Hey robots, how is everyone doing today? I know most of you are probably feeling down because why else would you be on r9k but I hope you feel better and find happiness.
I've lost all contact with friends.I went on a raging rampage and blocked all my "friends" .Now,I just go to UNI, attend class,come back and watch anime.
The last two months I have put all my effort on one project and failed miserably.All my peers left me and I decided to carry on alone.The frustration of failure in loneliness has to be the worst feeling
>Therapist tells me I have an inferiority complex
>Respond "Yeah, because I'm inferior."
Stopped going. What a waste of fucking time
im okay but i need to get this off my chest
>have only a couple friends in hs
>start talking to one on skype after school
>eventually meet his online friends
>some never show their faces or their whole names
>i dont ever give a shit and sometimes share videos of me and pictures
>flip flop between feeling like an idiot for it and not caring
>they eventually know my parents names
>sometimes talk about my parents being crazy
>old hs friend is on the other side of the country now
>we hardly ever talk even though im online
>now no irl friends
>still talk to the other online friends usually everyday
>go offline for a couple months and come back and they thought i died and told me not to do that and that they care and get bummed out when im gone and consider me a true friend
>been talking to them more but want to leave
>cant tell if im delusional because i dont want them to call my house and ask where i am even though they dont have my address or anything, you can easily find that stuff online
am i a total idiot, i bounce between loving talking to them and wanting to not come on ever again and would anything happen if i went offline totally you think?
My condition is not important
But it is enough to make my life hell without either killing me or giving me any sort of disability allowance
Do you think hospital selfies get pity talks on tinder?
What possible reason do you have not to talk to them?
This girl I'm fucking told me a few nights ago I got way to drunk and kept trying to get sexual with her even though she said stop a lot. I figured she'd never want to hook up again. Then she called me over two days after and we fucked three times for like 4 hours. Now she's acting super duper attached, even made me breakfast when I slept over (never happened before). I'm worried she's setting me up to fuck me over legally, or I literally fucked her head.
Anyways, I've been recording with my phone every time we're alone, and I make sure she says "Yes" clearly when we have sex. I should probably run, but this is the only sex I've gotten in forever.
>drop out of university
>quit supermarket job because it's fucking depressing
>mum wants me to go back to supermarket
>she will go into a rage if I tell her I don't want to
>just want to do something I will enjoy
life is fucking shit why did nobody tell me
I slept from 7 pm last night to 4 pm today because of my medication (olanzapine). Haven't gotten much done.
>was gonna have toast or a sandwich for breakfast
>open up my pantry and my bread is all moldy
>swear at the bread
>make some coffee because I'm still too sleepy
>drink the coffee, feel a little bit more energy inside me
>make a few strips of bacon and eat that
>go to the store to buy some bread
>halal truck is right across the street, so get some lamb over rice as well
>get home and eat my tasty sheep-based lunch
>sit in bed browsing 4chan the rest of the day
>intermittently make a few cups of coffee and drink those
I had classes today, but I slept through them. I keep fucking up in school. I'm gonna get expelled if I don't do well this quarter, unless I decide to take a "medical leave" for my schizophrenia. These meds are fucking killing me. They're meant to calm me down, but they calm me way the fuck too down. I'm too tired all day, I feel no emotions at all, and I don't have any motivation. Honestly considering just living life with the voices, audio-visual hallucinations, and paranoia. There were points when I felt like I was the Chosen One, hand-picked by God, and I felt so very high during those moments. How do I move on after that? How do I bear every-day reality, where there's probably no God and I have to "make my own meaning", which is just a stupid way of saying I have no meaning and exist for no reason at all?
This slut loves me and idk what to do... I've been leading her on and she's coming over tonight... She's fucked over 20 guys but I've fucked over 20 girls...I don't want to get feelings for her cuz she's a whore but she's the first girl I don't want to murder in like 2 years