>>26339696 Whenever I was myself my parents would say don't act that way or harshly judge me for being a silly kid. People at school teased me but I didn't care for them, it hurt more coming from my parents. My self esteem has since recovered but every now and then their snark remarks still hurt.
>>26339731 That could've helped actually. Haven't you ever seen those autists at middle/high school just doing sonic shit when they're 16 years old? Maybe you were doing the wrong kind of silly and would've ended much worse.
It wasn't an event, but my entire life slowly drained any feeling of worth out of me. The first was when my father attacked me in a drunken rage at 6-7 years old and I never saw him again.
It was mainly my mother's doing from also being an alcoholic my entire life. I grew up feeling unloved, had no one to talk to and felt like my parents drank because of me. My mother even said that it was because of me when she was drunk one night.
In school, I literally sat at a table by myself in the lunch room that was completely packed with kids.
When I tried losing weight at 13 years old by walking 3 miles home every day, adult men made fun of me.
Last was when a fat, 5'3 man didn't want a relationship with me because I was also fat.
>>26339696 >eating at a restaurant my mom works at for lunch >just graduated highschool and brother works there too >coworker of my mom introduces himself and asks if I'm going to work here too >"anon can't do anything"
It was like in elementary school when my grandma moved in and she got cancer shortly afterward. The day she died I was probably playing WoW at night when I heard her calling she help and I woke my parents to call the ambulance. I saw her carried out of a stretcher of my house. Then my mom tried to fight me all the time because she was always drunk so I just locked myself in my room to play vidya.
She ambushed me mid conversation with the details as far as I can remember.
She called, we were catching up a bit. At some point I think she asked me if I had been seeing anyone. I asked her the same not expecting her to go into detail about the three guys she's fucked, where she's fucked them and how it was.
I do remember starting to eat a good amount of klonopin as soon as she started telling me all this so I was pretty out of it shortly after the conversation.
That's what happens when your high school crush goes to art school I guess. >>26339996
The fourth elementary school that I went to (parents had relationship issues they thought would be solved by moving a lot... And now my dad has illegitimate kids everywhere) was literally almost completely white, like 3 blacks and 1 other Hispanic in grade 4. I played soccer before I moved there so I looked full beaner but no one had ever said anything about it before. >spic >beaner >why aren't you out picking oranges? >how was jumping the border? Or did you swim? >mfw I thought this shit only happened in movies >eyes are pitch black >some kid told everyone to stay away from me because in Twilight hungry vampires had black eyes >mfw this kid was black bullying me to try to become the superior minority >thin veins all over my face >someone told everyone I had cancer >contagious cancer
After that I quit going outside and started playing WoW and writing WoW fanfic in class. Kudos to my mother's ginger genes for making it only take 2 years for me to blend in with the blancos pardon my facial structure. By 7th grade I was pale and first to enter the scene phase and everyone thought I was cool as shit. Then move to a 75% black school. hood people don't like scene kids
Also mfw my 2nd high school grade 9 was 33% beaners after I thought my heritage was a bad thing
>>26339949 >First serious girlfriend broke up with me to "have sex with other people", tells me about the sex she's had post breakup in detail one night over the phone. you guys are such massive cucks. lel.
Best friend back in high school mocked me for being short and I ended up physically assaulting him. Really that was one of the bigger straws that broke the camel's back. I've always looked a lot younger and generally been smaller than everyone else, and I have been treated differently because of that. Girls never saw me as someone they could potentially date. I was like their cute little brother. So, because of all of that, I don't believe in myself at all. I'm thinking of just dropping out of college.
I started school early so i was a year younger than my classmates for the remainder of my schooldays. I was a very shy and weird kid, i was bullied a LOT and this broke whatever self esteem i may have had, i was ashamed of causing problems for my parents, i fell for the tell an adult meme. Thr school system made me feel humiliated, i couldn't make up for lack of social success with good grades because im not very clever.
I'm not completely sure, because I've had a very low self-esteem for as long as I can remember (since ages 2-3 or so). I think at least these things contributed to it: >some traumatic events I have mostly repressed >being clumsy >not being able to fulfill parents' expectations (I'm the oldest child), due to clumsiness and developing slower than most peers >birth of a brother >experiences in daycare (e.g. not getting along with caretakers who didn't understand me, maybe seeing other kids master things I couldn't do (not sure about the latter because don't have such memories)) >maybe subconsciously realizing parents knew there was (and is) something wrong with me Some people just never had a chance.
Many things but the tipping point would probably be when I was leaving Primary School and going into High School (Auscunt so before starting Year 7). >Going to High School orientation just to be walked around the school with all the other people starting next next year. >Every time I said anything in Primary School I got insulted and mocked >Don't say anything in order to avoid that happening here. >End up with the other people in the group getting bored during the tour and deciding to throw rocks at me. >People supervising the tour don't do shit. >Parents end up changing which school I'm enrolled in for some reason. >Five minutes into the first day I get told to "Shut up faggot", the girls in the class laugh at my face and I end up having rocks thrown at me again. It's been about five years since I finished the HSC and left school and I still have nightmares where I'm back in High School.
When my crush told me she would never date a man below 6'. Im 5'8'', she is 5'3''.
Before that I was happy with my height. I loved being the fast agile guy and I had a lot of confidence in myself. I didnt even realize height was a big factor in life.
Getting into adulthood I realized I had to work twice as hard as other, taller people, to gain any form of respect at my work.
People joke about my height all the time and I laugh it off and jest about it trying to be the funny guy, but deep inside a small part of me has died everytime it has happened to the point where instead of being out living life I'm here shitposting on 4chan.
I don't think it was just 1 event, it was slowly chipped away by rejections. Not just from girls, because that happened a few times and did totally suck. Rejections for jobs, promotions, favours from people.
I have so much built up inside me that whenever I try and stand up for myself or go to bat for myself it comes out in a complete mess of words that makes no sense whatsoever.
>>26339696 Girl I liked called me gay, girls grouped around me telling me I'll never get a girlfriend, went to a birthday part where they played a game in which when you get kissed you have to pass that kiss to someone else, no girl picked me the whole night, Chads thought it was funny to pair me up with the downs girl, constantly getting picked last, beta father, constantly fighting parents, Chad brother, got called four-eyes once, been told people call me a freak, weirdo, nerd behind my back, ostracized for 6 months, best friend invited almost everyone but me to his sister's wedding, Independence Day when the men and women greeted each other the girls ostensibly chose to opt out entirely on me, spent prom night drinking a whole bottle of vodka by myself in a secluded park.
When I was 10 and the divorce of my parents happened. I blamed myself for it, became a social recluse. My mom who I then lived with completely gave up on trying to raise me and left me with my videogames all day.
Starting middelschool socially underdeveloped, people seriously thinking I was a sperg. I hated everything and everyone, even the goth kids I tried to fit in with. I haven't spoken to my father for 7 years.
>>26339696 It wasn't a single event, it was the way I acted throughout school. Due to being an immature autist, I was an easy target for literally everyone and had issues out the ass.
I live in a small town so everyone I went to school with remembers me as that half retarded guy. Too broke to move and even though I've straightened myself out appearance wise/matured/got myself set up it follows me five years later.
>>26339696 Being called on my retarded behaviour in highschool. It then made me super self conscious and suspicious of people, especially nice people because it means they're hiding something. My sister was dealing with bigger issues at the time so I never got to talk about my issues with our parents, I have difficulty talking to them now about personal stuff, they are like acquaintances at best.
Just roast people about their physical flaws when they say shit to you familia, they don't even need to have actual physical shortcomings just point out something that you think they might get embarrassed about like nose size
>>26339696 Girls would tell me how ugly i was. Classmates, hell even random girls on the bus that i never met before or again. Also this girl who i had a crush on randomly came up to me one morning to tell me that i was ugly and went off laughing. Some normie chads a few years above also grouped up on me in the yard and grabbed me trying to take a picture of my face.
I moved to another country when I was 12 and I was teased for not speaking the language. Meanwhile my parents were forcing me to play the translator for them in all kinds of agencies and then were angry at me for being bad at it. Since then everything kind of started piling up. I was scared to speak in class, so I had shit grades, I god used to people not really liking me so I never went out.
First and only real gf cheated on me with a bunch of guys and lied to me about it and i found out later and pretty much felt like a worthless piece of trash from then on. I didn't have much self esteem to begin with.
Well a girl pretty much toyed around with me, i confessed, she said she wanted to be friends so i try to gtfo so it doesn't hurt that much but she guilts trip me into staying with her, then she says she likes me so i'm happy as fuck and ask her out, i get rejected and she tells me that i have been acting like a dick to her for some reason, i set high standards to myself that i can't posibly acomplish so she at least likes me a little bit, this goes on for half a year until i got tired and called her out on all her bullshit.
I still feel it was my fault
She said i was ugly as fuck and that has made me realize that i'm indeed ugly as fuck, at least before i didn't notice it so i started to become a tryhard for looking good (Get /fit/ /fa/ and try to be something that i'm not) Obviously all that isn't going to change my face so on the next years i get rejected by a shit ton of girls. At first it doesn't hurt because "LOL THE WORST THING IS THAT SHE SAYS NO" but then i became aware that i got rejected by +70 girls and that i was an unlovable piece of shit
I hate myself since then, It's funny because i went from being that funny outgoing kid that everybody likes to becoming a sarcastic prick that hides the fact that he hates himself between shitty self deprecating jokes and laughing at everything just to fit in
>>26341674 I feel you. I got rejected 2 times because of my height. Most of my friends also casualy joke about it like its no big deal. It really gets on my nerves. I might kill them when I will get tired of that shit. Im close to it.
>>26339696 A lot of accumulated things, but mostly the fact that I realized that people only wants to have something with me if they can obtain something in exchange, I never had a true friendship, and all the times I tried to form part of a social circle or make friends I was always that guy that nobody listened to, the ignored weird guy you don't want to tell when the group hangs out. That kind of thing made me lose all confidence and avoid people altogether.
>Best friend started talking to me less >Started showing up sporadically when he needed money >When I stopped giving it to him, he stole from me. He drove across town, across hundreds of houses, to get to MINE, where he took MY valuables
>The girl I wanted more than anything was just using me to get to my slightly less beta friend I'd had for years >They invite me to a party and start fucking on the kitchen floor while I'm in the next room >They offered to stay friends next time I saw them and I accepted, then they immediately lost respect for me and stopped hanging out with me
>Another friend of mine started fucking my sister and never showed up again unless my sister was there
>Rebound girl from work, after the one mentioned before, compared me to a sibling when I was trying to make a move on her
>Another good friend stopped interacting with me because I wasn't part of the clique anymore, composed of everyone above
>>26339696 >Grew up being bullied by sister and cousin >If I ever spoke up or got happy I had to sit in a corner. >Mother told me on my 18th birthday she failed at raising me, and I'm everything she never wanted. >father (religious) tells me when judgement day comes he fears he will be judged by God and sent to hell for parenting me. He told me I am his sins. >spend childhood alone or in a corner >never developed social skills >flinch at social confrontation >kill me
My entire life has been one enormous beatdown of my self-esteem.
>bullied severely as a kid >real bullying, not sticks and stones shit >moved almost every year, so no consistent friends >abusive father who yelled at me and threw me against walls if I acted "disrespectful" in any way >shut-in stay at home mother who sheltered me to the point of locking me inside >always depressed and anxiety riddled, and the fighting in my house only made it worse >talentless and stupid, failed at pretty much everything I've ever tried >been a khv neet for five years now since graduating high school >no future plans
And I'm posting here, so you can probably assume some other things about me too.
>>26339696 >6th grade, be 12 >truth or dare? >"stacy, I dare you to kiss *generic normie* in the cheek" >"okay, don't turn your head *kisses" >5 minutes later >"stacy, I dare you to kiss anon in the cheek" >"no, not anon, I'm out" >went home and cried myself to sleep >
Constant rejection from the opposite sex all through my young and adult male life.
I would ask a girl on a date. She would say yes. Then never message me again.
Girl would friendzone me after leading me on.
Girls would look at me and then consider me nothing but a plain, ugly ordinary man. Even though inside, I was a nice, made an effort to look good and stay on top of myself unlike the other motherfuckers I would see.
They just watch me lay there helpless sinking into the mud. I only wanted to be happy like everyone else.
>raised with three brothers 8-15 years older than me >beaten regularly from age 3-10 >raped at age 6 >constantly called gay or faggot by brothers >ostracized in school >constantly lied to by family and friends >paddled and grounded for standing up for myself "Turn the other cheek." >paddled and grounded for telling on my brothers when they beat me or confined me >mother got drunk and told me she should have aborted me >no one to talk to for 27 years of my life, no one to trust, no one cares >see people my age getting married, but I never touched another person and felt good about it >feel obligated to do good but feel an intense feeling of anger whenever I help people >the only thing I enjoy is RPing and pretending I am someone else
My severe bullying that never let up, even throughout High School
>grade school >smallest kid in the grade >constantly get bullied >stop taking shit >constantly get into fights >deemed the "problem child" >constantly in the principal's office >went to different High School >thought it would change >more bullying >spent most of the time skipping class >until I dropped out
Really wish I didn't let people affect my life so much.
>middleschool >7th grade >get relentlessly bullied at lunch by a table next to mine full of 8th graders >they literally call me 'ugly' as a nickname >get bullied on busride home >have literally nobody to sit/talk to >decide to ride the bus home with one of my friends >my mom is at their house and will drive me home >mom is happy that I'll be less depressed when I ride home with friend >get on bus >back of the bus immediately starts screaming >couple 8th graders from bus who sit at lunch table start screaming "EW, UGLY" >entire bus laughs at me >bus driver has argument with one of the kids >"why are you saying that?" >"because she's SO UGLY" >this continues on for about five minutes as I awkwardly find a seat and try not to look upset >as the bus begins to drive on, a girl next to me says, "you're not even that ugly, don't worry" >you're not even that ugly
>>26341674 No anon. Everybody below 6' just lacks confidence and has little man syndrome, if you can't get a date it's your fault women don't care about height as much as confidence and you're obviously insecure about your height even though women give you plenty of reason to be.
>>26339696 Thought another sexy girl from school wanted to go out with me. Wondered wether should I end my long distance relationship to be with that girl, trying to ignore the fact that she went out every weekend and got drunk and had had sex with other men. Ended up being acknoweledged she didn't want anything with me and had to break up with my gf since things were weird.
>>26339696 I was bullied every single day in Middle school for being the only white kid in a black school in the middle of the ghetto. Pushed into Urinals, shit beaten out of me, my name was 'Whiteboyfaggot' or 'Allah' because I was Persian.
I went to a nice High School, but after that experience I was never able to connect with people. I always subconsciously assume that when someone is being nice to me, they are really just fucking with me. Thats how bad it fucked me up mentally.
Age 13 to 18 was nothing but a hell of facial cleansers and pimple cream. Being forced to talk to people and seeing their eyes go from my eyes to my disgusting face was like being stabbed in the gut. Whenever someone would actually mention it I wanted to die.
And this all happened at the time in your life when you're supposed to be happy and trying things and meeting girls. The whole 5 years was wasted and it took a long time afterwards to get to the point where I could make eye contact while in conversation. I still can't function socially though.
A girl pretended to be my best friend for two years because she pitied me. After I found out about it and just how much she had grown to hate me I decided to drive her away for her own good. Now she openly wishes I would die, but at least she's doing what makes her happy.
I have since then lost all hope of ever being loved, even platonically.
>be me, tiny, ugly 8 year old >parents divorce because my dad gave up on me >mom tries to help raise me >she got mad at me once and said >"everyone has been right, you're fucking ugly!" >she immediately apologized >continue on, never able to have a proper relationship with my mom >dad thinks the same, he can't stand me >my brother is already getting gfs at age 14 >doing good, has plenty of friends >only talks about his gf and it makes me feel horrible >too shy to tell him >start hating myself for being such a fuckup >attempt suicide twice, leaving the house for multiple hours >nobody even notices >go to school, nobody talks to me >9 and a half now, still no irl friends >never even talked to a girl in my school >literally drew every wrong number in the genetic lottery >my family thinks I'm ugly and dumb as shit >school thinks I'm ugly and dumb as shit >I feel ugly and dumb as shit Basically this until here I am now, 19, still a virgin who has literally 0 irl friends. I have had irl friends, just not real ones I can confide in.
>>26350631 Just clearing it up, my suicide attempts always ended with me not having the balls to do it, so I would just come back home. Unsurprisingly, this only made me feel worse. I'm not feeling as bad now as I was then, I've gotten over the fact I'm probably going to end up being a wizard until I die, but I don't really care if my family is disappointed in me.
Not a single moment, being constantly reminded of all people that I was fat and nonathletic really fucked my self esteem. I was literally called disgusting by girls and laughed at for my appearance several times. Unfortunately it took me until college to realize that I can change all that if I get off my fat ass and work out. But that wasn't really an option back then, I was too deep into the depression already and completely isolated myself. It just never seemed fair to me, I just wasn't into sports and simply preferred comfy video games to rolling around in the dirt and getting bruises from playing shitty divegrass. Well things are alright now but I still feel like I missed out on so many things back then in my teens.
Severely damaging my rotator cuff, allowing my shoulder to painfully dislocate after any sort of intense use. Essentially this turned me into a defenceless little pussy, could no longer play Football and I'm now at the mercy of literally anyone. This has had a severe ripple effect on the rest of my life.
>>26339696 My parents laughing at me whenever I told them I liked a girl. I didn't understand why they did that, and 9-year-old me concluded that romance was something shameful. Took me years to grow out of it. Unfortunately puberty already started by that time.
The acne on my face, neck, back and benis I've had from age 14 until now (23) destroyed any self-esteem I had left. It's disgusting, I don't remember what it was like having a clean back. I can't get rid of it, but am aware of it 24/7. No hope to fix my issues, no hope to ever experience intimacy.
>be me >4 ft tall chubby 6th grader in catholic middle school >play runescape all day >google "girls naked xxx" all night >"alright anon, enough is enough, you need to join a sport at school" >butmooooommmmm.gif >join soccer team, seems like the easiest sport >coach makes me a defender, basically stand around near the goal until someones comes toward you with the ball >have to wear white t shirt at practice >forget white t shirt one day >half way through practice coach yells "ok guys lets skirmish! white shirts vs skins!" >thank god, i always have my white shirt >look down, remember i dont have white shirt today >oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck >"hurry anon we want to start!" >take off shirt, hear giggles form everyone >three girls walk to edge of the field, crush amongst them >fml >whistle blows, game starts >other team bringing ball towards me >nows my chance to impress everyone >prechad kicks ball literally right at me >fucking idoit >jump up, catch ball in chest >loudest slapping soun youve ever heard >sounded like low flying jet broke sound barrier wrapped in a wet wash cloth >everyone stops >"anon just stopped the ball with his massive tits!" >everyone laughs >look over at crush, shes basically KIA from laughter >some kid yells "good job clan mother!" >mfw get called clan mother rest of middle school >qt crush dates prechad >never have anything resembling self-esteem again
Growing up my parents used to beat me when I didn't bring home good grades. When I started high school I hadn't done the summer reading and plagiarized a book report on it. I got in huge trouble but after I wrote an apology paper I got off with an F on the assignment instead of serious disciplinary action. That night my mom was so mad at me for embarrassing her that she tried to smother me with a pillow. I ran crying to my dad who basically told me it was my fault for not doing my work.
Later, much to their surprise, they realized that raising me like an animal made me basically grow up to be one and they were much nicer to my little brother.
My mom was fucking psycho so i hated her. I later found out she had seen some shit and some fucking shrink convinced her that guilt wasn't a feeling. Probably great for her, but it made my childhood shit. I didn't care though. I always called her out on her bullshit and fought with her. Life was good. Fucking idiot dad slowly gets mad at me cause i keep fighting with my mom. I always used to confide in him cause i felt like he was a neutral party and he actually cared about me. One day when i'm complaining to him about my mom he stops and looks right at me. "anon, one day i'm gonna beat the shit out of you, and your gonna be so surprised." Welp, I guess he hates me too. Next week he actually did beat me up. fucker.
I worked hard though, if only cause i hated them. I'm in college on scholarships now. My mom acts like she is so hurt because i never call her. Bitch, if i didn't need a house to stay at during summer/winter break i would never talk to my family again. Not so much lack of self esteem anymore, but i still have no trust in people. Either way, 3rd semester in college and still no friends. People don't dislike me, but no one want to talk to me. I guess i'm just a loner now... on 4chan.
Can't really say. I still laugh at jokes, I still have friends and loved ones, my parents were never bad people but despite everything that is right in my life I can't help that there's something missing. It's not as if I need a purpose, I find the idea of events being pre-determined distasteful but that is just my opinion. As I get older still I actually spend a long time thinking about death and if there is any existence after it, so muich so that problems like money and social construct just don't seem important to me anymore. It keeps me awake at night and makes me wonder if it is worth getting out of bed in the morning if we are all doomed to simply blip out of existence one day. The thought of me as a person, as a consciousness even, with these concepts of free will, the collective memories and laws of the universe I have learned and come to understand, the beauty I find in nature and some people and animals and all the joy and happiness and disparity and hurt and pain that not just me, but the human race as a whole feels just simply ceasing to be has thrown my life and what I have come to perceive as my existence into complete disarray. How can something so complex as the human spirit with it's profound expression of being be just deleted or wiped with nothing there to have proven that you had ever even existed. This concept of existing throws me into utter confusion and loss, am I machine following programming? Am I supposed to feel this way? Or am I truly individual and unique? Do I matter? Do we matter? Is anything I do in this life going to matter or will it all be for naught? When we die, do we feel it? Can I watch the rest of the universe? Is it black? Is it like sleep? Or more likely it is simply nothing? More than anything I just want to be; forever and eternity, but I don't know if that will happen and there's no way of knowing until it happens.
>That thought terrifies me in ways I'd wager most people on earth can't imagine.
Going to University and realizing that everyone thought I was an obnoxious fat prick even if I acted like I was friends with everyone.
Then seeing that I was an autistic bipolar shit, its who I am, part of who I am at least, and my fault. Everything I do is just so fucking stupid its a miracle I'm not homeless. Even then I'm living on the charity of a friend in his house.
I remember taking anti-psychotics one day then it all came crashing down. I began to pay more attention to my surroundings instead of the voices in my head. I saw how people talked shit behind my back and how I didn't hear it before, I made sure it was real. I saw how my "friends" just tolerated me and used me for favors/things/self pleasure.
What fucked with me most was seeing how I simply wanted attention for all I did, without putting in the work for anything. I would just say I'd do something, and everything in my life was spoon fed to me. I'm a complete air head. If I was a pretty girl with a rich father I would be the epitome of garbage. I'm constantly emotional and it takes a massive amount of concentration and willpower to get anything done, I barely have the energy to get out of bed sometimes let alone take care of a days work.
So I grew up and saw I was garbage. And thats it OP. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that someone might like to be in my company but then I remind myself of the above.
^^You're overthinking shit. You have a good life, don't fucking waste it with us. Who gives a shit why your here, your here. Enjoy it while you still can. Sooner or later something fucks you up to the point that your just waiting on death, because there's no going back once you've experienced it.
>>26351957 >prechad Now that you mention it i remember Chads all the way through pre school. what the fuck how is that even fair? Chads are already on top before their balls drop. Also as a brazilian i think i should tell you, if you're not naturally athletic STAY AWAY FROM SOCCER. You know what scratch that and just stay away from sports, competing against Chad is a lost cause.
Being fat since kid and shit parents who had to work everyday so I was always alone, instead of paying a doctor or a fucking sport they decide to bully me, so I was bullied at school and in my house by my own family.
That basicslly fucked my entre life, Im 22 nos and lost 20kg last year, but I hace a lot of insecurities and a lot of problems regarding food, my body is full of stretch marks and loose skin, I really want to die.
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at email@example.com with the post's information.