ITT: greentext all of your problems, robots reply and tell you if you shoudl an hero or not
>no college, unemployed, no licence or car. since high school.
>Live in filthy trailer park with mom surrounded by trailer trash degenerates.
>no help from mom because even she is a fucking NEET too. with no income
>only person paying the rent is grandma
>mom is chronically deppressed, as am I. cant take care of herself. has had two strokes. refuses to get disability assistance keeps the house fucking filthy. our floors are falling in we have a faulty heater and fucking animals crawl up our vents at night and i have to shower at the neighbors.
>no father figure to help me, dad is absent from my life. wonttalk to me.he makes 150k a year i never got any help from him.
>nothing to do every day. at home i have nothing to do. no music to listen to no internet no tv no phone.. nothing
>only time i can go online is when i take my 2005 era windows xp laptop that can only go on simple websites
>everytime i go to therapy. they treat me like a second class citizen because my doctors and shirnks are literally free clinic medicaid teir.
>trust issues cuz bullied, abused, molested and hurt as a kid
>tfw strives to be at least upper middle class. and wants to go to med school but high school gpa was shit. in order to go to college you have to have a home base. and transportation.. cant go to school if i dont know how we are going to keep the lights on.
>tfw doomed to be a blue collar wageslave forever if im lucky
>dont even have money for basic needs, like clothing, razors to shave with, toothpaste, etc
>tfw living barely one step above homeless.
>tfw dont want to be this way, im not lazy, white trash, or hillbilly. want to be sucessful
Should i do it guys?
Don't do it, man.
>no car, never worked, no liscense ect
>father was an alcoholic/schizophrenic/drug addict
>moved around my entire life since I was 6, never stayed in any place for longer than a year or two. (max is 6 years and thats my current place we live now, but have moved around the town a bunch)
>lived in a homeless shelter and was mentally abused by a crazy bitch.
>am autistic and have schizo affective disorder, so i'm a little socially awkward and can't function in normie society
> dropped out of highschool 6 years ago even though I had a 3.89 gpa and everything to live for, upbeat social life, friends, went to parties ect
> I had broken up with my gf of 4 years who turned out to be a hamplanet after sending me pics of a beautiful cheerleader all that time
>Excommunicated everyone in my life and said fuck the world, got really depressed
>woke up 3 days later with brain damage and memory loss, no memory of what happened.
>6 years later I'm recovering and was able to learn 3d modeling/animation, going to be an indie game dev as soon as i get the demo running and can put in on greenlight or w/e
>Aunts side of the family is judging me and thinks im not really messed up, they beleive in the stiff upper lip bullshit
>don't give a fuck because I know im going on the right path, mom and everyone else is supporting me
>socializing with friends again and might even be totally financially independent soon
you can do it Anon. The counseling programs usually have support/work/outreach groups. I live in bumfuck georgia and even we have some stuff here for people.
>dropped out of high school twice
>no work experience
>living with parents
>never had a gf
>kissless hugless handholdless virgin
>ugly manlet with crooked teeth and weird lips
>slowly going insane from isolation
>haven't left my house in a month now, last time was to watch fireworks in my garden on new years
>days blend into each other, can't tell memories apart from each other anymore
>parents won't stop educating my on how useless I am for not doing anything with my life
>want to kill myself for disappointing them so much and shitting on their love and care
>can't kill myself because it'll devastate them and disappoint them even more
>literally don't know what to call my existence anymore, it feels as if I'm not really alive
>I don't understand what the point of living is
>Why am I here? What's the fucking point?
>I don't hate my life, not yet anyway. Although I highly dislike it. '
>When I move away to college I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a mental break down. I don't want to, but my mom is making me.
>I hate myself. Socially awkward. Can barely utter a sentence when someone wants to talk to me. Mumble to myself like an autistic fag. Ugly. Fat.
>I don't have a purpose and I don't think I'll ever find one.
>25 is the age I'll die, I'm 18. I'll just see if things get better.
I know it's no where near as heart aching as the stories so far and I'm sorry if I sound like a whiney bitch, but I just can't stop feeling this way.
>>tfw dont want to be this way, im not lazy, white trash, or hillbilly. want to be sucessful
Sounds like you don't want to, so no I guess not. You could always try to get loans and then live on campus while working some shit job to buy yourself top ramen.
My friend just commited suicide about an hour ago and evryone shocked and wondering why he would do such a thing and im sittting here not even phased because if you actually were his friend like I was you would know he's been depressed for years and everyone acting like they were friends with him more than I was idk fuck this has happened to 4 people ive known so far and it literally pisses me off
>tfw no suicidal friend to chat with about death
Someone just buy me a gun please.
I believe we wake up, and we forget who we have been in this life, or remember but don't worry about it. I often asks myself what happens to the "me" and the people in my dreams when I wake up. Do they die or dissapear? Something like that will happen when we die. What do you believe?
>parents lost all respect for me
>quit education, NEET
>scared to leave the house
>lost all my friends
>lost all my interests
>met the love of my life online and she left me for a chad that used her
>unhealthy obsession to compete with my ex's chad BF causing me great pain
>need someone to fill the whole my ex left but too socially awkward to find anyone
>growing incredibly bitter
>lost a good portion of my intelligence
The universe will only ever be seen through your eyes, in a sense you are the centre of the universe. Once you cease to exist, so does everything you once knew. Everything lives in your perception and you will never know otherwise.
I believe are conscious just dies out like a candle.
>got a big fat Whitehead zit on my face
>no original meme thoughts
>no lamia gentle femdom mommy gf
I think tonight's the night lads
And as your perception started when you were given born and had a physical body, it will end after your body is no more. Imagining life after death is like imagining life before life.
But since I had strange dreams about life and death and being in the perception of different people, I believe there could be something more.
Also, sometimes I consider that we are just areally advanced alien species that live forever or a really long time, and that this life is simulated in a game console since 100 years means nothing to us.
I doubt I'll have the go ahead but...
>car, job, independent apartment
>associate's and doing more classes for IT
>only negative relationship history
>most family doesn't talk to me
>speak maybe four sentences a week at work
>fingers always cracked and hurt due to dumb muscle job
>Too used to abusive gfs
>don't believe I'll get any better in life
>suicide attempt at 12
>letting toxic feminists make me believe sometimes that maybe I should die for being a guy
>really does believe that since I'm a guy I'm worthless to most as a person
>keep going under the fantasy that being successful might make me feel worth something, and that someone could genuinely love me
>and that this life is simulated in a game console since 100 years means nothing to us.
Waking up after having offed yourself in said game and having all the memories from it intact would have to lead to some fucking insane next level introspection, sounds like something that would be banned for the sake of public health.
If becoming successful doesnt do anything for you, maybe. But you're in classes so that's something.
>Never buy food, only coffee and alcohol. Just take food back from work
>Suicidal thoughts and depression start at age 7, progressively get worse.
>Work at a shitty buffet
>Dad's in prison, mother is missing, family is pretty much nonexistent
>No car, walk 6 miles to work because bike got stolen
> No social life
> Literally just play a few decent games on my laptop when im not at work all day or browse 4chan
>Started cutting and now my upper arms and thighs are covered in cuts. Probably wont even try to get gf because of insecurities
> Dont even have any desire to try and fit into modern day society, dont even know what would make me happy any more.
At least i have plans on getting a CDL and just living my life on the road as an interstate driver, but aside from that i dont really have anything to look forward to
That's why that advanced race lives really long, like million years, or don't die at all. So this life is just like a dream or a nightmare for them. So anyway, anyone attempted suicide here before?
>struggling with education
>struggling with staying in touch with those around me
>struggling with being "OK", with being able to just pass the minimum expectations
>while not finding any form of satisfaction in all the things i do.
its not really wanting to die but just having no reason to exist i guess
No. I was about to get kicked out of my house so I had to choose the only available option of living which happened to be lke right at/below six miles away from where I work, depending on which route I take. It was either that, go ahead and kill myself, or just find somewhere out of the way to sleep at. I live in a small town so theres not a whole bunch of options
No, you will get through it anon, there's always light at the end of the tunnel.
>19 live alone on government money
>never met my father
>have autism or asperger's
>social anxiety, trust and dependency issues
>push anyone who wants to get close to me away so no social life other than mmos
>attention whore because it makes me feel good about myself
>bullied all through school
>left school young because of terminal illness
>not very smart
>lost uni scholarship because of very public suicide attempt
>meant to be starting study next month but am losing my hearing which has taken away my motivation
>my sight could be next
Posted what I was going to do on facebook, failed at doing it was caught and stopped by force partway through trying a different way.
We have no buildings tall enough to jump from in my small town.
I've never heard of a teenage girl doing that, but enough vitamin A will easily kill you.
Guess so but I was planning on going through with it and just wanted people to know why. Failed at hanging and cutting so I tried the autoerotic asphyxiation way with the belt.
Would have succeeded too if It hadn't been taken off me.
You could just use a booru or something.
I'm pretty sure like every booru has the tag considering how autistic people can be with those things, but alright.
>Used to be semi happy living with mom and sister
>Moved 9000km away from my shitty island to go study abroad so I can make something of myself
> 2 years living here and still no friends
> Sit the whole day in my tiny apartment behind my pc
> games stopped being fun
> can't concentrate at school so I'm failing
> found out I may have ADD and depression
> if I fail I have to move back home with huge debt and be a failure
> some one end it pls
>ugly chin scar
>grinding teeth in sleep
>ADD, i forget to eat, sleep, appointments, study, buy food
>asperger, cant look people in the eyes or explain what i mean thoroughly. retarded social blank
>malnourished skinny skinnyfat
>failing uni class, parents try to blame it on the diagnosis
>add med makes me lose apetite, taste, lifespark, what not, but its wroth it right? at least i can focus on how shity shit is
>over 600 days playtime in wow
>virgin, never been in a relationship, but ive managed to convince myself that im better off this way
>never beem treated bad growing up, but not good either, always ignored
>no friends except 2-3 old classmates i occasionally play vidya with once every month
>22 and lives with parents(i dont see this as a negative thing tb q h)
im just gonna skip the existential shit since that's indirectly implied
>reply and tell you if you shoudl an hero or not
You got a lot of nerve man.
>spent last 4 years trying to return to an eternal mindstate, conscious of all of life's patterns, truths, and secrets
>dug into my own subconscious through heavy marijuana use
>time is a flat circle
>what is droste effect
>i am a strange loop
>entered the void
>found the key
>found abounding love
>found my demons
>"you cannot go forward in an absence of space"
>psychotic break spaghetti'd
>made the crows caw
>parted the clouds and made the sun shine
>made the wind blow
>made the ducks laugh
>i failed to hold it together
>i'll never walk in the spirit of the eternal mind again
>told it was all just psychosis
>I'll get back there again
>dropped out of school via psychotic episode
>now live in a sober home
>with 11 (mostly old) men
>work decent retail job
>great people to work with
>easy to make customers smile
>parents pay for good shrink
>disappointment to parents
Seems like I'm pretty fucking spoiled compared to a lot of the circumstances I've read here. My suicidal ideation is much more profoundly existential than realistically circumstantial. I can't tell if that's better or worse. I've lost the will to philosophize and find wonder where I used to.
Keep it together, robots: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i-lNrFEIVM
>can't kill myself because it'll devastate them and disappoint them even more
>literally don't know what to call my existence anymore, it feels as if I'm not really alive
I feel the same bro. I don't call this a life. I call it a slow death.
This takes me back, I had a power point presentation of this years ago in school. Our English teacher gave me an A despite the fact that I had under-preformed 99% of the course.
>No one else got above B :^)
>unemployed for 5 months
>barely know my family and don't speak to them
>live with mom and her alcoholic dyke girlfriend
>sit in room by myself all day every day
>leave house maybe once a month
>too scared to kill myself
>mom is pressuring me to get a job
>i might actually have to an hero
>living at home
>5 years into my 4 year bioscience degree
>failing, just waiting for them to kick me out
>never go to classes, forget about midterms and tests all the time
>used to want to go to medical school
>can't bring myself to care anymore
>still pay for courses that i fail every semester
>diagnosed with ADHD, but waiting for multiple sleep latency test to tell me if i have narcolepsy
>private test isn't covered by insurance, can't afford it
>parents separated for two years now
>mother is still a basket case, spends most days in her room crying
>she won't even think about getting a job
>brother is only 15 and has so many learning disabilities idk if he'll finish high school
>i'm the only one making money in our house, part time job
>father remortgaged our house before he left and won't pay it now that he's not living there, even though he makes 1200/month
>only pays 2000/month in support, barely enough to cover mortgage let alone utilities and groceries
>we're on the verge of having our house foreclosed
>lawyers can't help us, just cause more debt
>all the time i'm thinking "what's the point"
>idea of suicide is kinda comfortable at this point
>have no idea what my future would even look like if i have one
>might literally be living in my car next month if they kick us out of our house
>what's the point
Going to sleep. Love you anons.
Just do it. 99/100 it never gets better, if anything it just gets worse with age.
>1 friend who I go to the gym with every now and then
>taking a few courses in community college
>balding, ugly, manlet
>feeling extremely paranoid lately
>my mom bought me some soda last weekend
>I thought it was poisoned and threw it away
>spend every hour im awake at my pc
>19, college dropout, no license, no car
>clinical depression and avoidant personality disorder; CBT hasn't helped a bit, neither have meds
>no friends, live with my mom and sleep most of the day
>30k in student loans for a degree I didn't even get
>can't go outside, takes me three days to write an email, Mom has to make phone calls for me, basically a neurotic mess of a human being
>Dad absent from the picture since I was three, dead now
>literally everything I do reminds me of what a fucking loser I am, can't even watch movies because I get jealous of the actors' looks and confidence
>dumb as a pile of rocks, get made fun of constantly, even on here
>no money whatsoever, no hope of leaving this shithole of a city
>Mom keeps telling me I'll get better but I don't believe a word of it
>very alone and very scared
>everyone from high school is having fun in college while I sit in my room jerking off and praying for death
>everyone around me only serves to hammer in the fact that I'm a dysfunctional freak who's not good enough to live
honestly .. yea do it.
i know i had my circumstances better and that different people experience things differently, but if I were you, I would've done much earlier.
I don't feel like lying to you and giving you hard-unlikely positive outcomes.
i want to die too, just no fire arms.
Have either of you listened to any Alan Watts lectures? He has a very interesting perspective on what happens to us when we die
>20, fourth year of community college, terrible high school GPA, will probably never go to a good uni.
>no car, no job or experience
>no real friend since elementary school
>social anxiety because i have a stutter
>zero confidence or social skills
>mum doesn't want me to grow up and would rather i live in my bedroom forever and be her maid.
>talents are never recognized
>i'm never good enough for anything
>why even live.
I have a rope in my filing cabinet just in case things get too bad, I live in a country were you can't buy guns :/
>Crying or coming close to it on a daily basis now
>Intense self loathing that has been going on since seven
>Not attractive and will never be thanks to face and skeletal structure
I'm not fat, not what I'm referring to
>Haven't made IRL friends since middle school, don't have any
>Never been in a relationship and don't want one but do want to be loved
>Poor relationship with parents
>Siblings hate me
>Only people who do actually love me (non romantically) are two Steam friends
>No hobbies or interests
>Antidepressants not working much anymore
>Only things I enjoy are my weekly fap and anime
>Want to live off of NEETbux and do nothing but watch anime but even if I got them my parents wouldn't give me a place to live and it wouldn't be enough for rent, and I'd have a mountain of college debt
>Hope on a near daily basis a gunman will spring out of nowhere and shoot me
>Too scared of suicide for fear of screwing up
Everything seems hopeless. I don't have things quite as bad as some anons in this thread but life certainly isn't good either.
>read every post in the thread
>and I have experienced almost everything here specially the poverty
>and now I'm doing OK
>living alone, studying what I want, etc
>father is still supporting me I give you that and he is still pretty rich, that may never happen to you
>in my case money saved me but you don't need money to save yourself
No dont do it
>type 1 diabetic at 5 yrs old
>moved to America at 8 after my dad died in car crash
>mom married a fucking psycho
>beat the shit out of mom and me and my bro as well
>run away and live in shelter for 2 months
>move every 5 months
>psycho keeps stalking us
>breaks into house while we're away
>he gets arrested
>since we keep moving i have 0 friends
>develop terrible social anxiety and depression
>diagnosed with minor PTSD
>mom marries nice guy
>nvm hes an abusive alcoholic bastard
>lose everything again
>live in shelter for year
>finally move to Missouri
>shits looking senpai
>get into car crash
>trouble moving around for a while
Its getting better tho, i am slowly starting to work out again
I am currently going to med school, my past is so fucking broken, but remember, night is darkest before dawn, keep on trucking bro
>Only gf I've had (that didn't cheat on me) died two years ago
>Seizures, borderline, might have Huntington's Disease, Persistent Major Depression
>Afraid of women yet at the same time straight
>Trap (not a tranny)
>Not in college
>Virginity was taken via rape
>Above issue gives me panic attacks around kids
>paleish blue eyes
>19 in april
>Chubby, but defined jaw line. Could be an 8 if i lost weight
Haha i have all of the ability to become a semi chad or atleast normie but i'm going to hero anyways take that you fags
My mom is overprotective too. Except that now, after keeping me shut in my room my whole life, she thinks I can magically just decide to go get a job and be able to talk to people. I might be autistic, or I might just be underdeveloped from sitting at a computer most of every day since I was in kindergarten.
Sounds like you need a roomate who cares for you.
I too have a shitty life story but am too irritated right now to type it.
realistically, I'll commit suicide sometime after my parents die. I've been a useless NEET my whole life anyway.
>sell and donate all my stuff.
>go deep in the woods.
>put honey, peanut butter, bbq sauce all over my body.
>shotgun loaded, fire with my toe.
>let nature eat my body.
If you fix you work on your stutter issue, you'll get confidence. With it, you just have to go ahead and talk to people, doesn't even matter if they don't care about you, this way, you'll get dem social skills. And with them, you'll meet nice people, friends, who knows.
We all have to start from somewhere yknow
Worst thing that can happen is leaving this as is.
>Going to school stubbornly finishing up the useless PoliSci degree I started a decade ago
>Dumpy security job
>No sex in 4 years
>Friends in current city are all SJWs, though I have some outdoorsy bros in my hometown.
>A working smart phone
>Any place outside your home with internet
fuck off, idiot
>have an autistic baby face
>raised by single mother
>abused as a child
>poor as fuck then and poor as fuck now
>never could make any friends in school because of my personality
>mental disorders went by without diagnosis because neglect from mother
Maybe I can't speak for everyone but I think one can focus, or refocus, their mind on adult women. I did it. I still find young girls cute but I don't think about them much at all beyond that.
Just wanted to share with you because I know how much self-hatred a person can have over that. Hope things get better for you bro.
Young girls are very beautiful. A woman would agree with that. But there are plenty of young looking women and like you said, sometimes the "older" look is appealing as well.
As far as fapping goes, regular straightforward adult porn can be kind of meh. So I watch a lot of incest roleplay and whatever else seems interesting at the moment. There are a lot of niches out there.
>buy cute cosplay to fap in
>Literally the day it arrives my stepmom gets fired
>havent worn it once
>Rent also goes up
>a few weeks later
>Dad gets fired
>Rent goes up to $1000 for a shitty room
>Still have to pay $300 for gas and food
>I only make $1400-1500 a month
>havent fapped in weeks
>have no time alone since now they are both home
>I am either working, at school, or trying to avoid talking to my parents while eating the same instant noodles I have been eating for the past year
>Cant even afford to buy meat or vegetables to add into my noodles now
>too scared to rent a room somewhere else
>cant join the military
>No friends, wouldnt have time for them even if I did
>No longer enjoy anime
>No longer enjoy video games
>Literally the only time I enjoy myself is when I read a few chapters of some book 10 minutes before going to sleep
i'm not doing to well
>> 33 years old
>> never had a date
>> still living with parents
>> work in shity dead end min wage jobs
>> start thinking about toping my self
>> decide to retrain
>> Dec 2012 lose my job of ten years
>> dad ends up in hospital 2 weeks after my 30th birthday nearly lose my dad
>> start feeling even more shity
>> owe money for training can't find job to put new skills to good use
>> get another shity dead end min wage job
>> things look up for a few months but then its shit again
>> lose that job in september 2015
>> get a better job things really do start looking up
>> loss that job 1st week of Dec 2015
>> 14th Dec get my right hand crushed while on a job for an agency
>> get shit on by everyone
im going to off work for at least 6 months im fucking climbing the walls due to fuckin boredom
I think im going to kill my self soon