one here gives a fuck
they all notice
it doesnt matter
i get to acknowledge my unhappiness and i dont have to deal with b urself bullshit
nobody notices me at school. I am practically the only depressed and lifeless loser on my campus. Id rather keep it that way. They probably wouldn't give me decent advice anyways.
Saddest thing is, you're not the only one. Half the other fuckers around you feel like offing themselves every day, they're just better at hiding it.
The next world war will be a blessing
>woah anon are you losing weight? Good job!
>hey, you're looking way better than you used to, wow
>dang, you've lost a lot of weight, what's your secret?
>you've gotten pretty thin, you look nothing like your old self
>h-hey, want me to pick you up some food? You're pretty skinny these days
>are you feeling ok? You've gotten so thin recently, something's wrong
>anon, you might want to see a doctor... Just to make sure there's nothing wrong. You never know...
Chronic amphetamine use... At least I was looking pretty good for a bit there...
Oh how I beg for another world conflict. It would be hilarious to see all the chads drafted into the war. I cannot go because due to an injury which decimated my leg (I was hit by a car while walking to Dairy Queen about 7 years ago) so I am spared any future wars from here on out. You think Chad's wife would be done to fucking a Cripple while he is not around?
>professor constantly refers to "those people with dark clouds over them at all times" while he looks at me
I hate depression. I have the looks to be a Chad but my brain is pretty fucked up.