i'm doing shit how are you all holding up tonight
>tfw not even 7 tallboys do the job anymore
I cant afford life
how are you
Meh as usual.
Read a new book and an accompanying novella over the past few days.
Deadline for the main graduate program I want to get into is tomorrow. I have everything submitted but I'm lacking two letters of recommendation, which is completely out of my control.
Hoping I hear something about a job this week.
Every day is the same shit. A haze. As always. S'bout it.
I feel like my parents only conditionally love me, which is probably not true but itt sure does feel that way. Also haven't been happy in like 2 months
Do you self harm often?
bad tthanks for asking
been crying for the last hour
and once again im alone
desu i could do better dead
at the least i wont be a burden to my family and the few people that worry about me online
all i wanted is someone to be with, but even that is impossible to me
2/10 pretty fuckin bad m80
started a job, even though I'm only working two days a week those two days take a serious toll and my body hurts for the entire night and next day. I'm not sleeping. I'm eating too much. also I'm homeless and don't have a license. I think about killing myself every minute of every day. the peacefulness of death is much preferable to staying alive for the comfort of my family who cast me out anyway.
may i ask what jobs do you guys have? im 30 and i still stock shelves at kroger, how bad is that? it makes me feel disgusted with myself
and do you guys ever regret not being able to slow down and enjoy things better? also do you guys ever get real depressed over things that really arent worth worrying about, i do
How'd that go
I'll check it out, thanks anon
Why do you feel that way anon
So its like a compulsion?
Whats wrong anon
Holy shit anon I'm so sorry to hear that :(
I wish i knew a way tto help but unfortunately if you're in tthe US you're in a shitty situation
i work at a museum. Its okay, i dont do much.
And yeah, I do too
mainly the fact that im alone, the few people i have gotten close to leave me and besides i expect it to happen everytime yet my hopes always go up and then i fall flat on my face
sometimes i just wish i could live in an island on my own without ever knowing others exist
I think I'm finally there, Robots.
I'm doing absolutely shit this semester, and I do not care. I don't care about much any more
Got 27 days to find somewhere to live before uni starts again which to be honest isn't giving me as much anxiety as it normally would.
Been going to the gym and being a bit more social lately. Been feeling better in general but still get at least one really bad day a week where I just constantly think about killing myself.
Not sure if should go see doctor and get on some jeww pills.
Might wanna find something else to impulsively do
Why do they leave?
Thatts pretty awful anon
Try tthat hopefully it works for you
Exercise and proper diet can help, meds can help along with meditation and introspection. Not guaranteed but it can. No idea how to stop worrying, I worry all the titme
That bites anon
Thx anon 7s are my fav trips to get too
What semester is this for you anon?
Maybe go see a doc if you feel like its needed. Gym can help a lot too.
There is just nothing I care about or enjoy anymore there just things I can tolerate more than others Im faling all my classes I have no friends all the money I make from my shitty job goes back in to more classes that I will fail so from the way I see it I have nothing to live for
because people get tired of me, maybe im to clingy or maybe im just annoying to them but sadly every person that has told me they like or love me has left me, and well here i am alone and with my soul crushed, music, vidya etc dont work anymore i just feel numb and tired, just want to lay down and never wake up you know
I'm only 19, so it may be a good career starter but I fear I'll have to stick with it for over the next few years. I think the worst part is, is that I expected it to be more independent than it is now. Sometimes I have to work with other stockers when I'd rather work alone. Honestly, I've only been working there for 3 days and I already feel like leaving. I think I'll keep at it for at least a month and see if it gets better.
>it makes me feel disgusted with myself
No no don't be disgusted! Who cares what people think. No one really cares except you and the people closest to you, and you care most.
I got a job for a big company programming, and I thought it would make me proud and happy, but I'm miserable and not good enough and I'm going to have to quit soon
It's best to embrace something simpler. Work is just a means to an end. Health and community are most important.
I'm saying this because the people with fancy jobs are no fucking better than anyone else
I know how this feels every time I try to make friends it works for about a day or two then they pretend they never knew me so now I have given up on making friends but if you still have hope keep trying
My energy is just so low. Now that I'm older I don't get suicidal, but I do get extremely fucking tired and have no energy to do anything. Is there medicine for this? Am I just fucked feeling like an old person forever?
I cant if I do my parents will kick me out of the house I have no friends I can live with and I have no money I can spend so basicly I'm stuck in this situation until I pass or just give up on everything and accept the fact I will probably be homeless
i guess the fact that i since i have no friends i try a bit too hard to make people like me or atleast tolerate me to the point where they talk to me
desu i dont even mind if i had a bf or gf that would feint even the slightest amount of emotion to me, that alone would make me less sufferable
have you explained how you feel to them?
Exercise can help a lot. I think that might be the thing to do for you.
Probably, but not as prevalent as right now imo. It wouldn't be documented at least, as well as now.
Ah. You might want to tone it down a bit then, even if its hard tto do. If it makes you feel any better i have friends and I still feel very alone
So would this be your last semester?
Also god fucking damn it the Sttreet Fighter beta is over it was pretty much the only thing making me happy this weekend.
Can you replace that impulse with another, something more constructive? Like, go for a run or something (which actually sounds stupid but i mean idk)
Do you need to drive?
Doing pretty good to be honest. I think I may be a manic Depressant because I will get these depressed spells out of nowhere and sometimes I will feel really upbeat about things.
I'm starting an art career and soon going to be making money (hopefully) i have everyones backing and they are all really excited for me, but i still feel a nagging bit of doubt. I've never been sucessful at ANYTHING. Now suddenly things are turning around and it almost doesn't feel real.
ever felt that way? Also how are you.
Its pretty common to feel that way, but I'm sure you'll do great anon. What kinda art do you make?
I do, because it was super necessary for me. I hate it though. My cousins didn't learn how to drive till like they were way older than you.
Dropped acid last night, hoping it could help me see my way out of this mental hellhole I've dug myself in. Trip took a huge turn for the worse and I feel more fucked up than ever before. I feel like I've lost every bit of connection to other people, my identity, and humanity.
Same here. Taking anti-depressants that change my brain chemistry makes me feel so weak, like I'm a slave to these little pills. I don't trust them. I was so sick of experimenting with different cocktails for several months at a time and feeling like a zombie. At least I know who I am when I'm not on them. And if I'm going to gain weight, I'd prefer it to be from good old-fashioned beer drinking.
That said, I've been trying to get meds for my crippling anxiety, but the docs are being nigs about it. I understand that treating my anxiety specifically isn't as effective as treating the root causes, but that's in the long run. Thing is, and maybe you guys can understand: I don't have a "long run". I hope to be dead. I just need to find the courage to forsake the people that care about me.
I smoke a lot of pot now just to get through each worthless day. But soon I'll be running low on cash, and I'll have to venture beyond my local market to find some work again.
Until then... a lot of indica and a lot of booze.
I make martial arts/ fight choreography pics/videos in SFM. I have done a lot of martial arts since I was 8 and I have a lot of knowledge in them. I figured it would be cool to share because there isn't a lot of other artists out there that do it.
I'm making my first animations right now, so it's only pics atm.
>You gunna fuck her?
Nah, she's got a bf. I'm just being her orbiter, or as she and the other normies call it.. her "side bae" It's alright, though. I really could use the cuddling.
I've been chugging down more and more DXM and DPH (read: cough syrup and literally fucking Benadryl) because I've become so disillusioned with life and these dirty highs make me feel strong emotions, which doesn't happen much these days.
Nevertheless I can't stop and I feel trapped in my addiction. I'm afraid that I'll soon develop more of a craving to fuck myself up even worse. What do I do?
Ah, that sucks. Having a crush on a girl in a relationship blows
oh man, that does sound like a lot of fun
Damn that stuff will fuck you up. You need help for tthat asap anon.
yeah, we plan to do the same thing next weekend but on saturday he's setting me up with his gfs friend, he's like a chad in public robot in private, so whats going on with you man you got any plans? also wouldn't it be more efficient to make a hidden IRC channel on rizon rather than having threads here
No plans right now, just school. I don't hang out with people very often, i feel like i should.
And I thought about making an IRC channel but I don't really trust Rizon much. If someone made one though I'd join.
You getting help?
more like you're /starvingformydick/
Thats awful but at least it hleps.
Nice ttrips, and I'm starting to play fighting games, they give me goals to look forward to
And I've just had some bad experiences there, with admins in general.
Anon are you in the right thread? Or do you want me to give you constructive criticism on your appearance
might've contracted anxiety though i don't know seems meme material so i don't bother to get it checked out
I've got the fucking symptoms
burning sensation all over the body
that and twitches whenever i get really fucking nervous it's not really depression though but it sure as fuck is crippling whatever it is
>Anon are you in the right thread? Or do you want me to give you constructive criticism on your appearance
I'm actually supposed to post in
but I didn't check the tab.
Hey, guys cut me some slack, I didn't sleep at all in the past 48 hours and I have about 7 tabs or /r9k/ open. I think I posted the yl;yl banana in a thread about liquid shit earlier today.
Not really desu, it happened a long time ago, probably not an issue anymore.
Go see a doc thats weird yo
Its cool. Anyways you're pretty normal looking need to shave though and stop wearing all black. Your hair looks super good though, like I'm actually impressed
no way man
i'll deal with it
i don't want to end up in some padded room
or get thrown on some mind altering pills that kill me who i am or free me or create a different person entirely
>Its cool. Anyways you're pretty normal looking need to shave though and stop wearing all black. Your hair looks super good though, like I'm actually impressed
Made my day tbqh. thank you.
Other than wavering down a bit sometimes, I'm doing alright. I'm even taking your advice and going to see if I re-enter college next month and even changing my major to pharmacy.
I doubt you remember me( I was the guy with the 6 month Uni break).
The only problem I have is that when I try to do effort into anything, I get bombarded with thoughts of "Why are you doing this? You're so shit at everything, why bother?" sometimes to the point of tears.
Still, I'm just trying to move along.
I mean go for it, make it and link it here. I'll go make a rizon account
You're not a threat to yourself or others so theyre not going to force anything on you
No prob, stay bootiful
Sorry man, lots of people take breaks. But i think i remember you posting anime pics before?
And yeah, just keep pushing on, it can get better.
I tried to kill myself last night for the first time in years. I drove out onto an empty stretch of highway around 3 AM. Kicked my car up to around 120 miles an hour -it was rattling and shaking with the undue stress- intending to swerve off the road in a single moment. Just as I was about to, blue lights flash on behind me, a cop had come out of nowhere. She approached apprehensively, hand on her gun, but when she looked in an saw what my face looked like she appeared confused. Told me she'd give me a warning -despite the fact that I was going fast enough for it to be a felony- and told me to be safe, and that she hoped my night got better. I pulled off the road afterwards and cried for an hour.
I feel like I'm relapsing into misery, nothing makes me happy anymore and all I can manage to do is hate. It didn't used to be like this.
I recently started taking a new anti depressant called edronax. It's got weird as fuck side effects but I haven't felt this kind of energy in years. I'm just hoping the insomnia goes away.
>But i think i remember you posting anime pics before?
No need to apologize,You see a lot of anons in the same situation so it's natural.
Thanks for the advice man.
Well, I had a depression relapse recently, I suddenly stopped talking to people and went back to my self-destructive ways, I also started to listen to Andrew Jackson Jihad records again and its not helping either. I will be alright soon
Many things, skeleton man. Headaches are a significant portion of those things. They're omnipresent and beyond painful. They've got me snapping at people, hating everything, and fleeing from crowds. I'm forgetting more and more too. Been to different places, different people. They say nothing's wrong with me, but I feel it. Violent pain for hours, and then a cold feeling, as if my head's been filled with liquid.
> zero interests because of depression
> get banned from GTA online
> computer is fucked so can't game at all
It's like the universe is not only playing a sick joke on me, but literally hates me.
Shrooms are what really started the hole for me. I took like 5g dry once and it was too much. I feel like a piece of me will never come back from that trip. I heard some things about acid and some studies showing that it legit can help with depression, so I decided to try that...and yeah, now I'm here.
Yo skelly and all the people in this thread, you are all nice persons and i sincerely appreciate that you are here for me and for each other
I hope you all can get better and feel how you deserve to
sleep tight, you people make my life a little bit less shitty
When online launched I did some scripting and hacked like 50 million. They quickly disabled it but the file was in my directory. A new mod detection system picked up on my months obsolete mod I forgot about and instant banned me for a month.
>Where did you get the acid?
>Why do you feel more fucked up?
Beats me why, but it's likely my serotonin receptors are pretty fried. I just want it to stop
>What was the trip like?
Pretty happy and giggly, classic acid etc., but the set and setting was totally wrong for what I was trying to accomplish. That's where I fucked up, never take psychedelics for therapeutic purposes at a party.
Finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm by no means over my depression or anything but I'm taking the steps to get there. I have a terrible job that causes me a lot of depression and anxiety, so I put in for a new one that while lighter on the pay will be much easier on me as I confront my issues. I should be hearing about an interview tomorrow! I'm also going back to school in the fall and getting that sorted out has given me some much needed goals to accomplish. I'm also going to talk to my doctor about medication here soon and get in with a therapist.
Long road ahead, but sometimes you have to tear down some things so you can build a better life for yourself.
For the first time in a very long time I feel happy.
The fan over my motherboard catches or something. I used to be able to get it to go with some fiddling but its being stubborn. Without it running at 600rpm my computer overheats. It's odd, if I stop it myself and let go of it it'll start revolving, then it seems to kill itself out.
'splain. I got a whole anime character.
I haven't left my bed at all today, I've ignored calls and texts from my friends, who saw and knew what kind of condition I was in, and I refuse to see or accept help from any of them. I feel fake, totally disconnected from reality.
I just don't know what to say about it. It all started fine then slowly fell into pure madness. All my problems and vices were laid out for my conscience to judge, and I showed myself no mercy. I literally cannot find a way to connect with people on a human level.
hey guys i'm new here. i have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. i have been battling depression since 2006. recently i had a falling out with all of my friends. i have nobody to turn to in my area and my only friend lives across country. i feel so alone. let's talk and get along. i hurt myself after the falling out but at the moment i have no future plans to hurt myself.
Pretty shit desu. I'm currently taking a year off from school because of depression and anxiety. This is actually the second time I've had to do this. Most of my anxiety is from my abusive parents, and now that I'm back living at home my parents hate me even more and it just makes my anxiety even worse. I'm doing CBT and taking zoloft and klonopin which help overall, but there are still days when I feel like I can't do anything, and I still have moments/days where I just want to kill myself. It's gotten so bad that I often fantasize about killing myself or killing my parents. The loneliness isn't helping either; I'm a few states away from school and all my friends are going to graduate this spring which just makes me more depressed. I just want to kill myself right now.
Hey, we just set up a live chat in Rizon on #CDG if you want to chat tthere.
God, you really need to leave them. It sounds like itts hurting you more than anything
Or we could both hang out and I could try to make you not feel like garbage
Since this is the depression general, how many of you smoke weed? I'm not asking to meme, I've been reading up on the mental conditions I'm afflicted with and it says a high percentage of us self medicate with the devil's lettuce.
Also my psychiatrist says I should stop smoking, but it's legit one of the few joys I have left in life.
It's annoying as fuck to do but if you stay up for an hour+ every day you will eventually get it back to normal. When I took ephredrine I had to fix it multiple times, don't get pissed off and just make gradual progress. You'll fuck yourself up even more if you try to do it in one day.
Bored as shit and nowhere to go
I need something and it's not alcohol weed drugs etc
I need human connection and that's not something you just get so I'm stuck waiting for now because you don't make a long time relationship with someone in one night life isn't a movie all I'm doing is waiting for tomorrow
Because I'm taking it without prescription because the "suicidals" are back but i assured my new doctor that I'm mentally fit. If I seem like I'm at risk they could take me off. I just have the pills stockpiled from the last time I was in therapy.
>didnt do shit for college or work because i planned on being dead by now
>didnt kill myself
>fired and dropping out of college
That feel man. Lately I've been craving it so badly that I'm showing affection to anyone that is talking to me. It's fucked up. I want sex as well which always come across as shallow but I just want to feel that deep connection you get during it.
to all the robots in this thread, i can post my email address if you'd like. i will listen, or talk, or anything you want or need... im here for all the robots, you guys can appreciate things the normies cant. i hope it gets better for everyone here
Same here, except I finally have a day off. My doc has me on amphetamines, and they really fucking wire me. I wish I was going to work though, I have nothing else to do. This lack of sleep can really fuck us up.
Everything is fucked. I can't hold on much longer. Life is a dead end. I'm constantly thinking about suicide, but I just can't hurt my grandparents like that. This is torture. I suppose once they pass, I'll join them.
I want tonight to last forever. I don't want to deal with all the shit I'll have to deal with tomorrow and all the days after. I should just take all the money I have left and drop off the face of the earth. Live alone in a room by myself for a couple years until the money runs out and then just kill myself. I can't deal with the stress of maintaining relationships and having failure constantly loom over me all the time. I don't want this life anymore. I just want to be left alone and forgotten.
Your dream is much more available than the hopeless romantics that infest this board. Move to the Siberian wilderness, and live as an animal.
You can pick comfort and being surrounded by people, or become crazed and get out in the wild...
Nah I don't really want to live as an animal. Was thinking more alone the lines of moving to another state away from everyone I know and hiding out in an apartment. Or maybe a cheap isolated house in the boonies. I'm way too much of a pussy to live in actual wilderness
I assume you're American since you said state; I would just look up the states ranked by population, and pick a small town outside of a city to move into. Keep to yourself, and the land is usually cheap in rural areas. Even 10 acres is plenty of privacy. You could farm your own food, build your own house, still have the comforts of the internet and everyday life, and not have to be beckoned by the terrible society we are surrounded by.
I don't know what kind of depression I have because I've never told anyone so maybe one of you can tell me. I've had it for about five years now at least and I'll be depressed for a few months at least then at the end of the time I'll have one good normal day. After that I'll have a terrible depression day followed by a week of alright not too depressed time (not happy but when you're deprresed this is pretty good) then it repeats with a few months 1 good 1 bad 1 decent week. It's been about three months and it's been gone so I thought it was gone for good this time but I feel it creeping back along with my anxiety. It only went away because I've been to preoccupied with universty stuff. Anyone know what this is called?
Tbh it feels like I've been missing a piece of me and it's returning now
The amount of work I have to do today to pass these stupid academic classes. Fucking anxiety and shit. I just want to lay on my couch with some music so I can't hear myself think but if I do that I can't think to do the work and idk
I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point and that soon my depression will either cause me to throw all caution to the wind and I'll make some last ditch effort to obtain happiness at any cost or I'll just kill myself
And if I go with the former then I will either die trying or kill myself when I don't become happy from it like I hope
So I'm doing pretty good
I've read somewhere that you only need 2 acres of land to support a family of four, and this was considering absolutely no income. Of course the luxuries require money, but I just want to give you more hope than simply locking yourself in your "fantastic" studio apartment. You can get out there, man. I believe in you.
Isn't this odd?
Being human. Our complicated bodies living and breathing. Existing. Being conscious.
Did you and I have any control over being conscious?
Quite the predicament we've found ourselves in, then, isn't it? It's all rather odd.
I hate my job and want to quit. It's too hard and I don't want to work 50-60 hours a week.
Only reason I don't is because I've always quit early on things in my life, and I don't want to with this new job, but I fucking hate it only after a month. I just want to move on and focus on other things, like school, maybe get a part time job or something. I don't have any responsibilities other than myself to worry about, so I'm basically just punishing myself right now.
Realistically what's the chance of me being able to land a oil rig job where they pay near half or quart mil a year with no experience? I just want to run away somewhere like this, 18 btw if that matters. Plus after a solid 10 years of this I can just move to a studio apartment for a while and kill myself when my funds empty
I'm pathetic. I hate myself so fucking much. I wish I could rip my skin off. I just want to kill myself. I'm fighting not to because I know if I die my partner will too. But I don't want to live anymore. I can't. I don't know how I'm going to go to work anymore. I'm in so much fucking pain it hurts to type.