>year is 1k96
>not crusading against the saracens
>wonders why he can't get a qt virgin maiden
crusader feels threads lads, no peasantry or jewry allowed
>trying to lead men on crusade
>desperate and call for help from allies
>fucking venetians start fucking with constantinople when we're trying to win back jerusalem
seriously, who invited these guys? fucking asshole chads don't even care about our holy land, baka
>Implying a Crusade isn't already taking place in Europe as we speak.
It was the Muslims who provoked the first Crusade, and it is the Muslims who are Provoking again.
>murder both of my older brothers
>dad finally kicks the bucket
>read bible again
>apparently murder is wrong
think i'm fucked lads, though i heard god will absolve my sins if i fight against the muslims, think i should give crusading a go?
Not Catholics, Orthodox heretics you fucking retard.
>mfw not even recognising his Holiness as leader of the Christianity
>wanting to sell wares to travellers
>they disagree with my prices and won't stop haggling
>eventually accept their price
>they sleep at our camp
>come morning they left with my wife and good hrose
>scientifically proven to cause bad weather
>scam and con people
>surprised they're upset
to be honest you're lucky the king hasn't expelled you all from the realm
Some of you guys are alright
Don't go to Constantinople on 23 June 1203
Happening thread will be posted tomorrow morning
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT
>attacking byzantium when there are plenty of good moors still alive to kill
not sure if heretic or possessed by the devil
>peasent with 9/10 filthy fucking qt gf
>see a royal knight pass me by
>im awwing in his glory
>he fucking punches me as hard as he can
>lay in the ground sobbing
>i look up to see him defiling my beloved
>"oh chadeth! Oh chadeth long-dick III!"
>i sit and watch... Horrified
>other knights arrive for a mid evil gang bang
>they all take turns
>they all finish inside her
>i bury my head in the dirt. Wish i could just die
> chadeth pulls my head up out of the dirt by my hair
>see my lover slain by the alpha knight of the pack
>i ask "why... How can you do this.."
>chadeth then says "its a normal thing."
>it is then i named them the only thing i could... Normies.
>and to this day i still spread word across the land
>a war against the alpha males
>the beta uprising has begun
Fuck pagans, fuck saracens, fuck heretics, fuck schismatics, dues vult till I die!
>born too late to fight the vkings
>born too soon to pacify the new world
>born just in time to liberate the holy land
>Arisen upon the cock's crowing
>Mine mother faileth to deliver mine poultry morsels
>"Mother!!!!", cry I, as I relieve mineself into an earthen vessel
>"I have here thine nosh", as she layeth it upon the desk
>I cast the full vessel upon her and demand she resolve the resulting squalor
>She sigheth a defeated groan as she realizeth mine demand
>I peruse mine parchment of ornate foolery and rare toads
>I pleasure mineself to the sight of drawn maidens and spill mine seed onto the ground
>spillling your seeds upon the ground
>not having read genesis 38:9
>incurring gods wrath
how you gonna buy tendies when he takes away all your good christian points?
>no peasantry or jewry allowed
>implying there were no peasants involved in the crusades
Fucking normie knight fuck off
>not going for side objectives for high score
get good m8
I'm saying I'd rather wipe out their powerbase and consolidate our power in the region so the Saracen threat is wiped out and Christendom has a firm grip over the holy land after marching on Jerusalem from Egypt
>Boats didn't exist in 1204
You don't know why they sacked Constantinople do you?
Because Byzantium was being ruled by Jewish lizard people?
Just rewrite the bible, shithead. You can make your own "King Anon" version.
Close. The greeks were Jews that couldn't be arsed to pay their debnts even back then.
The pope had Venice build a huge fleet to take the crusaders to Egypt, but less people than expected showed up so they couldn't pay Venice. Enrico Dandolo (Doge of Venice) got the crusaders to help him retake some venetian colonies as payment and eventually someone with a claim on the Byzanitine throne said he'd pay the crusaders debnts all off if they pressed his claim. They did and the Byzantines immediately had a coup and refused to pay their debnts to the crusaders. Subsequently the Crusaders who were upset about this as well as still harboring resentment for the massacre of the Latins (Byzantines kill tens of thousands of western Catholics in Constantinople) they sacked the city. One could call this a cautionary tale, but the Greeks still haven't learned it seems
That's a nice True Cross you have there, kuffar.
It'd be a shame of something happened to it.
>implying that thine peoples of the earth follow the lord's to the fullest
>implying the lord's word is not contradictory amongst itself
GET OFF MY CRUSADE
The crusades made literally no difference against Muslim domination of the Middle East, or their expansion into Europe. Constantinople still fell. Crusaders probably killed more brown Christians than actual mudslimes
The only reason Europe didn't fall entirely to Islam is because the Mongol Empire swept through Persia and wrecked the mudslimes from the East.
You'll cowards don't even roll caliphs up in carpets.