>tfw narcissistic as fuck
>can't let go and only choosing career options that might make me famous and held in high respect
>tfw just want validation and acknowledgement so bad
>tfw grew up with a Narcissistic mother
>tfw she fucked me up real good
>tfw still can't recover
>tfw I have Narcissistic tendencies and behaviours as well
Well, at least it seems like won't be reproducing and raising children.
>tfw was considered one of the smartest kids from grade 1-8
>tfw had great success through high school when I actually tried
>became lazy and never completed it, was bullied, had mental issues etc., fucked all my chances
>tfw parents gradually lost complete respect for me, expectations totally gone
>"just do what you want anon, it's not like it matters anymore"
I don't know anymore
All I want is for people to love me, or at least be infatuated with me, this alone can give me worth. There is nothing else that makes me a worthwhile person and im painfully aware of it, I have no worth.
I know how it feels to fall in love with someone and how their faults become invisible and that person is like a piece of heaven on earth, like the whole universe could have been made just so that they could live and it would be worth it, If I can get other people to feel that way about me (and I feel that I probably have) then to that person at least, I am not an empty sell of a person or a worthless piece of shit, I instead am someone worthy of love and just for a moment I am good.
>Going to local college because it's cheap and close to home
>Just taking as many general courses as I can there
>Will transfer to flagship State uni later on
>Graduate with Aerospace engineering degree while doing ROTC
>Join Air Force
>Become fighter pilot
>Life set before age 25.
The rest is just pure speculation and wishfull thinking but I don't think it's impossible just hard too achieve.
>Become test pilot
>From then on become astronaut or land a nice cozy job at NASA, Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, Space X, etc, etc,
What's your plan OP?
I never even had that point and people still stopped caring and respecting me. I was in the top 10 of my high school class, 4.0 on my Associates, transferred, got additional degrees, still on the right track for my career.
But that's what everyone expected, so no one congratulates me or thinks I'm even doing well.
What do you call it when I'm the same as OP but recognize that I probably will never achieve my goals and just don't give a fuck?
I'd rather kill myself than live a life of barely scraping by.
Anyone who is willing to argue with you about whether they're a narcissist, or call themselves a narcissist, is not a narcissist.
A real narcissist doesn't give a fuck what you think and would never label themselves negatively.
That's probably why you don't give a fuck.
I know that even if I fail at whatever I want to do, I'll have my mom's millions when she dies. Even when my goals are set back in some way, or I'm going through hard times, I have the future to make me a little more content. And it probably also contributes to why no one respects me. An assumption that "You have it so easy since you don't have to work for anything", when my mom has never paid for any of my schooling, vehicles, housing, or anything besides $100 at Christmas.
narcissists have a deep inner hatred and can recognize their tendencies
they can definitely talk about those tendencies online for sympathy from strangers which doesn't pose any real threat to their character because
Not even remotely why I'm so drenched in ennui. I was raised in such a way that I was forced into situations I didn't want to be in and undermined any time I did want to do something, so I've basically grown into a real life Bartleby the Scrivener. I just don't care.
I don't even care enough to waste my time playing vidya on days when I'm not doing anything. Only reason I spend so much time on 4chan is because I can't be bothered to go meet real people.
Normally I would agree with these post that call out people who self diagnose themselves.
but I have to disagree with you on this one Anon. One of the characteristics that are used to diagnose narcissism is being a self aware narcissist.
This docu explains it better.
Try not to take yourself too seriously. Laugh at stuff. Like memes for example.
I feel like this reddit tier forced meme shit is a new level of irony
Like, at first it's like definitely not funny, stage 2 it's not funny, stage 3 still not funny
But at this point it just becomes upsetting. Therefore, suddenly funny. Instead of a pattern of contradictory phases of irony ("Haha we love this, we hate this, haha we love it again, we hate this") it just went through a new pattern.
> wanted to be a rockstar
> to dumb and lazy to bother learning guitar
> still hope that i will wake up one day and be some sort of guitar god
> literally no clue what im doing with my life
>can't give myself validation
>receive no validation from the outside
pretty fucked desu