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When I was 7 I asked my friend's dad...
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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When I was 7 I asked my friend's dad to wipe my ass
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lmao when I was 7 I took a shit in my friend's backyard
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When I was around 7 I rubbed the neighbors dogs belly in the middle of the street, it got erect and I continued to do so because I didn't understand why it's pink penis was prodding out like that. My mom and dad as well as the neighbors came to their doors (parallel from one another) with my mom shouting for me to come inside
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did he do it OP ? and i remember i was like 7 or 8 staying at my friends house and i woke up in the middle of the night n was to scared to go down the hallway so i pissed in his closet all over his toys
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>>26311376
Well, did he?
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I was a bed wetter until puberty
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>>26311376
I haven't laughed this hard since the vagina breathing thread
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>>26311376
When I was 7 I cut my friend's hand with scissors
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>>26311419
He did. I bent over into a handstand on the bathroom floor. I asked him if it was clean. He said it looked good.
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>>26311376
When I was 7 I threw dog shit at a group of normies playing sports.
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>>26311477
>it looked good
>>
When I was 9 I took a massive shit in my friends toilet, he had a family of like 6 kids, the toilet wouldn't flush, I had no idea what the problem was. I left the toilet, said good bye then burned pavement on my push bike straight the fuck out of there.
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When I was around 7 my friend couldn't zip his fly back up after peeing and asked me to help him. When I refused, he kneed me in the nuts. Fuck that kid, he became a fat jackass by high school
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>>26311477
I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's ok now. What made you remember this?
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>>26311508
I was walkin' the dog when I saw the normalfags playin' ball in the park.

The next thing I knew, the bag full of shit left my head and was falling towards the bastards.
>>
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>>26311412
Literal autism. Did you ever grow up or are you still a spazz?
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>>26311412
>>26311477
>>26311376


This is a good thread.

Allow me to contribute,

When I was 12 I was "shaving: my pubes by cutting them with a scissors over the toilet. Had to stay up for over an hour wiping it up making sure there wasnt a trace
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When I was 7 I couldn't find toilet paper so I wiped myself with the shower curtain, It was a restroom from an Arcade, so whenever my friend wanted to go I would stay outside because I was afraid they would recognize me and figure out it was me.
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So what? My grandfather would wipe my ass all the time and I dont feel traumatized about it, unless of course your friends dad did more unusual touching then I can see why.
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>>26311389
when i was about the same age i was at a neighbor's house in the backyard. he was showing me this new playhouse thing he had gotten. i asked if i could use the bathroom but he was so enthralled with this playhouse he insisted i shit in it instead. finally i gave in and when his mom found out she made me pick it up with a plastic bag and take it to the toilet.
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>>26312607
I did the shower curtain one once. One time at summer camp i was afraid to clog the toilet so i put the toilet paper on the stall wall
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>>26312490
are you me anon i did the same thing when no one was home except me
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>>26311376
When I was 19 I took a shit in a guy's mailbox.
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>>26311376
Fuck you man this gave me memories of shitting in my friends trash can when all the bathrooms were occupied. His mom made me clean it up. I haven't thought about this more than 10 years for sure. Fuck.
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>>26311376
when I was 6 I took a big dump in my pants while in school; the neighbour lady had to pick me up and wash my dirty ass in her apartment bc my parents were at work
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>>26313833
>random people cared about you enough to clean you up
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>>26312607
There was a shower curtain in the bathroom of an arcade?
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when I was 7 me and my friend would show each other our dicks. My parents would always catch us and yell at us for it too but we kept doing it.
I put it in my mouth once.
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>>26311389
lmao when I was 13 I took a shit in my friend's backyard
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Until I was 14 I'd piss on the stone in the uncarpeted area of my basement because I was too lazy to go upstairs
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>>26311406
Did you do the good thing and finish the job?
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When I was 8 I took a shit in a viewing house toilet. Unbeknownst to me they hadn't installed the plumbing yet and they then had to close the house for weeks as a result
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>>26311389
Fucking t-thanks anon, I thought I blocked out that memory.
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>>26311376
When I was 24, living with family and living with accute social phobia, one evening there were people over and I was too ashamed to leave my room. Already used a bunch of air sealed sandwich bags to piss, earlier, but really needed to take a shit. Long story short ended up shitting in a sock, using a shirt to wipe my arse, then rolling it up in a ball and sneaking it out to my car early the next morning, wherein it ended up being dumped by the side of a highway when no other cars were around. Moral of the story: plastic bottles are better for pissing in and you can lower to sound it makes by stuffing a few sheets of toilet paper inside it.
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>>26315553
same except i was a bit younger
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>>26315378
Diapers, son
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Hid eggs in my closet and put candy bars in the radiator. Shit in the bathtub water and just tossed the thing over in the toilet. Prolly had a booger wall, too.
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>>26312683
Thanks man. You made my day!
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>>26314834
>I put it in my mouth once.
Don't know why but I am proud of you doing that.
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when i was 12 me and my buddy were playing xbox at his house and i took a shit in his bathroom and clogged the shit out of the toilet

went back to playing xbox like nothing happened and left when his mom came home
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When i was 9 or so i was playing putt putt golf in my yard with my friend mitchell and as a joke went to smack the ball and wound up my swing really fast. Caught mitchell right in the forehead and gave him a huge gash and he never came over again.
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>>26315553
Obviously that had to happen. Those people were stupid as fuck.
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>>26315723
>booger wall

is this a common thing?
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>>26315914
I had one and I also used to put boogers on the wood of my bed
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one time after playing power rangers on the n64 until like 2am (SO LATE) me and my friend decided to have "butt wars" where we took off our pants and rubbed our butts against each other's butts. idk what the goal was, idk how it happened, all i know is butt wars.
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>>26315980
kekekeke

also to clarify by pants do you mean trousers? I'm british and pants here means underwear.
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>>26315553
same cept it was my own house and we were having the plumbing changed

i peed in the old disconnected toilet

there was even a note written on it on some cardboard that said "dont pee in this toilet" that the builders had put there

i really needed a piss and was just 8 so i thought fuck it, dropped trou and weeweed away

thanks for reminding me anon

its memorise like these that make me realise why i didnt get into med school
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>>26315934
i did it with cummies once and it turned brownish yellow
was gross
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>>26314834
I did that with my cousin once, I also put it in my mouth when we were taking a bath together. I have never spoken about it since.
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>>26316023
our butts were naked u stupid brit
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>>26315980
orgnoiaonklzl cuiolmzent
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>>26316090
Please use English and not some north Mexican bastardised variant, or broken Spanish as the rest of the Americans do.
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>>26311477
>He did.
the absolute madman!
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>>26316346
OUR BUMS WERE NAKED U KNOBHEAD
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>>26313775
Some guy too a shit in another guy's chimney.
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>>26316560
took*

fuckthisshit
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>>26316572
pook a too
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>8 years old
>Go to get my haircut with my mum
>first time I have ever had a haircut in a real hairdressers
>Nice lady is cutting my hair
>Talks to me and is very friendly
>Suddenly I get the urge to shit
>Have never done a shit outside of home before
>Don't know what to do, or how to ask to do a shit in the hairdressers
>Look around
>Can't see a toilet anywhere
>Decide that I must have to do a shit in the hairdressers chair
>Remember that I can only shit with my eyes closed
>Mum knows this because I told her
>Don't want her to know I am shitting
>Ask the hairdresser lady to cut the hair on the front of my head
>When she does it she has to push some into my eyes
>Quickly use the excuse
>Close my eyes and force out a nice wet poop
>suddenly hear 'oh my god what is that smell'
>open my eyes
>start crying
>start screaming at that it isn't my fault, my eyes were closed and I couldn't resist
>feel my dad grab me and lift me out of the chair
>very foggy memory of what happened after
>have vague memories of looking back at the floor and seeing my hair over the floor mixed with shit
>gave me a fetish, sometimes when I have a shit now I cut off some pubes or armpit hair and stomp on them and pretend I am 8 year old me fucking my hairdresser in that shitty chair

This is my earliest fucking memory
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>>26316761
udyfgdfhiomsfdfsgyudlsfhmment
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>>26316761
>8
>earliest memory

Fucking how. I have specific memories of being fucking 3, how do you guys forget so much shit?
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When I was in 4th grade, we'd have a whole period dedicated to quiet reading. We could read to each other as long as we were quiet enough. The lights were always out during this time to promote relaxation or some shit. Anyway, me and a group of three other guys would go in the back behind some book shelves and play truth or dare. It started off with normal stuff, but eventually the dares became heavier. It started with kissing, then we moved to fondling dicks, and then finally unzipping our pants a bit, pulling them down a little and rubbing dicks. It is a fucking miracle we did not get caught. None of us would ever speak of those games ever.
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Wheb I was 5 I asked my kibdergarten teacher to shake piss drops out of my dick.
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>>26311376
when I was 7 I asked the day care workers to wipe my ass. Go mothers who don't teach their kids how to wipe their own ass.
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>>26316999
how do you remember being 3? like maybe you were four years old?

i have no idea what my first memory is.
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>>26317171
My first memory is when I was 2
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>>26317171
I remember because we lived in an appartment when I was three before we moved to out next house. I have memories of that appartment and events or whatever.
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>>26317110
They expected you to read with no lights on? Trying to fuck an entire class of kids' eyesight.

>>26317171
I have a handful of early memories. One being my dad almost drowning me in the bath because he poured too much water on my head too quickly. Another being me walking in on my dad watching porn late at night. (I think it was porn because I remember seeing the TV being on and then turned off when he realized I was there.) I know this was from before I turned 4 because when we left my dad when I was 4 and I can remember the last big argument my mom and dad had before we left him
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>>26317344
The classroom had a row of huge windows. It was dim, but not dark.
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>used to refuse to go to bed
>mum and dad sick of my shit
>pin me down by my arms and legs on my bed and just wait until I stop screaming and struggling and give up control and fall asleep
>probably my youngest memory, I still remember the intense rage and embarrassment
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>>26315980
me here, another one for you guys

>be around 9
>mom wants to go on a hike because muh nature and exercise
>hate leaving the house, whine all the way there in the car
>when we get there i start walking off in another direction cause i'm being a little shit
>all of the sudden a fly zooms into my eye
>i close my eyes and the fly rotates with my eye behind my socket and stays there
>u fuggin kidding me
>my eye is all teary and itchy and i have to blink every second
>it stays there for about 8 hours before dripping out
>here's where the story really starts
>after hiking i notice some bumps on ballsack
>don't think much of it for some reason, i think this is what going through puberty is
>after a few days i mention it to my mom
>they're fucking ticks on my ballsack
>can't pull the fuckers off
>mom says to scrub them with soap and then try
>won't work
>finally mom lays me down on the couch and with her big red nails she plucks the ticks out of my scrotum
>mfw i got a fucking boner

and i swear after i had those ticks my dick got smaller.
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>>26317718
I hope you saw a doctor. all of that sounds fucking horrifying..
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>>26317851
yup. sure wish i stayed home. i didn't see a doctor but my mom called one on the phone. thank god i didn't get lyme disease on my prick.
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>>26317718
That sounds awful. I had a dick problem once and went to the doctor with and he had touch it and all that shit and that was awkward enough.
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>>26316761
My earliest memory gave me my fetish too
>potty training when I was 3
>never had a bedwetting accident
>felt proud of myself
>apparently started wetting in my sleep without knowing it
>my parents would change my sheets and put me in a diaper while I slept
>I would go to bed wearing underwear and wake up with a diaper
>happened for a few months
>started as shameful but ended up being extremely comfortable
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>>26311477
I remember doing this with my female cousins a few times. I have no idea why it took me so long to learn to wipe my butt.
I hope they don't remember.
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>>26317718
>around 22
>pain in testicles
>go see some urologist
>he recommends I got my balls examined
>nurse is qt, she puts on the lube and starts ultrasounding my balls and shit
>boner ensues, trying not to smile, probably was grinning like a madman
>she finishes, ask her when the results will be
>she probably thought being a doctor was always about healing the sick, not fondling some 20-somethings balls for 15 minutes
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>>26317922
So, do you like to wear diapers? Does that turn you on? Or do you like it when other people wear them?
>>
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when i was 8 i called my friend:

>His mom answers
>Hi its *friends name*
>Is *my name* home?
>she bursts out laughing
>im standing there shaking in fear and embarassment

i cant remember what happened after..
>>
>>26311376
When I was 7 my son's friend asked me to wipe his son's ass.
>>
>first ever memory is of uncle putting my entire dick and balls in his mouth
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>tfw laughing at all the autists in this thread
>tfw then I remember I shit my pants one day in the 3rd grade and went the whole day without telling anybody and the nasty smell permeating from me
>>
When I was 10 I tied a younger kid to a lamp post and made him touch dog shit. I'm glad I'm not that much of a weirdo anymore...
>>
When I was in 2nd grade I pissed on the gym's plastic floor, because I thought someone was in the bathroom and waited for them to come back.
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>>26311376
Funniest thread I've seen in a while OP, thanks for the laugh
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I remember when I was 5 in school, I let out a little bit of poop when I farted. I was really embarrassed, for the rest of the day my ass was really sticky and nasty and I stank. Mom even asked me why I shat my pants that day.
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>>26318019
You had a son when you were 7?
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>>26318483
Yes and his friend, who was even younger than he was, had a son too.
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>>26318497
And how old was this friend of your son?
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>>26318516
My son was 14 months old, his friend was 8 months old, and the friend's son was about 5 or 6 days old.
>>
>>26317956
yes to all three. probably get off more by being the caretaker than the one wearing diapers though, weirdly enough
>>
>>26314753
Dance dance Revolution makes you sweat
>>
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>>26318542
kids these days, they grow up so fast yaknow. no wonder we're overpopulated
>>
>>26311376
When I was 8 I made myself vomit by drinking ink to get out of a school play.
>>
When I was 7 I pretended to kiss my male friend (I'm male too), and his mom told me to stop, as did he.

I don't think I was ever invited back to his house after that.
>>
>>26318561
I know right? It's OK, the 4 of us are all soldiers for our country now. That ass-wiping incident was forever ago, like December 2015/January 2016, somewhere in there.
>>
My worst memory isn't so bad
>Fart and shit myself a tiny bit
>leave classroom to office
>get to leave early that day
>was never caught by students
>>
>be 8
>cant sleep
>gotta piss
>get in trouble if im not in bed
>piss in corner of room
>parents find out
>break down crying for hours
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>>26315934
I did the same, except I'm not sure about the bed. I also used to put boogers under and to the side of my desk.
>>
>>26316999
Those are probably false memories
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>>26316761
If that is your earliest memory, how do you know you had never shat outside of your home before that?
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>>26318731
You're a false memory
>>
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>first year of school
>piss myself
>teacher notices and im taken out the class and given a clean pair of school trousers
>child me hated wearing clothes that werent mine and it weirded me out
>at the end of the school day I go to the room where my original pee soaked trousers were, take off the dry ones and put them back on
>walk home stinking of piss
>dont rememer my mums reaction, remember one of the staff members trying to convince me not to put the dirty ones back on
>>
>>26311376
When I was 7 I hit my little brother in the face full force with a metal baseball bat. Had a tooth go through his cheek.
>>
When I was 7 my friend's dad asked me to wipe his ass. I was nervous because I had never wiped feces off a hairy butt before, and I didn't do a very good job. His dad got up and started playing again, but then he got a funny look on his face and started crying. My friend's grandma came in to see what was wrong, and my friend's dad pointed at me through sobs said "he... wiped... me... bad!" My friend's grandma started screaming at me, calling me a "fucking idiot" and an "embarrassment" and she rubbed my friend's dad's shitty underpants in my face. It was a tough situation but it pushed me to learn how to properly wipe hairy bottoms. Thank you Mrs. Sindelar, wherever you are.
>>
>>26318838
Hello rebbit, trying to be funny again?
>>
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>>26318727
>wipe boogers underneath chair and on cushion
>builds up a thick crusty layer
>finally end up getting a new chair
>parents take old one and use it
>wonder if they notice what it was
>>
i was 13 and had heard of scat for the first time. obviously i thought it was disgusting. but i also thought "what if i'm into it? how did the people who are into it find out they were into it, they must have tried it at some point?

so next time i had to shit i squatted over the toilet, put my hands under my ass and shat into my cupped hands. i regretted it right as the shit touched my flesh. unfortunately it wasn't a small sausage of poop, but a big gooey mass that never seemed to stop coming. i shat until it ran over my hands and started plopping into the bowl, and then i shat some more.

i was so grossed out. then i looked at it for a bit and then dropped it into the bowl, scrubbed my hands for like ten minutes, flushed, washed my hands again and went back to my computer. my hands still smelled of shit for hours even though i kept washing my hands over and over.

at least i found out i'm not into scat.
>>
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>>26311376
When I was 11 or some shit I slept over at a friends house and pissed the bed, I also got caught watching porn on their computer (didn't delete history and the guys mom checked every morning).

I had a crush on the guys sister too, definitely fucking ruined any shot I ever fucking had. She treated me like a retard. Oh, and to top things off. 7 years later she ended up dating my best friend somehow even though they lived on opposite sides of the city, had a two year age gap and went to different schools (literally no idea how they ever even met), and he knocked her up this year. I always laughed at the cuck meme before so I guess this must be karma.

This shit is just far too coincidental, like literally what the fuck are the odds of that happening? I've never had much luck in my life but I'm pretty sure now that some god out there is fucking with me. I'm really not even that upset about it, I've had my suspicions that some sick fuck is just torturing me with my existence for a while now, but to have my suspicions pretty much confirmed is still shocking.
>>
>>26311376
This fucking website...
>>
>>26316999
Must be the AUTOPILOT function.
>>
>tfw you remember a greentext story posted here in 2011 or 2012 where some anon stayed in a hotel but the food in the country he was travelling in didn't suit him and he ended up clogging the entire sewer system of the hotel
>>
>>26317940
autism most likely
>>
>>26317940
How old were you?
How old were they?
>>
>>26311376
When I was 6 I heard flies eat shit so I took a shit behind my dads shed to "feed the flies".
>>
When I was seven a girl kept kissing me under the covers at a sleepover but she was way bigger than me and I was too innocent.

I was actually crying because I couldn't get anyone to take this lanky giantess off me and she was touching and I still cross my legs when I think about it.
>>
>>26320543
How big 4 U?
>>
>>26320995
I was a small kid thanks to my Nepalese family. I was probably only 4'2 but this bitch was older and started girl puberty so she was like 4'11 ig
>>
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>>26316999
My earliest memory was the day before my 3rd birthday, my mom made me a sweet construction themed cake. It had whoppers as boulders and a plastic bulldozer on it. Shit was cash.
>>
>>26318089
Holy shit anon the exact thing happened to me in school, went from about 11am to 3pm with shit in my pants. Tried to tell my mom that somehow dog shit had managed to get into my underwear
>>
>>26317532
Haha what a bitch
>>
>>26319519
I know that image...
>>
I have no recollection of what was happening when I was 7. Even if I try hard to remember and go off specific events that just had to happen, I can't remember anything that is certain to have happened.
>>
>be Mexican
>here we usually don't throw poopy paper on the toilet but on a bin because plumbing, other countries do it too
>be me
>at aunt's bathroom pooping
>throw poopy paper on her dirty laundry bin because it thought it was the one for paper
>>
>>26312607
I did the same thing when I was little, expect I did it at home all the time. I didn't know it was wrong until my mom caught me and yelled at me to stop
>>
>>26315553
I jerked off in one of those houses before. In the bathroom. Nobody was in there when I went in and I didn't hear anybody enter. When I was done, I opened the door and saw the realtor in the main room. I ran past him in a dead sprint after just having experienced sexual gratification. I was 11.
>>
That feel when sitting in school and realizing you have dogshit on your foot because of the smell
>>
>be about 8
>riding my scooter
>huge steep road, decide to ride down it
>get to the bottom at sonic speed and slam into the road
>huge cut along my arm
>dont go home to get it treated because action heroes never did that shit
>keep riding my scooter
>it gets infected, need to go to the hospital
>ruined one of my favourite shirts because of the blood
>>
>>26311376
My mother wiped my ass until I was 14
>>
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>>26311477
>He said it looked good
>>
>>26322074
Never heard of this. Doesn't it fucking stink?
>>
>>26311376
I touched wieners with my cousin
>>
>>26321725
>Tried to tell my mom that somehow dog shit had managed to get into my underwear
How would that even happen? FUCKING KEK.
>>
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>>26318667
seriously what?
>>
>>26311376

I did that with an female teacher at school when I was about 5
>>
>>26323378
Did she do it?
>>
>>26321725
>Tried to tell my mom that somehow dog shit had managed to get into my underwear
my sides
>>
>>26312490
tfw im 19 and I still shave my pubes this way
>>
>>26323335
i pissed in the corner of my room because i was too scared to walk into the hallway and go to the bathroom because im supposed to be asleep at night, and i have trouble sleeping as well, which was why i was awake. i ended up just peeing in a corner in my room and p arents found out the next day and i ahd a mental breakdown for a while

anxiety induced by aspergers
>>
>>26315843
That's my name, scared me for a second
>>
>>26324064
you have no reason to do this anon, why do you keep on with it?
>>
>>26317532
Have you been diagnosed yet?
>>
>>26311376
When i was six my friend shit in a broken garden lamp next to the pool and threw it in
We still swam
>>
>>26317884
I woke up to one of those little buggers on the base of my schlong as well, dad advised I burned it off (carefully, lel) and I missed. Burned my dick with a heated scissor blade before getting the little nigger off of me.
>>
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>>26311376
Me and my cousin pissed on my brother while he slept when we were about 9.

Still remember the drumming sound our piss made as it landed on his belly.

What the actual fuck were we doing, man
>>
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>be me
>like 8 or some shit
>brother used to always fuck with me
>he'd ring me sometimes pretending to be one of my friends and arrange playdates and then say ''It's me you fucking idiot'' at the end and hang up
>one day brothers friend rings the house from prison
>I answer
>brothers friend: ''Hi is (brothersname) there?''
>me: ''Shut up (brothersname)
>he's confused, he keeps asking for my brother
>I keep telling him to shut up and I keep saying shut up (brothersname) I know it's you
>''Please anon I'm begging you it's not your brother please put him on the phone''
>still don't believe him, hang up
>mfw that was his only phone call for the month
>>
>>26311376
>when i was 2 or 4 or something i took my diaper off and shit in the corner my playpen at my birthday party, it is on a vhs tape somewhere

>used to piss down the drains in the bathroom in elementary school instead of the toilet
>>
>>26311376
I'm into DD/LG stuff, and my Little Girl (22 yrs old) always asks me to change her diapers.
Thread replies: 147
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