Just held my mom's hand for 4 hours until she drowned/choked in/on her own blood. She was diagnosed with cancer a year ago.
I can't handle this feel guys. She was so pumped full of morphine that I doubt she noticed that I came to her death bed.
I've talked to her every day on the phone since her diagnosis (I've obviously visited her a lot) and I feel so lost.
She was the only person who loved me unconditionally, and now I have no one.
I know the edgelords are going to call me a pussy, but this pain and loneliness consumes me.
Who here has dealt with this sort of grief? I need someone to talk to.
Sorry for the blog post
We're here for you, brother.
If anyone calls you a pussy it's because they're unfortunate enough to not know what it's like to have loving parents, pity them for you may have lost something very dear, but that's because you had something very dear in the first place.
Cherish her memory, OP, and forge your life with the knowledge that you were lucky enough to have a loving family.
It's a pat kind of reassurance, but you will be able to remember the good times eventually, bittersweetly.
And you can take solace in the fact that you won't bear witness to her growing even worse and suffering more, and she didn't have to witness your death before like this.
Thats rough but it will happen to us all, just be glad its over and remember the good times it will get better but it will take a while, stay away from booze it will make it harder, keep focused and stay positive.. I know easier said then done but your only option is to press on
Listen man, you're in for some tough months ahead, so get ready to feel like shit for a while. At least your mother loved you and you can talk to anons, for what it's worth. Embrace the pain, understand it and try to march forward, it's what she would've wanted. She will exist forever in your memories, cherish that.
>tfw my mum is having a cancer scare at the moment
I'm a sociopath though, so my thoughts are less of her and more of what I'm going to do with my life when she can't cover my room and board anymore. probably become homeless, there's no way I could ever earn enough to afford even a shared room here, and my dad/stepmum wouldn't take me in even if they could
Stay strong man, if you can make it through this you can make it through anything. Losing a loved one especially your mother is no fucking joke, its a cold cold world out there. Do you have a father or grandparents at least?
Thanks for all the comments, it's much appreciated.
Sorry for being a special snowflake attention whore, but this place is all I have
She was the most wonderful mother, had nothing but love and support for me, and I always did my best to make her proud. We were very close, without me being a mommas boy. But the illness brought us closer together and I genuinely enjoyed the time we spent together.
She was more concerned about how I'd cope than with her imminent demise.
She was such a giving person, and I know that she knew that I loved her dearly and vice versa.
Thanks for asking
CUT MY LIFE IN TWO PIECES
THIS IS MY LAST RESORT
DON'T GIVE A PFF
IF I CUT MYSELF SHAVING
She really was. Damn, can't forget the feeling I had after the nurses had cleaned her up and I went in to say goodbye to her for the last time. Fuck me that was a next level kind of feel
I'll feel it with you bro
Bring it in brother
My grandmother was the only source of normal in my life. I had no friends growing up and abusive parents. She got sick at the end of 2012 and slipped into a coma. My dad and aunt made the choice to pull her off life support cause she was brain dead. I hugged her the entire time till she died. This is really going to suck man. You gotta push thru it tho. Love you anon.
When your mother has grown older,
When her dear, faithful eyes
no longer see life as they once did,
When her feet, grown tired,
No longer want to carry her as she walks
Then lend her your arm in support,
Escort her with happy pleasure.
The hour will come when, weeping, you
Must accompany her on her final walk.
And if she asks you something,
Then give her an answer.
And if she asks again, then speak!
And if she asks yet again, respond to her,
Not impatiently, but with gentle calm.
And if she cannot understand you properly
Explain all to her happily.
The hour will come, the bitter hour,
When her mouth asks for nothing more.
Adolf Hitler, 1923.
This feel is as old as humanity.
I lost my dad 9 years ago when I was 15. He raised me by himself and I didn't have any other friends or family, and I became homeless after.
It hurts anon, but you have to carry on for her. You have to be stronger for her. Her blood still lives in you, you're her legacy now.
It never gets easier, and it never stops hurting.
I know that i'm a nobody on the internet, but I want you to know that I sincerely am upset for you, and that my heart goes out to you.
I can't imagine the sort of pain that you must be going through, but I do hope you're able to grief properly and in time overcome your sadness.
I'm sorry anon, truly.
I haven't been there but I've thought about what I'll feel when my Mom's gone. Most of /r9k/ doesn't have a father in their life so when our Moms go that's it for the love we were born with.
It sounds like tired advice but the only way to stay sane after this is to learn to love yourself. This will also sound tired, but lift. Run. Read. Just do everything you can in a mad grab for self-respect. If you're here, most of the people you have to lean on are strangers, so you'll have to become someone people can recognize as worthy of respect. It's the only sane thing to do at this point but the rest of your life lies ahead. Nothing's behind you but memories. You can cherish them and share them, but you'll need to keep building.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. And I hate to have to call you OP, it cheapens the sentiment, but I'd be there for you in person if I could.
I'm so so so sorry Anon. You have nothing but my condolences and my sympathies. My mom is the only person who has never abandoned me, who has never let me down, and who has always been there for me UNFUCKINGCONDITIONALLY. When she dies, I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably go into some lifelong psychosis.
I'm sorry :(
It will never go away but you'll move past it after a while. As long as you have memories of her it won't ever completely go away. But is being free of the pain worth losing your memories of her? No of course not.
I'm terribly sorry. Your mum sounded like she loved you unconditionally, and I fear the day when I have to say goodbye to my parents when they did so much for me.
We're all here for you anon. Even though we may feign hatred and scorn on this board, in reality we're all misfits that simply crave eachother's understanding and companionship.
I'm so sorry. My greatest sympathies.
Rationally, I know it's just temporary, but the feeling that I get when I think about never talking to her or seeing her again is truly excruciating.
I have to go to cry myself to sleep now, I have funeral arrangements to make tomorrow.
Genuinely appreciate every nice comment in this thread. It makes me feel slightly less utterly alone
This is a day of my life I fear the most. So much that I almost hope to pass before my parents so I won't have to bear the pain. As such, I cannot express sympathy, but know I grieve internally just thinking about it.
I'm sorry to hear that mate. I'm very close to my mother so it really hit me hard reading that. Don't be ashamed of your feelings, I empathise a great deal since I'm quite lonely too.
I wish for nothing more
Than just one more day,
For I would give it all,
Just to hear her say.
It's funny how
In life it seems
You take for granted
The most important things.
To feel her close,
And be safe again,
Safe from my own self,
Back with my best friend.
Yes, she was the best,
And at other times the only,
My Friend, you left me here,
And now my heart is lonely.
If you could just come back,
If only for one day,
I'd make sure that I'd listen
To all you had to say.
And now that it's too late,
You cannot speak anymore.
I finally realized,
I should have heard you before.
And if I could do it over,
I'd only change one thing,
I'd tell you that I love you,
And how much joy to me you bring.
No one will ever know
Quite how I feel inside,
And on that day you left,
You weren't the only one who died.
You have always been there, Mom,
And you loved me 'til the end,
So with all my heart and soul,
I love you too, My Friend.
Dude, I'm going to be the only non asshole here and tell you to get off the computer and go talk to someone in front of you. Do not stay on this cesspit and wallow in your misery. These fags will only feed on it and make it worse.
Even if there are people here being sympathetic to you, it's not going to do you any good because we're not there physically to help you deal with this.
If you're religious, go talk to a pastor or priest. Otherwise, go find a grief counselor. Either way, get off your computer. Please.
I know what it's like to lose someone close. We're here for you, OP. Don't listen to the trolls and shitposters, for they didn't live a life that had someone to love them back. God Bless
I'm so sorry, friend. I hope you find a way to ease your despair
>Thinking grief is just mental
People experiencing grief do stupid shit. He needs someone to physically be in his presence and check up on him to make sure he's not drinking himself stupid or laying in bed for 12 hours a day. He needs a shoulder to cry on.
Yes, you're right. OP, try not to wallow indoors. Perhaps contact a counsellor or doctor or whoever can provide some emotional support. Feel free to talk to us but you need to reach out in person
Damn, son. I'm so sorry for you. I'm lucky that I have never had anyone close to me die. Worst I ever had was my ex cheating on me with who I thought was one of my best mates. Really fucking killed me inside.
My best friend's mom died of cancer ,and boy was he a wreck. I know it's gonna be tough, but please don't pick up any self-destructive habits. He took up drinking, and it was a few rough years there. I try to take him out for dinner on mothers day, and the anniversary of her death, especially now that he lives far from his family. Strong strong, dude.