fat and ugly are usually sufficient to ensure a life of masturbation, but i'm the whole package--short, bad-tempered, and completely unwilling to make the move and be a "man" or "go getter" or whatever you used roastie whores want your witless meal tickets to be
I'm pathetic. I have good and bad things, I give a relatively good first impression and I'm intelligent and look good, but I'm just a bit of a clown. Like, a joke of a person. That's how I feel when I socialize, I don't have low self esteem all the time, but when I talk to someone I just met they usually start looking at me like I'm exerting pathetic vibes.
>>26311794 That I could be normal and accepted. In the end they just tolerate you until people actually interesting comes along, people they actually want to interact with. And now I don't know how to properly and authentically interact with people since my time with them is always incredibly fleeting.
>>26312036 >In the end they just tolerate you until people actually interesting comes along, people they actually want to interact with. Every single time, like clockwork. I know it's going to happen before it does too, so it has completely soured all human interaction for me.
Outgoing and try to make things fun but completely unable to trust or be serious with anyone. Constantly moved as a kid so learned to accept that everyone I know will abandon me eventually and still can't break out of that mentality.
Slowly losing empathy as evidenced by my slowly emerging fetish for rape that I never had before.
I'm just way too insecure. I've had multiple opportunities to get all that I've ever wanted (friends, gf, a job) and I've had a loving family to support me all the way, but somewhere along the line I decided I wasn't good enough and that's been with me ever sense. It's never been that other people, girls included, haven't liked me, it's always been about me not liking myself and feeling like I'm not good enough and shunning every opportunity because of that. I've tried to get better and for a while I was. For short periods of time, I can convince myself that I'm confident and that I'm not as bad as I think I am but that just makes it hurt even more when those feelings and thoughts of low self worth and insecurity come back. It gets harder and harder to deal with every time, and the fact that I keep doing it to myself just creates this negative feedback loop that I end up feeling like I'm too deep in to do anything about.
But the really fucked up part? I know there are people on this board that are exactly the same way. I've "talked" to those guys before. I know not everyone here is bitter towards the world or has given up, and that there are so many of us just sitting on the brink of it. But it doesn't make me feel any less alone. And I know them seeing my post won't make them feel any less alone. And I hate bitching about my feelings, like I'm some special snowflake that's gone through more than others when I haven't gone through much of anything. But I'm the point where I'm living just to live. I don't have the balls to kill myself and I don't think I ever will, but I don't get much of any real pleasure from life unless I'm under the influence of something, usually alcohol, and I don't want that to be my life. Sitting and drinking alone every day just to pass the time because being sober is unbearable. I'm starting therapy Monday, so hopefully that will help, but I'm not sure what I'll turn to if it doesn't.
I'm 29 years old and been unemployed for nearly 8 years. I'm also a minority and find it very difficult to have conversations with women. I don't hate them or whatever, most of them are just not all that interesting.
I'm moody and don't understand people. I'm have friends and that. But I never been that close to someone. Never had a gf or a best friend, If I were a sitcom character I'd be Kramer, wierd and never have a subplot with another character, just either by myself or with everyone
And fuck, I hate to add on to an already long post, but probably the absolute worst part of it all is having to smile for the people that do care about me. I don't do it because I feel like they'll abandon me or anything if I'm open about how I feel, I do it because I don't want to be the guy that has something wrong with him and goes on and on about his own problems that are essentially nonexistent. Nobody likes to be around the "depressed" guy (and I say "depressed" in quotes because I refuse to call myself depressed as it seems like it would be insulting to people with legitimate mental illness). It just fucking sucks because I love people, I really do. Even when I say I really dislike someone, it's usually because I don't know them too well and are picking certain small aspects of their personality to dissect. There have been several times where I've decided that I haven't liked someone only to get to know them better and become fond of them. I just don't know if I have it in me to really hate someone. So many people claim to be misanthropic these days, and for a while so did I, but I just can't. I've been positively impacted by too many people to write them all off. But I've never met someone that I feel like I've really connected with, outside of maybe two or three people, one of whom I misinterpreted platonic feelings as romantic (presumably, it was never clarified). But fuck, all I've ever really wanted is someone that I feel comfortable enough to just sit up at night and talk with. And I'm not sure I'll ever get that because of how critical I am of myself and my insecurities.
>>26312960 Obviously I'm not talking in scientific terms here but you understand what I mean. It's not feedback in the electrical sense, but in the response sense. Like if you write a paper and have someone read it, you're looking for feedback. Negative feedback is when the comments they give you are disparaging.
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