What is your poop cycle?

>>26212325
I take one giant shit every couple of days tbqh

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>>26212325
Once in the morning and once at night.

whenever i feel like shitting i shit

I had diarrhea at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting today

>>26212325
11am, right in the middle of working and I can't step off the line to hit the john. Basically stuck holding in a massive shit for 3 hours everyday.

I don't know what to do.

Every morning before breakfast. And one small after Coffee

>>26212848
When you wake up in the morning, try drinking two glasses of water, then squat on the toilet and take your sweet time taking a nice morning shit. Works for me.

>>26212774
in your pants or on the floor

every morning within a few hours after my initial coffee
>>26212774
lol

>tfw crohn's

when im not shitting constantly 7 times a day during a flare, i usually shit once every two days, fuck my gay ass digestive system

Taking a shit right now. I usually only shit once every 2 or 3 days. Let's just say every shit is an emergency. Feels so much better that way

Every morning, huge solid poops smooth as eggs. Toilet paper is always still white.

>>26212325
When I was a kid I used to only poop once every few days. Once I didn't take a shit for a week.

Now I poop at least once a day, usually first thing in the morning. Sometimes if I skip my morning shit and have it later on in the day, it fucks up my cycle for a day or two.

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as irregular as my eating habits

Whenever I finish masturbating.

>wake up
>late for work
>feel like I have to poop
>have one-hour commute, need to poop now
>sit on toilet for 5-10 minutes
>now really late for work
>all that comes out is a tiny shit with the consistency of melted fudge that gets stuck poking halfway out of the hole so I have to grab it with toilet paper, smushing it everywhere into my ass hair so it takes another 5 minutes to clean up
>give up on pooping
>leave apartment, get on bus
>immediately have to poop
>feel colossal turds slide into the secondary loading dock for exit procedures
>hold them in
>ten thousand PSI of gas builds up right behind it
>want to fart so bad
>know it will catapult my pants directly off my body and spray liquid shit all over the place
>hold it in
>spend 40 minute journey forcibly sucking turds back up into my intestine as they angrily push their way down into my colon every 5 seconds
>get to train station
>there's a bathroom
>go inside
>653 people, 3x5 feet
>one stall unoccupied
>door doesn't lock
>fuck this
>get on second train
>continue holding in shits
>finally get to work
>have to walk 5 minutes to door
>every single step i take feels like it's slamming a dook loose
>clenching asshole harder than ever
>get to work
>rush to only bathroom
>kitchen is 4 feet away with no door
>three cute girl coworkers are in there chatting
>need to take the noisiest shit ever
>the bathroom door has a fifteen inch gap between it and the bottom of the floor
>go back out into the parking lot
>coworkers think i'm insane
>walk around in circles with my hands in my pockets
>spread my buttcheeks and try to let out hot farts that let the gas escape by sliding around the poo
>feel slightly better
>go back inside
>girls are gone
>take massive awful shit
>in the bathroom for 14 minutes
>everyone thinks i'm weird again
>go home that night
>take no shits
>wake up the next morning
>start over

>>26212325
I'm ADIDAS master race every day (after dinner I did a shit).

>>26212889
thanks anon, i will attempt this

>>26213260
Remember when EPIC SHIT STORY threads were a thing?

Rabbit turds most days, but randomly my asshole becomes a sandblaster of pure foulness.

Fibrous cereals and veggies don't help my regularity and just make me fart every fifteen seconds.

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Once every 16 hours, I'd say.

>tfw you take a massive shit and then hop in the shower after to clean yourself fully

>>26213373
Those were the days, weren't they?

>Quite a wile ago
>Be me, walking large excitable dog
>About halfway through the walk (I go the same route every day because I know it's about an hour) I feel a familiar feeling in my gut
>thisisn'tgoingtobefun.xcf
>Feeling quickly intensifies
>My stomach feels like a dryer full of pot soil
>My poor butthole slowly leaks a foul gas no matter how hard I try to hold it
>Dog tries to run accross the street because two people are walking by
>Let out a fart wetter than the Indian Ocean
>Luckily not as shitty, although for a while I was very worried
>Waddling, asshole clenched tighter than a captain's know
>Finally get home, don't even bother to take dog's leash off
>Run to toilet
>Plot my thankful ass down, but nothing
>Let out a fart
>itbegins.mkv
>My toilet is like a snow globe, my body can barely hold on as my guts empty everything it could remove into the porcelain throne
>It doesn't even feel relieving, and my stomach begins to hurt from all the shitting.
>My asshole continues to sputter and spurt shit, it's not diarrhea but it's too close for comfort
>It ends
>Wipe my ass in vain, wash hands, etc.
>Feebly walk into kitchen and get a cup of water to try and regain fluids

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>come home from business trip
>nothing but shitty fast food from airports and germs from touching dirty public transport
>haven't taken a shit in 2 days
>drive home 1.5 hours from airport
>extreme abdominal pain, writhing in my seat and rubbing my stomach trying to dull the pain
>almost wreck the car several times
>finally get home, leap on the toilet
>sit there for 45 minutes, unable to shit more than tiny rabbit pebbles despite the pain
>decide to wipe and lie down, but no toilet paper
>fucking typical
>stand up to walk to hall closet
>both legs completely asleep, fall over and land HARD on laundry basket
>hear sound like gunshot and excruciating pain in my ass
>wince sharply and roll off laundry basket, sucking in air as wind knocked out of me
>legs are on fire with pins and needles
>gradually become aware of the sensation of shit slowly snaking out of my rectum like playdoh or warm soft-serve
>stare blankly at poo spray on bathroom cabinet
>lie there for 10 minutes until I can walk again

>Made the mistake of drinking something that I later came to realize was "Agave juice"
>This juice consists of antioxidants, fruit pulp, juice, and other bits
>Decided to try some out
>It was pretty tasty
>Decided to drink 2/3rds of the bottle
>About 20 minutes later I don't feel right
>I could physically hear that drink churning through my intestines
>Shart myself before I realize nothing good could come out of this
>Ran to the toilet
>Sat down, only to have my asshole heave nothing for a solid 20 seconds
>After that, the sound can only be described as water forcefully shooting out of a drainage pipe
>Sit there for 5 full minutes, my insides cramping as the next wave of near-liquid shit comes pouring out
>As this continues, it feels like I'm shitting out marbles
>Finally stops after my sphincter gives one final wink and suddenly stops
>The bowl reminded me of heavily watered down guacamole
>Sit back down to make sure it's over
>relieved, I get up
>20 minutes later I repeat the whole process.

Yeah, don't drink agave juice.

>>26212911
In the toilet right off the meeting room

Been constipated for the past 2 days after eating a gas station pizza. I've had trouble shitting before but nothing has been like this suffering. Constant stomach pain, feeling of pressure and weight in my abdomen. I can feel the literal piece of shit stuck in me. Even had me puking up everything I ate yesterday. It feels lighter after eating prunes and lots of water but I'm still not right. I can feel the poison feces toxifying my whole body slowly. I feel like the last person on the human centipede. I wish I could reach into my intestines and push that shit out.

>>26214227
Try magnesium.

Got a bottle for 95 cents yesterday, cleared me right out.

Tip:DON'T DRINK THE WHOLE BOTTLE

Drink half, drink several large glasses of water, and wait. If you still aren't cleaned out after 12 hours or so, drink the rest.

I made the mistake of drinking the whole thing and barely got any sleep because I kept having to get up and go spray liquid shit.

I learned about it from a heroin user's board, those guys know about constipation.

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>>26214568
>I learned about it from a heroin user's board, those guys know about constipation.

i usually shit once in the morning, and once in the evening/afternoon

>Be 15
>Be on trip with Grandparents
>They feed sister and I icecream twice in one day
>Not yet aware that I am lactose intolerant
>Feel something brewing after second cone
>Ignore it
>Later that night
>In bed, stomach starts to hurt
>Not even "have to shit" feeling, more like someone punched me
>Decide fuck it, go sit on toilet
>Sit on toilet for 30 minutes, drop a tootsie roll
>Only a precursor for what is to come
>Go back to bed
>Not 5 minutes later, hit with massive diarhhea pains
>Doubled over with pain on toilet, churning out softserve
>Grandma asks if I am OK every minute or so
>Literally sweating at this point
>Asks me if I need to sit in some hot water
>"JUST LET ME POOP, GRANDMA."
>"Ok, sweetheart."
>This continues for another 45 minutes
>Finally over, look back at my shit
>Could nearly touch my butthole
>Actually kind of proud of myself

it's a rather embarrasing family story at this point, the entire trip was quite the disaster. i think this happened the night before we left.

>>26213260
i had a rite laff m8

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It's normal to not shit every day right?

>>26214227
How much? A bit of it can cause constipation, but a whole pie can turn your guts into Chernobyl and wreck your ass like a rabid horse.

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>>26213260
brings back memories of the good days

>>all that comes out is a tiny shit with the consistency of melted fudge that gets stuck poking halfway out of the hole so I have to grab it with toilet paper, smushing it everywhere into my ass hair so it takes another 5 minutes to clean up

>>26212325
Wake up, shit.
Then again between 12:30 and 3pm

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2am every night. Is it cancer? I'm as skinny as a stick and I only eat the 4 for 4$ Wendy's or the 5 for 4$ BK if I'm feeling extra hungry.

>>26215736
>Is it cancer?
>I only eat the 4 for 4$ Wendy's or the 5 for 4$ BK

hmmm...

>>26212325
I poop once every three to four days, it's been like this for as long as I can remember. I've never pooped more than two days in a row unless it was a stomach virus.

I'm in good shape too, eat healthy and not fat. When I do poop there is light blood when I wipe.

>had to take a shit at work
>"c-can someone cover my shift really quick?"
>manager:" I'm in a rush but sure I'll take your spot while you go to the bathroom"
>take a good half an hour in the bathroom
>hear on my walkie talkie my manager paging for me, then asking if anyone else has seen me
>hear coworkers making jokes over the radio waves about falling in
>coworker knocks on the door looking for me
>pretend like I'm throwing up and said I might be a while
>coworker tells my manager and suddenly my coworkers felt bad

Still didn't finish my shit but at least they thought I wasn't forcing a brick out of my anus.

>>26212325
I poop once a week. Should i see a doctor?