>Sexual abuse and torture survivor
>Grew up to become super introverted
>Like video games, reading but also walks and socialising in quiet places with friends
>Friends of the opposite sex tell me I'm pretty, and then as I get older they call me fit or hot
>They flirt with me
>They send me suggestive pictures
>I get invited to places in a way which makes it clear that I'll be going around for sex
>Never do more than kiss people
>Overcome with anxiety and triggered like a bitch when I get intimate with someone
>Feel safe when someone I trust holds me, get close to being able to have sex, never quite made it yet
>I don't have feelings for any of the people I know I can trust, and I don't trust myself with any of the people I have feelings for
>Life is going okay, in Uni and working, not a NEET or a failure
>Spend a lot of nights up late alone trying to dodge night terrors
>Becoming numb to lack of intimacy and accustomed to the idea of always being alone outside of socialising with friends
>There's nobody out there for me
>There are people who will jump into this thread to call me a bitch for being alone
>It's easy mode!!!
>They'll claim that being fucked up makes it even easier to find love because everyone wants a damaged partner
>Then they'll read this and realise I'm a guy
>Suddenly the dynamic of the thread changes
>Everyone's attitude changes
>I'll get called a faggot
>Life will go on
Hope you're all having a nice night, fellas.
Hey there chum dunno if ya read the second post there but they're both me for future reference :^)
I wish I could go full trap sometimes and trick some unsuspecting beta into being with me while I live my life but unfortunately that just ain't me. And I probably have too masculine a face. And body. And I don't like dick.
Pretty much every way it's possible for a grown man to abuse a young boy.
Started off with lighter stuff like groping/making me touch him and him putting small stuff up my ass and shit.
By the end off it he was locking me in rooms to starve, whipping me with some weird belt thing that left me with scars up my back (although I can sometimes pass them for acne scars if someone isn't paying attention)
He liked to burn me, he liked to beat me, half drowned me once or twice. Maybe more often, I can't remember. Knives were there, but he only used them once or twice. The main offence was when I tried to run away, and he made an incision right below my knee so I couldn't walk for a while.
Didn't run away again after that.
He had a rule when we were alone in the house-no noise and no sight. He'd be downstairs, doing whatever he was doing, and wasn't to be seen or heard all day or night.
If I wanted food, water, or to piss, I had to creep down and up again. I'd go for days at a time without proper meals. It was always scary as shit, because if he heard or seen me he'd make this fucking screech sound and come sprinting at me from wherever in the house I was.
Sometimes I could hide in a cupboard or something in time and then sneak upstairs later, but most of the time he got me.
I dunno, I guess it's a thing girls do now. If you're attractive but not huge and musclebound and shit you get pretty. I'm skinny but sort of built from when I used to play rugby, so I get pretty. Fuck knows, man.
>Crush on someone
>Flirt back/return any feelings they give me
>Try to explain my situation and they're put off by what happened/they're okay with what happened but aren't equipped or prepared to deal with all my issues
>It falls apart and we both feel terrible
It's not really their fault, nobody wants this sort of burden. But eh. Still feels bad.
Not gonna give away too much info on me or the guy. He was a trusted family member who had access to me for extended periods of time when I was younger due to several circumstances. He was able to leave and come back as he saw fit, and I was unable to tell anyone because he threatened to do the same to my sister if he did.
Most of it took place in my house at the time which was in the countryside; it was big but the route to the stairs meant running through the main hall which meant I was either real fucking fast or real fucking quiet.
Thanks for the bump.
A lot of people jump to this conclusion, but no. The dude was an expert. He's in jail now, but got hundreds of kids in his time. Think I was one of his first, and certainly his most extreme. But aye, he knew how to infiltrate families.
I was a small kid and it was an old house. Plenty of places to hide and it was literally a game for him. He even used to chant some really fucking cheesy B-movie tier lines.
A lot of the time I don't even think it was about sex. Dude just liked messing with little kids. And this cat and mouse shit in my own house was something he liked a lot.
He is in prison, and I don't think anyone actually gets that "I'm gonna KILL my abuser!" thing. Only the really mentally ill ones.
I'm fucked up, and have a lot of issues, but I'm just trying to get on with life whilst just sort of wishing it never happened I guess.
But on the other hand I dunno a life in which it hasn't happened, so fuck knows.
Reading stories like this makes me wish we could be friends. If we were friends I would platonically hold you and stuff if it made you feel better. I guess that would be kind of the opposite though. Good luck with your shit man, I hope you find your happiness.
You're gonna get called an edgelord for that, but it's just not like that. I'm not a hateful guy. I don't think I've ever hated a single person in my life.
I don't even hate the abuser.
He's a cunt and I would leave him in a burning house to save a pig, but I personally wouldn't lay a finger on him. Probably because I'd get triggered and probably explode at the fucking sight of him, but mostly because I take comfort from the fact he's in jail and getting plenty of abuse himself. Maybe he even likes it. Whatever.
When he gets out I'll be roughly 40. Such is life.
I'm not gay though. Just very incapable of sex. I don't mind women. They're largely the same as men when you're not trying to fuck them.
I live in a country rife with paramilitaries so when he des get out he has about 2 weeks to live, max. He's safer in prison really.
If this is all true I'm really sorry that happened to you OP
>what is your pic from? is it a reference?
>did you press charges?
>how did he get caught?
>Not gonna give away too much info on me or the guy
I understand not wanting to share stuff about yourself, but he's in jail so who cares right? idk, its up to you, but I guess I'm just more curious about your relationship to him and what he was like in general. What was his personality like when he wasn't hitting you?
>i hear that like a lot of kids who were abused usually either want to be abused again during sexual stuff or they want to abuse people, if you don't mind me asking, did that happen to you?
good luck with everything op, itll be ok *hugs*
They're just attention grabbing wallpapers.
I did press charges, late into my teens. Got a few rapebucks, but not much.
He got caught when his house was raided and they found lots of cp.
I've seen cp of me posted on 4chan multiple times. He circulated it a ot.
His personality? He was a fun guy. Like one of those Christian dudes who's the loud, funny one of the group. Parents all love him, but you'd never give him a second glance. Total beta in reality I guess.
When he was in kiddy fiddling mode he was totally different. Super crazy, made a lot of weird noise and acted like some kind of monster. It was weird and fuckin scary.
Do I want to have that stuff done to me again or do it to others? Nah. When it comes to intimacy, I'm happy to just lie down with someone and hold them, that's about the height of it. Don't have much of a sex drive anymore. Haven't jacked off in months. Just not fussed on it anymore, fella.
>I've seen cp of me posted on 4chan multiple times
jeez thats gotta be so scary, I'm always terrified of finding pics of myself on here let alone having someone else post cp with me in it. that's gotta be upsetting, i'm sorry anon
>e was a fun guy. Like one of those Christian dudes who's the loud, funny one of the group
>Super crazy, made a lot of weird noise and acted like some kind of monster
that sounds really scary I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like he had some mental issues. Was he nice to you when he wasn't hurting you? like would he joke around with you, hug you, get you birthday presents, etc.?
>at any point do you think you might've developed stockholm syndrome with him or were you always able to see him as a monster?
>I'm happy to just lie down with someone and hold them
that's cute :) find an asexual gf, maybe try going to a group therapy thing for abused kids or whatever and you could maybe meet someone who understands what you've been through? idk just a suggestion
are you a fag or a woman?
because despite the things that happened to you you're still on easy mode simply for the fact that a man going through the same would have had it far worse
so fuck off
You have people going out of their way to make you happy, you should appreciate that at least.
I got molested as a kid and have literally no one now as an adult. I'd kill to be you.
That sucks OP I was also sexually abused when I was like 4.....my head is fucked I have been reading online about what sexual abuse can do to a person later on in life it's fair to say I'm already fucked a I'm 19 years old male before some faggot says I still have it on easy mode for being a women but my plan is to kill my abuser and then kill myself afterwards you are strong OP I respect you for that I wish I could say the same about myself
Holy shit, hope ur ok anon
Make a videogame out of this, woukd be scary as shit