>>26243128 probably not haha I got the old "SO breaks up with you out of nowhere with no real sign that anything was wrong" deal tonight and I started chugging booze the second I realized what the message was about because I dunno if I'm really ready to feel those emotions right now
help me r9k my ex messaged me two weeks ago and we talked for a little, but nothing since. i don't know why im even considering it but i wanted to text them and ask them how their new school is going. we've been over for 2yrs. please shoot me down and tell me what an awful idea it is and how im a beta and don't deserve love so i can go back to being steel and cold and lonely. thanks.
>>26243320 i know, i think I just miss the intimacy of someone being there is all. There hasn't been anyone since her, just flings really, nothing serious. Hell I was only with her for like 6 or 7 months but I think I really did love her. I'm not sure. I know I need to fuck/be with/love someone this year and soon, though. I'm becoming a husk, a thing imitating a human being, and it feels off. Just like a robot, I play so much counter strike just to pass the time, to git gud and blanket my time over and over to fill the gaps of void. Any advice on getting back out there? im not unattractive I think I just have problems with acting like a turtle, bottling up, then bursting out and scaring people.
>>26243399 so another glass of wine in here, I'm gonna probably be weird and heart-to-heartish for a moment
the guy who just broke up with me was more or less the only reason I'm still alive
I've been depressed for, like, five years now and for whatever reason I decided to nurture my depression like a fucking houseplant or something to the point that I could count on one hand the things that I live for
him being one of them
it really sucks because I talked to him every day for the past almost seven months and every day he would 'reassure me' that he still loved me and all that bullshit
like what do I do at this very moment to will myself to keep going? All of my plans were based around still being with him
>>26243483 I know that feeling, a future fleeting, one so bright, too. I'm sorry. You'll become more numb to it over time, trust me, it does get better with time. But it doesn't ever fully leave you, I reckon, but it does get nice and covered over when you're with someone else. Or at least I hope so. I need to get a new girlfriend to see if that makes me forget all about her. I often wonder if it's not her I miss so much as love and intimacy itself, if she was just a convenient vessel/carrier of such things. I hope that's the case, and that she wasn't special. I really, really do. Otherwise, I'm in some serious shit and I don't know what to do then.
>>26243622 It's already a hard formed callous, we haven't talked much at all these past years, just happy birthdays and the hello every half of the year if that, and for only like 3 messages. She just took the initiative last time to message me, and that caught me off guard, and made me relive a lot of these twisted feelings. I don't think it was anything, though. She's so good at making me into this neurotic monster, she enhances my worst qualities.
>>26243786 Ha, I've been there. A romanticized cry is the worst one. After a while you don't cry at all after the couple of times because you realize it never really helped at all in the first place. Maybe you'd listen to some music you shared, lay down on the bed, zone out and remember the soft touches between sheets and the locking of eyes when you'd meet for the first time that day, the love unspoken, etc. and cry and bawl and think it'll be some closure but no it just re opens the wound a little and lets some humanity seep out. Replace it for robotic electricity, you'll be better off.
>>26243089 I was so excited to be single. Maybe I'd find someone else who didn't use me for money and could relate to interests maybe a little bit. Here I am, single, not a glance or two from any female. It was better being unhappy then alone.
>>26243876 the sad reality that I guess I have to accept from this point on is that I was dumb enough to introduce myself to the world of drugs so I'll probably end up becoming another fuck who overdoses on heroin and is never talked about again
which honestly thinking about it, I wouldn't mind being buried and just sort of never talked about again
just smooth out whatever blip I may have caused on the world's timeline
>>26243920 Now now, let's not be hasty and or melodramatic. But hell, if you've got the guts and really want to off yourself, go for it. I wouldn't want you to, but that's coming from my own perspective of while living life aimlessly and without purpose or passion, I'm too much of a coward to just kill myself and see if there's anything else but fade to black. I still hold out hope sometimes of a reserved, happy life with a cute girl, a nice home, and a sense of sublime secluded security, and then be cradled and lullabied off to oblivion. But go as you wish, although I wished you would seek redemption instead.
see but at the same time, I was raised to fear the consequences of dying so ultimately my decision is either wait things out in this reality which I no longer feel any will toward living or off myself and, well, not feel anything from that point but have to live with the split second decision before I kill myself that it will negatively affect a lot of peoples lives and will be ultimately regarded as a selfish decision
what really destroys me is that people can feel love towards you at one point and then not feel it anymore somewhere down the road, but even then along that way they say things like "I wouldn't hurt you" and "I love you"
>>26243918 Hi there friend :) have you considered that there may not be much to your personality other than money :(. Maybe your interests aren't that special at all :( maybe you are overall not a very noticeable human being :p I think you should go ahead and find someone who chases after that money :) it may be the best you can do :)
>>26244042 But she messaged me, although you're right. I messaged her a month ago saying happy birthday, and after that I figured I would try and actually not say anything but after she hit me with the hey how are you two weeks ago it knotted me up inside. I have this recessed feeling of wanting fate to pull us together again although she's been with two guys in between the time we broke up and I with nobody else, when in my rational thinking mind I realize that's retarded and that I need to find someone new. She told me she thought she wanted to be alone, but that she really wanted to get away from me, once. that it was romantic to be alone and fix herself but the comfortable reality of having someone there, even if imperfect and not entirely advisable, was better than than just being alone. Maybe she was right, I tried the being alone bit and it hasn't hurt but it hasn't helped a whole lot either.
I was seriously going to magic 8 ball this shit and maybe message her Friday but I think you're right, and that it won't help me at all. I don't know what I'd even expect out of it anyways. It's a lose lose.
>>26244058 I think you should stick it out, I'm sure that when you die naturally, if you do, it'll seem short then, too, so why not just see what happens. Don't walk out of the movie theater just yet. Maybe some fireworks happen. Or maybe something even worse. Who knows. That's the only thing that keeps me going. Unpredictability and spontaneity. Ride it till the end partner, yeehaw.
>>26244100 Or maybe I got sick of supporting a fat lard who didn't work and that's all there is to it? :) You seem to have clung onto that word alot :) also noticed you threw the personality meme my way :(
>>26243089 I ran into an ex of mine at the library at college >Be me a year ago around this time >17 year old home schooled high schooler running around a community college campus tryna stick my dick in college qts >Meet K at some event they had >instantly feel a connection with her,we joke about shit, walk around >go in for the kill and ask her for a kiss, turns out she has a bf >keep in contact, still tryna fug other girls >keep in mind she's 19 and im 17, lied to her and told her i was 18 >over the span of a couple weeks we talk on the phone alot she explodes on me emotionally right away, basically found out nearly everything >we start hanging out and always end up holding eachother and nearly kissing and shes constantly telling me she regrets having ever dated her then bf and wishes she would have met me and i was so much better yadda yadda >keep in mind shes still with that guy >comes to a point where i told her to fuck off or break up with that guy, leaves her in tears, she begs me to stay >tell her fine i got other girls to fuck anyways, hang up and proceed to fuck some girl and tell her about it cuz im mad at her for being such an emotional leech >she then ends up fucking that guy shes been dating, two days later she find out the fucker has a kid and gf on the side >stupid bitch deserved it, how she didnt see it coming i dont know >now single over the course of a couple weeks we get even closer > i find out how crazy she really is To be continued shortly
>>26244159 >Has hallucinations of people coming in her room and calls them her imaginary friends that give her advice, they even have names, along with stuffed animals she talks to >before we dated i kept trying to fug and she was really receptive at first but after a while her true self starts showing >she explodes on me for wanting sex saying she isnt easy and this and that, all that bullshit you know >ends up telling me when she was 15 she started fucking some chad with a mustang and would sneak out to fuck him and they did this for 2 years >even though she knew he had a kid and a girlfriend she would still do it >blames it on being an alcoholic at the time >WTFamIhearing.mp3 >worst part is the fucking bitch kept in contact with him even after she supposedly "got herself together" and fucked him again not even a couple months before we met >this news fucks me up, i end up realizing this bitch loves fucking chads and then "regrets" it >Before we even started dating she would have easily given it up to me >when we actually started dating she would do nothing physical with me apart from hugging and the occasional kiss on the mouth or cheeck >of course i got fucking frustrated with her, how do you go from tellijg me you wanna fuck me all the time to not even wanting to bring up sex? >still no matter what i decide to tough it out, maybe she'll come around >nope >goes on a trip to utah with family, starts getting more distant >ends up coming back and breaking up with the same night she returns >claims shes been depressed, on the same phone call she admitted to talking to that same fuck buddy from before, the one i told her to promise to never speak to or i would leave >they were calling eachother their fuckbuddy nicknames too >shits changed im not the same guy anymore, she disrespects me alot and knows i wont leave even though before i had the bitch begging for me to stay
>>26244150 I don't really get what you are saying friend :) I'm just trying to help you out :p you should probably take your ex back :) you don't strike me as particularly lovable at all :( Most people have enough money to support her :( what else is really there of you :p
>>26244188 >she claims shes leaving me to get herself together and move out to utah cus shes alot happier over there >this destroys me, depressed for months >accept the fact shes gone forever and gonna start her life over there,still very angry about the whole fuckbuddy thing >be me 6 months after all of this walking into the library of my college out of the gym >Guess who the fuck it is >K sitting on a desk by a computer, she sees me, we make eye contact and she immediatly starts packing up to leave >Realize it was all a fucking lie, mix of anger but slight relief i dont give close to as much of a shit as i use to about her
More than anything im angry at myself for having had wasted time on a bitch that wasted my time so much. I fucking loved her and she was the only girl I WOULD EVER do anything like that for. I did so much for her and loved her like no one else. I hate the fact she ended up being some chad loving whore in the end. That she fucking lied to me and never left. I loved her so much R9K, we had so much in common and so much planned out. But never again, fuck love. Just fuck that shit
>>26244112 you're a fucking fool falling for this shit and it's obvious you're not very experienced so maybe you do need to message her back and experience what's going to happen when you allow this broad back into your life again
either way i can't read any more of this gushy shit you're typing. it's a fucking broad, she is not special, she's a hole and you're projecting a bunch of nonsense on her
>>26244290 no, I'm not going to. I'm not very experienced but I know what happens, I've been there already. I came here to have someone like you tell me some stuff like that so I could be convinced again. You're right and I'm wrong. Thanks.
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