>tfw improving myself
>becoming more productive
>talking to more people
>being less negative
>but still lonely
Late at night, I feel so alone. Like I wish I could fall asleep with someone, and not just be alone during those final moments.
Anyone know these feels?
I feel this every night.
All I know is we're all gonna make it somday.
I feel you fellow robot
I'm having the exact same feel at the moment
>finally getting motivated and improving myself as well
>get invited out to the bars with some fellow students
>all of them are motivated, in-shape, intelligent physics/engineering majors
>I begin to feel accepted, like my life is on the right track
>they start talking about future life goals
>they want to have good careers and have money/women
>I want to leave earth because it is shitty
>they call me a crank
>"as opposed to someone whose highest goal is to achieve a high-dollar salary?"
>they tell me I need to bring them proof of these theories
>the theories I've talked about are modern quantum gravity theories
>none of them HAVE proof
>"I plan to prove them, atm there's no way for me to do so"
>they tell me I'm a crank until I can prove them
>they want me to do something literally nobody on the planet can do
>all because my goals are higher than theirs
>they want to stay out later
>I have to go home and take seizure meds
>the main instigator says "seriously anon?"
>"yeah, it's either that or I have a seizure on you, end up in the ER, and forget the past two weeks"
>"oh come on"
>I call my mom, ask her for a ride
>"so how are you getting home, anon?"
>"my mom's on her way"
>"HAHAHAHA YOUR MOM?" -everyone there
>"yeah, I live with my mom, and can't drive, because I have epilepsy."
>"get your shit together, man" -main instigator asshat
>they go off to more bars, I start walking to where I'm meeting my mom to be picked up
>she picks me up, I get home, go to bed
>wake up at ~6am
>can't get back to sleep
>simple partial seizure starts; reality becomes intense, I can only think about how I do need to get my shit together
>no, that guy's a dickbag, I don't need to prove anything to him
>but it would be nice to achieve things in life
>well you don't have to do it because of him, he doesn't know shit about your life
>he can't begin to grasp these concepts
>seizure continues, at ~3 minutes now
>pull out phone, seizure stops almost immediately
>thank fucking god, 5 minutes is long-term dangerous
>go back to sleep, wake up at ~10:30
>body is sore
>memory of the past two weeks is fuzzy (it's a regular morning thing for me to check)
>fuck, obviously had a grand mal after that little simple partial
>essay due in three days
>homework due in four, five, and six days
>need to read five chapters
>now I need to refresh myself on six other chapters
>can't remember how to write my essay
>going into school next I will be confronted by these guys
>none of the above is an excuse to them because they have been healthy their whole lives
>they hang out with the department heads
>I just lost tons of recommendations and respect
>probably going to just change my major
>these stupid engineers/physicists can't help me anyways, I need chemists
>chemistry department is all cool people who like me
>feeling of peace comes over me realizing this
this turned into quite the rant. Just wanted to say, OP, yeah, I know what it's like to be alone. I just had a brief moment of social acceptance, only to realize it was with all the wrong people. Still have to find that right crew but...yeah. I hope you do too.
I was holding a gun to my head, finger on the trigger, when I thought of browsing /r9k/ one last time before I left this cruel world.
This is the first thread on the page. I read the entire thread, tears streaming down my face in pure joy. I've been saved.
Is there even any point in being in a relationship with someone if you don't want kids and think there is no reason for two people to get married?
I just got done browsing r/relationships and I feel utterly broken.
I figured there would be much more women who were against having children.
Is there something wrong with me? Why do so many people want kids? I'm not trying to sound edgy, but look around. It's not going to get better.
>3rd week at gym
>already feel better, more active
>sleep schedule is almost fixed
>get home from class
>"i'll just browse until im sleepy"
>stay up until 4am
>sleep schedule is fucked again
>wake up late
>have to read for class
>"i'll go to the gym after class"
>wake up, gym's about to close
>realize i haven't had fun in all day
What? I don't fap to creampies. I haven't even fapped to porn in like 3 weeks. Quitting it all together...well until I realized I'll probably going to be alone for the rest of my life.
they are out there, but it is generally only amongst those women who have huge career goals. That is, smart, successful, dedicated, strong women.
I know a few, but they are the 4.0+ GPA science majors who require serious effort to get to know.
you better believe i know those feels bro.
>in past year i've quit drugs, lost 100lbs, went back to school, got a job, got my own apt, starting dressing better, better personal hygiene, piano lessons, etc. etc. etc.
>basically went from a junkie to a productive member of society in 12 months after 10 years doing drugs alone in my room, getting fat, and not talking to anyone
>decide it's time to maybe start putting myself out there because despite all the improvements i've made i'm still lonely as fuck
>31 years old and i've never had a gf so i figure if i don't get one soon it'll probably be too late
>apparently it already is too late
>spend a long time trying to take flattering photos of myself even though i'm not really photogenic
>set up okcupid and tinder profiles
>start swiping right on every girl i consider to be a 5/10 or above and messaging lots of girls on okcupid
>took a lot of time filling out my profile so it showed my diverse interests and talents but was honest about my past as well in the okcupid profile
>it's been nearly a month and i've gotten literally 12 tinder matches despite swiping right hundreds of times (at least 5 of them are bots i think)
>one of the only okcupid girls that even messaged me back only messaged me to yell at me for messaging her late at night and waking her up
>too shy to talk to girls in real life, and when i actually do work up the balls to talk to girls in my classes or in public it's usually obvious to me within 30 seconds they have no interest in talking to me
what the fuck...i fucking worked my ass off to improve every area of my life and it appears it's all for naught. that's why i find myself on this place even though it's just a cesspool of negativity and misogyny. i can't help but start to hate women for treating me like this. i'm not fucking brad pitt but i'm not quasimodo either. i have a decent job, a car, my own apartment, i'm not fat anymore, i'm 6'3. it's fucking depressing as all hell.
That was kind of melodramatic of you but if you were serious I'm glad you decided to stay in this world anon.
>13 weeks ago, start lifting
>9 weeks ago, dump gf because she is a miserable person and was making me miserable in return. And also, not having sex for 6 months.
>5 weeks ago, start trolling tinder for ladies because I want to feel attractive again.
>Last night, I go out with one of the most attractive girls I've ever seen.
>Date goes ok
>In her car, go in for hail mary kiss
>we start making out.
>She wants to smash
>dick decides not to work.
>life is suffering.
Kill me now senpai.
honestly signing up for tinder was probably the worst thing i could have done. i heard some of my normie friends tell me how easy it was to meet girls on there and that since i was kinda shy i should definitely set up a profile.
all it did was confirm the fact that women are incredibly fucking shallow and that since i'm not a 7/10 or above i don't deserve love or affection and certainly not a gf. it just hit me like a fucking brick after i spent all that time and effort improving myself only to find out i was probably never going to be good enough for them.
Don't fall for this meme
Your dick will literally break and you will never have a hard dick again
Unless you don't care
FUCK and I'm guessing the next best thing would be to get with a woman who already has a kid.
Just because I don't want a family, doesn't mean I don't want a partner.
Fuck, man. I was doing great these past couple of weeks, I feel like shit, atm.
I'm confused. You don't want kids, but you would go for a woman who already has a kid, because you don't want a family?
I don't want to pass on my genes, mostly the height and depression, but also because I'm afraid that they will end up with a disability. I couldn't deal with that. Also, liek I said in my first post, I don't like the way the world is heading.
I honestly would take a chick with a kid before I would take a lifetime of loneliness.
>fucking intelligent as shit, probably going to attend Stanford starting this summer
>good at sports
>amazing at art, and basically everything else I do
>maybe a 6/10 at best tho
>even the girls Im into talk to and hang out with me frequently
>it all just seems fake though
>in massive amounts of physical pain at all times and doctors can't figure out why isn't helping
>older male role model dies of cancer
It's like no matter how much good happens something bad counter acts it. I'm fine through out the day but as OP said, nighttime hits and I can't help but feel so lonely and depressed
lol sounds like you don't pay much attention to the physics world, so I'll dumb it down for you:
General relativity = big.
Quantum mechanics = small.
How do you get from small to big?
You invent a theory which covers both the small and the big; quantum mechanics with gravity, or simply "quantum gravity."
There are numerous quantum gravity theories out there (loop quantum gravity, string theory, causal dynamical triangulations, spin foam...) but my favorite is the AdS/CFT correspondence (anti de-sitter space/conformal field theory) which takes a chunk of string theory and compares it to loop quantum gravity.
The guiding principle behind AdS/CFT is that the entanglement entropy of some set of quantum information, defines how far away those groups of information are. The quantum complexity of that system defines how "big" it is; put in simpler terms, if you have two entangled black holes, the wormhole between them is short if the entanglement entropy is low, and wide if the relative complexity is small.
Now, if this principle holds, then one could shrink/compress spacetime by taking two groups of quantum information (the occupied energy states of say, a chemical compound) and performing operations (EM interaction, introduction of other chemical species) on it in such a way to reduce the entanglement entropy between the two.
Doing that requires more than just shoving energy at something. It requires analysis of every available energy state, and techniques to manipulate the structure of those states on the atomic scale - but across LOTS of them. It requires a thermodynamic perspective only seen in chemistry, not that seen in physics.
Anyways. That's the dumbed down version :)
>pic mostly unrelated
ah I see. That's quite the huge confidence issue though...girls aren't going to like hearing that, not unless you can show them that you still want to be a capable life partner. Women don't like men who don't like themselves.
Nonetheless, if you get a girl, and she wants to have kids, you should just tell her. If she believes that you want to make a good life for your kid, then I'm sure she'll be fine with your decision that your genes aren't good, and if she liked you beforehand, that sort of thing won't be the end of the world. Sperm donors galore these days.
oh, and the world might going in a bad direction, but you never know, maybe we'll be able to get off this shithole of a planet...
>Find someone submissive enough to please me
>It's a guy
>I'm not fucking gay
I've tried gay before, it's not really something I'm into
A dark part of me wants to try finding and manipulating a crazy suicidal girl who feels worthless so I can take over her life. My one positive adult influence gave me a decent sense of morality though, so I could never. Unless she really wanted it. I'm also average looking and not a chad, so it'd be hard.
I know this exact feel, anon. I just started getting my life back into order. In a way it feels good, but it's also fucking hard.
I came up with a good idea to help myself in rough times: I tell myself that I'm my own best friend and that a best friend won't let me down.
>tfw walk up to open field near my house at night
>lay back and look up at the stars
>watch the lights of airplanes fly over and imagine i'm on one, flying to a better life
>end up crying
This is one of the dumbest thing I have ever read on 4chan lol. For one, we don't even have a large degree of control over qubits yet so I don't see how you would take "two groups of quantum information". Further, how do you discount the work being done in ETH and MBL for analyzing the full spectrum? I'm also curious, since AdS/CFT is your "favorite" how do you reconcile our universe not being AdS and why not other dual theories e.g. surface phases of 4+1d TSC yielding the Standard model? ;)
I'm always up late usually doing homework. I usually get about 4 hours of sleep, sometimes more sometimes none. It gets extra lonely at night since everyone is sleeping. Even 4chan gets noticeably slower. It helps keeping more lights on though. Staying in the dark for a long time causes depression, and having more lights on does seem to help. I try to improve myself
>started lifting sorta
>learning new languages
>reading about different skills and hobbies
>trying to sleep more
>still ugly and no gf or social life
>right before I go to sleep
>tell myself how I'm going to change,
>how I'm going to get a gf,
>how I'm going to work out,
>how even if i don't get a gf I can still be happy
>how I'm going to sleep earlier and wake up earlier
>Go to sleep and wake up past noon
>nothing I contemplated matters and I'm back to the same self destructive mentality
>do nothing till night, fap, got to bed
>rinse and repeat
It's almost 5am.
Can anything break me from this purgatory?
>neet for literally all my life teenage life
>family is genuinely worried about me
>have to get a job
>think to myself how can bad can it be
>get the job
>family starts congratulating me
>reality is now sinking in that my life will be waking up from 9 to 5 every day until i can find a reasonable excuse to quit or get fired
So help me god. I don't think I'm going to do well in the outside world.
I don't know. I used to feel like that as a kid. But there's something so satisfying about acknowledging your own independence. There need be no one next you when you fall asleep. You are the whole, complete package.
Like, having a partner makes you kind of like half a person. All the energy that belonged to you is now divided. A liability and a a loss.
I really hate people
I especially hate people who can't see how unfair life is
I really want to hurt these people
Fuck, I hate normals so much
These are some real feels
Are you fucking retarded?
>reality is now sinking in that my life will be waking up from 9 to 5 every day until i can find a reasonable excuse to quit or get fired
You should have already known that this is how shitty real life a.k.a. debt slave life is (people who are not in the elite social class a.k.a. super rich).
I think that sometimes, when I meet a really wonderful girl, I purposely ignore her and let her go because I feel that I can't take care of her the way she deserves. Relationships with me are a big drama. Either because of my traumatic background or the physical issues I have. I met this great gall this weekend and she whispered to me to follow her to the dancefloor. I saw in her eyes, she was lonely. In need of someone. Scared to be alone. But I ignored her.
I'm still not sure if I should use a girl like that just for sex or not. I'd rather not be an asshole like that, but I want to have been with such a girl before I kick the bucket.
I've fucking lost the girl I'm in love with.
She's blocked me on everything for over a month now. She hates me. We live on opposite sides of the planet now.
I've found out through mutual friends why she's mad at me, and it's over something I've literally never said in my life.
Said mutual friend is too much of a pacifist to stick up for me which is kind of annoying, so I basically have no way of speaking to her. She's literally gone.
I don't know what to fucking do anons. I can't stop thinking about her.
I read your story about 5 times on r9k and b now. What do you want us to say. You say she's gone.
I don't know man pay her a visit or something. Get on your knees and tell her how you feel. But she probably didn't love you back as much as you love her if she was able to get away from you that easy.
I'm a big football/soccer fan. I watch my team play every weekend. I stream it online because I can't afford the TV channels to watch it properly.
She likes to Skype. When I'm watching the game, I can't Skype her because I'm using my computer to watch the game. And if I used my phone, the Internet'd be super slow because I'm streaming the game. But I'll Skype her during any other time and I have Skyped her during other times.
Apparently I told her I care more about watching the game than I care about her. And that really hurt her. I have looked through our conversations. I have never said that. Never implied it. In fact, I've said the exact opposite.
Of course, I can't stand up for myself because I'm blocked. So it sucks.
>was a reclusive neet, college dropout who never leaves the house or talked to anyone other than online
>decide I'm tired of feeling lonely, desperate for a relationship
>Over the next 7-8 years
>reach out to old school friends, start being social again
>groom myself, learn about fashion
>lean social skills through trial and error
>get a job
>move from low paid job to decent paying job
>move to own place
>social with work colleagues
>still awkward as fuck
>still friendzoned any time I try