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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

Thread replies: 20
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I feel like I was created to not have sex. I feel like Gary when Spongebob tried to put him in the bathtub and he just hit an invisible wall.

>be me 19 yo cawlege student virgin
>only kissed shitty middle school GFs at this point
>be tall skinny sad fag
>freshman year
>go to party outside of town with one of my friends, L, from school (go to school in philly)
>around January or so 2015
>before leaving, made a list minute decision to buy an eighth of the devils lettuce
>most people there are friends of friends and know me or have heard of me through L, but there's also a shit ton of other people
>blah blab drink lotsa burr and pretend to be social
>End up talking to 2 gals who have heard of me through L, we'll call them J and E. They are both 7/10 at best but fuck it I like new people when I'm turnt
>apparently they know me as the stoner kid from Ls friends at kollige
>I honestly don't think I deserve that title but whatever, I like chronic dankskers son
>anyway, said females want to smoke my paught, iamokwiththis.sldprt
>feel like I'm being used slightly but J seems to be mirin
>drink more of said beer, smoke more of said herbs and tobacco sticks
>about an hour later, somehow managed to socialize with the people I knew and make my way back to J
>lame turn of events, kid who is friends with J arrives and asks her for a kiss jokingly
>she's like nah lol
>"Hey J, could I get a kiss?"
>persistent smooch sesh for about a half hour on the couch
>then she asks if I wanna go upstairs
>I'm so drunk at this point
>commence stereotypical follow girl leading me by the hand upstairs
>repeat making out but with less clothes
>I have no idea what I'm doing
>giving each other hickies. I don't see the appeal in them and didn't want huge marks on my neck, but whatever, sad anon has shitty trophies of action
>commence removal of my pants
>be diabetic, insulin pump gets in the way
>starts touching the D

What hurts me most is someone actually wrote this. They took time, and thought "yeah, this phrasing is okay. It doesn't make me seem like an insufferable douche."
Nigger here, if this guy is funny and we'll popular, I wouldn't recommend fighting unless you let him win in the end.
>it's cold and dark in the attic
>as a result my dick is shriveled up and tiny
>never got a boner from making out earlier
>boner still not found
>she says she has to go, everything ends there but I get her number

Sorry for being a douche. I know this story sucks, I'm pretty drunk right now and don't give a shit

>2 weeks or so later, J comes to my campus
>meet up at a spot on campus where people usually hang out, smoke etc.
>commence more making out
>at this point I know who she is more and I'm not very attracted to her. Her taste in music is pretty tight but she's just kinda uninteresting
>anywho we eventually go to where I lived at the time in a shitty dorm
>room mate dropped out. Open room

>this is it I think. She's not the best, but at least I'm sober, lets see if I can actually get hard for her
>to give some background, I have no trouble usually. Porn has me hard before I even open the video
>preemptively stash insulin pump in bathroom
>make out more, take her clothes off
>8/10 tits, cute nips
>pull down her pants and rub the footer
>I'm so down at this point.
>boner is buffering
>this causes a good deal of more anxiety and nervousness
>doesn't happen
>she even offers me ED pills. If I would've taken them I wouldn't be a virgin right now. But I had to refuse. I remember being really awkward and acting naive about it
>even tries sucking my soft dick
>she gave up immediately. I look back on it and laugh and cringe simultaneously
>pretty much give up at that point
>This was actually the last time I talked to J. She wanted to keep talking to me but I had no dignity or will, and that outweighed my conscience.

Makes it somewhat awkward now because Im still good friends with the people from the first night. So I basically have to plan hanging out with them around her presence. Normally I'd be apathetic to seeing people I don't necessarily like but I'm pretty beta about being a virgin that couldn't get hard, especially since some of my friends know. This was the last female attention I've had until last night. Will continue even though this post is ass.
>be last night
>live in an apartment off campus with 3 friends, one is L.
>occasionally have "shows" basically a bunch of sad kids pack into my basement and listen to American Football cover bands. I dig the scene and have a band of my own now, with L
>have a show last night, my friend, D, brings over 2 girls, ones his ex, and one is her friend, O.
>once again, have had a few beers
>O is a solid 7.9/10
>they are both visibly drunk, kissing each other, being hoes etc
>this in a room with maybe 7 people in it at the time, its my room mates room
>start talking with them a little bit. Somehow make a deal that if they touch my ass I can touch theirs. Sounds gay as fuck now that I think about it but it's a rare opportunity in pussy anons life so I'll take it
>don't care about my friends fat ex, but O's ass is quite appealing
>nothing really happens from here, although I do show her my lame ass stick-poke tattoo. As in it's on my ass.

I don't really remember what happend after that but later I find myself in my kitchen with D, his ex, who he's obviously going to bang now, and O.

>drunkenly and successfully enter conversation
>I guess they're talking about tattoos and Jordan says she has a few
>ask if I can see them to show that I'm not an apathetic douche
>there were probably 20 or so other people in the kitchen, and she says she's uncomfortable uncovering them
>say something along the lines of "I have an empty bedroom. You can show me there"
>for some fucking reason D and his female follow
>don't want to call them out for the chance it kills the mold that I somehow set
>she ends up showing me the tats and I don't give a fuck.

I've watched enough porn and read enough erotic media to at least try to make a move. Keep in mind D and his ex are still in my room, now getting frisky in the corner.

>Use this as an opportunity to turn her around and lift up her skirt. Sexy lace thong and a nice medium size well shaped ass. I compliment her underwear to mitigate a little in true beta fashion.

Come on, Anon.
Type faster, please.
This type me the fuck up
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type faster you fucking betamale
Lol I fucked up. O is Jordan.

>start briskly touching her cooter
>She is down
>I feel my erection forming. Thanks Jesus almighty
>All of a sudden when shit is about to get real, D's ex says that O can't do anything with me cause tfw BF
>I'm like fuck na and try to hold on to her
>can tell she doesn't really want to leave my room
>apparently they are more like friends without benefits and she wants some D but eventually leaves my room
>I'm not enough of a Chad to be more persistent.
>I tried, got cock blocked, by one of my good friends nonetheless, and it's time to give it up, she's not the one to bang I guess. It's ok I'll just go drink more beer and watch this band. Feelsokman

About an hour later

>have a good friend, K, cool dude from the crew at the J party.
>see O and K on couch together kindof cuddling
>this pisses me off, but I know that I will probably have gotten further than him seeing as how it's my house. Besides, he doesn't know about my time with her
>still, this hurts to see so I continue to drown my sorrows

So my apt has a spare bedroom in the kitchen but it's pretty packed with random shit. Since no one lives in there we don't have a key for that room. Someone mentions that that room is locked, which is a big deal because people put their belongings in there. I am slightly pissed but I thought I'd deal with it the next day.

>suddenly, door opens, its K and O
>instant sadness, march downstairs
>indulge in a fountain of beer and the marijuanas
>a few minutes later, K, still unaware of my situation fucking asks if I have any condoms
>I unintentionally but without regret elbow smash his nose, no big deal, felt good
>later learned he plowed her raw in my spare bedroom on a chair I got from my grandma

Why does it seem like every time I get close to losing what I feel should have been lost a little while ago, 20 yo now, makes a turn to falcon punch me in the dick.
I can't help but hate K but I can't blame him either.
>kissed shitty middle school GFs
Get the fuck out of here
Why is this normie shit allowed on r9k, cant you just stay on instagram? fuck off.
>weed lmao
>smoking cigarettes
100% normie
TLDR:Normie stoner fag coming on here to bitch about his ED

Why does a girl just keep viagra on her anyway?
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Nigga I ain't reading all that shit

original comment
Feel free to post your own stories, personally I like to read personal greentexts.

Also after rereading this, the elbowing part sounds kinda retarded. I was pretty drunk so the memory is a bit blurry but I remember him coming into the room where I was hanging out and asking for the condoms. I remember being pissed and the way I coped was a kindof drunken brawl, nothing violent intended, just felt like the right thing to do to someone I love and hate at the same time. But yeah I guess when I had him pinned I moved my arm and accidentally nose punted him with my elbow.
Haha cool story normie, how was your Super Bowl party?
Woah, little man, you need to go back to tumblr.
If you want to call me a normie go ahead. I can't talk to females unless I'm drunk, in which I've gotten no where. I generally hate women as a whole, I just make half added attempts to think with my dick. I honestly don't see myself losing my virginity for a couple years now. I didn't even have special feelings for O but her fucking cunty moves killed the little ambition I have.
how is being a fundamental christian tumblr retard
Thread replies: 20
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