>>26369436 music, movies, computer games, food... worst part about is that I am not really alone. it is that everyone ignores me yet if I turn on porn or something there is instantly someone behind my back. fucking hate my life.
>>26369457 >avoidant hardly. people suffering from AvPD would like to go out and talk to people. they are just way to anxious to do so. they are afraid of being rejected, humiliated, made fun of and so on.
>>26369565 Don't snort the gels you idiot, that gel is there specifically to prevent snorting it and IVing it. If you have such a small tolerance that you might feel it a little bit you're still wasting the vast majority of the pill. There's a wide range of the insufflated bioavailibility of the drug, but even the best estimates are lower than 30% and as low as 10%. This means you're wasting 70-90% of the drug before taking the gel into account.
>>26369587 Hydromorphone is harder to get than other opioids but it's still out there. The number of them is lower since they no longer like to prescribe it for pain, but some doctors still do.
>>26369436 I just take pointless travelling. I usually sit on public transport and just ride in any direction, get out walk for a couple hours and get back to dorm. Sometimes i smoke half a pack because it lowers my anxiety levels.
>>26370154 I do that also. In matter of fact i recently been in one. I spent hour and a half just to buy a mousepad. Places with good computers is land of broken dreams, i cant afford one but i can watch it? right?
Anyone else fight the depression by having 'banter' with random inanimate objects in their rooms?
I have no friends to laugh at so every day I will bully my fruit bowl for a laugh to feel like I have a friend to share the good times with.
For example today I have spent the entire day making fun of my fruit bowl. I currently have oranges and apples in it so I started throwing nuts at it earlier and saying 'hey fruity, why don't you grow some nuts pussy' and then walked up and started slapping it.
I often buy fruit I don't even want to eat just so I can banter my fruit bowl. For example last month I bought 10 kiwi fruits and then started speaking to my bowl with a New Zealand accent and calling it a 'New Zealander faggot', and last week I spent $10 on passion fruit then started making jokes like 'the only passion you have is cock'.
>Sometimes... I wish someone would come along and just give me a big, long hug. not even my family can help me or reach me, not like they are trying but still it would be pointless. I am so lonely I wish I had gf just for hugs. 4chan and youtube helps a bit not to feel lonely.
>>26369436 I suck and I realize I suck. I do not like myself and nobody else could either, so I preoccupy myself with attempts of transfiguring myself into a person whom I could respect upon looking in the mirror. Until I achieve adequacy, I realize being reclusive is a circumstance of my situation. I'm used to it by now.
>>26371674 Get a dog and/or cat. They're not perfect solutions but they really do help if you train them properly. I'm 18 and so fucking scared of going to university and not having my pets and family around anymore.
>>26371622 There is no help, do you not get it yet? Have you ever even been to therapy? They can never help you because at the end of the day people are too selfish or busy to care about spending time with you.
>>26369436 I usually talk to myself out loud at home.
I read threads from /r9k/ while lurking; i speak in english and some german, being none my native language; i go through the things i must to for the day and so forth, all while my awful nasal voice reverbs in this empty flat.
I remember about the bad things i've done, the girls i didn't talk to, the friends i didn't make, chances i've missed... and i just relax after i hear it loud and clear.
>>26369436 It's really weird. I went through different phases.
>Oh, sure, the other 13 year old boys are starting to get girlfriends, but maybe I'm just a late bloomer. Someone will show up for me eventually >Oh sure, the other 16 year olds are losing their virginity, and I haven't even kissed anyone yet, but maybe I'm just a late bloomer. Someone will show up for me eventually. >Why do I keep getting rejected in my 18's? Everyone else seems to be able to get companionship. I wonder if eventually I'll find someone too. >I'm moving towards 23 years old, I haven't accomplished anything, I work a deadend job, and now, thanks to an entire life of rejection and being deprived of affection fro the opposite sex, my self-esteem and sense of self-worth are so low I can barely talk to female cashiers without feeling inferior, and like I'm annoying them. I guess no one will ever be there for me
>>26369436 I binge watch entire tv-series back to back often while drinking vodka. I also listen to podcasts and watch random skits over and over, so much so that for those fleeting moments I feel like I'm with them in the room. The sad part comes when you've heard the tracks/skits/scenes/whatever so many time they no longer evoke any emotion. It's the same phenomenon that you use to ruin your favorite tracks and albums.
I used to play world of warcraft. but after my 5th guild shattered I quit. you play with people for 2 or 3 years every day, socialize with them up to some level and then they just disappear from your life. I have few of them on skype but there is not much to talk about outside of the game.
>>26371981 >Why do I keep getting rejected in my 18's? its all in the attitude bro.. im not a normie i just want you to know i care about you and things can get better if you look at your situation rationally from a non biased "I want everything perfect for me" viewpoint the world can be a great thing that really no one can control in the end :)
To be honest, fellow robots? I don't even fucking care. What bothers me is the shameful situation of graduate in College with 36yo. I lived 29 yo year of pure suffering until I had enough of all that misery, studied until faint various time along the year and then enrolled in some good college.My 6 years of college went well because I only talked to people when necessary and even showed to classmates several times I was human giving people emotional support to some classmates having hard times to not be framed as gunman in potential.
I never had deep relationships with anyone there, only worked in people when extremely necessary and always furiously take the lead to avoid people fucks up my grades. I'm really a Robot by birth and got even more fucked up due circumstances, but at least now in my late 30's I know I will don't starve, have my house and don't need work in construction sites or things like this.
I live alone right know, my parents have died long time ago and all I have is my job, my (small ) house, some economic hatchback car and my disappointments and regrets of my youth haunting me every time I leave home.
I think I'm the embodiment of loneliness, my boss and some social worker of the hospital think the same thing and are always extremely concerned about me kill myself soon or later, maybe they are right, maybe not, I don't know.
I feel like I don't have anything to lose anymore because even after achieve some stability in my life I don't feel fulfilled, there is a lack of someone or something in my life, I don't know what is it and I'm thinking I never will have a answer for this. Sorry about the text wall.
>tfw hold my own hand in bed as if I'm holding hands with a girl >tfw circle my thumb on the back of the other hand as if it's a girl >tfw rub my foot up and down my calf as if it's a girl >tfw run my fingers up and down and through my chest hair as if it's a girl doing it >tfw whisper to myself in a feminine voice and reply in a deep whisper complaining jokingly to "her" that I'm tired and need to sleep >tfw lie in bed and pretend a qt girl is lying with her face towards mine and smiling at me >tfw fold up my bathrobe and place it between legs as if it's a girl's leg >tfw kiss empty air pretending I'm kissing a girl >tfw lie on my back and hold my arm out and then folded at a ninety degree angle to pretend I'm holding a girl who's lying against me >tfw go through each board on 4chan pretending I'm giving a tour to my girlfriend and providing a humorous little summary about each one >tfw watching home videos on my laptop of my family and me as a kid and pretending a qt girl is sitting beside me saying "awww" and smiling and asking who the different people are >tfw walking home alone and pretending she's walking beside me and think up lengthy dialogue and occasionally laugh at something she or I said in the imagined dialogue >tfw imagine meeting her family and having them like me >tfw imagine her meeting my family for the first time and us sleeping and talking quietly in my room at home >tfw imagine her and my mom preparing coffee after dinner and watching her laugh at something my mom says >tfw imagine making her mom laugh and making her father a little annoyed when she and her mother tell him that he's probably boring me and that I probably want to get to bed after the long journey >tfw developing several lengthy scenarios involving me and my qt crush and replaying them mentally each night while adding minor details and more dialogue and making them a little longer each day
>>26369436 You don't. You will eventually go insane.
It starts with creeping numbness and minor 'ticks'. For example you might start to suddenly feel very angry after hearing a certain sound or might get compulsive thoughts. But outside of those periods of intense emotion you feel completely numb. Your mental stability is slowly deteriorating.
Then those ticks start to develop into your character and depression starts to develop. You will start to feel an irrational and deep rooted hatred for certain words, colours, objects, acts, people, etc. You can suddenly get manic, furious or depressed over very simple things. Your state of mind becomes a constant struggle between extreme emotional responses and numbness / apathy. One moment you do not care about anything and just want to sleep and never wake up, the other moment you can spend hours being extremely angry over a small thing.
Continue the social isolation and you start to get depersonalisation. You start feeling like you are living in a dream, your mind starts floating and days go by so fast you do not even feel like you are living any more. Your short term memory starts becoming foggy and you start remembering things that weren't there. For example you might be convinced something in a dream was real. In this stage many commit suicide before they go completely insane and lose their self.
Continue and you get to the final state of insanity and that is psychosis. Not only do you feel like you are floating through life like a dream and that other people are not real, sometimes you completely lose control over yourself and start acting without concious thought. Your concious mind is fading away and the primal character is starting to take control of your body. With the complete lack of socialization your mind is regressing back to a feral survival mode.
This is why you need to go see a therapist if that's what you actually believe therapy is about. Good therapists will develop an individual strategy for each patient that walks through the door.
Source: Depression, two failed suicide attempts and a lot of 1 on 1 sessions with a therapist.
It's a bit weird at first but you do eventually open up, the real key to therapy is that YOU have to want to change, it's corny as fuck to say it, but I only started making progress once I realized that. A therapist can only open the door, you need to be willing to take the step.
>>26373699 >This is why you need to go see a therapist if that's what you actually believe therapy is about. Good therapists will develop an individual strategy for each patient that walks through the door.
The only way even a 'good therapist' can handle serious mental illness is medicine. That is why they have mental hospitals, treatment centers, etc. They can help but cannot cure.
Therapists help for people with simple problems. They help people deal with trauma, help them through a tough time or help them improve their self image. People with actual structural mental illness or structural problems in their life they cannot help. They can only put them on medicine and hope for the best.
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