JAN IS CROSSED OFF EDITION
He's the poster boy of BBC comedy and it sums up perfectly why British comedy is so shit compared to American these days. BBC are only going to like comics who are clean and left leaning and safe and cuddly/sexy. It is no wonder Jim Jefferies had to go to the States.
It's amazing the contrast between this
It's like boys and men.
Poleaboo had a "tray wash" "interview" at the "employment links centre"
He got there at 10am sharp, noticed there were 3 other people waiting too (A Pole without ID, a young fedora tipping gent who can't get a bank account despite being British and an ethnic looking chav called "Dean"
The "tray wash" job involves heavy machinery and 12 hour shifts
Didn't learn much more because there was no fucking point
The "interview" was just filling out a form that said you had ID and could work the hours
They only needed 4 men
4 guys just happened to turn up early, they got the jobs and we were put on "reserve"
an absolute piss take
Mentor was smiling and asked how it went (I apparently missed her calling my name repeatedly)
Tried to tell her what happened but she said she'd catch up with the guy
Felt bad disappointing her
Like her because she seems to care
What memes haven't you seen for a long time lads?
I never did work out when was the appropriate context to post this one.
haha, wow, you're so cool, anon!
your cherry picked american comedian isn't even good by our standards
This brings me back. I was in school when this was a thing
heres one for you
>The European Court ruled that time you spend travelling to work is time spent working, and you must be paid for it.
But that's only for a specific sub-set of jobs, and not for just commuting to work.
Yeah of course that is work you retard. I'm not a home worker I have to go to an office to work. that rule applies to few people and almost all of them were being paid anyway
What are 'our' standards?
All funnier than Jack Whitehall, Russel Brand, Ricky Gervais, Russel Howard and friends
And that's only the living guys let alone
Yea nah I mean most women comics are fucking awful (including Tate by the way, her sketch show had some good characters though) but Schumer is on the next level of shit.
British comedy TV is generally funnier than American TV but when it comes to stand up American comics wipe the floor with the one's we have here.
Just had some fajitas. Pretty good stuff desu
Would probably change my tune after a month but neither 4 months straight of being NEET or a wageslave is desirable
>when it comes to stand up
I like Frankie Boyle
The UK is the hottest scene to do standup, people flock here from all over the world
You devote your laifu to your waifu who happens to be Lisa Simpson?
yeh, its called life. Jun is already my gf.
They can make an OVA in which I marry Azusa
Here's my waifu~
>tfw completely shaved armpits
can't stop touching them desu~
Sure but if you are going to get a job 12 hours a day is crazy. That's pretty much your entire fucking day.
You're living with your parents so you don't need to work crazy hours to pay bills or anything.
No chance of darkies from being in Europe. Much migration comes from eastern European states.
Sadly though, not being in Europe would mean stronger immigration from commonwealth countries... such as India and Pakistan...
never shaved my armpits desu, care to let me feel?
everyone involved is happy with it.
White comedians have to be funny
Black comedians have to be black. Whites will laugh out of guilt, and niggers will laugh because >muh solidarity whilst jumping up and down in their seats and not being able to keep their hands still
Put those edges away, kids, someone might get hurt
>go to some uni society games night alone
>end up in a group with two guys who know each other from before and a bulgarian qt who also came alone
>the two guys don't really care about us two, chat with the qt for like two hours
>she's shy but cute, a bit awkward maybe, but we share similar interests
>a guy comes up with a bag filled with paper slips, tells everyone to take one
>my slip has 3 on it, hers has 7.
>we end up in different groups
>my group is really boring, just generic chads and stacies
>after the official events are over, see the bulgarian qt chatting with some "nerd", as in those 5/5 chads with hipster glasses who say they're nerdy because they play mario
>she pays no attention to me whatsoever after that
>later see her and nerd chad leaving the bar together
LIFE IS SUFFERING
>Black comedians have to be black. Whites will laugh out of guilt, and niggers will laugh because >muh solidarity whilst jumping up and down in their seats and not being able to keep their hands still
Go watch Dave Chapelles two shows, they're both on Youtube and both good
She wasn't your average slag, and I've found that foreign students tend to be more.. how should I say it... nice?
I'm just disappointed, the night would've gone so much better if I had gotten a 7 as well.
>I've found that foreign students tend to be more.. how should I say it... nice?
It's because they are in a foreign country so don't want to offend and want to fit in with the locals. They are still normal young 20 year olds who care about looks and sex.
Poleaboo thought the same thing, he was wrong, accept what he's telling you and expel that whore from your mind
With the anxiety it's hard to leave the house anyway, a purpose like a job gives me the push I need
You would have been able to sit there as geek-chad and she shut you out of their conversation, while you sit awkwardly on the side waiting for the perfect moment to say something.
You'd be witnessing your cucking in real time.
>AA cup waifu in a show otherwise filled with enormous cowtits
95th for sakurako best waifu
>when it comes to stand up American comics wipe the floor with the one's we have here
We have Tim Vine.
No other country can compete.
the only person in that list who isn't a cunt.
like a really really shit Stewart Lee
not american. a hack.
He's good senpai.
The rest are niggers.
Face it, the best American comedians only look good against the worst British comedians (that you kindly name).
>Jack Whitehall, Russel Brand, Ricky Gervais, Russel Howard
>The parent is still financialy responsible for them
What a reckless and hateful dangerous thing to say, you should be murdered in the name of anti fascism senpai.
How dare you think the state is not the true mother and father to us all, you capitalist scum, we all belong to europe
>bring kid with you on dangerous illegal journey where you're likely to be trafficked or killed, never mind a child
>leave them with refugee aid workers until you reach a safe, civilised country and have your kid flown here by the UN under family reunification rules
Gee, I wonder which one better for the kid
>If they're not in Britain they're not our responsibility
You're right, they're the parent's responsibility. Us giving benefits to those who qualify is our responsibility though.
>If they're not British they have no right to British benefits
They're not British benefits, they'e EU benefits based on British legislation and policy.
>finished uni did decentish
>have a little bit of money in savings
>live in norn iron
>no real decent jobs beside call centers
>want to move no clue where
Where should I anons, I'm tempted to go anywhere and was legit thinking anywhere mainland or even canada.
>tfw you have that feeling you just want to get away.
>Face it, the best American comedians only look good against the worst British comedians (that you kindly name).
I named the most famous/popular British comedians. Just so you know I'm not an American doing muh patriotism, the American brand of stand up is just better. Which is why I mentioned Jefferies, he couldn't get big in England cause he's not soft enough for the BBC so he had to go the States where he style is more suited.
Also, you can't just call people niggers as a genuine argument. Especially when most of them literally are not.
The rest are funny but not as good as guys like Burr, Jefferies or CK.
>It's American comedians who are soft
Explain what you mean by this.
I don't see how any of the American comics named ITT are soft compared to the average set by anyone on Live at The Apollo?
DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THIS TIME I WAS ARGUING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?
THIS BITCH IS GOING ON ABOUT HOW SHE WANTS SOME SHITTY HANDBAG FROM THE STORE
I'M JUST STOOD THERE LIKE "HEY, WHO'S MONEY YOU USING TO BUY THIS?"
I actually do like him though, he just follows a lot of the same patterns in his stand up
thank you for the input friend.
>replied with literally explain how American comics are softer compared to British comics
>hurr cherry picking
>names one comic back in retort
>Give an example of an American being controversial/not PC
In that Bill Burr set I posted at the beginning of this thread he talks about pedophilia, black people being better at sports because of slavery, you should be able to hunt stupid people to solve the population problem, hitting women and not wanting to see gay guys kiss
Just off the the top of my head some of the most outrageous and funny things I can remember hearing from other comics was Jim Norton's 'Monster Rain' story about sucking his friend's dick on a regular basis when he was 8 years old and Louis CKs story about shoveling shit out of his daughter's vagina.
I don't think you would hear any of the at on the BBC.
i can sort of understand where you were coming from, but it was always able to produce a kek and hold my interest. you can only do so much 20mins at a time
scrubs was always the one program i could watch with my dad. all the other stuff he watches is all this intensive drama stuff that you need to watch from the beginning that i just can't commit to
For some still sucking on there tho row tor and proton on your mouth.
Yes, because in general they are...
Not a fan desu don't find him that funny
Yea obviously he's a legend
Point is though on the whole you look at the top comics in the States and the brand of comedy that is the promoted then you look at the top comics here and the fact is the top comics here are guys like Russel Howard, Jack Whitehall, Ricky Gervais whose style is vanilla compared to American top comics.
I'm not saying all British comics are shit so no need to get defensive and patriot about it, like I said I'm British too, just prefer the more gritty style of American comics.
Why is it you can say anything without offending people about Britain ie 'fuck the Queen', 'shit teeth', 'go drink tea' , but as soon as someone says British comics aren't the best in the world everyone goes full on American tier 'WE'RE NUMBER 1' patriotism?
Bernard Manning was great........they i found out he was a kike.
>how do you go into the art fuck a horse and not be bonsai but a barny fan
Pics of bareny
I actually love all 'racial slurs' against the uk.
The french call us 'ros beef' because they think we eat delicious beef Sunday roasts
Oh and Limeys, you mean how the british understood nutrition and stopped our sailors from becoming retarded shits like yours?
keep them inferior tears coming bro
>Oh and Limeys, you mean how the british understood nutrition and stopped our sailors from becoming retarded shits like yours?
>keep them inferior tears coming bro
Mate... I'm from fucking Somerset. I just don't get ass blasted when people prefer comics from other countries.
Bonsai is a small redwood
<this is bonsai>
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BEBO PICS PRICKS
>dad took my last donut
Feels pretty fucking shit lads.
>moving the goal posts
>I literally said British comedy TV is better than American earlier in the conversation but American stand up comics are better
You really are a spastic aren't you?
We know what you said mate. And it's wrong.
American "comedy" is puerile.
British comedy is more refined, a more intellectual appreciation is required. Knowledge of arts, history, politics and geography.
It's not as easy as saying "weed" or "bazinga" to get a laugh from British audiences.
Where is the best place to buy cheap booze? B&M is pretty good, but I've already bought a shitload this weekend from my local store and I'm beginning to look like an alcoholic, where else can I go.
Modern UK standups are shit though, the US wipe the floor with us in that department. UK standups these days are soft as fuck. Plebs think people like Frankie Boyle are blue.
>He posts nonsense posts because he thinks it will make a good character but literally no one cares.
At first I assumed it was someone who had made a script or bot that generated nonsense text somehow by chopping up and recombining other 4chan posts, some of the posts seemed to read like that.
>British comedy is more refined, a more intellectual appreciation is required. Knowledge of arts, history, politics and geography.
Name a recent British comedy where that is even half true.
We made some great stuff but we haven't in a long time.
>At first I assumed it was someone who had made a script or bot that generated nonsense text somehow by chopping up and recombining other 4chan posts, some of the posts seemed to read like that.
You might be right actually. The other day part of his post was something someone had said to me ITT before and I recognised it because when they said it it really made me laugh.
Poleaboo considered himself patriotic at one point, a UKIP voter, even thought of joining the army
But patriotism didn't do anything for him, in fact it was humiliating, so he dropped it
What is the deal with Sheeky forums? I thought it was just one of those website that copied posts from other websites? I can't even remember why it was those websites existed in the first place, but I remember and /x/ threads from years ago where there was loads with posts from the threads on the board. Was weird shit.
The grey doesn't bother me. The overcrowding does.
Canada is bigger than the entirety of Europe, yet we have double it's population. I have no idea how that doesn't bother more people.
A house over there would be split into three if it was built over here.
>captcha: select all the images with a House
Because it's just fucking stupid
>hurr I'm going to live vicariously through people that happened to be born in the same place as me whose achievements I have nothing to do with but will brag about as if they were my own
I mean, the whole concept is pretty cringe worthy.
>Canada is a barren wasteland like Oz
Better that than over populated mess we have here.
Last time I was in Toronto I passed fewer people in a week than I do here in a small town over a weekend. It's so fucking depressing.
Never played one
Don't like WRPGs though
It's the lack of structure, prefer JRPGs where everything is clear, the order of things to do and everything being unmissable, obvious upgrade paths
[dunununuuu dunununuuu intensifies]
>literally no one in this entire discussion has been talking about Ameican TV shows vs British TV shows
>Clearly closes the stand up debate
>hurr durr no ur wrong cus TV shows
Mate we all know British comedy TV shows have always been better Monty Python, Fawlty Towers. The Comic Strip, Blackadder, The Young Ones, Bottom, Brass Eye, The Fast Show, Peep Show, the list is endless. Stop trying to make yourself sound clever but arguing the fucking obvious.
You got btfo in the original discussion, which was about stand up comedy, and you need to just accept that and stop posting, not try to gain some kind of moral victory that will let you lay your fat head down on your pillow and sleep peacefully once you close the laptop.
Some top guy who works for my company's big American competitor looked at my LinkedIn profile earlier but didn't say anything.
I never knew anything important could actually come of them so I never maintained it properly, was this him scouting me and seeing I didn't give a shit so I blew it?
If it's got a laugh track it's bottom of the barrel, like the majority of American comedies.
Stand up too, for all intents and purposes, has a laugh track with the addition of an audience.
Have you ever listened to a comedian do a routine in front of nobody? It really shows how dire it is.
>it's where everyone is heading
No one of worth. Why stay here and pay over the odds for a house the size of a wardrobe and a car the size of a go kart when you could at least attempt to escape to the colonies.
>tfw these degenerates represent my uni, apparently
Mother of the Spartley Spooligans talks to the Daily Mail about the Zika virus
Stopped reading there. That's literally plebbit tier cuck humour. You may as well include Dad's Army in that list of tripe.
The discussion was about comedy, not comics. Pay attention to the damn thread before talking to me you jumped up little cunt.
Jesus the people who do this sort of shit are annoying, knew people in my year who did a naked calendar and it was only the most annoying twats who went for it.
Pretending they were ugly but really wanting everyone to praise them.
You haven't explained how it lives up to the calibre you presented. You simply think it does because it doesn't have a laugh track. It's Spinal Tap put into a mini-series, apart from Spinal Tap did it first and it's a damn sight funnier.
Black Adder had a laughter track. Lots of old british comedies do. We can't use that to put down american ones.
I hate laughter tracks. I hate them so much. Seriously damages the show.
Haha okay kiddo.
As for Month Python, personally not a fan but to denouncing it's importance is like denouncing The Beatles importance. You'd literally have to be underage to do it.
>The discussion was about comedy, not comics. Pay attention to the damn thread before talking to me you jumped up little cunt.
It was about comics, I know because I started it. You then proceeded to get btfo and are now literally trying to argue anything so you can be 'right' over the internet. Nice try though kiddo, you best get off to bed now, don't want to be tired for class tomorrow.
>They're all LGBTQUIOPYBG+ fags
I don't get it. Why does this mean they have to be naked with a flag? That doesn't seem very beneficial to their cause at all... maybe even the opposite.
It's good by British standards (this means it is automatically better than 90% of American "comedy"), and requires a knowledge of the music industry and political history.
Try watching it won't you? You might surprise yourself.
It was just a recent example, which you asked for. It's being recent more relevant than the actual subject matter.
It is funny how you've gone from moving the goal posts in an effort to be 'right' on the internet to just completely abandoning everything and hoping if you just keep shitposting we'll leave you alone so you can 'win'
Check out what painting Lucas has in his apartment in Spooks lads
>denouncing it's importance is like denouncing The Beatles importance.
Sleep well anons, I hope you can dream about you're waifu tonight.
>requires a knowledge of the music industry and political history.
>I don't get it. Why does this mean they have to be naked with a flag? That doesn't seem very beneficial to their cause at all... maybe even the opposite
That college is the most self-indulgent and wanky, which by Oxford standards is truly saying something.
They put a naked calendar out every year for some reason.
It's funny how you've gone from refusing to comment on it at all and instead try to deflect with something irrelevant.
British comedy > American comedy
Attempt to prove me wrong or leave.
>It's good by British standards (this means it is automatically better than 90% of American "comedy")
Mate, we've made some great stuff, but we've also made some absolute shite. America makes bollocks like Friends and the Big Bang Theory and we make shit like the IT Crowd and Two Pints of Lager. We have yet to make a sitcom in the same league as Frasier.
>Tfw of the two times I've dreampt of my waifu the first time I woke up just before I could tell her I love her and in the second she died
Mate we've already been through this
American stand ups > British stand ups
That was the original argument, you got btfo in it, that is fine at least you learnt something no shame there.
But then rather than take your loss and move on you decided to start arguing that
British Comedy series > American Comedy series
Which I personally agree with. So then you started arguing about Monty fucking Python...?
Sort it out.
Speaking of comedies, how come we haven't ever made an animated one. I can't think of any, anyway. The US has loads, you would think we would have had a go once or twice.
King of the Hill is GOAT by the way.
>It's the UK equivalent of the Big Bang Theory. It's shit. I bet you think Black Books is funny.
Please be shitposting senpai
We weren't talking abotu stand ups, but you're still wrong.
Let's take a look at the best American stand ups: Katt Williams, Amy Schumer, Trevor Noah, Adam Sandler.
Not much talent, not very funny. Even comparing them to middle of the road British stand ups like Ricky Gervais, Benny Hill, Stewart Lee... you quickly realise that Americans can't even come close to the level of sophistication or wit employed by Brits.
And why would they? American comedians only need to appeal to people whose culture consists of hamburgers and guns.
>King of the Hill is GOAT by the way.
Great characters. Had some characters you love to hate, who were made with it in mind that they are terrible, terrible people.
I still hate Peggy.
>he doesn't aspire to be bernard black
>We weren't talking abotu stand ups,
We literally were
>Let's take a look at the best American stand ups: Katt Williams, Amy Schumer, Trevor Noah, Adam Sandler.
We've literally just had this discussion... Look I'll help you. I started the discussion in the last thread by saying I prefer American stand ups, someone replied British stand ups are better, to which I made this post>>26230057 at the start of this thread comparing Russel Howard to Bill Burr.
In the end the British comics side of the debate got btfo. I am not going to have that discussion with you again so you can try to 'win' because the discussion already took place literally in this thread, so all you need to do is read the thread for it, we don't need to go over the whole thing again to appease your autism.
Also if you honestly believe the people you named are the best American stand up you shouldn't even be discussing comedy.
>Russel Howard is bad so all British comedians are
That was your argument. I explained you were wrong multiple times and rephrased this but you still don't get it.
You got told, you got upset, you got a little mad. But it's ok, it's over now.
I hope you understand that British comedy, and its comedians, are far superior to their lukewarm American counterparts.
>Even comparing them to middle of the road British stand ups like Ricky Gervais, Benny Hill, Stewart Lee... you quickly realise that Americans can't even come close to the level of sophistication or wit employed by Brits.
>And why would they? American comedians only need to appeal to people whose culture consists of hamburgers and guns.
Are you literally autistic? Or just underage?
I know someone who does. She's a lonely, used up 32 year old woman who lives with her parents and self publishes shitty horror fiction.
That's the type of person who thinks Black Books is funny.
>trying to rewrite what is clearly visible in this thread
Mate, you got mad and resorted to blind patriotism which I said is fine. And it is. So good luck.
And like I said you shouldn't be talking about comedy in the first place if you think Amy Schumer and Adam Sandler are good...
I hope you're all aware you're fucking attention seeking normies who have ruined /britfeel/ for another fucking night. Well done you obsessive cunts, hope you enjoyed the (You(s. Fucking hell, normies out
Must be nice to be able to ignore the post and come out with some generic insult. Not even bothering to put forward why you think American comedy is decent, let alone on par with British comedy.
There's not been any discussion on your part, only weak insults and "I've already said it".
Boring mate, you're done here. Get out.
Now here's a cause worth fighting for
>Not even bothering to put forward why you think American comedy is decent,
Already have bud, like I said I am not giving you a round two, if you want to see the argumnt read the thread.
>weak insults and "I've already said it".
Because I already have... Literaly in this thread.
> you're done here.
You were done here when you lost the argument about an hour ago.
Cool bud like I said read the thread, go to where you got beat out last time and try to make a real argument instead of your blind patriotism, then maybe you can come back and have a pop.
Go to bed and stop arguing you have all have long days at work tomorrow
The argument is there. The evidence is presented. British stand up is richer and more humorous than American stand up.
Even suggesting Bill Bur should have been enough for me to laugh you off and ignore you as bait, but something told me you were being serious.
I really pit you in a way, you'll never acctually understand comedy or be able to appreciate it properly.
>Peter Kay and Lee Evans better than any 1 of
You could at least pick funny British comics...
That's the thing though you are clearly a bellend, we know this because I am not saying all British comics are shit, I like British comics, I just prefer the American style, whereas you are so ignorant as to what you are talking about you literally say things like
> American comedians only need to appeal to people whose culture consists of hamburgers and guns.
It really is almost as if you have no idea what you are talking about
They're shit by British standards. Peter Kay is average observational humour aimed and middle aged women and Lee Evans gimmick is being sweaty, pulling faces and doing silly voices. He has the talents of a children's entertainer.
>The argument is there. The evidence is presented. British stand up is richer and more humorous than American stand up.
You literally stopped halfway through the argument because you have nothing left to say and started responding with 'Get out Bob!; memes.
>Not accepting the one true Oily Lord into your heart
>Peter Kay is average observational humour aimed and middle aged women
Thank you! I cannot wrap my head around the success he has had.
Phoenix Nights is great though, but other people helped write it.
>he needs to look up Bill Burr, Jim Jeffeies, Louis CK, Chris Rock, Mitch Hedberg, Carlin, or Bill Hicks
Can you get more basic?
If this was a music discussion you'd basically be saying 'Nah I'm not looking up this 'The Rolling Stones' band who cares about them'
The argument is that British comedy is better than American comedy. You'd have to be potty (or American) to disagree.
Even the Europeans know it. There's a reason why so many great British shows are sold to the Americans (WLIIA, Inbetweeners, Shameless). Stand up comics is just another area of comedy that we beat the Americans at.
American comedy is still very infantile, slapstick and toilet based. It's sitcoms stuck in ruts revolving around character relationships rather than interesting situations.
In another ten, twenty years we may see them begin to reach levels of comedy we were exploring in the 70s. But it certainly won't be as good.
>tfw the qt gril you liked had a kid and is now fat
>yfw her job status is "full time mummy"
>yfw she contacts you "to see how are you are" out of the blue
>yfw you're single, but earning good money
Rather be single than get someone pretending to like me for beta bux
>The argument is that British comedy is better than American comedy. You'd have to be potty (or American) to disagree.
I agree with you that British comedy shows inbetweeners, Shameless etc are better than American shows, but stand up and television shows are two completely different things. This discussion began with stand up, not television.
American comedy is still very infantile, slapstick and toilet based. It's sitcoms stuck in ruts revolving around character relationships rather than interesting situations.
Again, I agree with this in regards to their television shows, but it is not true of stand up.
If anything the roles reverse with stand up between British and American. British comics tend to be more theatrical for better (Tom Vine) or worse (Lee Evans), whereas American comedy is more typically a cynical asshole complaining about shit (George Carlin).
>Americans are cynical
OH so you literally don't know what you're talking about.
Carlin was terrible, his entire routines revolved around making the audience member feel superior to others - typical American mindset. Even that hack Bill Bailey is funnier than Carlin.
>Carlin was terrible,
GG been literally years since someone's kept me on the hook for this long
Take it easy
I'm serious though senpai, they actually look the same.
>tfw girl you liked transferred schools to escape you
>deleted and blocked you on facebook
>deleted all your mutual friends to get away
>told you if you ever contacted her again she'd call the police
>almost 12 years have gone by and you're still not over her
>Trying to keep going
If you weren't a troll then you are a literal downie. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here.
I got all night mate. We can keep doing this throughout the next thread too if you want.
The simple fact of the matter is that British comedians are superior to American comedians.
In any context; stand up, sitcom, panel show etc.
nice meme band
The Beatles literally had to go relearn their instruments after they got cucked by Hendrix
>America has literally never produced a single piece of music of any note whatsoever
Still more than Britain has ever made.
>there are people in the world who sat around and debated philosophy for their entire lives
>there are institutions that have been debating the meaning of stories for thousands of years
What do you have against debate and thinking?
Did you miss the China and India marathon? Or the shower gel argument?
I'm positive it's the same two guys always getting into an argument with each other other mundane shit.
Other great topics have included 'Asking Questions at an Interview" and "Love".
Sup lads. My NEET stand up thread got deleted by the mods, reposting with a few extra jokes.
>How many wagecucks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two - one to screw in the lightbulb, another to stop him from hanging himself after.
>How many NEETs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None - they're too busy screwing the wagecuck's wife!
>Did you hear about the wagecuck who loved his job?
Neither did I.
>How do you get a wagecuck onto a bus?
Start paying him enough for bus fare.
>A wagecuck walks into a bar...
A NEET says to him "I'll have a vodka and coke, please."
>How else do you get a wagecuck onto a bus?
Don't hold him back when he jumps in front of it.
>Mr Shekkelstein goes down to the ice cream parlour to treat himself during the lunch hour. When he gets in, he sees his wagecuck employee furiously masturbating over a tub of ice cream while the cashier girl screams and the other customers look on in horror. Mr Shekkelstein is shocked and asks him what the hell he thinks he's doing. The wagecuck looks confused for a second, then replies, "Sorry, boss! I thought you said you wanted me to cum in sundae!"
>Why did the wagecuck sprint across town through traffic to take advantage of a 5% off deal at Walmart?
Wagecucks will do anything for a promotion!
>Why couldn't the wagecuck's wife give him an erection?
Only Mr Shekkelstein decides when he gets a raise.
>How do you make a wagecuck bend over?
Give him minimum wage.
>What's the difference between a whipped cart horse and a wagecuck?
Horses don't pay tax!
>tfw can't win a game since season 3
I DON'T LIKE CHANGE, MY AUTISM IS FLARING UP. I WANT THINGS TO STAY THE SAME. WHAT THE FUCK DO I BUILD NOW?
Might kill myself to help fight against the growing population encouraged by the banks to keep house prices soaring and mortgages expensive thus keeping banks rich and powerful. At least I'll be one less cunt needing to pay Mr Shekkelstein for accommodation.
You will never
>have a paki man break into you house
>realize self defense is illegal here
>take your time chopping him into little pieces, putting his organs in a blender and flushing him down the toilet
>have his daughter knock on your door confessing he was going to rob us and she was supposed to help him and asking if we've seen him
>conveniently record it
>blackmail her into being your sex slave
>use her like the subhuman whore she is and beat the shit out of her regularly for decades
>use her womb to produce pure white children because your genes are so good they eradicate the shitskin
>force her to have them with c-section to keep her hole good
>continue using her until she's too old to be attractive
>keep her on a short leash anyway until she's dying in the hospital
>then tell her that you killed her father and flushed him down the toilet like the shit he was
>laugh as she dies
Feels bad man.
Average rent is 900 quid a month here, climbed by 14% this year and is going to continue to climb to over 1k a month next year. I earn 1.1k a month.
I can't believe shit has been allowed to go this way. I'm fucking done with it.
>have his daughter knock on your door confessing he was going to rob us and she was supposed to help him and asking if we've seen him
The fuck kind of scenario is that?
>>realize self defense is illegal here
They changed the law recently, you are now allowed to use 'unnecessary force'. European Central Court ruling senpai.
Probably can't go quite as far as murder unless he was armed and trying to kill you, but you could definitely fuck him up as long as you can convince the court you felt threatened.
Wish I could go to sleep.
Was planning on drinking on Friday and Sunday this week, but might move it to tomorrow and Saturday instead. Starting to feel /thirsty/. What do you lads think?
The only risk is that, because I am accustomed to drinking Friday, I might end up drinking Thursday then saying balls to it and doing Friday as well and then Sunday on top. Trying to only drink twice a week, don't want to be an alchy.
>Live with parents have money but be a manchild
>Move out be a normie but have no money
You just can't win.
>M O R T G A G E
>buying into the mortgage meme
If you earn the average wage in this country which is just over 20k but we'll round it to 20k to make maths easier, now the average house price where I live is 200k. Now let's say you are 18 and live at home and save half your money in 2 years you can afford a deposit for a mortgage. House prices went up again in those two years though so we're gunna save another year.
So now you are 21 you are ready for your mortgage. what are the options?
Well with the lowester interest rates on the market being about 3% at the moment we can get a fixed for a few years, and we'll aim to pay the mortgage back by the time we are 46 years old, so a 25 year mortgage, and there we go that will cost us....About 900 quid a month... well that is the same price as renting and we don't make much more than 900 a month. This is surely unaffordable. Whatever shall we do?
Not to worry, we can always take out a 50 year mortgage, they are all the rage now with first time buyers paying 10 percent deposits! This should only set us back about 600 pounds a month. And don't worry we just need to avoid any unexpected unemployment, expenses, or I don't know, a literally inevitable rise in interest rates and we'll have the whole thing paid off when we are 71, then we can die of a heart attack and the banks can mortgage it out again to the next shmuck!
This is the short story version of why mortgages are utter shite for this generation of wageslaves. Unless you have a proper profession that makes good money. or you have rich oldfag parents who can give you a massive deposit, it is a complete scam and you will end up with the worst from both worlds of wageslavery and debt slavery.
Remember kids, if any strange men offer to buy you a house and you only have to pay them a little bit back each month, just say no!!
Sucks doesn't it senpai. I sometimes wish I could just stay at home but I know that's not realistic at all and I need to move out asap, but I'll be fucking broke in no time when I do.
It's either that or you move out into a shithole area where you can't even go outside without being jumped paying rent, or stay living with mummy.
Not saying mortgage is the 'win' option. It isn't at all, far from it but not much else you can do unless you have a good job. I can't even get through uni without wanting to end it all. I can't see myself holding down a real professional job. I couldn't even stomach my placement year, I hated it. I worry about my future, I really do and it keeps me up at this time of night.
>I worry about my future, I really do and it keeps me up at this time of night.
Haha same senpai, I was going to go to bed hours ago then I read some article about house prices and it just set my mind off on one so I was reading a bunch then I came here to vent. It really doesn't resolve anything. I guess it is good to know there are other people who see through the bullshit though. If the parade of normies blindly jumping into mortgages they realistically shouldn't be maybe the shit would slow down.
Doesn't help I worked in a bank for years and my brother is a rich old fag who makes his money as a landbaron with a whole bunch of houses he bought in the 90s for less than 100k that are now all worth over 250k each and he discusses how it all works with me a lot, so between him and my job in the bank I am way more fucking red pilled than I would like to be.
As far as the job goes I am NEET at the moment living with my parents they are pressuring me to get a job but they are both in their 70s and completely out of touch with reality. We live in a shit council estate and I know I never have any chance of leaving here because only jobs I can do are shit tier wageslave jobs, so I might as well sit here NEET because at least being NEET I can enjoy some pleasures, whereas if I were wageslaving I'd be in the exact same position but have to slave away doing some demeaning job for 5 or 6 days a week which would just me on a faster trajectory to suicide than I already am.
We're fucked, bro.
Yeah, it's nice to know there are others too here who can see it. It's a little comforting.
I just hope I can find some contentment in my life, whatever happens. Some things in my life are going well, while others like uni and career are going worse than I could imagine. Got to take the ups with the downs I guess.
Feel the same lads, given up all hope of owning a house at this point. Also sick and tired of the Brit mentality constantly pushing you to buy one and shaming you if you don't
Had a cheeky nap 10ish till 1, so I'm still up
>Shit gets weird at night
iktf lad, like a massive black hole inside of me. Anyone remember that sopranos episode where Tony wakes up crying saying everything feels black? Sort of like that. I really need to sleep normally again, it will most likely make me feel better.
I just want an okay place of my own. Nothing big or fancy. Honestly where I lived for my placement year was pretty good. It had a big bedroom/living room, a nice kitchen, a bathroom. Most normies would consider it shit but it was comfy. An okay job with decent hours so I have some free time. Don't need amazing money, just some spare money left over for vidya. But even that seems so far away these days. Plus it would disappoint my parents and I really hate doing that. I can't even finish uni from the looks of things. FUCK.
>I'm too ashamed to do that again.
Who cares if you do it alone?
I've spent the last three years obsessing over you, wondering why you did what you did. And now you are dead and I have no closure. I'm looking at the last message you ever sent to me. I look at the time stamp and see how long ago it was. but it feels like it just happened. The pain is still sharp and severe. like a blade stuck between my ribs.
What am I supposed to do now.
Then either make something matter to you, or do what I'm doing and distance from everything. Or do a mix of both and focus on something so much that nothing else in the world comes close as a means to escape. You'd need to find that something first though, sorry.
You'd need to find it, I haven't even found my own yet.
I'm learning carpentry in my village when I'm not using video games as escapism or doing errands for people. Sinking time into something like carpentry works for me, but it's not the solution I can focus on and ignore everything else.
I think my original plan of working two jobs and sleeping in my spare time is the path for me, after all. I just want to be able to sink all of my time into stuff and never think about the rest. Just escaping into being too busy to look elsewhere or dwell.
Carpentry is just because some companies still need carpenters, and I'd be following in the footsteps of someone
just rubbed peri peri sauce into my pajamas after finishing up some wings cos i woke up at 2am and already had breakfast at 3
what has my life become
Morning lads, thinking about leaving he house and venturing into town today because I really want one of these wraps.
On the other hand I haven't been outside further than the 5 minute walk to Begain Booze in about 2 months and town is full of normies who I don't like.
To that anon who was in here the other day complaining take aways don't open early enough. I've just seen on Just-Eat there is cafe down the road started doing delivery from 8am you can get fry up, breakfasts, or burger, chips, etc anything from the menu. What a time to be alive.
Can confirm that the fucking foreigners will rip the freshly reduced stuff out of your hand before you can put it down!
I know this because I have to do the final clearance on fresh 2 nights a week in ASDA. I'd happily burn the lot of them!
"Anon, we've talked about this: my eyes are up here."