Hi Anon, you know? you remind me of myself a few years back.

No takers? Ok.
Recommend me a book Anon, I am pretty much down for anything.
Last book I read was "snuff" by Chuck Palahniuk. He is the guy who wrote fight club. It was pretty good, probably a 7/10. He basically gives porn the same treatment he gives consumerism in fight club. What do you think of fight club btw? Edgy Normie stuff? Or true robot tier book?

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Underage b& failed chat out reeee

>>26313107
Actually, I have been around since 2008 Anon.

However, the new fags of today are the Anons of tomorrow. Lets try to be nice.

I take it you dislike Chuck Palahniuk? who would you regard as a robot worthy alternative?

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>>26313208
Irvine Welsh, or if you wanna go old school, HubertSelby Jr.
. Guts was the only good thing Palahunick did after Fight Club, maybe Survivor. suffered from living in the shadow of his own work.

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>>26313571
Thanks, Both look great especially Hubert Selby. I have been meaning to read some more American literature, trying to get the full American experience.

Hey man you ever consider that light (photons) might have been the first form of energy in existence?

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>>26313639
Steinbeck homie. Im not even American and Grapes of Wrath got me like

>>26313683
Nah man, there were Leptons before, but 10s after the big bang there was the "Photon Epoch" were all energy was photons (big plasma ball). Watched a lecture about the birth of the universe not long ago.

>>26313733
yeh, read that one (and some of his other books). I am looking for something beyond the big names (Hunter Thomson, Philip Dick, kerouac, david wallace...). It is an awesome book though

>>26313849
But there are some strange implications to this theory.
>1. We have charged particles existing before non-charged particles.
>2. As charge is conserved, there must be positive leptons created simultaneously. There is no evidence of this.

I know the problem of "where's the anti-matter?" is still a thing for photon baryogenesis. But it makes so much more sense intuitively that a non-polar singularity would, firstly, spawn a non-polar energy at the moment of creation.

>>26313934
By non-polar singularity I mean the unified space-time before the big bang. I'm aware that the concept of "before" does not well apply to such a scenario but hopefully you catch my drift.

>>26313055
>Recommend me a book

Whatever by Michel Houellebecq. Perhaps you've reap it already?

How does one manage to get some self-esteem? I'm stuck in the vicious circle in which I search for external sources when it comes to confidence, but I can't get it from external sources because I have to have confidence inside of me for it to show and make other people act how I want them to. Is there any way to break free?
I feel like I hate myself, but I'm not sure why. I think it's because I consider myself inferior in comparison to people who aren't only socially active, but also have interests like geography and history, while my interests are literature, video games, anime etc.

>>26314020
>Michel Houellebecq
To be honest, I never read him, but read a lot about him being a xenophobe and a women hater who tries to be edgy because he lacks talent.
It is probably stupid to judge based on reviews though, so lets do it! Which do you think is his most lewd book that would trigger people the most? I will start with that one

>>26314129
Start with small goals. Achieving things creates self esteem. Whats something that isn't too daunting that you would like to do? Even if its a chore or something that you have to do but have been putting off.

>>26314152
You've made me even more depressed now. I don't even know what I'd like to do. I feel like I'm not even defined as a person, and I don't know for what reason. I'm torn between certain thoughts and don't know what to think.

>>26314170
I can help you make up your mind, please don't stress about not knowing what to do. What other interests do you have besides the ones you listed?

>>26314132
I suggested Whatever because it seemed to offer some insights I valued.

>>26314212
Well, I always wanted to explore history a bit, and I like to sketch something sometimes, but it all looks pretty shit. I'm also interested in exploring something related to programming, and I would like to learn to play the piano. I think I would do some of these things if I was a NEET, but I've began studying recently, medicine while we're at that, and I hardly have any free time.
I can't think of any other interests though. I feel guilty for having so little interests.

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>tfw pepehisattva ignores your theories on light cosmology
>tfw you're a pseuodoscientific crank

>>26314240
I'm a medfag too. I have a lot of friends but have drifted from a lot of them because study has been relentless.

Here's a few examples of things you could work towards:
-When you get time off, if you have the cash, organize a holiday to a historic place you've always wanted to visit
-Set yourself a goal of what you want to draw, work towards it
-Go to a shop and buy a piano (obviously one within your budget). I play guitar and find it a great way to unwind after studying

What about fitness, does that interest you?

>>26314129
Anon, I think it's different to every one. So I can't give you a recipe.

That said, here are my two cents. I was very shy kid growing up, autistic until early 20s. No friends plus always had a light speech impediment that fucked me even further.

I gained confidence from two things:
1. Experience, shit load of it, I travelled all over and said yes to a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have. After a couple of scratches you realise you won't shatter as easily as you previously though, and that no matter the situation you will come back alive.
2. I read some existentialist books, sounds stupid, but it actually changed my out look. Why worry when there is no meaning? Life is a struggle but "we must cultivate our garden"

Practical advice? literature is awesome, video games are an amazing art medium and some of the greatest films of all times are anime. The question is what do you do with your hobbies, find a film festival and invite someone you hardly know to watch the animated film with you. Hell, the Oscar nominated animated film this year are not half bad (I know its not anime, but you gotta push out of your comfort zone my brother), thats how you get experience and therefore confidence. Spilled your spaghetti? see point number 2, nothing matters anyway.

Again, just my two cents, you take what you want from it.

>>26314362
I exercise, but I don't go to the gym, partially because of money, and partially because I not only hate having to walk to the gym and back, but also hate being around other people. I have social anxiety, I feel like everyone is starring me down when I'm walking through the town, even though I know no one even looks at me. It feels bad.
Anyways, I do exercises at home, calisthenics basically. It's not going to get me ripped, sure, but I see massive improvements in comparison to what I've looked like 2 years ago.

>>26314368
I've read a lot of existentialist stuff, but I still didn't fully break free like you. Probably because I'm an agnostic, it would have been easier for me if I was an atheist I'm guessing. Although in some certain situations in my life I've managed to push myself to do some things because of the mindset that nothing matters. I wish I would permanently be in that state though.
Thanks for your two cents, I appreciate it.

No matter what i try i will never be intelligent. Why wont the people around me let me accept a mediocre life. Its all i want.

I'm reading the castle of otranto right now. Not too bad.

>>26314394
Physical fitness is great for the mind. Why don't you set a goal with your calisthenics? Like you want to get x amount of pushups by x date.

Would running through areas with not many people interest you?

>>26312271
Are you from the future?

Is cyberpunk reel?

>>26314417
It would, but I can't find such areas.
Also, seeing how much my body improved I thought I would gain some self-esteem and confidence, but I am literally the same as I was before. I think two or three girls in real life mentioned how I look good, but I just sperged out. I'm beyond saving.

Also light cosmology would be the fabled transcendental link between modern physics and eastern spirituality.

Taoist cosmology:
>First came Wu (nothingness)
>Then came Ying and Yang (polarity)
>Then came the 10,000 things

Light Cosmology:
>First came the singularity (technically nothing due to lack of time or space)
>Then came electromagnetism (electricity and magnetism, polarity contained within the neutral photon)
>Then came the rest of the universe(s)

>>26314401
You can always substitute intelligence for creativity?

>>26314309
Lol, actually I am thinking of it.

To be honest, I used to not like physics, I studied mathematics instead because it felt weird not to go the most abstract. I see the errors of my ways now and trying to remedy it, but I struggle with the quantum mechanics, still stuck on trying to understand semiconductors.

Is there any theory that supports your idea? I would lover to read.

To be honest, I am not sure what you meant by 2 in >>26313934 after all, leptons and anti-leptons were created simultaneously and annihilated at the end of the Lepton epoch. And why is it weird that charged particles exist before non-charged ones? maxwell says that when a charge particle accelerate an electromagnetic waves (photons) are formed, and they carry no charge. This is always the case, so why not in the beginning?

>>26314437
You're doing med, you are doing what people literally wish for there children to do. You are a successful smart person with a bright future, please remember that anytime you get down and feel inferior.

I don't know where you live, but do you have any football fields or anything locally? You could run laps.

Take a photo of yourself now and then take a photo of yourself in 6 months to see the progress you worked hard for. People are noticing your hard work! That shows it is paying off. I wouldn't worry about sperging out. I know it sounds cliche but don't worry what others think of you.

>>26314417
Sage advice!!

>>26314492
>I know it sounds cliche but don't worry what others think of you.
Well, it's cliche for a reason. I just wish I could get into that cliche. I feel like if I would accept certain things related to me, that I would be lying to myself. It's like there's some small voice in the back of my head always shitting on me. I hope one day I'll learn to appreciate myself.

>>26314423
No Anon, I am from the past, and my future will never exist.
Cyber punk is as real as it get though.

>>26314409
>the castle of otranto
First ever gothic novel! Sold! thanks Mate

>>26314521
Maybe seek professional help for that. Whenever that voice in your head belittles you, silence it and consciously say in your head 'you're wrong, I am a valuable person who is successful'.

>>26314569
It's not a literal voice, I'm not a schizophrenic or anything, it's related to my confidence. I don't feel anyone can help, they can only give me advice or drug me, and I don't want either.

>>26314584
Nah I got what you mean with the voice, I think we all have a voice of self doubt/intruding thoughts. As I said maybe trying consciously reminding yourself that you are a valuable, successful person.

I wish you the best of luck anon. I hope my goal setting suggestion is something you'll take on board.

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>>26312271
I actually just read the Tao Te Ching and it was really good. It puts the world in perspective and you really feel the meaningfulness if everyone - even the lowliest robot.

>>26314627
Thanks, I hope I will make it. Although I'm pretty sure browsing /r9k/ doesn't help, even though I agree with most of what is being said here.

>>26314489
Okay I guess there's just one basic axiom on which I've based this whole idea. There's definitely confirmation bias in everything I've written.
The fact that it had to start with unity.
The first non-speculative epoch of the universe is the electroweak epoch, in which the electromagnetic force and the weak force were still unified, but strong force had become separated. Now this already confirms the theory that the electromagnetic force was present at the VERY beginning, as leptons have not even begun to exist yet at this point. Hadrons either for that matter (pun unintended). Electromagnetic force is conveyed by... photons! In light cosmology there is only one force, and that is the electromagnetic force. All others are distortions of this force. All other matter/energy is distortion of this light.

Basically top-theorists still speculate on the pre-electroweak epoch. I see this as fair game to impose my own theory. I still need to research more.

Even if you don't appreciate this wild speculation, I am obsessed with it. It was good just to share my ideas, because I'm a hermit and my few friends aren't very smart.

>>26314638
I think you will do fine Anon. You know, just by browsing r9k you can be sure you are no where near alone in your struggle.
I really don't want to sound patronizing, so sorry in advance, but I think we are all still young, lets let our life play out for a bit more, no one is born with everything figured out. Just maybe we will all make it :)

>>26314702
I saw a lot of people say here how it doesn't get better, but I guess they can't claim that for everyone, who knows what will happen in anybody's life.

>>26314759
This place is toxic. A sleepy kind of toxic like valium though. Something you can get addicted to.

I suggest not taking anything away from this board with you but neutral lessons in the human condition.

>>26314815
That's a good idea.
Original comment

>>26314759
It doesn't get better for them because they do not want to help themselves. Good things can happen if you actually try.

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>>26314637
>become sage
>see all people as straw dogs
>mfw

>>26314638
You'll make it bro. I guess r9k is a way to connect with people going through similar struggles. However I find the place is pretty against self improvement. I have just started going on r9k out of pure curiosity and to offer what advice I can to those willing to listen. I'm I guess what you'd call a normie. But I can relate to you guys in some ways with certain struggles of my own.

>>26314850
>>26314870
>>26314815

Hmmmm, cant help but feel like you guys are a bit too harsh.
You wont get mad at a cat because it acts like a cat, or a peach tree when it grows peaches, its these things nature. However, when humans are imperfect (granted sometimes we do really stupid stuff) for some reason we get surprised and angry, even though imperfection was always part of our nature.

That said, take everything with a grain of salt. more so on the internet. I agree with you here.

>>26312271
FAT FAGGOT
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>>26314975
I agree fully.

You wouldn't allow yourself to become infected if you were helping the sick would though would you? You would have to realise that you were in an unhealthy environment and take precautions.

Thoughts are a bit like disease, you know?

and >>26314870 was meant to be a joke lol

>>26314995
:(
pepehisattva has nothing but piece and love for you Anon.
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>>26314975
>>26314870 was what you were saying. That's what straw dogs means. To let things be as they are as the physical act of living is a form of celebration/ worship.

>>26315047
>>26315095

Sorry pepehisattva's heart for distorted:
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>>26315116
>The misunderstanding WAS the joke

Too subtle, obviously.

>>26315116
Oh, wasn't familiar with that idiom.

>>26312271

Pay Pay my friend. Todo esta bien en mi vida. Mis ojos, hay muchasocolores y son embarassada con bebes. JK I am a man I am not pregananT!

>>26312271

Just debugging the futuretech for my past live that I'm currently living. The curious thing was that I volunteered todo it. Very painful at times but it's WORTH iT