Have any of you significantly changed your personality once they're an adult? I think I need a personality transplant. I'm almost 30 and I've spent the last 10 years mainly just playing video games and avoiding people. Now I feel like I don't really have a personality at all. I'm not funny, or interesting, or anything good really. I'm terrified of being honest with anyone. Everything I do is just a calculating response designed to make people like me, which results in social interaction being exhausting and completely unfulfilling. People never get to know me.
Is it possible to train myself to be someone who could one day maybe attract a nice girl? I'm not ugly looking, just somewhere around average. It's just my lack of personality that's the problem.
Is there any hope? Pic kinda related. I wish I could be charismatic like him.
I dont think it's possible to change your personality. Until recently I thought I had drastically changed since I was a kid, but looking back I'm still the same weird boring loser I always have been.
Good luck op, post if you find a solution
Maybe one day we'll have Matrix-like tech where you can upload information and personality into people. Don't know if that would be a good or bad thing to be honest.
In any case, I hope to find some method to slowly teach myself to be a more desirable and fun person. I'm sure there are resources out there to help me learn this, but my fear is that I'll always feel like I'm faking it.
Like tonight I was at tennis and one of the girls there was so bubbly and energetic and outgoing. I wish I could be like that, but I worry that the best I could hope for is to maybe trick someone into thinking I'm interesting for a while, before they learn how boring I really am.
>tfw boring as fuck, well into adulthood (very late 20s)
>tfw a personality transplant would be of no use because I'm fugly
>becoming a better person would only ever be useful in making some of the people who reject me feel guilty, but most won't even stick around long enough to know that I'm interesting/smart/kind/whatever normies tell you to become to compensate for your face
>jus b urself xD
>tfw self-improvement is pointless
Count your blessings, OP.
I bet there are many people like us. Social recluses with some combination of anxiety, avoidance and depression, and maybe some autism spectrum stuff to various degrees.
I don't think it's an existential crisis. I know what I want out of this life (from most to least important); to have children and raise them well, to find a loving wife, to be happy, and to make some small positive contribution to society.
But in order to raise kids well, and find a good wife and be happy, I need to work on my personality.
Maybe it's just because I'm lazy. Maybe if I put time into a range of hobbies and self improvement then I would naturally be more interestint and assertive and confident. Maybe even this post is a form of self delusion, trying to trick myself into believing I don't know the answer, when really I know what I need to do. Just a thought.
I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes I wonder if it's morally wrong for really ugly people to breed. They're setting their kids up for a life of rejection.
It's probably wrong to be against ugly people breeding in principle, especially since over time their offspring could get better genetics. I'm mainly thinking about avoiding short term suffering here.
>I don't think it's an existential crisis. I know what I want out of this life (from most to least important); to have children and raise them well, to find a loving wife, to be happy, and to make some small positive contribution to society.
why do you want these things? to me it sounds like you are trying to define yourself and for some reason you think you need these things to do so.
The relationship between genetics and attractiveness is not always that clear cut. My parents were moderately attractive... my father was a 6 and my mother was an 8, while I'm a 3. Something went very wrong with my face during puberty. I guess it was a sub-optimal mix of genes plus environmental factors that may have altered the hormones that helped morph my face from an okay-looking kid into nigh deformed tier.
why the fuck would you change yourself for other people?
dont ever change your personality, dont lie to yourself. that's the worst thing you could ever do.
especially if you're looking to find a girl you'll spend a lot of time with, she'd like to spend time with the real you, not a fake projection of what you think people would like.
Before you can start improving/changing/growing/expanding, call it what you like, you need to know who this you is that you want to change. You need to know your own limits, know how much you can push yourself to desired direction, know when to go through that extra mile and when to rest. Only way to get this knowledge is through experience, you have to go from one way of failure to another until you get closer to the center.
That's true. My example was unrealistically over simplifying. I only meant to evaluate the moral implication of people having kids who are unlikely to be happy or successful in life.
>why do you want these things?
Partly for moral reasons (I believe in a moral obligation to have kids and take some civic responsibility) and partly for selfish reasons (I want a wife for the love and intimacy, and friends for the intellectual stimulation and emotional bond.
>to me it sounds like you are trying to define yourself and for some reason you think you need these things to do so.
Well yes, I suppose that is defining myself. I judge myself according to my worldview and my values. We all have to behave in a way that is consistent with our personal values if we want to respect ourselves, right?
Sorry for going afk for a bit. You've probably all left now.
Well I oversimplified a little, but I have been largely avoidant for the better part of a decade.
I'm here criticising myself and looking to improve, so obviously I'm aware of my flaws.
Can I ask what you're doing browsing this board with responses like that?
didn't mean to type >in. Dunno how that got there.
>why the fuck would you change yourself for other people?
The problem is that I'm already changing myself. I talked about putting on an act when socialising in my OP, because I'm afraid of rejection and disapproval.
I feel like I don't even know what my innate persaonlity traits are in many ways, since most of my time socialising is putting on a false persona.
This seems like sound advice. Setting clear goals and slowly working at them. I have a problem with self sabotaging because of my fear of failure. I attribute it partly to laziness and partly to fear and anxiety.
I should be taking steps to get better at making friends and talking to girls. Instead I avoid people entirely and tell myself things like they wouldn't want to talk to me, or making up reasons why I would like being around them.