>>26270128 I hope you are joking schizophrenia is no meme. My life is so fucked because of the berating voices and the shadwo people. The constant paranoia I can't be around people. This is not some Suicide Squad Harley Quinn meme.
>>26270381 I always thought schizophrenia was so cool. I read a book on schizophrenia and its relation to "magic" and shamanism. I did a lot of LSD and DXM and now I feel like I have a better understanding of it.
>>26270209 Hi, fellow schizo. I'm wondering what others hear. For me it's usually complete nonsense, just random words mashed together. Sometimes they are calling my name or repeating a single word. Sometimes multiple voices sound like if they were arguing, using the previously mentioned nonsense sentences. Sounds almost like politicians. Also, in my case, it always sounds like if it was a real person talking, except that person is standing in the exactly same place I am, never from the side or 'inside' my head. What about you?
I love how people think that depression is just "le omg I'm so saddd". My mom has major depressive disorder, and she basically just lays in bed all day and stares at the ceiling without doing anything or sleeping. She is also on a cycle of 4 days depressed and 4 days perfectly fine. Real depression looks like it sucks ass
>>26271643 Even my therapist gave up on me. Therapy is worthless for my kind though. She was a stupid whore anyways, I trashed her on health grades and other review sites by using multiple email addresses
>>26271594 Depression doesn't mean catatonic either. It's basically feeling worthless, empty and sad when there's no reason to. If it negatively affects your life enough to notice then it's depression in my eyes.
Like most mental illnesses there's varying degrees of fucked up, although we can all agree someone who breaks up with their gf/bf and feels sad for a few weeks is far from depressed.
>Many fundamentally schizoid individuals display an engaging, interactive personality that contradicts the observable characteristic emphasized by the DSM-IV and ICD-10 definitions of the schizoid personality. Klein classifies these individuals as "secret schizoids", who present themselves as socially available, interested, engaged and involved in interacting yet remain emotionally withdrawn and sequestered within the safety of the internal world.
Best way to exist in Normie world
>tfw when you are smiling and talking on autopilot >and the rest of your brain is in a world that words cannot clearly describe
Bi polars pretty tits mainly because of those uppers. Used to get drunk as fuark on them, felt like I had done E. Would last upwards of a week, have days on end of no sleep, full of energy, actually talk to people. Just fucking amazing.
Sometimes I try to jack off at night while thinking about a specific gril I like IRL and hope that will somehow connect me to her via collective unconscious and shell have a sex dream about me or something
>>26273179 >have bipolar disorder >be put on a mood stabilizer to control mania and the worst of the depressive episodes >get stimulants to help with the depression as well >because I'm on a fucking mood stabilizer and have a chemical imbalance, the stimulants do not get me high, they just make me feel as close to normal as possible >asshats like you abusing the system make it difficult for people like me to get the fucking medication I need to feel like a human being FUCK OFF
>>26273457 I'm not abusing the system, just not medicated yet. Just kind of riding the wave bruh.
The downers are really fucking shitty, almost felt like throwing up when I had to get out of bed, but doze uppers man. [spoilers]It's 5 am, I've fucked tonight, masturbated twice, and still feel like jumping off walls and sheit[/spoilers]
My mania is extremely shitty, I get way too much energy. It isn't the pleasant and rewarding high that most people get, it's homicidal psychosis where I don't sleep for a week straight, don't eat, don't bathe, can't interact with anyone normally, just go on a spending spree and then a violent rampage that ruins my life and forces me to relocate and try to start my life over again. It's hell. If I just got enough energy to fap a few more times during the day I wouldn't have ever bothered going to a shrink in the first place, that sounds great.
>>26273764 Well it's more than that. Doesn't sound anything as bad as yours, honestly fuck that.
I've had a few episodes where I tried to put my head through a few shop windows on a bender at a bar. Also same night, rode my bike about 200km/h + without a helmet at like 2 am. Spending sprees do suck as well, had my last money to spend on food and fuel and spent it on a piece of shit, barely running bike on a whim.
Also took on 5 guys in a fight and nearly got the shit beaten out of me. Honestly, being beaten up almost felt good, like I enjoyed the pain.
It can feel fucking tits, but it's gets me in way more shit that it should, the amount of times I've felt concuss and passed the fucked out are more than both hands.
i think i might have something since i feeel like shit almost all the time and i'm paranoid at times but right now i don't even care about all of this. it wasn't my decision so fuck everybody, yes i'm fcuking weird so what? this society's fucked! look around you!
>>26269887 >tfw mam suffers from pretty horrible depression i do not understand how it became cool to have, i dunno if i also suffer from it but even with just 1 person definitely diagnosed, it's horrible
>>26272026 Hearing voices now and then is perfectly normal and not by itself an indicator of schizophrenia. It can be due to stress, depression, bad sleep and much more. Schizophrenia usually develops early twenties for guys and late twenties for females, but can come sooner or later. Usually there's an onset that can take months to years.
>>26272447 >>26272994 Not all schizophrenics see things or hear things but the key distinction is that schizophrenics are more detached from reality and generally can't be swayed when it comes to their delusions, and they are usually stronger and more prolonged than that of schizotypals. but schizophrenics can be functional too and aren't always completely disconnected and dysfunctional
>>26271571 >>26272602 woah woah woah, I hear random gibberish/unintelligible voices all the time. It started right after I smoked a little too much spice. I always hear it right as I'm falling asleep. I also see "remnants" of a trip that once was from doing too much spice (pic related). I thought schizophrenia was these symptoms but also the inability to distinguish what's real.
>>26275445 The pharmacutical companies are allowed to advertise directly to us. Our doctors offices are filled with posters, pens, notepads, TV's in the corners all advertising some new pill or treatment and to ask your doctor about it when you have your appointment.
The doctors themselves allow pharmacutical sales people (not trained in the medical field) to tell them about the new drugs. The doctors get monetary reimbursments if they convince their patients to take the new drugs.
Legit Autism imo, you're all smart as shit. I heard that Autism is like the direct opposite of Schizophrenia too, ones left brain to the extreme and the others really right brain and analytic. Also heard if you're a schizo you're more likely to be stupid asf.
Seriously fuck all the normans going "I HAVE DEPRESHUN!!! XDDD LOOK AT EMEEEEMEMEEE11!1"
Diagnosed Bipolar, they're thinking it might be Schizophrenia now. Literally everyone thinks its a meme, doesn't exist. >tfw feel invincible then go to not having energy to talk >tfw delusions at all time high >tfw normas go "im bipolarrrr" and try to make something out of it What these fucks don't know is that bipolar also comes with a bit of a speech impediment, something like aphasia. You WANT to say something, might formulate it in your head, but can't, or feel as though you can't. If its severe enough it ends up being a jumbled stream of consciousness that no one understands when you speak.
>>26270141 >>26270396 >tfw when slightly borderline myself but thanks to apathy it doesn't hurt when I lose people anyways >recently tried to build friendship with grill that turned out to be hardcore borderline, friendship broke since my narcissm and looking down on her made her go mad >have another girl I talk to regularily that is a bit younger than me and borderline too, sometimes really freaking out and getting mad because she has some kind of self protective aggression when she thinks she loses me
Borderliners really are cancer, but it's so damn comfy when it works, you don't have to worry about them leaving you mostly.
>>26269823 whichever one gets you the drugs that make you look cool. but you can't tell people about your drugs or they'll try and make you give them your muscle relaxers and xanax. I need these drugs to be comfy, not you normie faggots
>>26276752 >bipolar also comes with a bit of a speech impediment, something like aphasia. You WANT to say something, might formulate it in your head, but can't, or feel as though you can't. If its severe enough it ends up being a jumbled stream of consciousness that no one understands when you speak. Is that what that is?! I've never heard of this before, but it makes perfect sense. I've got bipolar disorder and a lot of the time I'll think about what I want to say and I'll be completely unable to express myself. Either I won't speak at all or my words will come out as a jumbled mess.
>>26276841 I'm bipolar as well. And this used to happen to me all the time, however once I became 18 and refused to take my medication it went away almost entirely. Not sure if it is a by-product of some of the government sanctioned drugs they give us a s children or the result of the unique neuron-wiring we have which makes us function differently than normies.
Either way, I think the mental health system and all it's bullshit "disorders" is just a giant money making scheme by big-pharma and an attempt by our corporate masters to further pacify the population and weed out potential political dissidents.
I would not where your diagnosis as with pride or let it define you. The mental "health" industry is full of shit. People are not supposed to be constantly happy and many of the "negative" emotions our modern culture demonizes such as hatred, sadness, anger, envy, and paranoia are extremely useful survival tools.
Narcissistic personality disorder. I have recently completely isolated myself from people and consequently adopted paranoid and schizoid traits as a way of dealing with no real sources of ego nourishment. I have always felt incredibly 'special'.
>>26269823 FUCK OFF with your tumblr bullshit nobody wants to hear how quirky and weird your "mentle ilnesss" is fucker I'm taking the b8 but I dont care this is some grade A bullshit. Mental illness isn't cool. It's literally what happens when people stop working. It's not some meme to put on your fucking tumblr you little shit.
>>26271802 I was 19-20. Constantly paranoid people were out to get me. It has gotten worse, it started as being antisocial and evolved into thinking every perwson my age was out to get me. I get paranoid, I can hear people in their cars talking about me, women constantly berate me. For a while I thought my neighbours were plotting against me and talking about me.
>>26272026 It developed it comes in waves. You are doing fine then all of a sudden the waves hits you and you are almost catatonic and you don't wan't to leave the house. Each times the wave hits the symptoms get worse (such as paranoia.) If you are in your late teens orearly to mid 20s I would see a psychologist if you are worried. It started developing when I was 17-18 symptoms started showing at 20. 21 was a nightmare. Now 22 going back on meds.
>>26280352 I am. But i have serious avoidant and dependant traits so i tend to worship others (even though i consider them little more than extensions of myself) more. In high school i was an edgemaster loser with no friends who tried to scare people by spouting serial killer quotes and pretending to derive sick gratification from gorey images, so i was known as that guy. Most narcissists wont admit to having any mental illnesses. Narcissistic PD is incurable, genetic, stemming from white matter in a certain brain region, similar to psychopathy or aspd.
I have a lot of delusional thoughts and paranoia. And hear voices telling me I'm a loser over and over. I think of think I'm demonically possessed or astral vampires are draining by life force so I get sick for days and can't move out of bed.
>>26280970 The narcissist defeats the sociopath by killing the sociopath in a fit of narcissistic rage. Or, if the narcissist is a bitch, by picking up a book and reading it (reading is something antisocials cannot do).
Patrick Bateman was a good looking hyperchad - the prototypical sociopathic serial killer in a society so crazy and self-absorbed that no one even noticed or believed him. Schizoids, on the other hand, are totally detatched entities.
>anons pretend to have schizoid personality disorder because le stoic wizard XDD it just makes me bland, tired and not have any real hobbies, although I guess a much less romantic form of stoicism still applies so cool yeah but really its not anything to bitch about at least
It's a pretty shit feeling, then you learn it's real and then it's even shittier. I got numb to it over time, and avoid people when I don't have to be around them. There are a lot of real phenomena like gang stalking and psychic abuse that people pass off as the domain of mentally ill. In fact they want to drive people into madness. Schizophrenia could just be a cover illness for the sick rituals some groups perform. There is a lot more about this on /x/ and /fringe/ if you are interested. I know big pharma hates people understanding the reality of the situation.
>>26274072 unfortunately it isn't confined to burgerland. im in uk and have had that 'just be happy shit' on numerous occaisions >>26281222 if you're a man not cool at all. sure girls may have a fetish for that 'shy guy' but beyond that it's just total shit all around
>>26269823 I don't know if anger issues count as a mental illness but it's great because you're basically a ticking time bomb and people can smell the disaster from a mile away so they leave you alone.
>>26281222 Heck no. Not being able to leave your home for months at a time because of severe anxiety isn't "cool", and no guy would want a worthless piece of shit like that. Not like a worthless piece of shit like that could even meet a guy in the first place though.
>>26282291 Why would you think they couldn't? One of my stepbrothers is schizoaffective and has Aspergers, so essentially he's blessed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and autism all at the same time.
>>26282891 I get so sick of people who pretend this isn't true just because "HEY AMPHETAMINE HELPS ME FOCUS, I TOTALLY HAVE A LEGITIMATE DISORDER". Amphetamine helps most people focus. Stimulants don't effect people diagnosed with ADD/ADHD differently from other people. That's pharmaceutical lobby lies. Not that I don't enjoy the ridiculous surplus of stimulant drugs which this fake mental illness has created.
>>26282921 But it doesn't feel good, being forced to be stimulated against your will is not the same as taking stimulant drugs willingly. On top of that being psychotic is no fun, I nearly died a few times because of reckless shit that I did, I am lucky to be alive. I spent 6 months in a psych ward off my fucking rocker thinking demons were after me. It is an incredibly debilitating disorder that ruins your life.
>>26281964 Wrong, they are beyond any level of apathy you can even comprehend. It is that nothing has any weight or depth to it. Imagine peering through a peephole with your everyday activities, while you are so bored of everything around you that you just spend your time fucking with people and drinking enormous amounts of alcohol.
I'm schizophrenic and I've decided to go med-free. My meds make me completely unable to care for myself. I'm sick of needing to do things, only to be way too exhausted. Gonna use kratom to stabilize my moods. Gonna learn to cope with the voices and hallucinations. Right now the biggest trouble I'm having is sleep. I've been so dependent on this shit to knock me out at the end of the day, that I can't go without it.
>>26281337 I know they exist but everyone thinks it's crazy. I've seen them. I've lived out entire past lives in my dreams. Been to other planets. I go into comatose states of long sleep and then wake and not sleep for days.
And my thoughts are always invaded by intrusions from alienic beings. They show me things I don't want to see.
And sometimes I get sociopathic urges to murder and such. Once I was sick and had to eat raw meat to survive. Animal meat from the grocery store though.
>>26283879 It's a noisey acoustic album, don't know how to explain it. Trying to make like 10-minute epics with lots of variation and changes. I'm reading this book on music theory by Schoenberg, who was a very talented abstract composer.
>>26283877 I'll concede I am a narcissistic piece of shit but I didn't know they had specific writing styles unless you are looking for golden god monologues like Dennis Reynolds. Would it help if I told you a nurtured a girls devotion and crushed her listening to her sob and cry declaring how "I don't give a single shit about her" after she worshiped the ground I walked on and just wanted to talk to me. I had to hold in my laughter through her sobs, I almost regret not going Iron Man numbers on her. The funny thing is I have done this so many times confessing my sins which go far and above such trivial things as some whore's feelings and it's always "you don't seem like one" then it evolves to "you ever consider getting some help?" >>26283890 K bruh
>>26284160 Well when I was 19 my fetishes began to manifest themselves even further and I ended up masturbating to decapitation vids of some fat narco women. I almost blacked out the first time and now I am addicted to that, it can come 3 times in a week or once a month. I have a specific collection of dead women on my phone for just such occasions.
Beyond that I just really like messing with people, belittling them, and making them feel like shit(whether that be angry or sad). The unfortunate thing is everything is starting to blur. I throw coworkers under the bus and I can't stop telling half truths. >>26284252 Nope. >>26284318 Don't know the specifics beyond bitterness. I guess it just feels good to self destruct.
>>26284470 It started off when I was 11 I think. I was playing Oblivion (funny I know) and I would roleplay. Undress bodies and messing around with them got me rock hard and I could lose myself in that. It seemed natural to be drawn to expositionism, molestation, and sleeping fetishes. It seemed like such a "normal" evolution of events in the sense that it was transitionless.
Winding down after a fapping session indulging in these things with gore and violence keeps this warm surge going. I get lost. I get focused but at the same time I am not there, it's an incredible high. >>26284550 Don't know if that is particularly true. I don't really care if I live or die. It would be easier if I was dead, but I am also not suicidal. It's a very weird thought and feeling.
>>26284581 Sex fulfills the evolutionary prerogative programmed into your DNA. What I was fulfilling there was a release of all of my anger and hate, the relief was amazing. >>26284687 No, I just take what is at hand I guess. Attraction has not much to do with this, but it can play a role.
>>26284733 Yes I believe I absolutely would and I would be paranoid about it. I have had fantasies stumbling across one in the woods despite me never going into the woods. Like the stars aligning kind of circumstance. I am not into decomposition but I would at least masturbate. >>26284785 I feel cheated and robbed of my humanity, forced into taking part in something I never wanted. People have never been kind to me and I had a very absent childhood of burning things and killing things. I realize the absurdity of these things and I can only laugh at how cliche it seems. I osculate between being beyond empty to losing my mind.
>>26284836 can confirm I am not you but the OD happened for me 3 times. The first time was actually a pleasant experience and left very minor hallucinations, stupid me thinking they would go away did another time and went to another dimension and got stuck with somewhat obscuring visuals. then another time at a party I hit what I thought was weed and it happened again.
>>26285104 Not physically by my parents. My mom is a neurotic mess while my father was an alcoholic working 70 hours during the entirety of my childhood. I had very few and far between friends and spent years in isolation. Visibly I was the class clown doing outrageous things and saying anything for laughs.
>>26269823 Bipolar for sure. Because some days you're like "fuck life, I don't give a shit" and other days you're "holy shit I love life its so great" and other days you're all like "I'm pissed, whoever talks to me next is gonna get messed up"
>tfw paranoid schizo >tfw constantly think people are out to manipulate me or laughing behind my back >terrified of even small crowds >regularly see my sister who killed herself 10 years ago suffering lads.
>>26276196 This is sadly very accurate. Here, the main goal for psychiatrists is to sell the most medication to as many clients as possible. They don't give diddly-fuck whether it actually helps the patient, does nothing and they keep prescribing it anyway, or if it fucks them up for life.
>>26271571 Usually my voices are complete nonsense too, like snippits of conversations mashed together. But this past month, they've been suicidal commands. >Kill yourself! >Jump in front of that car! >You're worthless! It's fucking awful. I don't know how to make them stop. And whenever they command me to do something, I have to deliberately stop myself from doing it. Otherwise my mind is just like, "Okay, voice, that sounds reasonable" and starts to do it or agree with it.
>>26288114 m8, just take the damn pills. Seroquel LITERALLY causes your brain to grow long-term memory receptors so you can keep your shit together.
Your choice is to be a stupid narcissitic fuck that is always ruining life for someone else or lock in prison, or a bumbling fuck that might not be ever able to work, but can at least feed, cloth, and find something to keep yourself busy.
I have schizoaffective disorder. Nothing like begin constantly afraid of the shadow people, darklings, and lurkers. Not to mention the annoying voices. Voices aren't much of a problem, it's those goddamned shadow people and darklings.
The shadow people are always trying to sneak up on me and are always watching me. They can be in light, but they prefer to come out when I have a minimal amount of lights on. The darklings can only be in darkness and they are always there, in the darkness so I have to sleep with some form of light on that fills the room. Also have to set my alarm for every 2 hours because they like to wait until you're really asleep and then they do who knows what.
Lurkers sit outside my window and watch me which I really don't like. They don't do much, they just sit there and watch so I close the blinds all the time.
>>26288678 you know if you'd switch the lights off you could become friends with them. At first I was like 'dude why are you here' but once you get to know them they can be pretty cool. We hang out quite a lot
>>26283541 >>26283866 >>26284022 >>26284415 >>26284624 >>26284723 >>26284856 Literally an angry child. My early years were similar to yours from the sounds of it and I learned that throwing away my future and making even more of a mess of this world isn't worth it, even if it feels good to indulge my anger in the moment. Do you have any idea how pathetic you sound with your 'woe is me, muh humanity' bullshit when your actions help create potentially more people like you? You've let the world overcome you, weak-minded faggot.
When I'm really tired I become susceptible to my imagination - quite literally. I get distracted in a memory and suddenly I'm there; deposed from reality in every sense. It's made it impossible to work. I was fired from starbucks for arguing with a japanese WWII soldier asking me "Juuwa dokodesuka" and I had no fucking idea where his gun was.
Blankets/newspaper over every window that I come across after sundown. Can't handle them watching me. I haven't even personified who "They" are yet - this is a somewhat recent thing. I just have this vague stretched face with too many teeth in my mind, and I know he watches me.
Mirror above computer monitor. Always can see behind me, because just in case.
My dead grandma visits me when I'm trying to fall asleep and makes me feel really guilty about all the shitty shit I have done, and all the shitty things I've thought about doing over the course of the day. It's kind of soothing now, having a routine for the day where no matter what I do, there's something waiting for me when I try to sleep - something to keep me company while I slip away.
Cannot function without a constant source of noise. Silence is fucking terrifying. In the pit of my being, I know being silent is being dead, and when the world around me is too quiet I think I've died. Closed spaces I can handle, crowds and groups of people I'm fine, but put me in a quiet place and I will immediately start crying.
I've been prescribed many different things since I started seeing a doctor about my worsening schizoaffectiveness (when I was 19, am 23 now). I've tried a host of different medications, notably Seroquel, Abilify, and olanzapine. Due to side effects of taking 30mg of olanzapine a day I have to take Benztropine or my muscles lock up, as well as Fluoxetine to control my mood, and an older pill triazolam to sedate myself or I won't sleep - just sit there listening to grandma for hours.
>>26282396 I had that younger girl for a longer time already, it's just that I tried to compare them since with this girl it works because she wouldn't want to lose me no matter what (same for me I guess but since I'm at an dead end when it comes to apathy I probably would be fine)
>>26283699 I didn't hurt them did I? Well okay I make them freak out but that's because I'm narcisstic (self loathing in the inside tho) so I guess it's not like I could avoid it (tried to find an agreement to not talk about topics that involve opinions I'd have to respect like politics, she refused)
>>26270209 Did you have any warning signs before getting schizophrenia? Sometimes I get really paranoid and I'm convinced everyone is laughing at me or that my dad is going to kill me. I used to hear voices as a kid (sometimes I still do, but only when I'm really tired).
Am I just worrying too much or is there something there?
>>26285422 >>26274016 >>26271629 >>26282291 >>26270141 I fucking hate anyone who claims borderline as a serious mental illness. it shouldn't even be in the DSM-V because all you have to do is stop being a gigantic cunt. You don't need pills. You don't need therapy. Just grow up you pieces of shit.
>smoking weed other morning after night shift >get in bed >just about to fall asleep >hear what sounded like a loud voice >wakes me right up >eventually fall back to sleep >not sure if it was a voice or exploding head syndrome which I do have >smoked for 2 years and never experienced this >paranoid as fuck when smoking now >think I'm hearing voices >not sure if it's my imagining them due to paranoia or if they're actually there
It's kind of creepy. IF they are real it sounds like breathing sounds, not really any words. What I mean by breathing sounds is fast, sharp sounds. Like the ones HH takes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLZW7tsvm3E
I got scammed by the depression/anxiety meme as a teenager when I was "diagnosed" by my doctor. Went on some pills that gave me headaches and erectile dysfunction and I realised that "depression" and "anxiety" are entirely empty words unfit for a medical diagnosis. I mean, I'm still depressed and anxious but I can function like a normal person.
>>26281544 You're an asshole, go back to your containment boards and stay there, and continue to draw pentagrams on your body with a sharpie while jerking off to Baphomet as sweat collects under your tinfoil.
>>26283665 >>26283581 Meditation helped me get rid of a terrible case of Tinnitus. You have to do the sitting poses while humming and be mindful and shit too, or else you're not even trying. What helped me the most was just accepting that it was a part of me now and not to hate it. What made the ringing worse was that I had a negative association with it, which just made it worse. Everything has background noise, even your ears. Even "silence". I For months I only listened to really soft music and left my fan on at night and exercised to lower my blood pressure. Now I forget that I have it. I believe you can make it, bros.
>>26282285 >start getting manic >know that if I try and get help, I'll be institutionalized and forcibly put on a lot of medication that will fuck me up for months or years to come >not only that but if I talk about the urges I get while I'm manic they can hospitalize me indefinitely, until they think I'm fit to be released, which can take months of effort to undo >decide to ride it out >homicidal obsession that I have while depressed now has enough energy and motivation behind it to act on it >travel to another country to make things as difficult as possible for the feds >assault people at random, seduce random people to come back to hotels with me to torture them, just be an all-around cunt >the few times I have enough self awareness to tell what's going on I'm absolutely horrified by what I'm doing but I can't stop myself, the mania/psychosis is too strong >eventually get too paranoid that someone or something is going to catch up to me >travel back home and stay inside wanting to die until the next episode >out of paranoia move to a completely different country or state to help avoid detection needless to say I eventually got help so that this would stop happening and haven't hurt anyone in 7 years now. for most of my youth, though, it was a living hell. it caught up to me, too, I got in legal trouble and it's going to follow me for the rest of my life.
when I hear people talking about normal mood swings and saying "oh, yeah, I'm so bipolar" I want to fucking rip their heads off and shit down their throat. it's an incredibly serious, debilitating disease and destroys people's lives completely when it goes untreated. the sheer amount of misunderstanding surrounding it makes me sick.
>>26288568 >>26288472 > causes your brain to grow long-term memory receptors That sounds pretty dope desu. Redpill me on Seroquel, senpaitachi. My shrink can get it to me but I'm wary of meds. The sample gave me dreams of a glowing, white-robed figure against a black background giving me reassuring messages through fast-scrolling text.
i know from what i've looked into all most all ceos have behavior patterns of sociopathy, managerial positions (not quite as prestigious as ceo of a big company but still the leader) also have been reported as this.
>>26272390 Fugg... I have some qualities of this but it was always dismissed because I'm outgoing. If anything I'm only in danger of getting it. I've done a lot of soulsearching and trying to grow as a person which is why I think my personality is actually developed and I enjoy people's company.
>>26281475 >>26274003 How can you say that, you can't even see her affective states :^) Honestly though, it seems real enough to me. Some cases appear to be worse than others and the lighter cases at least appear to exhibit behavior on both ends of the emotional spectrum. Another person I knew who I now realize probably has this is very outgoing, but has an inner and outer personality that don't align. It really depends on how you grew up, I think, that determines the kind of schizoid you become.
>>26297257 Anon stop that yawning noise is making me sleepy.
>>26297609 I'm schizo and opiates give me hallucinations. They're usually really comfy though. I hear female voices telling me sweet things. When I'm nodding, I have these mini "dreams" of whatever I was thinking about. Like if I thought about how much I wanted a cigarette, I would be sitting out on the porch smoking only to wake up and see that I'm just in my bed.
>>26297681 Benzos aren't even good for recreation you little smarty-pants, just look at any story on /opi/. Unless of course you're already over your head in stress, at which point you're likely on benzos anyway and then they're less therapeutic than they are to take the edge off. They're non-serotonigenic and create no euphoria. They'll cause dependency anyway and actually give you anxiety, introducing stress which WILL lead to schizophrenia. Not mention kill you if you suddenly stop taking them >>>/sci/7825742 t. 88 Kpins under my bed that I don't even bother to take because they fucking suck
>>26297719 Well you've sold me, Kratom here I come because I'm too much of a pussy to shoot Heroin.
>tfw everyone thinks I'm mature, and says I seem to them like I have my shit together >tfw meet most of the criteria for borderline >tfw I drop people who I accidentally show my power level to >tfw I'm able to arrange situations to suit me, so that I never seem like I'm in the wrong >tfw everyone thinks I'm great, except the people I hate deeply
I just make sure not to get too close to people I need to maintain a good impression with. I'm superficially social, but I also know how to make people feel like they can trust me, even though I don't really trust anybody. I guess this could be seen as my way of managing my BPD, but just because I'm not destroying the lives of everyone I meet, doesn't mean that it's not a problem that impacts me.
>>26297831 Yeah, I take kratom nearly every day. It's good stuff for schizophrenia. Calms my rapid mood swings and racing thoughts. Lets me go to sleep. Makes the hallucinations less malevolent. Like I said previously in this thread, I'm trying to quit my meds and stick to kratom.
Also, benzo withdrawal can cause psychomimetic effects similar to schizophrenia, like hallucinations and delusions and social withdrawal. Not fun at all. I've been to the hospital a couple times, and there were always people withdrawing from benzos. Their voices were all squeaky, they couldn't stop moving, they were really awkward, they kept having breakdowns. I'm never gonna take that stuff for longer than a day or two.
>>26269823 Bipolar is intense. I lost my virginity to a bipolar woman when I was 28. She had stories about becoming so happy that she would sleep with married guys. The crazy sex seems exciting but she spent time locked up and had her kids taken away.
Psychopathy if you're edgy, but in the mainstream everyone has anxiety (more so than depression I'd argue, but I'm depressed so maybe I subconsciously want to feel different), it's actually kind of annoying, because people who are entirely over confident say how they suffer from anxiety and panic attacks all the time
>>26296013 Na bruh, was honestly a pretty fucked up night. Shit like that doesn't really happen that often though. And the fight was just because I was jumping in for a mate, he had a few guys on him, tore one off, threw him to the ground, had one then punch me in the back of the head, got up and greeted to one to the face, had about 5 of them around me, couple kicks on the ground too.
>>26299293 No shit, I'm painfully aware that homicidal urges are not a typical symptom of bipolar disorder. What gets me is that mood swings do not mean you have bipolar disorder. A lot of people mistaken extremely rapid mood swings, a symptom of other mental illnesses, for bipolar disorder, and that's the shit that makes me mad. Even worse, when someone acts like normal mood swings or even just changes in their fucking mood makes them bipolar.
I don't think that my post suggested that I thought otherwise.
>>26300302 It's not the depression that usually leads to hospitalization, it's the mania. When I was manic, I was convinced I was the Chosen One sent to ascend all humanity to a higher grade of consciousness. I kept hallucinating non-stop, talking to ghosts or people from halfway around the world. I was running around outside in the rain playing with stray dogs and yelling about the Kingdom of God when the cops found me and had me thrown in the looney bin.
There's also what's called a "mixed episode". Basically you're extremely depressed but filled with overwhelming energy at the same time. Not a good combination, because it's very likely for you to attempt suicide. You go running around, feeling so fucking sad and thinking these rushing thoughts about how worthless you are. You can get quite psychotic too, convinced that your thoughts are causing earthquakes or believing that the FBI is hunting you down or hallucinating ghosts and shadow people.
>tfw I have schizophrenia >all these people saying it's so cool >I was the unlucky one to have them speak through my own voice outloud and accompanied by uncontrollable movements and a massive headache
>>26301194 same thing happened to me stop doing drugs and it'll go away. not quickly but slowly a good thing to do with voices is to remember that they're from your own head. try to frame them differently, it helps a lot when one says something, think of WHY it's saying what it's saying
>>26302359 >be me beginning of junior year in high school >taking all AP and honors classes >study very hard every day getting almost no sleep >be on varsity x country team practice every day is tiring >after a few months I crack, and go from everyone respecting me to the weird kid who talks to himself >start to hear voices in my head, and when I stop trying to suppress it the voices get so loud they start making me say what they're saying out loud >start having conversations with myself whispering in class >when I relax and do nothing they take over and do this >start to see patterns in everything, voices tell me they're out to get me >get pulled out of school and get put into a mental hospital >walk around hospital talking to myself shouting at people >what's going on in my head everyone's out to get me, every little movement they make is just to make me stay longer >parents crying family visits I say nothing to them only talk to myself
>>26304012 Nope, I have schizophrenia for real. Diagnosed and been hospitalized and been on meds and everything. I'm haunted by hallucinations of demons, I have voices that crowd my thoughts, sometimes I believe I have special powers, I'm scared that my roommates are poisoning me, I'm unable to show emotions, and I'm reclusive to an extent that it's a serious disability.
>>26271571 not him but also a schizo didnt know there were so many others on here usually when i hear voices it is either calling my name or whenever i feel even remotely good about myself they will talk shit and put me down its really horrible and another thing that sucks is that ofc no one will believe you if you were to tell them you have it so nobody gets you at all and a lot of the things schizos do are like things autismos do so people think i am a sperg i fucking hate this shit i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy
My heart goes out to all the Schizophrenics on here.
My uncle had it, and I have to say It's probably one of the most insidious and painful of all diseases. I think one of the worst parts of it is how society views Schizophrenics too. In day to day life I find many of them are just made fun of for being weird or utterly shunned by their peers.
But when they kill themselves It's all sympathy. This world and the people rotting on it make me sick. For what It's worth /r9k/ you are right, human society and especially the west treat our disabled and underclass males like literal garbage.
>>26305539 That was a long time ago and doesn't happen anymore, and males were sterilized and raped and humiliated and beaten in those asylums too. Don't make that pain just about women.
I am talking about the modern day, and daily modern life. The simple fact is that women with mental illness are socially and societal supported, while men with mental illness are more often than not shunned. Where do you think Elliott Rodgers come from? Why is it that only the United States seems to have such a widespread problem with Mentally Ill young men becoming violent? I wouldn't blame it on Anxiety, Depression, or Schizophrenia inherently even though most mass shooters suffer from those diseases, rather it is how we treat our young men with mental illness that causes their violent and downward disconnection from society and eventual hatred of it.
>>26305217 I wish people understood schizophrenia better. Everyone knows about the hallucinations and delusions, but they don't know about the social withdrawal, disorganized behavior, blunted emotions, or jumbled thoughts. My roommates are constantly wondering why I hide in my room all day. "Is something wrong, anon? Are you angry at us?" No, it's just completely overwhelming being open to socialization all the time. It fills me with these paranoid and delusional thoughts. Are they poisoning me? Are they working for the police? Are they reading my thoughts? I just like to be alone every now and then, to get a break from thinking all of this. And I hate talking to people when the voices are being really loud. I can't concentrate and there are all these awkward pauses and I have to keep asking, "Wait, what did you say?"
If you want to be a good friend to someone with schizophrenia just give them some space. I really like having company every now and then, and I appreciate my friendships. It's a necessary part of recovery to have a close knit support system, because delusions and hallucinations come out stronger when you're all alone. But with all that said, I need some fucking time to myself. I can't relax around others, because I don't know if they're plotting against me or if they're judging me. And related to that, schizos are completely socially inept. We don't understand courtesy, manners, or the many different rules of social interaction that others follow without even thinking. Social interaction demands a lot of concentration from me, because I literally had to teach myself from scratch how to hold a conversation. All this is very tiring. Some nights I just wanna be left alone, y'know?
I get like ten texts from my family every day, wondering why I haven't responded to them yet. I'll get to it eventually, just chill out.
Elliot Rogers had a very obvious case of malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is why everyone stayed the fuck away from him. One look at his "manifesto" clearly shows that he was disturbed. Of course people avoided him.
>>26305889 Yeah, that's another thing. I don't understand why people are so afraid of hallucinations and delusions. Every time I say I'm seeing something or when I'm muttering crazy stuff to myself, it's always, "Anon, should I call an ambulance for you?" No, if I'm not endangering myself or others there's no reason for me to go to the hospital.
Sometimes I forget that other people don't get hallucinations or hear voices. I can't imagine life without them. It's gotta be so quiet and boring in neurotypicals' heads. Is it just like silence all the time?
>>26305966 You are right about Rodger, I had never read the first two chapters of his manifesto before.
However we still have the highest rate of mentally ill young men lashing out out of every single country.
Which is pathetic given that we are supposed to be one of the fairest, freest, and most advanced cultures in the world.
Most people lash out because of pain, not ego.
I'm not trying to make you feel like women can't go through hardship because of mental illness, my mother has shown me that all people of all colors suffer, but I still think that the way our society treats young men is more fucked than anything and is the reason for such a violent and troubled generation of men.
>>26306101 Maybe that's so. But I don't think people should feel sorry for my delusions. On the contrary, I want them to be left alone. Let me believe my crazy stuff. And you have to understand, my voices are an integral part of how I view the world. They're present like 50% of the time for me, always giving commentary and observations. So I'm just trying to imagine what it's like without them. I can't really do it.
like two times a week when I lie in bed I keep hearing voices in my head, screaming at me in some strange slurred tongue. I can never make out what they are saying and when I close my eyes it's like everything around me is moving so fast I can't even comprehend it. This usually gets more intense as time passes and I end up having a panic attack until I can calm down.
>>26306311 Since the divorce of my parents when I was very young I have been distant to everyone: Fake smiling and generally not showing my true self. Deep down I've been miserable for the last decade and a half the feeling of desperation and sadness has been intensifying lately. I hate myself and wish I wasn't such a pussy like >>26306276 says and just end it.
Deep down I just want someone to extend their hand and help me.
My dad is the worst when it comes to the whole texting thing. Eventually he starts complaining that his son won't talk to him and either sends an angry text saying if I don't want to talk him I need to man up and tell him, or a text that just say if I don't want to talk, just tell him. Just chill bro, I never was good at speedy replies to texts and I'm certainly not any better now.
With my mom, she starts to get super worried and just starts sending 'I love you!' and 'are you alright?' texts as if that's going to get me to reply faster. Again, she just needs to chill.
Also, I spend a lot of time getting lost in my own head, sometimes to the point where I become dissociated and next thing you know I'm somewhere where I wasn't planning on being and asking myself, "Where the fuck am I and what the fuck happened in the last X minutes/hours?"
>>26308049 I know, and I'm doing dbt right now to learn how to function. Even before this I managed to get a fulltime job, my own apartment, a car, etc in a town hundreds of miles away from my parents before 22. Of course I fucked it up but hey it's still better than most people my age can say
and after dbt I should be even better at doing things, and m-maybe I can get a real bf one of these days
speaking of, narcissistic guys are defo the hottest, every guy I've dated has had narc tendencies at least
>>26308375 but narc guys are always so hot, and when I'm feeling good about them they love the praise and attention and when I think they are the devil incarnate they brush it off because they know they're the best thing ever
literally the most stable relationship I've ever been in is with a narc, because he's so emotionally stable my volatility is grounded and he gets a kick out of how much I love him
You got rid of the first girl as soon as things became inconvenient (in your words you made her go mad). You replaced her with a new younger girl to fulfill your desires. Now you're saying you want her back to comfort you during your depression.
When you truly value a person you don't discard them when they stop doing whatever you want them to do. When you value someone you aren't with them to gain something from them to begin with.
It doesn't sound like you care about hurting them.
>>26274057 >i do not understand how it became cool to have Dark brooding characters like Dr. House. >Dr. House is so cool and smart, I wish I was depressed like him >Wait, I feel sad sometimes maybe I'm depressed
>>26310057 I meant the >you hate yourself alone and can't survive without the approval of others part. I'm so insecure that I shitpost on a nicaraguan interpretive dance website so I can get some stupid notification that means nothing logically but feels like a rush of really good heroin because it means someone noticed me
>>26310228 I'm borderline m8, one second someone could be a saint and the next a demon.
I have no self esteem because the people around me tore every shred of it to pieces while I was growing up, and now they're surprised when I hate them for doing it to me. I should be glad that they still acknowledge me though, I probably am as terrible as they say I am because a caring parent wouldn't say things that were hurtful unless they were true. Which means I'm a terrible human being but it's their fault etc.
bpd s really hard to just get over. not to mention my mum keeps apologizing for giving birth to me because she feels guilty over bringing me into this world only for me to be in pain constantly
so for me I tolerate narcissists because they're the only people in my life who put up with my emotional bullshit
>>26270209 >>26311340 I too have seen the shadow people. One that looked exactly like this pic was coming out of my closet, lunging forward to grab me. I swore at the top of my lungs, "Fuck you, you motherfucker!" and switched on the lights, and he was gone. Then my roommates came in to investigate why I was yelling at 4 in the morning. I saw a few shadow people after that, but never caught more than a glimpse of them. I guess I scared them all away.
Be direct and upfront with the shadow people and they will leave you alone. They are just harmless trans-dimensional observers, from what I've read. They're watching our habits and learning our culture, and they're taking that knowledge back to their dimension. Schizophrenics and insomniacs are more sensitive to this extra dimension, which is why they're the only ones able to see them.
You have nothing to be worried about with these guys, they mean you no harm. Show them that you're not afraid to come at them and they'll leave you be.
I haven't been to a psychiatrist in forever, but I can't even afford to do that, so whatever.
Legitimate Aspergers/Autism since age 11. Been in a special program for HFA (high functioning autistics) since 12. I've grouped with lots of... strange people during my middle school and high school years. I met by best high school friend in those HFA classes. I could never really feel comfortable around people, I was always paranoid they would make fun of me (for a variety of reasons). I was always a huge prude with my friend when we were around normal kids. He really didnt give a shit, and was open as fuck.
I always looked down on my fellow autistic classmates, even my senpais. I verbally abused them at times and even engaged in physical violence.
Now that I think about it, I really didn't like school that much.
this guy: >>26276799 is more like what OCD is like. I have to touch all the knobs on the stove at home to make sure it is turned off before leaving the house. I touch each knob four times, but if I think I didn't tough each one for an equal amount of time (say, half a second each) i need to touch them all again until I've touched each knob 16 times. Repeat with light switches, appliances, door locks etc.
It's funny because people always make jokes at work/in class about 'lol so OCD' when someone is particularly neat, but I'm not neat at all I just have a couple of weird paranoia things. Also, if I feel a shit isn't good enough, I need to go back to the same toilet and do a better shit the next day. I'm not joking. There is one toilet at my uni which I once went to seven days in a row because each time i shit there it was unsatisfactory in some way.
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