Who /starting to have homicidal thoughts about happy people/ here? I absolutely despise people who look happy and social now. I want them to suffer like I am.
wait for them to do something to you first, or if you do it close enough to a really bad part of your city, "Fiver's law" comes into play and no calling the poclicos for them.
not fucked yet.
I've told multiple psychiatrists and counselors about my homicidal urges. Unless you have a step-by-step plan and a gun in your backpack they can't do anything.
Even if you did have a gun they could only report it to the police who could do nothing because you didn't commit a crime (unless you're in Yurop).
Don't make a direct threat.
You can say "when I get angry I want to hurt people" or "when I fight with my gf I have violent urges". Just don't cross the border into "next time I see my dad I'm going to kill him".
>without landing myself in prison
kill yourself after, they'll take you to a morgue instead of prison.
I've been there fellow robot. If you're angry at happy people it's because you want what they have.
>I want them to suffer like I am.
Why are you suffering and why do you think hurting others would feel better than stopping the suffering?
If you try to hurt others you will only face legal and social repercussions. I've been there. I had to stop taking drugs and go to the hospital a few times but now I have a wife and kids who make life worth living.
This is after being in prison for 10 years. Whatever revenge you want isn't worth it.
I was diagnosed "conduct disorder" at 12 and told I'd be a junkie criminal my whole life. I looked pretty rough as a teen (short, underweight, thin scraggly beard). This was back before dial-up internet when freaks got beat up instead of e-mailed.
If you make a choice to hurt others you also hurt yourself. I live with guilt every day for what I did.
Take it to the school senpai
You know what to do ;)
>If you make a choice to hurt others you also hurt yourself.
But if you're not a Chad, then anything you do is hurting yourself. If you're inferior(which you're probably not since your father is rich) then all your life is gonna be failure, humiliation and working hard to get things that come easily to others. That's worse than being dead. On the other hand, yet I'm still here.
I'm the guy with psychotic depression.
tell that to a schizophrenic person. It is caused by left brain overactivity and right brain underactivity coupled with too much dopamine in one pathway. I used to think mental illness was a meme until I developed one myself. I always was disgusted by my uncle, who also has psychotic depression and has been to several hospitals for it. Your thinking is incredibly blind.
The only reason I don't hate everyone else is because I view normies as helpless victims of their genetics/environment.
Yeah, it's a weak string that keeps me from becoming a true robot, where I stop functioning completely because I gained too much self awareness and my algorithms no longer work. But then again, I don't think you can erode away your algorithms, you can only tangle them and make them so complicated that they no longer abide by their evolutionary purpose. So then, maybe, I might be okay. Far too self aware for this level of lack of emotional control, but okay.
I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and im seeing a psychotherapist. It isn't helping that much though. Risperidone just made me fat, so I'm switching it to a different antipsychotic.
Have you been honest with your psychotherapist about your homicidal urges? If you tell them your symptoms they can help you manage them. I used to hide my coke addiction from my therapist and it made my life a nightmare until I told her. When I was able to stop lying and start trusting her it was such a relief.
I'm here to cure all of your mental issues. No need to thank me, simply /check 'em/
Psychotic depression is a lot like having an anxiety disorder, but the anxiety thing is about bullshit. I think I'm being poisoned a lot, which freaks me out. I'm highly suspicious of people and think they were placed there to monitor me sometimes. For me, hallucinations are an aspect of the disease. I frequently see glowing faces on top of my vision when my eyes are open and realistic faces when my eyes are closed. I very frequently see bright flashes of light in the sides of my vision as well as shooting stars. I also saw a figure once that I thought was a demon, but that is my only external visual hallucination. I also infrequently hear voices calling my name in real people's voices.
I have had several psychotic episodes that only lasted about 5 hours each. One time, I ran down my dorm's hallway screaming people's names and knocking on doors. I then sprayed febreeze in my mouth (it actually tasted good at the time) and ate garbage off the floor. I also was delusional and thought that I possessed magical powers that allowed me to read others' minds. The entire time, I was acting completely manic, but I don't have bipolar.
Depression is also equally as severe as the psychotic symptoms. After all, psychotic depression is a mixture of two illnesses: major depressive disorder and psychosis. Depression makes me incredibly bleak, and then angry. That is where my hatred of normies comes from. I can't stand how happy they seem when everything about life is a miserable chore for me. I'm on an antipsychotic and zoloft, but neither are perfect cures. They just make my episodes fewer and farther between.
Have you ever been in a hospital? Do you have any more stories about delusions?
I'm bipolar and recently I've been thinking I'm the 4th coming of Christ. My doctor says this is a delusion but I know that my paternal grandfather has powers that I inherited.
>tfw highly competent, have had successful relationships, am financially independent, support another person, have lived on my own since I was 17, etc. etc. etc.
Speak for yourself
>I know that my paternal grandfather has powers that I inherited.
You mean your grandfather had untreated psychosis as well. I also have bipolar, I know how convincing the delusions seem while you're having them. You have to trust your doctor and stay out of trouble until the episode passes or else you're going to land yourself in a world of hurt.
It's extremely comforting to see so many other people on /r9k/ with this problem, but I'm simultaneously really fucking sorry to hear it. I hope everyone here can find a way to feel better. Does anyone have any suggestions for ways to relieve the tension and irritability? For me, killing and torturing animals, beating or stabbing trees or slabs of meat, and playing instruments all really helps to get some temporary relief.
Listening to this song always makes me feel better. It has the most beautiful arpeggio of all time.
I have never been to the hospital. My episodes are to short to warrant it. However, I have been extremely wacked-out when I'm psychotic, so I would definitely be hospitalized if it were to last longer. I have also been misdiagnosed as bipolar rapid cycling, so I can see where you're coming from. Instead of being manic, I'm acting psychotic. They are actually quite similar.
>raised by abusive, psychotic, mentally ill parents that passed down their inclinations towards violence genetically and behaviorally
>develop violent behaviors to cope with abuse from a young age, they are the only thing positively reinforced in your life, and remain the only stable thing in your life
>develop bipolar disorder as a teenager, don't understand what's happening and fall deeper into violent behaviors to try and cope with what's happening
>your manic episodes take on a very violent tilt from all of your repressed desires to act even more violent than you're able to without worrying about legal ramifications
>this goes on for nearly a decade, escalating and escalating until it's completely out of control and your life is seemingly over
>with unbelievable luck, get life back on track, mental illness under control, tons of therapy to recondition you into a functioning member of society
>lingering desires to hurt others from all of this is edgy
>in some way
>this makes you a special snowflake
I play the violin. Played guitar and piano as a child but I've forgotten all of it. I've killed cats, rabbits, hamsters, a guinea pig, a dove, lots of birds, lots of reptiles like lizards/iguanas/geckos/turtles, finished off a coyote that I found, a dog, and some others that I can't remember off the top of my head. I lived by a nature reserve as a kid, and the gate had a big open spot in our backyard, so I could go back there unsupervised all the time and everyone would just blame the animal deaths on the coyotes.
there are also kids that grow up with perfectly fine parents and they turn out like monsters, faggot.
go to the nearest hospital with a psychiatric unit and tell them as frankly as you can, "I intend to kill people and I need to be put somewhere safe, right now." they'll institutionalize you on the spot. key is to emphasize that you have intent and you are going to do it right now.
physically, emotionally, verbally, isolated me to a very insane degree, had surveillance all around and outside the house, did their best to prevent me from getting an education, bunch of other shit that no one would probably care about. my mother is borderline (very emotionally unstable, extreme need for attention, prone to self-harm) and is addicted to several benzos, my father is seemingly normal but in reality a sociopath (no empathy towards others, long history of abusing and torturing others, habit of killing animals, etc.), drug dealer and alcoholic, very paranoid, was responsible for most of the cameras and microphones. it's really difficult to quantify how insane they were just with a few sentences, it was one of those things that was more horrifying because of how it added up over the years.
If someone showed you love now would you be able to reciprocate or enjoy it? Could you have a relationship without hurting others? What country do you live in? Do you ever feel remorse for the animals?
I'd be able to reciprocate love, it would just be very difficult to have intimacy with someone because of the urges to hurt other people get worse when I'm in close proximity to someone. I know I could have a relationship without hurting them, I've been through a lot of therapy and it's been years since I've done anything to anyone. I live in the US. I feel a lot of remorse for the animals, but they helped me get through a very tough time in my life so I don't feel like they died for nothing. I still do feel a lot of guilt about it every time I see an animal, though.
only once, I was doped up on a LOT of medication so I made a very stupid mistake that cost me a year of probation and a permanent mark on my criminal record
that was what triggered me to get mental health care and that is why I haven't hurt anyone since
>tfw addicted to drugs
I would not recommend this combination, robots.
I'm a poly-drug addict, so I've tried the whole gamut. I would say that stimulants, dissociatives, and opiates are my favorites. Stimulants and dissociatives can make me psychotic so I gotta be careful with them. Even the opiates make me hallucinate (I've read that they shouldn't, so I dunno why), but it's always comforting stuff. Angelic female voices calling my name or something like that.
Also, I swear to God I saw this image moving. I could see the tears running down his face.
It wasn't that interesting. It only lasted 3 hours because I took risperidone On the onset. I was just hallucinating mostly. I was hearing people say hi anon who weren't there. I was also listening to music, and I noticed that I could slow down the music if I concentrated. I was also seeing heavy visual distortions. It was like the walls were breathing. I had Delusions and paranoia as well. I thought all of the people around me were put there because of me. I was also doing Bizzare shit with my face the whole time like grimacing.