Specifically, what are your problems when it comes to social interaction?
My problem is that I can't come up with the words to say what I want to say. When trying to talk to someone I'll often either spend several seconds trying to search for words like a dumbass or express nonsensical garbage that makes me look like an even bigger idiot. This may very possibly be related to my (currently undiagnosed) ADHD.
-Can't tell playing hard-to-get from disinterest
-Most charming with girls I detest
-Extroverts thing I'm upset because I'm not talking a mile a mile
-Too much eye contact makes me feel uncomfortable
-Have a hard time maintaining conversations with anyone who isn't also interested in film, history, literature, geology, camping, or one of my other hobbies.
People mostly talk about things I know nothing about and when they do I'm too scared they'll ignore me if I try to say something. That's about it.
>tfw no robot friend who likes 19th-century literature and mount & blade and such.
>Too nervous about flirting
>Can never bring myself to be forward
>Actually value the friendships of most of the women I know to the point where I can't decide if asking them on dates is even worth the risk of losing them as friends
too self conscious to say anything, too scared to approach anyone, don't know where to look, can't make coherent sentences like I can't string together my thoughts into sentences, I feel like I am being judged and everyone is waiting for me to fuck up,Don't know anything, Think all my jokes suck and either don't say them or regret saying it and stop talking or leave.
>I really like Wuthering Heights and Alice in Wonderland.
I haven't read that but I loved Jane Eyre.
It seems there are many robots that are into history, I've yet to meet someone who likes it who isn't autistic.
Fuck dude, all of it
Get told constantly that I'm inapproachable because of my permanent frown and lifeless eyes so few people ever initiate conversation and I'm too much of an insecure little bitch to do it myself.
And when people do initiate, I have problems looking at the person and giving articulate responses. I usually end up mumbling and staring off to the side whenever I speak to someone.
Is it autism?
social skills are like any other skills. you have to train them.
if you start off in life with your speech level at 15, and you never invest any time of effort into it, its not going to magically improve. you have to work for it if you want it.
Well I am shy and self conscious and haven't developed socially since middle school, so yeah.
but its not like Fallout where talking makes you better, Just talking doesn't make you better at talking, if you always say retarded stuff and too self aware to walk outside you'll never get better.Its better to not waste time in a skill that will never improve then struggle and embarrass yourself.
this pretty much
>tfw my best friend is my history teacher
>Mumble and stutter constantly
>Prolonged eye-contact makes me feel uncomfortable so I never meet the other person's gaze
>Never sure how to react emotionally to jokes, stories, etc
>Start sweating and shaking when really extroverted people start pressuring me to talk to them or keep asking questions
>My life is boring so I never have anything interesting to share
>Can't deal with confrontation or criticism, nearly completely shut down in those cases
>Can't control my facial expressions so I think I must look creepy or strange to other people
>Sometimes I can't control the volume of my voice
I'm fucked. Always was, always will be.
I disagree. Good social skills come from a framework that was built up from an early age. This framework cannot be taught or self-taught. I've been trying for three years to get better at socializing and I haven't progressed at all.
First off, if you have ADHD you should get it diagnosed and take medicine for it. It's not life-changing, but it helps some.
Part of the reason why you "frantically search" for the right words to say is because you're not comfortable in social situations. By spending more time in them, it becomes more natural over time. By spending more time socializing and analyzing how people react, you pick up on little nuances that you were not aware of before.
At one point in my life I struggled in socializing and making connections with people. After a couple years of pushing my comfort zone and a number of peak experiences, it became almost natural.
I'm still a somewhat introverted person (I identify as an introverted extrovert), but I also happen to be a great speaker and pretty confident when it comes to meeting new people.
>can't come up with things to say
>analyze things too much before I say them, by the time I'm done analyzing them the window's passed and convo's moved on
>am very racist and sexist so have to be cautious around lots of subjects so as not to be branded a hitler
>am contrarian by nature, like to disagree, makes for awkward moments because social convention is to generally agree on things to make friends when I enjoy a friendly disagreement more
>have weird facial muscle disorder, makes a lot of people feel weird to hang around me most likely
>get a few beers in me and it's entirely possible that I'll shout "HEIL HITLER" at a Jewish friend and not even understand what I've done wrong
>borderline /pol/ views don't help, normies don't have to hide their power levels so they're more free to socialize without guarding their words
>meme-autism, very hard for me to even recognize value in anything that doesn't have a concrete goal, i.e. asking how someone's feeling rather than only talking to them when I want to make plans
For some godforsaken reason I actually do have (a few) friends. Cops are generally redpilled, my token cop friend is more /pol/-tier than I am on half the issues so I can let power levels slip without fear of reprisal. I'm also a construction worker, which is one of the few fields where you can say "fuck I hate niggers and jews" on the worksite and nobody bats an eye. Not that I'm that far /pol/, but it does mean I don't feel battered down by the PC Police.
I'm in my twenties and from Commiefornia to boot, so most of my age group is borderline SJW if not full-blown keyboard warriors. Being /pol/-tier makes it awful hard to fit in without feeling a bit like a gay man in the US Army in 1955.
For the record, I'm a fucking tranny (I don't know vocab anymore, but I haven't done hormones or anything, I just wish more than anything that I had a female body), bisexual, dom/sub, etc., I just hate the 'community' so damn much.
>tfw too autistic to even make friends with your teachers you respect
I don't think I have ADHD but I probably have something.
Its not like I have never spoke before. But I haven't gotten any comfortable speaking since I started speaking when I was a retarded baby.And what nuances are you talking about,I can't pick up on stuff like that.
>push your comfort zone
people keep saying this and I don't think I can do it. Approaching people and talking to them sounds impossible to me.leaving the house sounds impossible.
I don't even live in a liberal place, I live in the fucking midwest but I am still afraid to show my power level.I guess I will have to if anyone asks who I am voting for in the primaries but even the I might just say I'm not voting, I don't want people to know.
Run-of-the-mill Republican voterbase can sometimes be as bluepilled as Tumblrinas, particularly in gender issues. Some of the most racially-redpilled guys I know put pussy on some truly Olympian-level pedestals.
Not to sound too #specialsnowflake because I know it applies to me too, but run-of-the-mill voters are often just pretty damn stupid, no matter which side of the party lines they're on. When I lived in rich-neighborhood Dallas I was borderline SJW because I'm so contrarian to whatever I hear the most people say.
my problem socializing with people is that they can't hold conversation.
they just start going "yeah, uh huh, yeah, right, yup" after a while.
i can breeze through subjects, borderline ADHD and philosophize on them and put in insight, i'm in it for the LONG RUN.
which is also why small-talk pisses me off. small-talk is like "hey, im showing you right now that i don't intend on talking for a while, sorry".
Can't relate. There are times where I'm not in the mood to talk to people but as long as I have enough knowledge of the subject to at least bs what I say I can smoothly interact with just about anyone. The thing is that I'm also really good at talking to people who are less socially inclined. Often times I feel that the problem isn't you guys, though some of you are pretty fucking bad, but it's the "extroverted" people. The way I've always seen it is these people are so caught up in talking about one subject that usually has to do with either popularity or whatever have you that they get confused when somebody tries to say anything different. A lot of these threads have you guys talking about how you can say a few words but the conversation just gets away from you. It's not always that, usually it's the others can't break the conversation from their pool of 50 subjects that they circle around. Now of course the situations vary but what most of you guys need to do is find people who can sit back and enjoy a conversation for what it is, not what you think it should be. Don't try to say something "witty" or "topical", say what you want to say (as long as you don't ostracize yourself by saying you want to touch everybody). BTW when it gets this late I tend to jumble my text a lot so excuse that.
Also don't worry so much about first impressions. While their very important for how somebody sees you at first usually you guys fuck it up. No matter how generic it may be be yourself(censored if you're really fucked up)
Might be ADHD. I have it and used other have a similar problem when I was in high school, although I've taken care of it since then.
Cold approaching strangers is awkward for just about everybody. Most of my friends are people with similar interests, and most of the girls that I meet are through friends or parties. I will never try to hook up with some random girl I meet outside of those cases because it would just feel weird.
The nuances that I'm referring to are social norms and cues that make up social interaction which you can become aware of through conscious effort. If you make an effort to pick up on them or have a friend around to make fun of you for doing something weird then it's easier. If you are somewhat close to anybody right now, like an acquaintance or just someone with hobbies similar to your own, try to get closer with them.
If you don't think you can do it then you won't. It really isn't that fucking hard once you begin to understand it lol. You just put up with awkward situations and understand what makes them awkward, then quit doing them.
Push your comfort zone little by little, but don't act fake and pretend to be someone that you arent. Forcing yourself socially creates awkwardness.
I think the biggest problem with a lot of people on this site is that they spend more time exploring their complexes and living like a recluse rather than finding other ways to spend their time and doing things they enjoy. Most of my friends have similar hobbies and interests as me.
Seek self-fulfillment and do things with whatever goals you have in mind and you'll feel a lot better socially. Whether or not people like you is pretty trivial.
Just do what makes you happy and you'll develop connections with people on the process. Social skills are composed of learned behaviors and how you feel about yourself. Words don't really even matter, since communication is done mostly through body language and tone which reflect how you feel on the inside.
How well do they work for what? Talking to people?
I've gotten so used to scaring any potential friends of with my constant scowl that it really freaks me out whenever someone actually talks to me. First I freeze and then stutter for a few seconds before finding any excuse to end the conversation. It's fucking pathetic
How did you build up a group like that? I don't have any friends so I don't have anything to build off of or help me.
>social norms and cues
What are some examples?What do I do if i notice them? Change what I do or speak or continue what I am doing and change it for a later interaction?
Most of my hobbies an interests are autistic and pretty isolated and not social.Just doing what I like won't make me branch out at all.
>Social skills are composed of learned behaviors and how you feel about yourself
Well I feel very shitty about myself so I guess I 'm fucked.
thanks for trying to help though. I want to try to be not autistic but I don't know I might be too far gone,
I have a hard time keeping people's attention, as well as paying attention to them.
Even when I'm conversing with people I have to interject, rather, make a fuss to actually get people to pay attention.
I generally don't care about the things people talk about, so I just stay out of, and away from, it.
I'm also shy af, and the anxiety hits pretty hard.
That doesn't really mean anything when people actually get to talking to you. I have the typical "resting bitch-face" that a lot of introverts have, but I smile enough and have a good enough sense of humor so that most people I talk to seem to like me anyway.
To be honest, it did nothing to improve me as a person. It wasn't the magic pill that would solve every problem remotely relating to my condition that I wanted it to be at the time, but for a while I used it as a placebo.
I used to take it all the time, but now I just do it whenever I have a lot of schoolwork coming up that I otherwise won't get done because of my inattentive ADHD (which isn't ADHD, but my condition is very close to it) and inability to focus.
If you take vyvanse like I did, you'll just feel more focused and aware of your though processes and your surroundings. To me, I just feel more awake and focused than usual whenever I take it.
if someone wants to add to a conversation, they will. i never talk over people and if i do, i stop and say, "go ahead with what you were saying", it isn't possible to not add to the conversation with me, i couldn't make it any fucking easier on people.
i'm finding that i'm really not the problem. it's the people i'm talking to. they're just too young or we have nothing in common (or they're too stupid).
i have people at my job who don't know how many patties goes on to a DOUBLE cheeseburger. they don't know what double means....
this is not my fault, people's stupidity is not my fucking fault, people need to stop telling me it is, making me feel bad for their stupidity.
stop using the anime pics weeb and yur advice is shit. if ur ugly and fat, you won't get approached by anyone guy or girl. those who do talk to you do so out of pity and really don't like looking at you, they're dreading for the moment to be over
Well, in high school I made a lot of my friends because I decided to try out a sport one day. I stuck with it because I liked being around them even though I was pretty mediocre and I met a couple people there who liked some of the same stuff that I do.
I didn't really "build" a group. I simply became a part of one.
Wtf do you mean by "autistic" hobbies? Do you play with crayons or scream unintelligible shit in public? If not, then you can't associate your hobbies with the 4chan definition of autism.
Do you play a lot of video games or watch weird shows or something? Plenty of people do, it's normal. In fact, you could probably find other people that do in person if you got out more. I even do this stuff a lot of the time whenever I have free time away from my friends and school.
I didn't even start by making real life friends to begin with. I started making friends through steam and talking to them.
Social norms are just things like "don't stare at people" or "chew with your mouth closed". They can also be for more subtle things like talking to a girl you're interested in ("don't come off too strong") or meeting new people ("don't share too much personal information about yourself if people don't seem interested"). You pick up on these over time by communicating with other people and seeing how they respond to you
People usually bored me to death and I have no common ground with anyone (Because obscure interest) and I'm tired to justify myself to stranger constantly so I make myself look unfriendly to avoid dealing with the mundane.
I'm also very wary of who I let close to me due to emotional abuse growing up.
I choose to not associate myself with the concept of being human anymore.
I'm not a weeb
Appearances matter, but only to a certain extent. Hygiene is important, but I've seen plenty of overweight/unattractive people who have healthy social lives and relationships simply because of their personality. I know it's possible, because I've seen it happen to people I'm close to.
oh to be the sloppy seconds of life and to be cucked, divorced, and mailed the alimony and child support papers all in one month.
are you done with your bullshit "advice", normie?
How did you integrate yourself into it?Did you push yourself onto them or did the invite you in? How do you work yourself into the group, like how do you get them to trust you?
Well they aren't literally autisitc but they are niche, like I study linguistics,collect coins,garden, into anime, video games, etc.. Its hard to find people that care about stuff like that.
I have tried steam a few times ,but nobody seemed interested in me, and it just fizzled out after a few weeks even after I try really hard to talk to them.
My advice has to do with basic social interaction directed towards people who don't really talk to anybody at all, and has nothing to do with your problem AT ALL.
Go cry somewhere else
>can't control the sound of my voice
Forget any framework you are just pure autism
This is the average /pol/ neo-nazi. A complete fucking autist who couldn't hold a conversation to save his life from the gas chamber. If you're going to be racist, don't be a beta bitch about it, go full out and wear a swastika armband. You're a disgrace to Adolf.
>can't say anything after 'good' when they say hi, how's it going.
>no Interests and hobbies to relate to people cause I'm bad at everything
>don't now how to flirt
>can't pronounce words right half the time
>>tfw no robot friend who likes mount & blade
i never asked for this feel
At the time I went to school for first time.
I missed preschool because I was sick as fuck and needed special diet so I stayed with my grandparents while my own were at work.
By the time I wast at school I knew how to read, count to 100, understood basic things etc.
Nobody likes a smartass and I never really understood why everyone is so dumb because I thought everyone learns shit like that before school and this was just rehersal.
I was 6.
>forgets to put who he is quoting
from look of things the one who doesn't belong here is you my friend
Same. This might be why no girl has ever shown interest in me? They want to be pursued? I feel like normal people have a much clearer distinction between friend and partner. Whereas I see a partner as an 'advanced friend.'
>Was always the fat, funny kid in school.
>People wanted to be my friend
>Got use to socializing
>Never enjoy it, but at least I can speak with people properly now
I got lucky that people showed slight interest in me and didn't treat me as some creep. Never had social issues because of it. Feels pretty good.
I'm not interested in social interaction because I've got nothing in common with people around me(ie classmates at uni). Small talk isn't fun, so even if I "train" myself to be able to do that, what's the point?
>I identify as an introverted extrovert
>I-I'm a robot like you guys! I swear!
Your whole post reeks of normie, the ego stroking and 'advice' gives you away almost instantly. Get the fuck out normie.
My problem isn't being unable to hold a conversation because I can do that. I can keep a conversation going even if the other person doesn't feel like responding. My problem (it's not really a problem at all) is that I'll only talk to people I like and completely avoid the ones I don't. So... I avoid pretty much everyone.
I'm scared and shy most of the time, but the way I deal with it is being sarcastic and dominating. It takes someone of extreme, gentle kindness for me to start opening up and show them how fragile and pathetic I really am.
Besides, I feel like I share very little common interests with other people.
Most people bore the shit out of me and I'd rather sit in awkward silence than to force myself to have a conversation that I have no interest in. I'm not even an interesting person myself, I just don't want to hear about your dull life that I and most others have to live. It takes a rare person to really get me talking. Maybe I'm just an antisocial retard.
I don't think I actually do anything wrong with social interactions. Its just that college itself is a terrible platform to form friendships.
I go to class. Listen to the lecture. There is no interactions between students you don't know and there's no excuse to initiate them.
I went to a college out of state with no friends. I'm a sophomore now and I've barely managed to form about 2 friends, solely because I study with them sometimes. I don't really like them though.
College is a bigger hell than middle school. You are emotional removed from your family, forcing to commit to the same routine week after week, all with shallow and shit "friends".
I am perfectly charming and can hold a conversation with ease. But I can't maintain friendships at all. My first problem is that if I feel dejected for any reason (person breaks plans, makes it obvious they don't want to be more than a passing acquaintance) then I usually cut them out of my life pretty easily. The other is that I have a compulsive fear of looking like a creep, so I don't often approach women and especially don't make my intent clear. I eventually get sick of being around them and not doing anything so I leave their life. This is hell.
Thanks for reading
>can never think of anything to say
>or i'm thinking of too much shit at once to formulate coherent sentences
>get paranoid if people start asking personal questions (who wants to know?)
>bad at making eye contact
>generally uncomfortable around strangers
>uncomfortable in large groups
>would rather sit by myself and listen to music
>find that a lot of people just want to talk about themselves, which is kind of boring
>drink too much to avoid the awkward feels
>worry about everything i say or do, before saying or doing anything
>stand around like a pleb
>have no social anxiety
>can talk to random people no problem
>often strike up conversations while waiting for something
My issue is that I'm just asocial. I can't care enough about a person to pursue a friendship or anything.
People would get on the bus and they'd sit with other people, not necessarily people whom they knew, for sometimes, Vickers noticed, they didn't exchange a single word for the entire ride with their seat mate. They'd sit with other people, but they'd never sit with him until the very last, not until all the other seats were filled and they had to sit with him or stand.
Perhaps, he told himself, it was body odor; perhaps it was bad breath. He made a ritual of bathing after that, using a new soap that was guaranteed to make him smell fresh. He brushed his teeth more attentively, used mouth wash until he gagged at the sight of it.
It did no good. He still rode alone.
He looked at himself in the mirror and he knew it was not his clothes, for in those days he was a smart dresser.
So, he figured, it must be his attitude. Instead of slumping down in the seat and pulling his hat over his eyes, he'd sit up and be bright and cheerful and he'd smile at everyone. He'd smile, by God, if it cracked his face to do it.
For an entire week he sat there looking pleasant, smiling at people when, they glanced at him, for all the world as if he were a rising young business man who had read Dale Carnegie and belonged to the Junior Chamber.
No one rode with him - not until there was no other seat. He got some comfort in knowing they'd rather sit with him than stand.
This comment has been brought to you by Clifford D. Simak
I talk to people, we seem to hit it off and talk for a few days, like a week maybe. After that, literally nothing, i shit ye not, they do not even look at me. Like what the fuck, do you have a week to prove yourself or something? This has happened 3 times the exact same way. It's like every time i try to make friends, somebody goes over to them and tells them i'm some kind of literal freak.
Oh, and it doesn't help that i commute 4 hours a day, so i can't just hang out with people on a casual basis.
>tfw have to rehearse phone calls
>have it all planned out
>sounds so good in my head
>"Hi Company X Melissa speaking how can I help you today?"
>"I..a...um I mean..a"
>"sorry I didn't catch that"
Fuck all of you stupid cunts, I have a legitimate pathological stutter that acts up on like half the constants in English.
Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to selectively mad libs every conversation with a cutie when you finally work up the courage?
>droning, monotonous voice
>boring, don't have much to say to anyone apart from work/school related stuff
>not that I really care about meeting people
>I look very impassive, apparently people have trouble reading me and it unsettles them
>so I try to exaggerate my responses
>this is very tiresome and makes me dislike people
>sometimes I get it wrong and give inappropriate responses
>I'm edgy as fuck so I always have to be on guard
>I like to be the devil's advocate and antagonize people sometimes