ate a shit ton of shrooms (9g) and had a very powerful trip, I wouldn't call it bad because it wasn't all bad but there was a part of it where it went really bad and I felt the worst dread and fear I've ever felt, I literally thought I was in hell for about half an hour or so, then things came back up again. Even though it had a lot of good parts, that part was probably the worst moment of my life hands down.
>>26191017 >on new antidepressants >living with grandma for a while (don't remember why,) >no internet or TV after 9 pm ,a>antidepressants start making me feel really hig >walk around apartment for an hour at midnight >get bored and decide to take a bath @/make a mess In the bathroom >go back to sleep >get naked because lol who need clothes >wake up next morning and realize I pooped the bed a little bit >grandma comes wake me up >try to clean as best as I can >can't >give up >two hours later feel like absolute shit again and end up crying in front of grandma and telling her I can't stop feeling like shit no matter what I do Probably not the worst but its up there
>extremely depressed >to the point were I can't get out of bed for weeks >dad makes me go to cousins birthday >20 guys my age there (21) >feel like absolute shit, everyone asks me if I'm OK, feel worse for ruining his birthday >come back home and go to sleep >wake up and keep sleeping anyways until I spent 20 hours in bed >realize that I spent 20 hours in bed >realize I do this everyday >realize I'm going to die >freak out because I'm going to die, this is going to kill me and I'm not going to survive this depression >normal freak out lasts a couple of hours, this refuses to go away no matter what I do or try, it lasts all day I even attempted going outside with my bicicle for an hour, I convince myself that I'm going to die today and I can't stop it >ended up joining a gym the next day >ended up giving up on gym two months later Tell me guys, am I a robot?
A few days ago I was rereading some old messages from my onetitis ex. I realized how happy and autistic I was with her. I realized I repressed our entire relationship after we broke up, I don't remember the good things anymore only when we first got together and her lung cancer. I can't remember why she left me, I was sobbing for hours. I tried to remember more about my life, I realized I've repressed nearly everything about my childhood and old life.
I don't remember what it was like being happy anymore. I don't remember anything more than two years ago which is nothing but social anxiety, depression, and my slow fall into a shun-in NEET. I can't fucking do this much longer guys...
None. My life has always been pretty flat. Every time a good thing happens an equally bad thing happens after and vice versa, so it just evens out. The couple of tragedies have been evened out by a lot of small good things that piled up together.
Tonight is a low one, been drinking vodka every night for a week straight, cutting myself again tonight, dropped out of college again, dont have the guts to tell my parents. I honestly do not see a future for myself, my whole life has been a struggle, i am pathetic. I keep thinking about suicide norr and more but i can't because I could never put them through that, but yet im so ashamed of myself i feel guilty for failing them
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