these days i was thinking a lot about what's after to death... and i'm pretty sure, sadly, that's just nothing and i feel HORRIBLE, it would be like a sleeping for eternity
how can i live with this that i'm feeling?
I came to this conclusion a while ago too. If anything, it's liberating. Nothing in this life matters because there's nothing beyond death. You have basically up to 80 years to do (almost) whatever you want.
I'm still a loser who has no friends, but I've done a lot more drugs since adopting that mindset and it's made me happier.
I have had worst expectation.
I used to believe that people actually turn into ghost after death, with no actual way of communication with the livings except rarely, but they do see everything.
So I have spent a long time being very self-conscious about what I do, afraid that it might get really awkward after I die and meet those dead folks, having them seeing me shoving my mom's dildo up my bumbum and stealing my qt locker neighbor's sneakers to rub one off.
For all we know, we experience every time we sleep/fall unconscious, right?
people probably just get tired of it, I have an autoimmune disease that makes my life a living nightmare without weekly self-injection of immuno-suppressant, no possibility of any physically demanding exercise
yet I still want to live for as long as possible
The anon you replied to here.
I once found an analogy to death of old age. It is like an all-nighter with your favourite computer game. You like it, but at some point, the fun just diminishes, you get tired, and you naturally just want to leave and go to sleep. Nothing has really changed; there is nothing unnatural. You *could* resist and keep playing, but it begins to feel eerie and mechanical and on an auto-pilot and you don't see the point and the reward.
Complete existence is our redemption from pain. Heaven is non existence. Liberation from all worry, all pain, all thought, everything. Embrace it. Become a nihilistic fuckhead like me, maybe it'll help you to take risks knowing that even if you fuck up it doesn't fucking matter at all.