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/mental illness/
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

Thread replies: 120
Thread images: 10
Who /having trouble staying sane/ here? I have depressive psychosis, and here's my problem:

>no longer able to differentiate Hallucinations from reality
>feel like I'm going crazy
>can't concentrate on anything to save my life
>speech is basically gibberish when I have to talk to people

WAKE ME UP
>>
>>26226397
Please help fampais
>>
/specialsnowflake/ general

You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

thats how common this shit is. go back to fucking tumblr.
>>
>>26226397
>The flow of the ribbons into the tendrils exacerbates the pulsing. Stopping putting the plasma?

I'm sorry OP I don't know what you're trying to say.
>>
>>26226730
Fuck off nigger. You don't belong here.
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>>26226622
Any meds/therapy?

What kinds of things do you hallucinate, anon?
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>>26226765
OP here, I see around me dozens of a black guys ready to pounce on me each one of thems cock is bigger than the next
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>>26226765
I'm on risperidone and zoloft. They're helping less and less as time goes on. Here are some of the things I hallucinate:
>female voice saying STOP and DON'T
>dark figures that look like the rake
>blips and Beeping sounds
>flashes of light
>sparkling lights
>tea kettle screaming (usually lasts a while)
>>
>>26226765
OP here

wake up middle of the night and my vision has turned into somewhat of a kaleidoscope I see spinning flash visuals of Goatse
>>
>>26226801
>>26226736
>>26226730
If you don't like it, then go look at another thread bitching about women or something. There is a general for this so that it is only contained to one thread. There are plenty of women suck threads for you to post in.
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>>26226839
bacon summons the voice of thousand salad doves, oxen, and salamanders fearing the verbal accusations of the one who can not know that which does not
>>
>>>/sci/7825678
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>>26226809
Have you been on other meds before? If these aren't helping, can't you get them changed by visiting your psychiatrist?

I'm really sorry to hear all this, op. Are there any other symptoms you're experiencing? Do they impede your overall functioning?
>>
>>26226829
I am OP, this post is an imposter
stay out of a my conscience imposter I dont deny you my he-pussy
>>
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>>26226950
yes, I feel the ghost of moot slide no more than 3 fingers in and out of my sphinx
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>>26226981
>>26226955
>>26226829
>>26226801
>>26226736
>>26226730
Why is making 100 threads complaining about roasties okay, but one mental illness thread per day is enough to put neo-/r9k/ into full buttblasted mode?
>>
>>26227121
Because mental health is an inherently "leftist" thing, and 4chan gets triggered by anything to do with that side of the political spectrum no matter what.
>>
>>26226397

>stop taking illicit drugs

solved your fucking problem fampai
>>
You're gone already, but I'm sorry these faggots had to derail the thread. I hope the best for you. Good luck.
>>
Depression, aspergers, anxiety, schizotypal and slightly paranoid
Existence truly is pain
>>
>>26227154
I'm not doing illicit drugs.
>>26227236
thanks. I decided to check it again.
>>26227148
that makes sense
>>26226950
I have been on buspirone for general anxiety as well, but that's just an add-on. I'm currently trying to change my anti-psychotic because risperidone has made me gain 25 pounds. The symptoms definitely impair my function. I don't do my college work because I simply can't remember to do it. I can't even remember to eat meals. The hallucinations are also incredibly distracting and thought-occupying. Basically all I can think about is how I'm losing my mind.
>>
>>26227506
>that makes sense

It really does

>requires thought that's not entirely "logical" and instead is more about feelings
>something you can't see that isn't religious
>requires help from the government and the community
>goes entirely against the "brah just git gud at life free market brah" mindset

It's no wonder there's so many people here who hate it.
>>
>>26227506
Have anti-psychotics helped before? Have they all started off helping, but then lost their effects?
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>>26227506
I have schizoaffective disorder and I'm the same way. Unable to eat or change my clothes or shower. I suspected that the meds were making my disorganized symptoms worse, so I stopped taking them. I'm just learning to live with hallucinations. Sleep is my biggest hurdle right now, I've grown so used to being knocked out by an anti-psychotic every night that sleeping without one feels impossible. So I stay up for like three days at a time, and it's making me a bit psychotic.

My therapist keeps asking why I don't show any emotions. He doesn't accept "I have a schizo illness" as an answer. Apparently I'm hiding this deep, dark pain that I'm unable to face, according to him. I don't really know what he's talking about.
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>>26227583
Yes and yes. They stopped helping as much.
>>26227584
I am incredibly worried that my medication is causing my psychosis. I know it's probably a delusion, but I can't shake the thought that it is causing my psychotic symptoms. My therapist is absolute shit. She is the one they give to the most suicidal patients, and I'm not even that suicidal. She is super careful with her choice of words which makes her speak slowly and put me to sleep.
>>
>>26227886
Ask for a different therapist if you don't like the one your working with. Also, avoid female therapists as much as possible. They just don't understand what men are/feel like.
>>
Professionally diagnosed Aspergers here since early childhood
>bullied literally my entire childhood, even by teachers.
>depressed
>pick at toenails to the point of ripping them off and not even having any toenail
>badly mutilated toes
>work out and supplement obsessively.
>get high on prescription occasionally
>want to fucking kill everyone
>have 2-3 close friends
>literally never talked to a girl
>literal complete social cripple, incapable of even ordering at subway
Just kill me already family.
>>26227148
I'm far right wing, all I ever wanted is to be fucking normal, just fucking kill me.
>>
>>26227316
Are you me? Do you also work out and supplement obsessively?
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>>26227941
My therapist was also nervous during our meeting. I think she learned that I had homicidal thoughts, so she was trying to be super careful. Just because I'm having homicidal thoughts doesn't mean I'm going to act on them.
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>>26227886
Well, my medication actually DOES cause psychosis. It's an anti-cholinergic, just like delirants. It makes me hallucinate a lot right after I take it. I'm usually fine after that though. I had some trouble with Risperdal too (I think you said you were on that?). Turned me into a useless zombie, and I failed all my classes. I don't understand why you think it's for suicidal patients, Abilify is the one for depressed psychos.

Also, it could be possible that your Zoloft is worsening your symptoms. Zoloft slows down the process at which your serotonin is converted to other chemicals, so that means the serotonin sticks around for a little longer and starts hitting the receptors more. One of those serotonin receptors is the 5HT2A receptor, which is the same receptor that psychedelic drugs hit. So with that receptor being hit too much, you start hallucinating just like you would on LSD or DMT or something. Just makes me wonder if that's happening to you, because some of the hallucinations you're describing (flashes of light, sparkling, intricate textures) sound quite psychedelic.

Do you smoke? Most people who suffer from psychosis do. 60% of bipolars, 80% of schizophrenics. If you don't, I suggest not trying it. I started smoking during my first visit to the hospital, right after my first psychotic manic episode. After every meal there was a smoke break, and they let the smokers go outside into this fenced off terrace thing. I wanted to go outside too, so I bought some cigs and smoked with all the guys. It was so nice getting some fresh air, it's simply inhuman to keep someone locked out of the outside for days. Anyways, I've been unable to quit since then. Apparently there's some evidence it acts as a kind of self-medication, it helps sharpen your mind so your thoughts aren't so cluttered and delusional.

Sorry I type a lot. I have a lot of energy bursting through my head right now. This is my second day without sleep, still not even a bit tired.
>>
>>26227584

Have you been abused? Most personality disorders are caused by abuse.

He probably knows that and thinks you're in denial about not having "deep, dark pain that (you're) unable to face".

If you've been abused then it's worth facing. it's the only way you can help yourself.
>>
>>26228077

It's actually normal for them to be a bit reluctant when you have homicidal thoughts. They're not judging you, they're trained to sit back and let you open up.

It's part of their job when you say homicidal things to sit back and let you express it. The more they let you say the more they can get to the "root cause" of the homicidal urges. They need to hear you say as much as possible so they can see what causes your anger.
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>>26228301

Don't be sorry m8. Have you tried gum or e-cigs?

I admire your drug knowledge but do you think you might be hurting yourself learning about all of this?

Have you told your health care professional about your inability to sleep and your choice to quit medication?
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>>26228301
I'm starting on abilify this afternoon, but I'm a bit afraid to take it because we think that abilify is what made my uncle try to kill himself. I'm going to taper off risperidone. I don't smoke, but I have before (just like a cigarette a week). I hate how confusing all of this is. Is it my medication? who the fuck knows. I just wish I knew.
>>
aspergers, tourretes
>>
>>26228371
I have been abused. Don't know how to face it, I try to look back on it and can't feel anything. It's like it's just something I've read in a book, not actually a thing that happened to me. And I have a lot of trouble remembering the years I was abused. I can only think of like brief sentences about what happened.
>my mom had an untreated illness and alcoholism, she would have violent episodes
>she tried to stab me with a knife once while she was psychotic
>spent hours holding her down in a chair because she was threatening to drive our car off a cliff
Can't think of any more things she's done to me. I know she's done a lot more, I just can't think of any. I don't feel anything either, getting all that out. Feels like I'm talking about someone else.

>>26228486
I've tried gum. I'd like to switch to e-cigs, but don't really know where to get started. I don't think it hurts me to stay informed. I've always had an interest in pharmacology since I began high school. And I haven't told her, I stopped making appointments with her. I know she'll tell me I'm a moron or threaten to hospitalize me. I want to give no meds a try, and if I can't handle it then I'll get back on them.

>>26228497
Abilify can make you suicidal, because it gives you a nice hit of energy. When you give a depressed person a boost of energy before the anti-depressant effects kick in, he could use that energy to try to kill himself. But it's a pretty rare occurrence. I actually liked Abilify a bit, it's not as zombie-ish. But it didn't help my psychotic symptoms, so they switched me off it.
>>
Hi robots. It's been a while. I'm going to kill myself in a moment. I wrote a letter to the few people who will be affected by it. I'm going to be taking an overdose of a mix of medication and street drugs with alcohol. Then I'll be shooting myself in the head. Do you believe in Heaven? I never did. The last thing I ate was a fruit roll-up. Like when I was a kid. Those were always my favorite.
>>
How can people say they don't believe in depression being real when it has physical symptoms that are measurable like constipation?
>>
>>26228673
Because people see sad people who flout their "depression" to get attention and actually believe they have it. It's also not based in "reality", i.e. you can't physically see it like you could a tumor or cancer.
>>
>>26228601

>I don't know how to face it
>I try to look back on it and can't feel anything

That sounds like your body is protecting you from the pain. I think it's called disociative? (I only took high school psychology).

Maybe you need to face the pain without reliving the experience. Instead of trying to fix the symptoms by replaying the experience you could focus on fixing the pain by giving yourself the love your mother never did.
>>
Anti-psychotic medication helps, although you won't ever recover from the deterioration of intellect and disintegration of personality you will suffer.
Been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia a few years ago, and had some involuntary hospital stays. The first one was when I was full blown psychotic, the second one was because I regained my sanity, realized how horrible my life will be because of this disease, and wanted to kill myself.
I believe I will kill myself within the next few years, but choose a method fatal enough so that I won't end up locked up for years in an institution, and forced to live as a schizophrenic cripple (it's a nightmare that I don't wish upon my worst enemies).

Higher insight into one's illness is correlated with suicide in schizophrenia, and I have a pretty good insight.
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>>26228739

I've been on anti-psychotics for 6 years. I've been able to maintain a lot more logic and intellect than when I was delusional.

I just needed to find the right medication and start taking therapy seriously. My grandma was my caregiver for the first two years and she helped me get on the right track.
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>>26228796
Lol, for sure you will be able to maintain a lot more intellect than when delusional. But you will never recover to the level you had before psychosis, even if you're free from delusion. The disease damages one's intellect, leads to a loss of social and occupational skills, and so on. One's personality disintegrates. You usually end up leading a lonely, miserable life in poverty. And even if you aren't in poverty yet, you will slide there. The term is called downward spiral.

This isn't exactly a future (nor present) I want for myself, so I think killing myself is better than living through this nightmare. Those anti-euthanasia folks should consider how others suffer because of their views. They don't know what real suffering is. They don't know what having to live through suffering which will only get worse is like. If they knew, they wouldn't forbid others from deciding what to do with their lives.
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>>26228632
:( they're my favorite too anon
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>>26228902

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Not everyone chooses a downward spiral. You can either quit anti-psychotics and end up a homeless crackhead or you can go to a hospital and get help until you're regulated.
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>>26228738
Yeah, it's called dissociation. But my emotionlessness could also be a schizo symptom, it's called a flattened affect. Memory problems and detachment from reality are also schizo symptoms. I've read about people having dissociative episodes, it's a bit different. They say it's painful and confusing for them to go through. My experience feels like nothing at all, just like a cold, narcotic silence.

My ex-gf said just a couple hours ago to me the same thing about self-love. I guess it makes sense. But fuck, I just want to feel something. Anything. This fucking broken brain. My therapist keeps expecting me to have this breakthrough that will never come. I can't do it. I don't feel anything.

I don't have blunted emotions with just those memories, I experience them whenever anything bad happens. My thoughts go completely blank, I get this thousand-yard stare, and I lie down doing nothing for a few hours. I'm not sure if this is catatonia. Catatonia's a state people get in when their mind is processing too many things at once, so it just shuts down. My ex-gf got really frustrated with me doing this, it would happen sometimes while she was going through a really rough time. She was mad that I couldn't show empathy or kindness while she was suffering. I wish I could react to things in a healthy way, so I wouldn't hurt the ones I love.
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>>26229075
>not everyone chooses

Are you some kind of a moron? It's about as much of a choice as an Alzheimer's patient dying. Why don't you tell someone with Alzheimer's that they should quit choosing to have Alzheimer's?

Significant deterioration of intellect, personality, social abilities, and so on happen whether you take anti-psychotics or not. It's the distinctive feature of schizophrenia. If you're so ignorant about this condition, don't spout so much misleading idealized bullshit about it.

Picture related.
>>
Picture related, stages of schizophrenia, independent of treatment.

Source:
http://journal.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/fpsyt.2013.00013/full
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>>26229550
>illness just gets worse and worse
>medication stops working and starts destroying brain cells

Welp, it's been a good run so far. The only two options now are suicide while I still have my agency or slowly losing my mind more and more until I need to have long-term hospitalization.
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>>26226397

I have schizophrenia in my family and feel it creeping up on me when I smoke weed

Luckily I've made it to 30 without going insane so I'm likely in the clear.

Yes I am hypersensitive to all sounds/feelings/smells. If I eat a flavorful meal the entire world melts away and I am in a trance. Music has a geometric "feel" to it, more pronounced when I'm on drugs. People constantly tell me I am insane, both in a joking and serious way. I can barely manage day-to-day life and only succeed when given large complex projects with no supervision. Sometimes I have periods of derealization where nothing seems real and I have trouble feeling / expressing anything.
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>>26229307

This is really sad anon. It sounds like you do have feelings though. You seem to care about not hurting others. Do you think part of the problem is that you can't recognize your own feelings or am I looking too far into this?

>My therapist keeps expecting me to have this breakthrough that will never come

Why are you resisting the breakthrough?
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>>26229947
No, it doesn't work that way. Medication works. It does alleviate symptoms of psychosis: hallucinations, delusions, and, to some extent, disorganized speech.
But schizophrenia itself causes deterioration over the long term, whether you take medication or not. By deterioration I mean a loss of cognitive, social and occupational skills, and a general disintegration of one's personality.

Of course some may enjoy being disabled, poor, then homeless, and then institutionalized as the disease progresses, but I'm not one of those people, so I'll kill myself in a few years. No point in living through a nightmare, being forgotten and locked up in an institution. Or at best, in extreme poverty.
>>
>>26227148
not all of 4chan is /pol/
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>>26229469

You're a fucking idiot. I didn't say you won't have issues. I said you don't have to become a fucking degenerate hobo. There are old schizophrenics who have lead successful lives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elyn_Saks

>>26229947

There's still hope for you. Don't listen to these morons. You can accomplish a great deal if you choose to advocate for yourself.

Work hard. Participate actively in your therapy. Learn to care for yourself. Don't give up anon I believe in you.
>>
I'm taking a cocktail of meds for my problems

>20mg lexapro
>10mg zyprexa
>15mg buspirone
>20mg hydroxizine

And those aren't working as well as they should. I'm still having auditory hallucinations, especially when I'm tired, and I've had a few borderline panic attacks in the last few days. I've also had "brain zaps" that shock me up as a result of SSRI dosage adjustment.

On top of all that, I barely even leave the house. I'm a NEET of four years. Whoop de fuckin do. So I guess I could say the meds aren't working.
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>>26227148
how is mental illness a political thing in any way shap or form? are you like "now cancer, that's something I can get behind because that's an inherently right wing illness"
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>>26230208
It's getting worse because you aren't even trying to fix your situation. You only rely on shitty meds that make it worse in the long run. Leave your house and get out of your confined comfort zone.
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>>26230152

Okay but what do ALL old people experience?

>a loss of cognitive, social and occupational skills, and a general disintegration of one's personality

It sucks that you might experience this at age 70 instead of 80 or 90 but your life is so valuable and meaningful and beautiful.

I love you anon don't give up.
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>>26230236
your bait troll is old as time, go away
>>
>>26230236
That's cute.

>>26230208
Have you considered maybe the lexapro is doing that to you? I'm not sure you're diagnosis, but I'm bipolar 1 and many antidepressants cause me to go batshit manic, may be worth looking into trying something in a different classification.
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>>26230129
There's a difference between feeling emotion and having sympathy. What this anon experience is the same symptom that I and others with schizophrenia experience. It's called flattened affect. Basically, you show little emotional expression (both verbally and in your voice and facial expression), and seem aloof. You also feel no emotion.

There's another symptom, called anhedonia. This one makes you unable to feel pleasure, and it's a symptom unrelated to depression in case of schizophrenia. It's also untreatable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia#Positive_and_negative
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>>26230273

I have anhedonia. i know how it works. I wanted to know if that anon cares and can recognize that he cares or if he feels nothing to the point that he can't care if that makes sense.
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>>26230273
>Basically, you show little emotional expression (both verbally and in your voice and facial expression), and seem aloof. You also feel no emotion.

I go through periods of showing little emotion but at the same time everything is ultra-emotional to me, I'm not sure if that's related to my mental illness or not though.
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>>26230353
>>26230271

I'm not the anon you responded to by the way though
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>>26230152
Diagnosed with schizophrenia about ten years ago. Have been on a different mixture of antipsychotics ever since. I'm starting to get to the point where words are difficult to reach. It feels like some kind of mild aphasia. They warned me that antipsychotics shrink the brain, but my hallucinations and paranoid thoughts were terrible enough to where the treatment outweighed suffering the disease...

Now I suffer with the symptoms of the medications themselves. I have no idea what to do. I enjoy sanity, but I realize that more and more I'm being slowly damaged and starting to show the signs of medication usage. I'm cogent but I'm not complete. I'm slowly slipping away to a different sort than where the disease would have taken me. I started keeping a journal just to track my word usage and loss of vocabulary. I swear to god it's starting to accelerate.

> By deterioration I mean a loss of cognitive, social and occupational skills, and a general disintegration of one's personality.

This is happening to me. I can feel it happening. I can feel myself slowly being erased, and it's a pain that's worse than the disease itself. I don't know how much longer I want this to go on.

I used to think it was general disinterest that was making me this way. And in reality, all these symptoms? They don't add up to disinterest.

I'm getting out before I disappear completely.
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>>26230241
This isn't how it works - with each passing day, deterioration progresses.
See
>>26229550

Of course, some days may be better than others, but over time, the disease gets worse. Schizophrenia isn't some disease where you only deteriorate when you're old. You deteriorate all the time.

I don't want to live a miserable and horrible life (which only keeps on getting worse). I'm beyond the point of no return. I will kill myself in the near future (in a year or two). I don't blame anyone for this - it's just how cruel nature is.
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I'm doing really well lately. My paranoia is low, my depression is low, my anxiety is low, I'm not hallucinating or delusional. I'm actually almost happy! But I'm so lonely. I have no irl friends. I NEED some sort of physical contact (not sex just like, going somewhere with someone. Hanging out with a person). I wish I knew how to talk to people irl. I wish I knew how to make friends irl. All the meds and therapy in the world is not making me have social skills.
Anyone here from O H I O in the cinci area and mentally ill and ok with me being a sperg? I will buy u tendies but u need to drive
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>>26230457
http://schizophreniabulletin.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2012/11/20/schbul.sbs135.full

It's not a deteriorating illness. It gets better with age. There are other links around if you want more proof. Stop spreading this myth it's dumb.
>>
who here /wantstodothingsbutcant/

i want to do things but i can't. it's like something is blocking everything i try to do. like something is controlling me and trying to make me suffer. it's basically its own persona that controls everything i do now

shit sucks desu i wish i could kill myself
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>>26230271
He doesn't sound manic, and it'd be pretty easy for him to figure out if he was. He says he never leaves his house. When I'm manic, I'm going on dozens of treks across the city lines because I can't stay still.
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>>26230500
It feels degenerative, anon. I can't help but think that I was more organized, lucid, and eloquent just five years ago. My memory has become garbage, and I've got some physical tics now. It feels degenerative, and I don't think I could take it if it gets much worse.

I just think you're too young to really notice just yet, namefag.
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>>26230457

This isn't true and you're just making people feel hopeless, including yourself.

Go ahead and research all of the people with schizophrenia who lived long and accomplished great things. That sort of resilience requires a lot of effort. You deserve to make that effort for yourself.
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>>26230410
>Now I suffer with the symptoms of the medications themselves.

It's not the medication - it's the disease. It was this way even before medication was invented.

This symptom you're describing is this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alogia

"In psychology, alogia, or poverty of speech,[2] is a general lack of additional, unprompted content seen in normal speech. As a symptom, it is commonly seen in patients suffering from schizophrenia, and is considered as a negative symptom. It can complicate psychotherapy severely because of the considerable difficulty in holding a fluent conversation."

I suffer from this too, and it is getting worse. It isn't as noticeable online, but when I have to talk in real life it's very hard, and now I can barely keep a basic conversation going.

Also, this is what schizophrenia was called in the past:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dementia_praecox
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>>26230573
Go ahead and research all the people who survived a shot in the head, who lived long and accomplished great things.

Your idealized bullshit is about as bad as my example. Of course there are exceptions, but they're rare. And if you're talking about people like John Nash - he did most of his work before he developed schizophrenia and went psychotic. Afterwards, he deteriorated, and barely made any sense. Even during his final years, he mostly spoke in a rather disorganized and incoherent manner.
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>>26230559
I'm 23. I've had symptoms since I was at least 13. This is anecdotal though. My worst years were my high school years. My best years were the two most recent. The paper collects lots and lots of evidence. Anecdotal evidence is never very good to run on. I know how it feels and I know it feels very degenerative but, realistically, it's not a degenerative illness. At least not for *most* people. Physical tics, are you on anti-psychotics? I had tics when I was on them. I dropped them a while back and I feel better now than I did when I was on them. Less tics too. Anti-psychotics are great in the short term but, in my opinion, are not a good long term solution. I mostly just try to treat some of my worse symptoms and just cope with the rest. THAT SAID I'm not a full-blown schizophrenic (apparently, I don't know). I'm not well diagnosed but usually I get schizoid pd or just psychotic disorder NOS type stuff. So, I can't say that I'm schizophrenic (if I was younger I'd be prodromal I guess). Being ill makes you feel very bad about yourself though I guess, adopt a very negative view on things. That's why it feels degenerative to you. Whether it is for you or not I don't know but I have to imagine that you're not looking through a completely clear glass, you know? I feel degenerative a lot too but I don't think it's the case for me.
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>>26230559

How actively are you participating in your recovery?

I'm not here to play God so you don't even have to answer these tome but ask yourself

>Am I open to treatment?
>Do I want to do better?
>Do I feel that I deserve to do better?
>How am I getting in the way of my treatment?
>Am I taking my medication?
>Am I seeing a therapist?
>Am I seeing a doctor?
>Am I using unhealthy alternate coping mechanisms? (binge eating, self-harm, drugs, alcoholism, sex addiction)

Decide on a scale from 1-10 where you truly are in terms of the effort you put into your recovery.

If you're below 5 then the hopelessness isn't because of the nature of the disorder, it's because of your attitude.

Reality can be a bitch but this is your chance to change it.
>>
>>26226397
Well I don't get hallucinations friend but I'm having problems integrating to real life
>real life
>lots of people who have problems
>I'm unable to connect or understand their problems
>they still want to share them with me
>they still expect me to listen and act accordingly
>it's really boring
>it's really draining
>I'm unable to care for these people
>I'm not allowed to do anything fun either
But when I come here
>tons of fun people with fun problems
>I get to tell them wathever I want
>just to get a reaction of anger or disgust out of them
>get to mess with people at the lowest of their life
>end up spending tons of time here and not going outside
If this sounds familiar to you you have antisocial personality disorder just like me
>>
>>26226397
>>no longer able to differentiate Hallucinations from reality
>>feel like I'm going crazy
>>can't concentrate on anything to save my life
>>speech is basically gibberish when I have to talk to people
I have all of these symptoms and more
can't remember things for SHIT and can't tell dreams from reality either
do you have a diagnosis other than "depressive psychosis?" I have Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymia as well.

I can't offer any help but just know you're not alone. ask your doctor about Risperdal (risperidone). I take it now for psychotic symptoms and although it's made me put on weight, it does help.
>>
>>26230582
You know, I hadn't considered this and just thought of it as another effect of the medication. I was actually battling myself over the past few weeks going through the choice as to whether or not to go off my pills...thinking I could somehow recover my power of speech. It's strange. I know for certain it's irrevocable, but just knowing it's caused by my brain itself...just knowing that it's caused by my own natural chemistry rather than something that could be stopped, something that could be switched off...I could live with the disease as long as I had the power of my voice, as long as I had the ability to communicate effectively.

Knowing that isn't it at all just makes me feel entirely powerless. It's a new symptom I've only begun noticing in the past six months and its only accelerating. I don't want to be the schizophrenic in the nursing home unable to speak. I can't wish the negative symptoms on anyone. They're terrible. They're terrible. I really don't want this to happen to me.

So it only gets worse, anon? Fuck. I don't know how to feel about that.

>>26230652
You're still in the early stages. I'm 30. The anon I just responded to was giving me advice on what I thought were symptoms of the medication. I can tell you clearly that the disease hit me at around 19-20. That's when everything went to hell. And I mean everything. But I'm blessed with a sort of 'high-functioning' awareness and cognition of the entire process of disintegration, and believe me I'm functionally aware. I'm on anti-psychotics. I've been in treatment for over ten years. You sound like you're not as affected, but understand that I'm extremely affected. I can't go off anti-psychotics. I'm not blessed with the ability to differentiate between reality and hallucinations, nor am I able to form cohesive thought patterns that aren't tinged with some form of paranoia or self-destructive behavior. I AM full-blown.

And yes, I have adapted cynicism as a coping mechanism.
>>
>>26230804
I don't think mine is going to get worse. I think I got stuck in the grey zone where it's not awful but it's not neurotypical either. I think at some point the progress of the disease will slow down for you, that's how it seems to work for most people. Still, yes, I understand that you are very effected by the disease and that you can't get off the meds.
>>
>>26230663
I would think that I'm pretty active in my recovery, but I live with the understanding that there simply is no -recovery- from schizophrenia. There's -coping- but there's no hope for liberation, and yes, I've taken the little self-assessment and I constantly reassess myself seeing if there's anything more I can do. The only thing I do that's against me is sometimes fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sometimes the disease has me thinking that food is poisoned so I'll fall into periods of anorexia that I don't address until I've lost about 30 or so pounds.

I try my best, but there's still the fear. There's always the fear that I'm going to get so much worse.
>>
Welp. My psychiatrist just put bipolar on my medical record even though I have psychotic depression so that I could switch to abilify. Major depressive disorder with psychotic features sounds a lot nicer than bipolar disorder...
>>
>>26230500
>http://schizophreniabulletin.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2012/11/20/schbul.sbs135.full

Yeah, one cherry-picked study, which isn't even interpreted correctly by someone with no proper scientific education is definitely going to prove a century worth of research wrong!
Learn how science works before posting cherry-picked studies that fit in your opinion, but don't reflect the academic consensus.

>At age 35, persons with schizophrenia demonstrated significant impairment and deterioration on both IQ sub-tests compared to controls.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16484095

Of course psychosis gets better with age - this is because of anti-psychotic treatment. But negative symptoms, such as poverty of speech, inability to feel pleasure, decline in functioning, loss of social skills, aloofness, disintegration of personality - get worse.

Not to mention that the vast majority of those with schizophrenia remain unemployed, and those who work usually do so part-time.

There's a difference between symptomatic recovery and functional recovery. Many recover symptomatically after medication - they don't hear voices, and aren't delusional anymore. But the disease still progresses. Functioning still becomes more and more impaired. Personality is still being erased.
>>
>>26230547
Your mania is everyone's mania. Got it. lel
>>
>>26230928
By "nicer" I mean wanting to get covered by insurance is a lot harder with bipolar on one's record.
>>
>>26230897
I wish I could tell you "that's true", but in all honesty, you don't know. You just don't know. And you won't know.
>>
>>26230547
hasn't your therapist taught you that your symptoms aren't the same as everyone else's symptoms yet?
>>
>>26226397

i've got loads of mental problems m88888.

it's amazing.

i attacked a feminist and got let off. thank you mental health madness.
>>
>>26230663
>Am I open to treatment?
No
>Do I want to do better?
No
>Do I feel that I deserve to do better?
I don't understand this question
>How am I getting in the way of my treatment?
I don't feel I am
>Am I taking my medication?
No
>Am I seeing a therapist?
Yes
>Am I seeing a doctor?
No, I stopped when installed taking my medication
>Am I using unhealthy alternate coping mechanisms? (binge eating, self-harm, drugs, alcoholism, sex addiction)
Yes over eating and coming here

I dknt care about recovery at all, I'm happy this way
>>
>>26230152
>But schizophrenia itself causes deterioration over the long term, whether you take medication or not. By deterioration I mean a loss of cognitive, social and occupational skills, and a general disintegration of one's personality.
>>26226909
The more meds you take the more your brain shrinks.
>>
>>26230652
This paper doesn't overturn the academic consensus on the subject. Not only that, this paper is junk. It has very short follow ups compared to other, more credible papers which show deterioration of functioning over time in schizophrenia.

There are many papers which provide different views in science. But it's the consensus that matters, not what one wants to believe. One can find any scientific paper which has a title which supports one's views. What matters is whether the paper actually makes a good case, and whether the case it makes is stronger than all the previous evidence up to date. And this is simply not the case with the shitty paper you linked us to.
>>
>>26230547
>>26231023
though reading the post you responded to, you are right that he doesn't seem manic, but still, the way your manic symptoms manifest isn't the same as every person ever even if they are the most commonly heard example.
>>
>>26227148
>mental health is an inherently "leftist" thing

are you fucking retarded?

>retarded americans
>>
>>26231037
>The more meds you take the more your brain shrinks.

Schizophrenia itself "shrinks your brain" too, independently of meds. This is the case even for those who have never taken meds in their lives.
>>
>>26230663
>Do I feel that I deserve to do better?
>How am I getting in the way of my treatment?
I hate questions like this, they seem counterproductive, judgemental, and assume that the person with the mental illness are the ones getting in the way and not doing all they are capable of to get better. They are also designed to move responsibility away from incompetent care givers in stipmall psychology organizations.
>>
>>26231003
I don't know but odds are I won't get worse. Odds are you'll stop getting worse at some point.
I'm actually just chronically lucky. Everything I do turns out well because I'm lucky. I don't know why. I always land on my feet, etc etc. I should have gotten fired a bit ago, instead I got promoted. Like...what. I tell people I'm a fucking loon and they like me even more because of it. What. I abused drugs and had no serious problems arise out of it. I should be dead desu but here I am!
>>26230934
>At age 35, persons with schizophrenia demonstrated significant impairment and deterioration on both IQ sub-tests compared to controls.
Yes, people with mental disorders of that magnitude perform worse than people without those disorders. I never said otherwise. I was saying that schizophrenia does not get worse for your entire life. It slows down and stops and sometimes reverses after a while. It never goes away but it doesn't just get worse forever for the most part. And there are other studies on it, just google "schizophrenia degenerative" or something.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19235629
http://journal.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/neuro.09.036.2009/abstract
http://www.schizophreniaforum.org/new/detail.asp?id=1886
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/03/130306084203.htm

Here are a few that don't really all agree but. It mostly ends up being "it may or may not degenerate the brain and we really don't know why or why not". So, no one really knows honestly. I shouldn't have said that it wasn't degenerative but I think it's not really known at the moment if it is or isn't. And no I'm just skimming these because I don't really care and I'm looking at qt clothes right now. I had this conversation with my shrink a while back tho and his opinion was that it wasn't degenerative. That said I'm an idiot and don't know much about this besides what I've heard from him and read in popscience magazines and conspiracy sites.
>>
>>26231111
Those two statements are not mutually exclusive. Read the articles in that thread.
>>
>>26231037
>The more meds you take the more your brain shrinks.
[citation needed]
>>
>>26231185
>This is the case even for those who have never taken meds in their lives.
>>
>>26231202
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3476840
/http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v30/n9/full/1300710a.html
>>
>>26230919

I believe that you're doing your best anon but those coping mechanisms can really throw you for a loop in terms of recovery. I wish you the best. Keep working hard for yourself.
>>
>>26231182
People with schizophrenia perform very bad. Worse than those with any disorder of this kind. They're borderline mentally disabled, on average, when one factors in their neurocognitive profile as well.

And what we do know is that negative symptoms get worse. And while functioning gets better at first (after psychosis weans off), it then gets worse. And stop linking to shitty, cherry picked articles. They don't prove anything. The academic consensus does,

To give you an idea how it looks to someone with a scientific education, you appear as some global warming denier linking to articles showing how there were periods of warming and cooling in the past, and that it somehow disproves that the global warming is caused by human activities.
>>
>>26231182
Luck runs out. I was once called the "survivor" out of my group of friends because while yeah, I got hit with schizophrenia, I pretty much outlived everyone and our shitty "punk rock" lifestyle, whereas most of them got addicted to H and died or others just committed suicide. I guess add "survivor's guilt" to my list of fuckups. But in all honesty, you can't look at yourself as charmed. That can produce a few strange and abnormal thoughts in itself.

I hate to think I was fated to do all of the fun shit I've done in my life and then just slowly degenerate. I guess this was the great equalizer for it all.
>>
>>26231323
>And stop linking to shitty, cherry picked articles
Literally what do you want me to do. If you don't read articles how can you understand the consensus? Where do you even find the consensus? Like, articles are what makes the consensus. I have no idea what you want at this point.
>>26231350
true, I have a massive self destructive streak that always gets foiled by dumb luck though. I don't understand it at all. I am trying very hard to hold onto what I've got though. Trying hard to better myself as well. I went from shut-in recluse to having a job. I went from wanting to kill people to being a Nice Guy. I dunno, I'm trying hard. I just feel like it's only the luck that makes me succeed.
>>
>>26231176

If a person is refusing to help themselves by deciding they can't get better and they want to smoke crack then getting them to take responsibility for their treatment is important. It IS a choice and it IS their fault. Sure, mental illness is really difficult but not everyone with mental illness chooses addiction.

It's empowering to have someone acknowledge that they are the only one who can make good choices for themselves.
>>
>>26231236
>no response
I don't feel good about winning this argument, either. The reality fucking sucks.
>>
>>26231661

"winning" the argument

all you're doing is fighting for your right to be hopeless probably because deep down you just want to be some homeless addict who leeches on the system
>>
>>26231743

Or maybe because he doesn't think he deserves help... have some compassion Anon.
>>
>>26231743
I'm not schizophrenic, I was treated with abilify for anxiety. I was on it for about a year before I realized how harmful it was and stopped taking it. If opiates are an effective antipsychotic they should be put into widespread use, as they do not cause brain shrinkage or any other permanent neurological impairment.
>>
>>26231816
I take kratom as an effective anti-psychotic and stress and anxiety reducer. Take a low dose and you'll be good and safe. DO NOT TAKE A REAL OPIATE THOUGH they're too addictive. Kratom is weak enough that it won't get you into any serious trouble. Also legal and cheap. Remember to supplement magnesium and zinc.
>>
>>26231850

Does it fuck with your mag/zinc levels?
>>
>>26231405
>Where do you even find the consensus?

By performing a literature review? Are you familiar with the scientific method and practices at all? It doesn't seem so. You should cease this misleading foolishness.

>Like, articles are what makes the consensus.

No. Cherry picked articles don't make consensus. The most influential and MOST CITED works in the field do. One also needs to perform literature review with a mentor to get a good overview.

Happily, science and academia is NOT a democracy. Some uneducated tripfag who surfs the net all day long can't overweight the academic consensus by linking to stupid articles he didn't publish, no matter how hard he tries.

Science and academia require years of education to enter into. Do you have that? Have you ever worked under a mentor? Have you ever produced any original work? Has your mentor ever told you how to perform literature reviews, make citations, produce a bibliography, and so on? I don't think so, judging by your behavior. However, I did. Having attained some level of skill under a mentor in one field of academia allows me to interpret scientific and academic knowledge. This isn't the case for you.

I'm not trying to brag or personally attack you, though. It's nothing personal. You just need to understand that people with schizophrenia like you and me, in most cases, can be perfectly rational in choosing to kill myself. In my case, this is because I lost my previous intellectual abilities after my first psychotic episode, and I can't continue university as well, because I lost the volition to do so (a symptom of this disease, again). As my life seems pointless now, and all of my hopes and dreams have been ruined by this disease, there's no turning back.
>>
>>26226950
can't tell if this is bait

stop taking pills and go give your mom a hug
>>
>>26227886
it's not a fucking delusion stop taking these fucking pills you nigger
>>
>>26228035
>professionally diagnosed

baka
>>
>>26232108
It depletes it same as a real opiate. Supplementing mag/zinc makes it feel stronger as well. There's another one uhh. It's not a nutrient it's a powder. Can't remember the name right now. But it promotes neuroplasticity. I supplement with it as well. Agmatine! There we go. Agmatine sulfate is a good one to take because it keeps your tolerance down. It works for real opiates as well.
>>26232187
I'm not, at all. I read things. That's all I do. I don't have schizophrenia though anon. Wanting to kill yourself is usually a symptom of depression but, idk, I'm not in your shoes. I don't know how it is for you. Personally I haven't lost anything even with my psychotic episodes, seclusion, paranoia, etc. My mental illness is getting better, my quality of life is going up.
>>
>>26232187

>The most influential and MOST CITED works in the field do
>Happily, science and academia is NOT a democracy

You're a fucking idiot. Shit that gets cited isn't necessarily correct; that's why if you were born 20 years earlier your dumb ass would have died from eating lead-based paint chips instead of just becoming intellectually stunted like the acrylic paint caused
>>
>>26232365
>passing up the bucks out of fear of the ZOG
>>
Someone linked a website once with advice on various things like charisma, anxiety, etc.

It was a very simple, minimalistic site. No comments or anything, just links between pages.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
>>
>>26232365
Is there something wrong with getting diagnosed from a mental health professional before they start popping you pills? (Which I never take because they lower test)
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