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Cringe Stories Thread
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

Thread replies: 462
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Tell me about a social interaction that will haunt you forever robots
I'll start

>be me
>at a restaurant with a small group of people I don't know very well, mostly women (it's a club meetup)
>everyone's talking to each other but I have nothing interesting to say so I eat quietly and nod once in a while
>girl sitting across from me is talking about sports
>she says she hurt her leg recently so she can't do sports for a while
>this reminds me of a fact I know about horses, really cool and interesting, I can't wait to tell her
>when a horse breaks it's leg, it will never heal properly because the horse keeps using its broken leg
>a horse with a broken leg is basically useless so the farmer or whatever has to take it out back and shoot it
>I blurt out "You're like a horse"
>table goes quiet, girl looks at me with a weird expression
>I try to finish my thought in hopes of saving myself
>"I-I have to take you out back... a-and uh..."
>I completely fucked this up
>it wasn't even a cool fact
>why did I think this would be a good idea
>everyone is staring at me now, the silence is unbearable
>I mumble a bit more then pick up my fork and continue eating
>people slowly return to their conversations
>haven't been to a club meeting since
>a horse with a broken leg is basically useless so the farmer or whatever has to take it out back and shoot it
>I blurt out "You're like a horse"
>"I-I have to take you out back... a-and uh..."
that could be a good pick up line
"You're useless, let's bang" I like it
I've seen that photo often yet I never understand what's the backstory
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>"You're like a horse"
The sight of OP shouting this out during a dinner is making me losing my shit
It's Mew2king at an event where he got kissed by his cousin on the cheek.
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It was probably the most autismal thing I've done in public
>be me
>second ago
>playing music at max volume on laptop on headphones
>accidentally pull the plug

Mew2King is a fucking sperg
Still the best at smash tho
lolm2k lolm2k lolm2k
>9th grade
>study hall
>be me, dorky white beta
>black people, talking about basketball
>oh crap I can get the ball into the net occasionally, I'm a basketball fanatic
>"Oh wow, I love basketball, too, and I'm WHITE!!!"
ya dun goofed
What music?

luckily it was 679 by Fetty Wap and I'm black + my family's black so it could've been a LOT worse, but as I was trying to pause the music I accidentally started playing "The Four Heavenly Knights Battle Theme" from Monster Girl Quest (a hentai game) cause I thought I had 679 playing in foobar instead of my browser.
>Still the best at smash tho
Did you see him at PAX today?

Or at any major in the past year?
>in highschool
>standing in circle with a mix of people talking shit
>random Stacy says something to me about my mother jokingly
>"your dad likes it!" i'msowitty.jpeg

>her dad died two weeks ago
>nobody told me
>couldn't look at her for a long time
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>She invites me to mall
>She wants to see all the stores (like she hasn't before) but this time, with me
>She pays for our meal at the food court (I'm not paying for that shit bitch)
>She stares at me as I talk about random shit
>I don't have anything else to talk about
>Silence for like 5minutes
>Tell her I have to go
>Get on bus and leave
2 years later
>realize that was my first date, and I thought she was being weird inviting me (ME!) to the mall


she had a nice ass too
The best in our hearts, meinegger.
I wonder if he browses r9k
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>Spent day with Childhood Friend in a pool
>Later she invites me to sleep at her home
>When I there, I fart like 3 times throught the night
>She looks disgusted and never hangs out with me again
The only relief I have it's that she turned into a crazy ass hardcore feminist now and I got to see her titties because he posted them as a form of "protest"
OK, fair point. He is the definition of a robot.

I wish we could see a return to his skill level in like 2007-2009. I also wish he'd pull out Marth more.
Justice is served
>Brother is in prison
>He wants me to deliver a letter to some girl he knows from a local tesco
>Why not just send it to her address?
>Lmao I don't know it I just know she works at that tesco and shes a good friend of mine so she will know its coming for me.
>We'll ok what can go wrong
>Take the letter and go to tesco
>Grab some shit to buy not to look weird
>Go afternoon and shes on till shift perfect
>By some chance I get put to her on the till (Its a tesco express)
>Scans my shit
>I slip the letter
>She looks at me weird
>You know my brother right? he told me to give you this letter
>She say no
>You don't know chad? that chad you must know him!
>Shes just fucking staring at me
>Everyone at the store freezes and just looks at us
>They start to giggle
>P-Please just take the letter
>She won't take the letter
>Feels like security will just burst through the door and escort me out
>Grab the letter, grab my shit and leave while hearing whispering behind me

To this day the fucker claims he knew the girl, she still works there and gives me weird looks sometimes when she remembers me (It was 5 years ago)
He also got cucked so I think he'd be open to the idea of the blackpill.

desu you fucked up the approach by trying hard and being less than apathetic and imo not just saying that you're giving her the letter on your brother's behalf, but he never said to say it's on your behalf so he kind of dug your grave for you there. lose/ lose situation.
that actually coulda worked out really well if you 1. didn't explain that horses get shot when they break their leg, everyone knows this and 2. you said all of that less awkwardly and more confidently
>in high school drivers ed class
>some fucking retarted stacy turns around and says
>If someone was to shoot up the school it would probably be you
>look her in the eyes and say
>she turns around without saying anything else
>No one talked to me for the rest of they year not even the teachers
you shoulda made a game plan
basically just
>ask her "hey do you know my brother X?"
>no I don't
>okay sorry I thought you looked like someone he hangs around
problem solved
>"You're like a horse."
>table goes quiet, girl looks at you with a weird expression
>"I'll have to take you out back"
>'And kill me for being injured?'
>"N-no, I mean- I mean fuck you, for being injured...."
>'You fuck injured horses?'
He got cucked? Do you just mean his shit performance at most tourneys nowadays (compared to where he once was)?
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>had mid years recently
>finish early
>see two girls, one cute and the other meh
>they ask me how I did
>"pretty good though x and y were difficult"
>"omg!! We felt the same way about x and y"
>get some laughes in
>they seem very into it
>run out of things to say
>walk away in the least smooth way possible
>hear "um..OK" as I abruptly ended to conversation
>leave a trail of spaghetti as I walk away
>end up forcing Italian familys into poverty by over inflating the worth of pasta.
>tfw Italy's economic system completely shaterd as there main export is now worthless

I felt really goofy the entire day, I let it get to me. So much so that I felt stupid through every class and had trouble concentrating.

Feels bad man
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Woah I think I know her, this is the girl right?
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not neccesaarely spaghetti but

>freshman highschooler
>get on bus
>some whale sits next to me
>lean head against window and look out of the window
>"hi my name is (forgot name)"
>she sticks her hand out to shake
>im forced to shake her hand and i just say my name and look back out window
>so, what grade are you i-"
>mfw this bitch is still talking
>too beta to tell her to stop so i reluctanty answer her questions
>this fat bitch tries to get my number but i say i forgot it
>thought she would only sit there once
>bitch does it again the next day
>after that they i just zoom to the back of the bus to hide

i am not a violent person, nor am i easly angered but i want to beat this bitch to death with a bat for some reason
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>be grill
>time to bus to school
>get on bus, qt3.14 boy looking lonely next to empty seat
>bottle up all my spaghetti, sit next to him
>he seems shy so I introduce myself, we talk a bit
>so far so good
>spaghetti still bottled, I ask for his number
>alpha status here I come
>he says he forgot it
>uh oh, bad sign
>sit next to him again the next day, he seems cold
>he starts avoiding me, sitting in the back of the bus
>I don't talk to people on buses anymore
That edge

Just read that post and desu if it wasn't realistic for the NSA to have archived that data on him and blacklisted him from ever working for them among other things, that was probably the best reply he could have given.
That image made me physically gag.
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What's wrong anon? Can't handle a real woman?
No, not her, she's still somewhat cute and slim.
This happened to me in the gym once when I was playing remove kebab
people who have dead parents shouldn't joke with others about their parents. I had a guy at my school whose mom died yet always made yo mama jokes and whenever someone made a comeback about his mother he wanted to fight...

If it was still a dank meme back then it might've been alright, but to be fair normies don't know Bout memes really, especially not back then, so maybe they just thought you were a possible terrorist or something, I dunno.
So you know for future reference, the reason they shoot the horse is because the leg never heals and the horse becomes lame and can't run and suffers a life of suffering, so it's kinder to shoot them.
>bully talking shit about my mom and sister
>I say "I like your little sister's toothless mouth on my cock"
>his sister got in an ATV accident, knocked all her teeth out, was in a coma for a bit
>I didn't know, I just assumed since she was young...
>everyones like dude wtf, his mom called my dad
>my dad told her to fuck off and
The suspense is killing me
Why not just slay that whale? Prime your harpoon and dip in. They all feel about the same when you're balls deep, and now you'll be here 'girls don't want to fuck me'. No. Only hot girls don't want to fuck you. Yiu could be Ahab the whale killer. Now you're just some virgin robot.
Fuck dude that was a good story
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and they all lived happily ever after
the end
thanks dude
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original Comment blox faggot fuck u robot
>>I didn't know, I just assumed since she was young...

Hahahah. Excellent, OP.
>Presentations in AP Lang class
>last presenter is this girl
>she's doing presentation on good and bad effects of mental conditions on people or some bullshit i dont remember
>she lists all the conditions, rapist is one of them
>i blurt out "there's something good about rapists?"
>she proceeds to list whatever thing i dont fuckin remember i dont even think i was listening i was too caught up in my own funny comment
>i see she stopped speaking, so i fucking blurt out
>"Good thing I'm not ALL bad."
>instantly realized i called myself a rapist in front of everyone in my class
>teacher stares at me
>fit as fuck at the time (been training for football)
>at club on works night out
>dressed like maori warrior (fancy dress for work)
>girls comes up the second i walk into the place
>8/10 easy
>"wow, haha... what;s that you're wearing?"
>*up real close, stroking my arm*
>"just fancy dress"
>"do you have a name"
>"you don;t have a name?"
>"oh...", *walks away*
>friends: "holy shit" you pulled already? where's she going?"

still a virgin, go me
Here's mine.

>last day of high school
>girls are talking about signing yearbooks
>one girl looks at me and asks if I will sign hers
>I say, "Oh, I'll sign your book..."
>we stare at each other for a second
>everyone around us is silent
>she goes back to talking to one of her friends

To this day, I don't know why I said that or why I said it so suggestively. I don't even know what I intended on saying, that just came out.

>at a dance
>guy keeps talking about how he's going to freak dance this really attractive girl
>asks me if I'll help him out
>approach the girl with him
>he gets behind, I get up front
>so bad at dancing that I end up smacking him away
>looks like I was pushing him away from her
>she thinks I saved her
>she hangs off me for the rest of the night, other girls are calling me her savior

It was fail wrapping back around to win, except it haunted me for the rest of our friendship.
To clarify, I became friends with the girl. We never banged, and that's really my only regret.
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Pay no attention to this comment. Only pay attention to the reaction image.
she was an elementary schooler who I had seen before who didn't look like she had many teeth
I was 12

The supposed two weeks without shitting was the first real "okay, this didn't happen" moment for me, and the supposed hand infection from a human bite causing the teacher to be off for two weeks was the second, but this guy supposedly climaxing and cummint the very instance people notice him jerking off in public was what totally killed my suspension of disbelief or whatever and made me close this tab. What a waste of time.
>AP Lang
>teacher is telling a story about someone's death
>makes a joke about it
>say "That's not funny, my brother died that way."
>he gets serious, looks at me, says "Really?"
>say "No."


Dude, if I was your buddy, I'd find that whole thing to be fucking hilarious. Least you saved him the embarrassment, right?
I guess, idk. That's the last time I remember talking to him, but we weren't really good friends to begin with.
>be me was in private highschool
>locker mate 9/10 petite mix white asian babe
>she never locks her locker
>ninjaing into locker room sneak off into bath room with her sneakers a few time to jerk off while sniffing that pure maiden essence
>cum into toe tip of her sneakers then dry off to avoid suspicious
>one Saturday too horny, sneak into school through an unlocked window leading into bathroom that I have used before
>everything goes smooth good jerking session and all
>swaggering through hallway back to locker room
>suddenly silhouette slip pass outside of windows
>turn and look, there were like 4 cops jogging to the main entrance
>quicken my pace, put shoes back, take a school manual as an excuse GTFO through back entrance as quick as possible
>cops are guarding every exit
>"pls take a sit on the side walk here and empty your pockets sir, what were you doing in there"
>show the cop my student card and the manual, "to get my book"
>"how did you get in?"
>"some arab lady opened the door for me?"
>"are you sure? people aren't allowed in the school on weekend"
>they let me go, back home told my parents the same lie to avoid suspicion if cops contact home
>call to principal's office
>"anon, what were you doing here in school Saturday"
>camera surveillance footage on monitor turned to face me
>oh shite niggah
>"pls tell us how did you get into the school"
>full panic mode, spewing gibberish
>ended up faking passing out from panic
>parents were called at school, watched the vid with my level director while I was pretending passing out

the girl was apparently informed as well since she no longer keeps her locker unlocked, those 10 minutes of my parents watching the video of me sneaking a pair of size 7 sneakers into bathroom and then come out like a new man, talking with my directly, was the most intense cringe I have ever experienced, I believe my jaw muscles grew a bit after that day
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i've got another AP Lang story
>teacher handing out random color markers for some flashcard thing
>after every group takes their markers, he notices that both of the brown colors are left
>yells out "No love for brown, huh?"
>all three black people in room perk up
>"Probably because it's the color of shit!"
>all three black people get up and start yelling at him
>he looks fucking scared as shit
>i'm fucking laughing as the black kids are pelting him with paper and pencils and shit
>mfw the 5'2" manlet sprints out of room
>anon, what were you doing here in school Saturday?

Becoming a new man.
>Be me
>Last week at a party with some people that were friends of a few of my friends
>Things were going okay
>This girl that works at a local bar and grill as a waitress was there and she always serves my friends and I
>Recognizes me
>"Hey anon! Small world! :)"
>"Y-yeah haha"
>Talk with her a bit sort of awkwardly and continue on with the night
>Eventually I end up having to use the bathroom; the guy's house is under construction so I have to go outside and take a leak in the woods
>Start walking back
>Waitress girl walks up behind me, grabs my waist and says, "Hey stranger; I want to get to know you more since you're my customer and what not ;)"
>"Y-yeah? S-sorry I don't like people touching me"
>Walk ahead back into house
>She doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night

>be, 2012, age 16
>sit next to oneitis in class
>never had a chance and was aware, just sat next to her
>one day, her friends start asking guys sitting at the table who they are attracted do
>eventually get to me
>avoid answering
>they press me for an answer, asking about specific girls
>strategy is to deny everything
>start asking about themselves, continue denial (they were annoying, so I wasn't lying)
>ask about oneitis
>reasoning sets in
>if I say no, it would be an insult to oneitis, if I say yes, then my attraction is outed
>just refuse to continue the conversation any further
>they continue to ask
>becoming so embarrassed I close my eyes and turn away
did you go for the guys next? sometime I pussy out but they were instinctual from sheer lack of experience and excitement, to think you can go as far as to say it out in words, damn son
feel bad for you man, in retrospect sure it was autismo, but I would have had the same response. getting touched unexpectedly feels like such a fucking breach.
in that circumstance I would just accept that I don't have a chance and say it out loud, at least I won't regret it
I could've literally gotten pussy for the first time in a year and a half had I not chickened out of that situation though.
>go to church event with a girl I like
>she drives
>we get to my house to drop me off
>talking about shit
>romantic sounding music on
>literally have one of those moments where you're just staring into each others eyes and she's smiling
>she had told me she didn't want a relationship early on in the relationship
>miss the fucking opportunity
>then get out of the car awkardly because I had a hardon and didn't want her to see it or my ass crack
>go to hug her
>she tries to kiss me
>end up trying to dodge her because I felt like it was an awkward position to hug, didn't realize she wanted to kiss
>say "Oh my God that was awkward"
>she says "It wasn't that awkward" and drives away
It didn't really end there. For the rest of that short lived I-don't-know-what-to-call-it, she basically served herself up on a platter for me and I fucked it up every single time.. I feel like such a huge faggot.
She didn't seem that bothered by me being her beta orbiter though (in that circumstance, I have to think she knew), and even tried to find me girls she thought would like me until she graduated.

>realize in retrospect that I must have been fairly attractive because she was suggesting literal 8/10s
i have MGQ music on my phone, a normie friend asked what it was from and i said i didn't remember. No one's going to think "huh, that sounds like porn music desu"
this shit is so fucking fake
heh similar experience

some literally 9/10 girl repeatedly explicitly showed affection to me, e.g. facebook during night, told me she like my voice, offered to hug me, as far as groping my butts when nobody is around

every single fucking time, I rejected her with some uncontrollable disgusted facial expression or very tendiesh excuses involving my parents
Not to burst your bubble anon but she might have been fishing for compliments
>"Who, her? Nah, she's nothing special (not compared to you S-Stacey)"
Did you ever pursue one of her suggestions?

desu I'm not sure which came first, but I think if anything a normie'd think of "Run Dem Weh" by Elephant Man.... it sounds almost exactly the same:

...his skill level didn't decrease. Everyone else just got better in fucking 8 years, naturally. You could argue he makes more errors now that he plays multiple games.

M2K was never known for being a super skilled player. He admits himself that he doesn't have Mango level talent, just that he used to practice 24/7 and learned a bunch of shit waaaay before everyone else. The reason he can't chain grab everyone to death on FD anymore because he doesn't practice as much and people have learned how to shine out or slight DI
Of course not, I am beta and an autist.

I didn't use the situation to compliment her, but there was one she mentioned that I disliked because she was stupid (she was very attractive though), and she proceeded to spend every conversation telling me that I liked said girl.

We never spoke of my attraction to her desu.
M2K is normie as fuck compared to some niggas on here.

Nigga probably slays asian poon now.
kek, how did you avoid getting expelled over that?
i just had a flashback to this and i want to die

>be me in high school (bongland)
>probably around 13
>be a smart precocious kid
>also a socially awkward aspie
>get into this special writing workshop with other kids
>it's a bunch of cute girls and then me
>we get a prompt to write something 'about the future' and they give us 30 minutes to pop something out
>after 30 minutes we start reading out ours one by one
>the girls all go first
>every one of their short stories is something about going into a time machine to the future and having a romance or dr who style adventure
>start to realize i fucked up bad
>"Anon don't you want to read yours?"
>uh no thanks miss
>"Come on, I read yours over your shoulder, it was really good you should share it! :^)"
>fuck uhhhhh
>bell rings
>stop reading
>everybody looks at me in silence
>"Okay then that's enough for today, time to leave you all did good today :^)"

Fuck them, that sounds legitimately interesting and way better than anything they could think of.
He means that Cynthia bullshit. Although it hardly counts because he was talking to other women at the same time, as well.
Some pretty nice lats :^)
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I guess but I had to read it to a room of qt's and oneitis ;c
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>be 14 young man
>cousin's cottage at sipoo
>cousins 14 and 16, both grills. both very friendly and beautiful
>spend a day talking about nice things, picking mushrooms etc
>give a good impression of youself (probably?) >in the evening, sauna
>being naked is natural, mixed sauna
>penis already turns in to a light standby mode from the thought of being naked with cousins (not erection but noticeably bigger)
>take a proper sauna, go drink naked and back to sauna
>exchange suggestive looks and smiles with cousins but nobody's saying anything yet
>my and my cousin's parents have had enough of the heat and they go get some wine and light the barbecue
>me and my two astounding cousins are naked side by side
>at this point hardening control failed and my shween started to imply that my cousins were 5/5
>I was embarrassed and tried to hide it
>cousins giggled a little but said that it doesn't matter, they start to introduce their own anatomical peculiarities
>"do you want to touch my boobs"
>susanna seal of approval and move hand towards boobs
>"but can I touch your penis?'
>fsst tough situation. don't know what to answer
>suddenly your dad appears in sauna
>"it's an emergency, cousin girls, get the fuck out of here"
>cousins exit and father shits semi consistent tarts on the heater
>bends you to lie on your stomach
>I'll shit on your back now, son"
>okay dad
>shit ejects on your back
>dad rubs it against your back and asks "you like it son, you like it?'
>"honestly not very much, no"
>"me neither, I thought you'd like it"
>never talk about shit-episode with father again
If it makes you feel any better, the vast, vast majority of teenage girls have shit taste in everything, if not every single one of them. They were too stupid to appreciate your story Anon.
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Oh my god I was drinking milk

Jesus Christ.

I've seen the previous picture before but, not the latter.

Complete and utter degeneracy.

There's a reason the patriarchy existed for millenia. -_-

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Fucking hell... I just woke up. Way to start a new month.
damn you ruined it
Dude, you HAVE to finish explaining once you say "I'll have to take you out back."
Nice 420 get, btw.
>high as fuck in class
>finally ends so i pack up my shit to head back to my car
>put on shades to hide my red eyes
>start walking down hallway
>two hot staceys are approaching from the other direction
>stacey1's tits are hanging out
>i can stare right at them and she'll ever know
>literally stare at them as i walk past her, but without turning my head
>as they pass me, stacey1 looks right at me
>as i continue down the hallway, i hear her say "did you see him just staring at my tits that whole time?"
>mfw i forgot they were really light shades
>mfw i just creepily stared at this girl's tits
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holy shit anon that's funny as fuck here have some hentai
thanks. i have many more sperg stories if theres interest
>early 2000's age 11
>at the cinema
>need to go piss
>open washroom door
>there's an older kid at the stall
>his pants are all the way down with his asscheeks out
>in my head i am like wtf is happening but i just give a blank shocked stare
>he turns his head and says "what" in a very nonchalant voice
>literally "feelsgoodman.jpg"
>360 degrees and walk away
>waited until i got home to piss

i don't know why i still think about it, it's not that messed up but i was sincerely shook, who the fuck pulls their pants all the way down to pee?
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>on ecstasy for first time at an EDM concert in manhattan
>a lot of people are wearing rave gear and costumes
>im rolling extremely hard
>sweaty as fuck, strung out looking teenager with huge pupils
>really rich dude with his 10/10 gf walk into the club
>i walk up to them and say WOW YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL to them
>they smile at first, but then
>they both cringe and walk away in disgust
>mfw i remember its offensive to ask people if they are pretending to be rich
wow what a fucking bitch she was.

We haven't got the shooting up shcools meme in italy because of obvious reasons but we have the suicide meme.
i would totally read that. sucks it might have come across as too edgy
that's hilarious not cringe
>360 degrees

So you walked towards him? Kinda gay...
Not really cringe but stoner cuck reminded me
>senior year
>was around the time those codeine brownies were popular
>ate two on weekend
>high entire week
>pretty low profile just staring in the distance brain dead
>no one onto me
>Thursday comes around
>teacher asks me a question
>stare blankly at her for a good 10 minutes before it registers she said anything
Foobar. My nigger.
Actually I remember a cringe story
>graduation day
>sitting in line
>make a joke, don't remember what it was, don't remember what it was but everyone laughed
>sitting in chair
>next to the person who was next to me in line
>lean over and retell joke
>says he was there when I told it originally
>sit quietly until ceremony is over
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If the girl was informed, that story probably spread far and wide, anon.
She was a fucking cunt for saying that but
i probably would became friends with you if you said that back
reminds me of a story
>11th grade 2007
>there was a kid in class who barely came to school
>was smart
>was ugly as fuck
>was black
>had a friend who later fucked him over
>never talks to anyone
>people called him the beast behind his back and smiled when they said it
>he was on my bus
>one day P.E class took longer than school cause the manlet coach was trying his hardest to impress a Chinese mom
>me and the beast are waiting for our parents to pick us up
>I pullout a game boy color with pokemon yellow
>Beast approaches
>"cool you play pokemon, do you use cheats?"
>we ensue in conversation for half an hour and his mom picks him up
>next day
>go to class
>get approached by stacy and her bitch friend sara
>sara says me and the beast were talking yesterday
>stacy asks me what we talked about
>don't want to say pokemon cause i was too self aware
>guns, we play call of duty
>girls never heard of COD
>gossip for a week i never heard anything of
>get called to principles office with sara
>"anon, i understand you're friends with (beasts real name)"
>never heard it before
>does he want to join the army?
>does he want to shoot the school?
>he's a smart boy and i'm proud of him, but I don't want him to do something stupid.
>tell them i don't understand
>sara says that he is planning to shoot the school
>ask is it about when they asked me what we talked about
>tell her we were really talking about pokemon, i just didn't want to say
>principle bursts into laughter, can't stop himself
>sara leading the witch hunt starts to cry
>sara and stacy forced to apologize for beast
>beast is too awkward and tells them they don't have to
>beast never talked to me again
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>God literally keeping normies from fucking
mew2king is more successful than you will ever be
He has actual autism, unlike the losers on this board who will never accomplish as much as he has.

Also look at that hoverhand. total alpha.
Not social in the conventional sense (i.e wasn't a party or gathering) but...

>be 10 years old
>last day of 5th grade
>mom picks me up from school
>we walk to bus stop (no car at the time)
>she surprises me with a trip to the movies
>bus arrives, she puts in money, asks for two 24 hour passes
>hands one to me
>we sit down
>get to second bus stop
>wait about 20 minutes for next bus to arrive
>she gets on and does something i can't see
>she moves to go sit down
>i can't figure out what to do with my bus pass, never used one before
>staring at the spot where you put in money/swipe pass like an idiot
>other passengers and bus driver staring at me
>starting to feel panicky
>starting to feel like i might cry
>look at my mom with a frustrated/exasperated look on my face
>she smiles at me and takes my bus pass and shows me how to swipe it
>we both go and sit down
>i calm down a bit
>went to a downtown movie theater and saw Like Mike

I miss my Mom.
Should have offered to take her out back and blow her :^)
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>about 12 years old
>at summer camp
>have a crush on this one counselor, Kate
>shes cute, likes same music as me, always talks to me
>one day at camp, we are playing tennis
>shes sitting in a folding chair by the net, reffing
>i pull up a chair and start talking to her about music
>this one chad who always messed with me grab the back of my chair and started to flip it over
>i panicked and grabbed the nearest thing i could to stop my fall
>accidentally squeezed the fuck out of her tit
>chad laughed and pointed at me
>everyone stared at me like i was a rapist
That was a painful read OP. I'm sorry that happened. You're like a horse, you can't talk to girls.
>touching boob at 12
that story's actually kind of cute. it's a relief from the genuine autism in this thread
You assumed she was young? So saying you like his sister so young she has no teeth sucking your cock is better than her being older and knocking her teeth out on an ATV?
You'r mum seems nice.
Kids just did that at that age. I remember tons of kids showing their bare ass at urinals and thinking "nigga, fucks wrong with you?"

This comment is original
>live in japan
>out with five japanese people
>walk past a busker
>want to seem cool by giving money, but too cheap to give a decent amount
>drop in 3 yen, about 3 cents, then keep walking
>hear the busker ask his friend (in japanese of course) 'how much did he give you?'
>'haha 3 yen'
>tfw I pretended not to understand them
>tfw the five japanese people heard them but stayed silent and pretend not to hear
>tfw i spent work with these people
>11 years old
>school trip to camp in woods
>don't shit for 4 days due to fear of insects crawling up my anus
>bus ride back to city
>everyone asleep
>painful stomach cramps
>can't tell anyone I really need to go
>do a huge, dry, hard, almost odourless, poo in pants
>got a way with it
>drop it out the window
>20 minutes later, pull into rest area
>man banging on coach door
>my poo hit his car on motorway
>nobody knows it was me
>but they knew it was me
>persistent rumour about my shit flinging follows me for years to come
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How has no one posted smash in this thread yet? that's fucking m2k
>The supposed two weeks without shitting was the first real "okay, this didn't happen"
This was me in 6-7th grade
Did not shit for two weeks for periods back to back
Thanks, she was. She passed away about two years ago now. She was always doing cool shit like that. Picking me up early from school, letting me skip and taking me to the mall. She was great. I think she knew I didn't have any real friends when I was younger so she did cool things like that to make me feel better. This isn't cringe in the slightest but I'll always remember it as my favorite "cool mom" story.

>be in 5th grade
>intercom crackles
>"Mrs. Gomez can you send anon to the office please his mother is here to pick him up for the day"
>grinning ear to ear, feeling bad ass
>walk out of classroom and go down to the office
>mom is there with my uncle
>she just got her tax return so she picked me up early
>has my uncle drive us to walmart
>during the ride i don't notice but she slips something in my jacket pocket
>as we enter the store i immediately drag us to the video game area
>looking at all the stuff i want behind the glass but can't get
>my mom smiles at me and tells me to look in my pocket
>she slipped $150 in my pocket
>im fucking speechless
>tells me to start picking what i want
>smiling at me the whole time while im picking out stuff
>ended up getting a gameboy pocket and pokemon blue version (my first pokemon game)
>best day ever

I'm actually getting really sad typing this out. I miss the old days.
my life cont.

>17 year old beta virgin
>meet a cute girl through a friend
>shes a year younger than me
>she doesnt go to my hs, doesnt know they all hate me
>we start talking every day over AIM
>randomly one day on AIM she asks me if i am virgin
>i say yes reluctantly
>she says she wants to be my first
>try to contain my excitement
>always have managed to fuck things like this up in the past
>she asks where i want to do it
>neither of our houses are an option, too young so parents would have interfered
>she wants to do it in my car
>i decide we should do it in the bushes at this public park we hang out at sometimes
>she says no, we should definitely just do it in the car
>i insist on the park, i still dont know why
>she gives in and says yes
>flash forward to friday night
>i pick her up from her house and we drive to the park
>theres people in the park like there always is
>we go into the bushes and start kissing
>put down a beach towel i had brought and start getting undressed awkwardly
>i lay down on the towel and she starts sucking my dick
>have trouble getting hard because were in a public fucking park and theres people around
>as shes sucking my dick literally two different people walk in on us
>i start to feel guilty shes getting caught giving head in public, but its my first time
>i have to push on and lose my virginity while i have the chance
>eventually i get hard enough and put on a condom
>she gets on top and starts riding me
>people walk in on us again
>i can barely stay hard, getting anxiety
>realize i fucked up and we should have just done it in the car
>realize im not going to cum
>pull out and get dressed
>drive her back home
>never saw her again
>didnt actually have sex until 2 years later
Not sure how it's cute since it was just me freaking out because I couldn't figure out how to work the stupid bus pass slot thing but alright. I'll always remember this story because of how stupid and silly and awkward I felt. This was about 14 years ago now.
Get the fuck out normie
This comment is original
This is just one of the 100's of cringes I've had in my life:

>get marketing job at local company a few years ago
>it's me and like 6 women working in an office all day
>we all go out for a meal for our Christmas party to some fancy restaurant
>it's me, the alpha boss/owner and all the grills
>everyone's chatting and having a good time
>one of the grills says "let's play a game. If you could could pick one celeb to get with who would it be?"
>all the grills says the typical shit like Brad Pitt etc
>the circle gets to me
>start to panic
>why didn't I think of one while everyone was saying theirs??
>blurt out "Alexis Texas"
>realize what I've done
>"who is Alexis Texas anon?"
>p-porn star
>look around the table and notice every grill has an awkward look on their face
>fall in to a bottomless pit of spaghetti and try to leave my body
>end up getting really drunk and insulting people
>leave early and have to email everyone on monday to say sorry

I was only there for a few months, ended up going off the deep end on mdma and flew to Tenerife without notice (booked a flight in town and went next day) and sent my boss a txt saying "going to Tenerife and don't know what I'm coming back". Needless to say they fired me.
>parents move to USA
>put me in school
>can't speak for shit
>school puts me in the "special turtles"
>basically i get pulled out of Maths and English
>and get to draw or do simple math
>was really good at math
>1 year later i can talk english and watch cartoons in english and it's all good in the hood
>still in special turtles
>parents change my school and i get thrown in a public school
>little brother is smarter than me
>years later, he goes to that private school
>yesterday i go pick him up
>he is in the 9th grade
>tell him i was in that school
>tell him i was on team special turtles when i was in 5th and 6th grade with a bit of pride cause I was being pulled out for special lessons
>he laughs his ass off
>"dude that's for autistic kids and down syndrome"
>start to remember others on my team
>2 were downies
>1 only talked to his tamaguchi
>girl always drueling
>me and teacher only solving maths or drawing
>teacher told me i am the smartest special kid
>and the girl was the most special special kid
>you're not like every one else anon
>you're very special too

jesus fucking christ, I am a virgin normie, my life is a lie?
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>end up forcing Italian familys into poverty by over inflating the worth of pasta.
>tfw Italy's economic system completely shaterd as there main export is now worthless
Fucking keked, nice one lad
beautiful story, anon. sorry for your loss.
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>dat ending
I really don't say this often, but you just need to die.
>1 only talked to his tamaguchi

Yeah fuck this shit. This little manlet at my school always mad mum jokes, then you'd just lazily turn it around because who has time to think of a witty comeback for a manlet, and he would say "I never knew my mum" and it would just be fucking awkward and you'd just walk away and he wouldn't be able to catch up because he's a manlet and his legs can't move that fast.
What kind of person doesn't just take a letter? Honestly, I don't care who comes up to me, if they've got a letter for me I'm going to read that cunt.
>end of school
>signing shirts
>really nice tall hot girl
>ask her to sing my shirt
>sign hers while she's doing mine
>get it back
>she wrote a heartfelt message about how she enjoyed getting to know me over the past 6 years
>also drew a cute picture of a dragon
>i wrote "Why did the bicycle fall down? It was two-tired" because we told some puns to each other once
>wrote nothing else
>didn't even sign my name
>still think about it every few weeks

Fuck everything, we should all learn in individual pods where we can't interact with other people and ruin our lives.
ahh shit m8
i had similiar experience
we had to write about our dreamschool or some shit like that
it was back in 2007 just after S.T.A.L.K.E.R came out
most kids wrote some shit like Harry Poter school n shit
mfw I wrote about camp prepering for life in the Zone
wth detailed instructions on firearms, mutants and anomalies
I didnt realized how autistic it was untill i turned it in already
I was sweating with spaghetti sauce entire week
Not my cringey moment but a friends
>english class
>talking about the concept of subjective reality
>teacher going around the room asking for everyone's thoughts on the subject
>guy goes to say that he has no proof that the holocaust actually happened
>teacher cuts him off and says "excuse me?"
>whole class quiet
>he burries his face in his hands
>class erupts
>kid gets worse grades in English for the rest of the year

Pretty funny desu because the holohoax didn't happen
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Fuck, bad experiences with buskers.
>in london
>walk past busker in the underground
>sounds pretty funky
>give him the change in my pocket
>unwittingly dropped him a 2 pence coin
>he stops playing
>calls me over
>"is that all?"
>think he's joking around, awkwardly laugh
>"it's not fucking funny mate, I sit here busking all day and all you give me is 2 fucking p?"
>shitting pants at this point
>"s-sorry I didn't mean to"
>dig into my wallet for more money, give him a 50p coin
>"go on, more"
>even my pants are shitting themselves
>end up giving him like 2-3 quid
>"thanks, now fuck off"
>run the fuck away, leaving a trail of shit and spaghetti in my wake
>mfw robbed on the tube in front of hundreds of people

In hindsight, it's my fault for being a spineless little shit and not telling him to do one
I've seen a similar situation in university
>professor wants people to question everything
>someone mentions the lolohoax
>suddenly that's not allowed

What the fuck. If the holocaust actually happened then people would be free to question it and look for evidence.
Should've said, and you'll be the first to die.
lose some weight

fauiohfuioahiofhaiohifasf fuckfuckfufagagagi

something similar happened to me

>>be in 7th-8th grade
>>some bullies and girls start asking me which girl i like the most in my class
>>i try to avoid and not answer
>>they keep pushing
>>fuck they are not going to leave me alone before i answer
>>there is no winning move - if i say i don't like any girl i'll be called a fag, if i pick one then i'm going to be teased about it and the girl will probably say something like "eww creep"
>>give up and give a name and also a detailed explanation about my fav. I tell that she has the best boobs for her body-type and i like her feminine dressing style and natural hair color
>>i was hoping to make other girls feel insecure with my comments
>>i also got the expected "eww creep" replies
I second this.
Original post
It wasn't oc.
God. Damn. Hilarious.
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>be me
>be freshman year
>just transferred schools, so nobody knows what to make of me
>This was it! I could finally be a normie.
>get asked out various times by girls at my school
>too much of an autist to say yes
>at one point the hottest girl in school starts a conversation
>"It's a real shame I have nobody to go to winter ball with... Hey anon, are you planning to go?"
> make up the excuse that I don't have a date so there's no reason
>"Why don't you go with me?"
>"I-I think I have something to do that night."
> "O-ok..."
> Two weeks later she's dating Tyrone
> People start to notice that I'm a nerd/weeb and avoid me
> tfw I had my shot at being normal
>tfw that one event haunts me six years later
I have been visiting for a few years, but this is my first post. So, if anything sucks, I'm sorry for being a newfag.
>posting with an unrelated weebshit picture

Fuck off
How about you fuck off, he clearly belongs here.
Have a (you) pal. It's on the house.
> Be NEET after graduating high school
> Spend all day in my chair fapping, playing WoW, and shitposting
> 3 years later; finally forced to get a job
> Go to interview at local mattress store that was hiring
> So used to sitting in my chair all day and not interacting with other humans
> Grip the arm of the chair in the office and loudly fart
> Let out an "--ahhh" exhale right after
> Get kicked out of the store after the manager repeatedly screams "You think this is some kind of joke?"
Still hadn't seen it, though
>get asked out various times by girls at my school
>even by the hottest girl in his school
no he doesn't
He belongs on /a/

Also he got asked out by the hottest girl in school, so he's handsome. This board is for eggmen only.
Nice fake story.
>implying eggman is a robot
Join army
Quiet, nerdy soldier. Suck at interacting with people. Army humour is brutal and everyone insults each other. There's no malice in it though and I want to join in.
Female soldier says her uniform is too small for her. Think I'm being hilarious when I blurt out "you could lose weight"
She looks really upset. Everyone stares at me. Awkward as fuck.
One of many autism moments
>be me in chemistry lecture class last semester
>guy sits next to me, have an occasional conversation with a few laughs, let's call him J
>first exam coming up
>proceed as normal
>class is offering multiple study hall sessions in preparation for the exam
>go there
>J is there
>say what's up and sit in my seat
>due to small classroom size, we have the option to merge with another chemistry study hall in a different classroom
>the guy from my lecture is talking to one of his friends he most likely met from his lab class
>study hall session begins, there's tutors all around
>they move to the other classroom
>I'm alone in the class
>go into the other classroom to find them
>open seats in their table
>I don't even say anything, I just sit in one of the seats and don't say a word
>they continue their conversation as normal, not even phased by it
>I still sit there silently and pull out my class work
>I try to build conversation without even introducing myself to J's friend
>awkward as fuck, I get ignored after a minute
>eventually a grill comes up and talks to J
>Grill complains about not having a seat
>maybe it's my cue to dismiss myself and be smooth by letting her have my seat and I just leave the entire study hall session
>I don't do it
>they all move to another table and I'm alone
>move to the other classroom quietly and quickly after pretending to look busy
>sitting in classroom awkwardly
>leave after 5 minutes
>mfw in lecture the next day J sits in a completely different spot
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>be 13 year old
>in school in bongistan
>every winter we have a period where we have to do 'social dance' everyone has to pair up with the opposite sex
>I usually try and get the sperg or quiet grills in the class to be my dance partner
>ohfug too late
>only grill available is oneitis, she's gorgeous but me being the autist I am I can barely look her in the eye
>hands start getting REALLY sweaty, like fucking dripping
>we hold hands and start to dance when the teacher puts the music on
>she visibly grimaces when she feels my sweaty palms
>the torture lasts for a few minutes, I'm sweating all over now and my brain has just tried to wander off to a happy place cantwakeup.jpg
>it stops, she says nothing but smiles at me cutely
>as far as I'm aware she never told anyone about it

>7 years on I'm still a kv awkward autist
>she has a modelling contract, chad bf and typical queen bee lifestyle
>I still stalk her fb page
Now it's just negging. If only it could get more awkward than it already is.
how are people so retarded
What a stuck up bitch
>go with a friend for a walk
>apparently he wants to meet in a cafe with our ex schoolmate, she's a girl
>he brought another girl who I don't know
>they talk for straight two hours about some random shit
>sit, bored out of living hell, trying to escape to my imaginary world, literally not saying anything
>after 5 years I suddenly realized it was supposed to hook me up with her since she mentioned she don't have a boyfriend
>the feeling of boredom back there still gives me nightmares
That sounds like I would behave in this situation, I really don't feel anything emotional when some hugs me or touches, only some sort of intrusion to my autistic world.
I agree with you man don't listen to these weebs
Fuck. Reminds of something I wanted to forget, in fact I haven't thought about it in years.

>9th grade, end of the year
>teacher gives us all a paper and makes us tape it to our backs
>we all walk around the classroom writing nice things to each
>well, they do anyways
>autistic me just stood around awkwardly not approaching anyone
>some come to me, write things, I write back generic things on theirs like "have a good summer" etc
>finally it's all over, felt like hours and my cringey angst is at it's peak
>feel itchy, sweaty, self conscious and my legs hurt
>muh teenage psyche
>everyone takes there's off, reads them, all socialize for the last few minutes before dismissal
>some qt wrote a long message on mine
>didn't care, just wanted to get home and forget about all this
>crumple up paper and throw it away before leaving
>realize literally everyone saw me do it since I was the first to exit
I don't know. For some reason it hurts remembering this.
Here's one for you, I'll cut it really short.

>Be basically 25 year old autism
>5" dick
>Finally loosing virginity to party girl slut
>Having sex from behind
>She's silent
>I'm silent
>Boner is starting to fail
>Oh shit fuck
>Panic.exe is running
>Try to say something hot
>"Yeah babe, long dick style."
>She slams her head into the bed
>Can hear her snickering into the sheets
>Awkwardly pat, pat, pat away until I finish and she says she'll see me around

At least I'm not a virgin anymore... I guess?
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Fucking. Disgusting
PS: This comment is unoriginal

well I didn't steal anything for one, and I did help them find out about one potential security issue (unlocked bathroom window), and I pleaded really hard to the principal and managed to squeezed out a few ml of tears

but I think the biggest reason is probably that it was a relatively victimeless misconduct and people have been caught doing it before


for some reason that didn't happen, just to make sure that it wasn't something that everyone beside me knows, I asked a few friends in her circle during the after-prom while they were all shit-faced if the girl mentioned anything about some creep going through her stuff because I thought I saw someone the other day and didn't tell her, they all respond with some variation of negatives
this reminds me of my first day in music school
>you had to pass a certain musical test to get in
>the teacher there was a small chubby old lady all in black with a strict look on her face, never smiled, kinda scary
>i passed the test and next week I had to go to my first lesson
>walk up the stairs in this white dim lightning
>anxious and scared expecting the evil looking teacher
>I see a person on the top of the stairs smiling and looking at me
>"Hiiii anon, I'll be your teacher, Kathie!!!"
>a cute 19-year old blonde girl who just started teaching music
>mfw I'm her age now
Time flies
pic related is how i felt
>Be me,14 years, freshman
>Total cuck at that point
>On bus with qt gf
>Bus stops
>nigger smells fear thru shark nostrils
>apparently tried to rob gf earlier
>thinks she snitched to police
>Be worried
>sits down next to me
>This ur girl?
>manage to whimper sure
>scary nigger thinks I want to fite
>want to run for life
>heartrate faster than midget on a jackhammer
>demands to see my phone
>gross hands reach into pockets
>frozen with fear
>takes phone, earbuds
>gf looks disgusted
>don't do shit
>he gets off next stop
>feel traumatized
>go home and feel like little bitch
>realize bus has security cameras
>cry self to sleep
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>Last year
>Big family party, whole branches of family that I've never met before
>One of them is in Chemo for Lung cancer
>It's a recurring joke within immediate family that when they're coughing or sneezing loudly, we're told to "die quietly"
>Cancerous family member starts coughing
>I immediately say "hey could you die quietly please" and laugh.
>realize what I just said, tried to explain the joke obviously failing horribly
>Walk out to the nearest garage and buy a pack of smokes and smoke them all in an hours time
I can still see their faces, burned into my mind.
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nice m8

is your gf nigger onahole now
Gym and little bitch training fixed me
I never understood this
>people think someone is a school shooter
>they deliberately avoid him
Why avoid him? Why not try and be nice to him? If your suspicions were right you might get tipped off the day before and if you were wrong then you were a nice human bean
>A few years back
>In class, sitting next to girl I don't know
>She says something to her friend like "You're not my best friend" or some shit like that
>I say "So what"
>She and her friends laugh
good to hear man, I would never give away my phone, it has a bunch of illegal shit in it, the mugger can get into trouble for it

wtf was that reaction, you wanna get lung cancer yourself?
I needed something to calm me down, and buying vodka at 1pm and chugging it would have been the bad choice.
ask supreme gentleman's roommate
ah, okay

it's pretty stupid, but everyone probable knows that you didn't mean it
that's okay, you should follow up with something bold
Maybe. All I know is that I wasn't on the Christmas card this year kek.
>be me
>sitting in class.
>was assigned a seat next to my crush and some other hot girl.
>was a quite shy guy.
>they both talk to me everyday.
>one day they both ask me if I was gay.
>blert out "What? gay no I'm not."
>suden realization that they were hitting on me in a very roundabout way and I was too stupid to notice it.
does it bother you?
I still don't know what the appropriate reaction would be in order to get that P.
Its a translated copypasta. The original is very popular on finnish imageboards. The part with the father barging in and shitting on the narrator's back is often used like bel-air and "everybody walk the dinosaur"
I got one, it actually happened a few hours ago
>be me
>coming home after I taking gf home
>have to take the subway
>it's packed
>4 swagfaggots enter the subway
>in my country, if you see a group of swagfags, they might mug you
>put knife into left sleeve
>after a while, two of them come sit next to me
Now, please note that the seats next to me were actually the only ones available in the whole subway, but, of course, I didn't realize this at the time
>they were actually not that threatening, they were talking and acting normal
>my stop comes
>I get up
>they move so I can pass (I was next to the window)
>"well, that was actually pretty nice" I thought
>"Thanks" I said, trying to sound nice
>start moving
>pick it up
>they go "daaamn bro"
>start sweating like an autist
>try to look cool and confident
>inside I'm flipping the fuck out
>go home and nothing happens
Actually feel cucked for some reason...
And I feel bad cause maybe they were just nice dudes
A bit, but only because it's just me being purposefully excluded. Feels like highschool again
Dude, I had to turn away from the monitor. That was fucking horrible. I'm sorry you went through it, senpai.
have you been cucked before, how do you know the feeling?

Anyway, they will probably forget about you in 3 hours and the event will only be brought up if they need a story to tell
That's why I haven't joined, I know I won't fit in. As much as I hate school, and I'm just scraping by at it, and don't know if I can get a job anywhere else afterward, I don't want to join the military because I know I won't fit in. Kissless virginfag, don't know how to banter, swishy mannerisms, probably a latent homo, and unintentionally arrogant and offensive in casual conversation. Even when I was twelve my ex-paratrooper dad told me never to join up because they'd eat me alive. It's looking it might have to be an option right now though, or at least the Guard.

I'm afraid you don't understand what "cuck" means, anon...
>codeine brownies
What the fuck are you talking about? You mean those legal brownies that have vague relaxation chemicals in them, or did some retards you know actually bake codeine into brownies? How stupid are you? Because as things stand, I'm pretty impressed.
if you wanna apologize, write them a letter, be sincere and tell them you have had problems expressing yourself due to embarrassment, and explain yourself

they may still not put you on the christmas card tho
I don't know, dude
Maybe cause I feel like my "plan" had been discovered and, if they wanted to mug me, it'd be easier for them, cause they knew about the knife.
>>26183080 read^
>be me
>leave apartment
honestly I could continue but I think you get the point of the story

good news! gay guys have easier time getting laid than their non-gay counterpart

plus you don't feel insulted when someone calls you a fag
how is having a knife in sleeve a plan? nobody got hurt or robbed that went well
>"hey katie, wanna go out for a movie?"
it's been 3 years. i never replied. neither did i interact with her even since.
tell her so that you can make a move on her
that's not cringe faggot
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>be me in HS
>SAT tests
>Fat librarian who smells like cat piss
>just try hold my breath
>Cant hold anymore get air very loud
>Whole class turns around
>Didnt go to library because of that anymore
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It's not cringe worthy but it kind of fits the thread

>couple of eastern europe bitches in my class
>they are ugly and annoying yet for some weird reason all the guys are crazy about them
>they treat everyone like shit, see the boys as personal slaves
>boys are okay with it
>I hate them, don't play along with their bullshit
>never smile to them, never talk to them, fuck 'em
>one day during class, teacher makes us play riddles
>one says a riddle other try to guess etc..
>russian bitch's turn
>Says something like "Who is grumpiest most bitter guy around ? and why is his name anon?"
>people laugh
>I stare at her
>"riddle me this ....."
>"If your mom worked longer as a cheapass prostitute in that rundown brothel and had more clients than you .... how the fuck come only you could escape that 3rd world shithole where your dad raped on a daily basis, and she still has to suck cocks there ?"
>everyone is silent
>teacher is in shock, but doesn't say anything
>a couple of guys start laughing
>bitch is in shock
>i hear some grils whispering "that was awesome"
>smile at her for the first time
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you really should have tried to make him aware of this issue anonymously

that's pretty personal to be honest, assume it did happened, is it how you'd like it to turn out?
>be me
>at table with friends in high school
>its lunch, we're all talking and joking around
>someone poses a hypothetical situation in which another person at table would just be hanging out at hospital
>other person says "why would they be hanging out at a hospital"
>i jokingly say "maybe their dad died or something"
>everyone stares at me
>i remember that the person's dad died two years ago
>immediately apologizes profusely for being autistic
>friend tries to laugh it off but leaves table
>5 years old at school
>get in trouble for something
>"anon, go wait in the sick room and don't come out until I say so!"
>really need to shit
>teacher said not to come out though
>take a shit in the lost property box
>wipe my ass with someone's shell suit
>be me like 13 or so
>be in Pre-Algebra
>teacher is a nice, pretty, single woman
>one day, class is ahead so we all just talk
> she ends up telling us why she's alone
>her fiancee was super emotionally abusive
>she's trying hard not to cry
>feel really bad for her, try to lighten the mood
>say I saw my brother watching a soap opera with the same theme as a goof
>no one laughed
>wanted to die
>Message girl who hung out with me out of pity in elementary school because I needed her advice on something.
>Avoid mentioning gender as some bizarre form of assurance that I'm not doing the usual thing autists do in this situation, IE: Hitting on her. She plays along and gives me the info I asked for.
>Do basic catch up.
>Accidentally sperg out.
>She stops responding.
>Run into her in person shortly after for the first time in years.
>Quietly spurt out an apology for sperging out.
>She looks annoyed.
>I delete my Kikebook account shortly after.

That fuck up has bothered me every day since.
How did you sperg out?
How did you apologise?
Why was she butthurt?
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Recent fuck-up
>working as a carer
>take a young disabled guy out to a nightclub
>Every time he wants to use the disabled bathroom it's full of Stacys and Tracys who stay in there for 15 minutes doing chick stuff
>One time a Stacy is about to walk into the disabled bathroom just when I'm about to open it for my guy
>Put my foot in front of the door
>'Why don't you just hobble upstairs?' [to the normie bathrooms]
>MFW she does
>MFW she has a false leg
>Apologise to her profusely until she goes from mad to okay then just starts laughing and walks away
>MFW still feel like I need to apologise

I doubt you'd be able to willingly shit all of that at once like it's no big deal as the story claims, because otherwise you'd be having regular bowel movements.

It's just not realistic imo for one to jump through the hoops necessary to hold their shit in for two entire weeks, then jump through even more hoops to be able to shit it all out on the spot at school in front of everyone; it just doesn't make sense.
The fuck is a busker
You know, if you played that right that would have been a good opening for getting laid.
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>high school
>no one talks to me ever
>bitchy teacher: anon where was X born?
>why yes. [Classmate] disagrees tough
>[classmate]: uuuh ye si uuh he was born in Z
class over he just rushes at me
>H-hey anon what a bitch [teacher] is uh? I mean [other classmate] just asked me if it was right and i shaked my head lol i didn't say anything
>4th grade, time for the bus
>get on, no seats cause I'm the last stop
>only open seat is next to a 6th grader named RJ
>RJ was a pretty intimidating dude, started school a year late and got held back a year but played football
>basically the scariest dude in school
>weigh my options awkwardly and sit down next to him
>he taps me on the shoulder and says "what are you doing?"
>I say "sitting in a seat" totally ignorant of the fact that I fucked up and stare forward
>he laughs and goes back to facing front

After we got off it was like I was a hero or some shit but that lasted all of two weeks
Should have told him to fuck off
I think it's a British pastry
Wtf are u trying to say here?
>That whole post
You need to try again son.
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>mfw reading this story
Is this a pasta? It tastes like pasta
we got a stone cold whodunnit
please elaborate on this. please, PLEASE elaborate
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>working McD's drive through
>give girl back her change
>our hands accidentally make contact
>she recoils like she's injured
>"omg your hands are freezing"
>clutched her cross necklace and drives away
>it all falls into place
>my pale skin
>my tired eyes
>my aloof demeaner
>my inadvertent sneaking up on people
>my ability to make people uncomfortable by existing
>mfw I realize I'm a member of the accursed undead

If anyone of you want to put a stake through my heart and end my suffering that would be cool.
kek, story of my life
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you should've put all your coins in your fist and then cracked him in his jaw
wat? who is talking the last sentence?
What the hell is going on in this clusterfuck of a story
I have a similar story
>end of middle school
>I'm moving next year
>have a huge crush on an Asian guy
>he talks to me about anime and stuff
>not really friends though
>signing yearbooks
>I'm too shy to write anything special or make some web reference or draw anything
>just write my name
>get my yearbook back
>check it later and he actually wrote a long message
>image + post decode to active CP link
in order to make yourself not a target?
that might just put you right in front of the gun imo
I haven't experienced something like that yet but I just have this feeling that I will react the same way
cringe isn't real you faggots, this is just spotlight effect, look it up
>At a party with coworker I was in to
>Friend of hers from out of town is there
>She is attractive, sure. She was also freely talking about casual sex earlier, so no prudishness there.
>Somehow after I got a bit drunk I ended up going into the toilet when she is there
>She is totally okay with this, we just talk
>Straight after that she announces something like "So I guess you are the one I'm going home with tonight huh?"
>I have no real interest in her since my oneitis is there, but at the same time I'm is so weak willed that I usually just go along with whatever people around me are telling me.
>I just say "okay"
>Later we go out to a bar
>We get there, huge amount of people, I buy a beer.
>First thing happens she kinda takes my hand and leads me to the dancefloor
>I look at her while holding my beer. Decide it is in the way so I put it down on the floor by the wall.
>So I'm like what now.
>Starts kinda imperceptibly wagging my head and/or body back and forth.
>She just leaves.
>See her walk past me one time after, eyes straight ahead, looking really uncomfortable
>I never talked to any of the people I came there with again that night
>Started feeling sick and walked home.
>Sitting in Russian class
>Teacher asks what our favourite comedy movie is
>Have a jew in the class
>Look at him and think Schindlers list
>Didnt think, accidently said it out loud
>Everybody looks at me in disgust
The edge was real.
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>two weeks later she's dating tyrone

your austism allowed her to date a nigger, kill yourself desu
You're completely autistic. No, of course there's no way he didn't shit for two weeks, and even if he hadn't, how would anon have known that? It was clearly hyperbole for the sake of describing how bad it looked/smelled/whatever.
>Was in HS
>The slut of the class and I were flirting woth a bit of teasing
>She calls me an ugly and unlovable (as a joke)
>I say "yeah and you're adopted" (as a joke)
>I failed to realise she is in fact adopted and her parents died shortly after her birth.
God, I fucking hate you so much right now.
Gay or girl?

Original comment.
Based as fuck response. Wish I was there.
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Fucking kek m8
This is happened to me so much. Even in college
You should have pretended to know own about the accident, better than implying pedophilia
>"I-I have to take you out back... and shoot you."
You're right.
Sounds fucking awesome tbqh senpai. They were probably just stupid shots mocking you for having a brain.
Actually IRL I had a kid jacking off in multiple classes never get caught.
the set up sounds super foreign
Fucking hell, guy you replied to here, they made us do that in out final English class.

>everyone writes their name on a piece of paper
>everyone passes the paper to their left
>write something nice about the person on the paper
>fold the paper over your message
>pass it left
>want to write nice things to the qts
>friend sitting next to me is reading all my messages and making fun of me
>just write stupid pointless shit like "you're nice" or "you're smart"
>get my paper back
>lots of messages saying I'm smart, funny and nice
>realise these are pointless platitudes
>get feels and keep the paper forever anyway

Just fuck it all. Fuck it all so much.
<be in grade ten
<in the basement with my girl
<her friend calls and asks if she can come by to smoke some
<say yeah sure
<horny as fuck, start getting into it with gf
<five mins later I hear commotions upstairs but I'm about to cum so I think I'm safe
< pull out, don't have time to clean up
<move girl out of the way and cum on the pillow she was laying on
<I can hear her friend coming down the steps
<heart racing, flip pillow over
<gf pulls up pants, I go to washroom to pull mine up
<friend walks in chatting away
<hear her sit on futon
<walk out play it cool
<she flips pillow over and puts the pillow behind her head , spunk all in her hair now, her face just disgusted
<no words
Normie go home!
10/10 pics

-3/10 green text, kill yourself anon

I used to do that, did it once in front of a cleaning lady and afterwards the teacher gave a little talk ti class about not doing it, but i knew it was for me. Was about six at the time.
not God's work, just an autistic faggot in his natural habitat (a dry pussy-less habitat)
>sophomore year of hs
>new student still learning English
>ask a friend if I can get a date
>he tells me he will set it up and he gives me a time and place
>well I meet up with her at the park to get pictures
>400 pound hamplanet with zits covering her entire body
>she tells me we are going to some restraunt
>get there and we sit down
>angry polack with ugly as fuck date
>visibly angry and people avoid talking to me through dinner
>we order and shit then I just eat in a fucking pissed off state
>doesn't offer to pay even though she's never met me
>waiter drops a note on the table
>I feel sorry for you good luck tonight
>he passes by and I say thanks and he looks at me confused
>some random guy
>I look around like an autistic fuck
<nice try newfriend
Sure. Surprised at how long this thread survived.
>Be freshman in college
>Hang out with people, try to be normie
>Cute girl from down the hall knocks on my door
>Been trying to flirt with her the last few days
>"Hey anon do you want to watch <movie> with me?"
>No, I have to wake up early for class tomorrow, plus I already saw that movie

This happened four years ago and I still regret it to this day.
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>go to best buy to buy earbuds and AUX cable
>AUX cable is 20 bucks(it's like 3 feet long)
>cashier girl gives it to me for free
>I just say "thank you" and leave
Haha im fokin laughin m8 thanks for that. Fart jokes always get me
>At gas station pumping gas
>wild Indian walking toward me
>give him dirty look
>he's still coming
>"hey don't be mad"
>give him dirty look
>"hey iam a comedian"
>give him dirty look
>"why Obama make us pay for gas when it comes free from the ground"
>"it's not free" I say
>he grabs his flute and say she will play the song of his people for me
>I tell him iam part Cherokee and would scalp him if he did
>he puts his flute up to his lips and then pauses looks at me and walks away
>had long hair in high school
>stayed up late playing games and jerking it
>everyone thought I was a stoner
>one day girl in class starts regularly talking to me
>at some point she tells me about how she got high on a weed and sucked some guy's dick
>realized much later she was saying she'd suck my dick for weed
No shit, who else would you be?
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Everytime i work up enough courage to try approach schoolmates in social interations i eventually fuck up and do something really awkward or cringeworthy, just to get back to my life of semi-reclusion
After usually about 1 month, i try again just to fail shortly after
I dont talk to anyone besides my bf and a english friend anymore
fuck dude we did the same thing is 4th grade, everyone wrote typical 4th grader shit but my crush wrote

>Dear anon! you are so cool and it was an amazing year with you as my friend!!! (smiley face)

fuck that warms my heart, don't even care nothing happened, it was fourth grade and all. Sadly that was the last time any girl has shown me interest
>"do you have a name"

haha fucking pissing myself
>anon we should hang out some time
>"I d-don't think my mom will let me"
Jesus christ my parents ruined my life the way they raised me
>back in middleschool, was super autistic but my best friend was the school bully so nobody ever messed with me
>leather jacket, boots, long hair, aviators, but still a beta faggot
>one day i see a girl from elementary in front of my school
>"hey anon its me! do you remember me? I missed you a lot, want to hang out?"
>"uhhh yeah, no, I have to go home and play videogames, sorry"

I wasnt even interested in her but damn I could have managed to at least come up with a decent excuse
Was just about to sleep..
Happened last week.

>on bus, on my way to college
>only like 5 people on it
>a pretty blone girl gets on the bus
>there's loads of empty seats
>she sits next to me and smiles and says hi nicely
>I stare at her confused and say hi back awkardly
>I then say "you know there are lots of open seats, heh"
>her smile goes away
>she says "oh... sorry... I'll move"
>I say "okay?"
>she moves to a different seat slowly
>it's silent the whole way there
>finally get the the college
>she gets off too
>I hear her voice
>"oh you go here too?"
>I say yea
>She says "Cool! Maybe I will see you around or something? Oh! Sorry I never introduced myself, my name is Jamie"
>she smiles
>I say "Yea maybe." "Okay cool, well I'm late for class so bye"
>start walking away
>hear from behind
>"Oh okay... see ya I guess..."
Weird day, wasn't even late for class. Just wanted to go study alone like I ususally do.
Since I have no friends ;_;
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>social interaction
>original comment
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>be me, 5 year old Australian boy
>in converse store with mum buying shoes for my elder sister
>completely overwhelmed by the shoes
>lose mum
>wander around crying for a solid 10 minutes
>see a lady with frizzy hair kneeling looking at some shoes(my mum had frizzy hair)
>scream at the top of my lungs
>run up and hug her from the back and kiss her head
>mfw it's not my mother
>mfw she just says "im not your mother" with no expression
>oh, goodbye
>found my mother a couple minutes later
>moms spaghetti
Whats the deal here , i dont get it .
>we wait for our ride, I was a young sophomore and she was obviously a loser
>we wait for 20 minutes awkwardly standing there
>car gets there and we have to somehow fit into the small fucking backseat
>20 minute ride in the car
>terror level 2 I am definitely visibly pissed off
>we get to the dance and wait in a long line. I hate lines more than anything
>I have to listen to her shitty friends and the damn people around us
>we get in and she asks if I can hold her shoes
>I take them and throw them into the crowd and I walk off pissed
>go get a drink and spill it all over the floor
>I walk out behind the school and I just wait a while just to get my money's worth out of it
>no friends there and I feel like I'm going to kill someone
>date's friends find me and start going on about how mean I am to her
>I think this is the only time in my life that I actually saw red and I just got up told them to fuck themselves and walked home
>then it started to rain
>I had no idea where I was fucking going since I was new
>slept in the fucking bushes and waited til morning to find my way home
basically the night fucking sucked and I ruined some pretty nice clothes in the process, sophomore year was hell i dont know if this is cringe or not... more like my first time dealing with this shit and definitely not my last
Motherfucking Chad is always there wherever you go.
How do you deal with that anon. My mom has terminal cancer. She doesn't have much left. I'm thinking about suicide but I'm aware it would destroy my brother.

I don't know what to do.
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Too original for u
If you really wanted her to talk to you, then you autisted the fuck out. If you don't want anybody to be nice to you because you never even liked yourself, then what's cringeworthy about this little accident? Also, I think it's only Americans that can meet new people like that, nobody ever says hi to strangers in my country.
>be 25, at a party
>drinking, "talking" to a girl
>she says "don't get too drunk, hi hi"
>still drink, don't give a fuck
>a while later, pizza arrives
>i'm hungry as fuck
>sitting in sofa, finally got my pizza slice
>she kisses me
>i say "go away, i'm hungry"
>never see her again
wtf brain. i swear to god i could have gotten laid that night.
>still be 25, on vacation for one week
>been taking/flirting with this girl
>nothing happens until new years eve
>say "i would really want a newyears kiss from you"
>"maybe, we'll see"
>bad thing is my flight home is the morning after so this is last chance
>3 hours after midnight, at a bar with this girl
>i have to go, bus to airport goes in 30 mins
>start walking away, but run back cuz have to say a propper goodbye
>she drags me outside behind bar and kisses me
>stupid me gives her two quick kisses, a "bye" and i run off
>spend whole flight home and all days until today thinking about her and what a fucking idiot i was/am
i am just so fucking retarded when it comes to that shit
those are the only two interactions i have had with girls in my whole fuking pathetic life
>still a sad pathetic 25 yo virgin
>start walking away, but run back cuz have to say a propper goodbye
>she drags me outside behind bar and kisses me
That was very hot, anon. I'd hate myself for just pecking her on the cheek too.
>"I-I have to take you out back... a-and uh..."

And ride you

It wasn't a bad joke.
>5th grade
>I like this one Latina chick 7/10 (I know barf)
>her friend is a giant fat and ugly redhead 2/10
>she asks me if I want to be her bf
>I tell her I want to think about it and I'll tell her tomorrow
>next day she asks me again and I tell her I need to think about it and I'll tell her tomorrow
>this goes on for 3 months
>last day of school, she asks me and I tell her I'll think about it over summer
>first day of 6th grade
>after lunch says she wants to talk to me
>I apologize and tell her I just don't like her like that
>she leaves and never comes back to school
>I still wonder if she killed herself or something

>be me, in my mid teens
>have a psycho mom who would lash out at me literally she would go crazy and try to hit me with a belt
>one morning this happens and I try to defend myself, run to the opposite side of a table putting distance between me and her, and grab a knife off a table to protect myself
>keep running around the table for a while until she gives up and calms down
>she attends some self help seminars, one night the group there is having a party and she takes me and my brother along
>she introduces me to some middle aged woman I have no interest in talking to
>middle aged cunt says "oh, are you the kid with the knife?"
>apparently my mom told everyone I pulled a knife on her
>was too much of a sperg with no confidence to think of a good reply, but the injustice of this smug cunt trying to shame me for trying to defend myself pissed me off

Thank God I moved out. Eventually when I got big enough to overpower her she stopped hitting me, only when she knew I wouldn't retaliate, e.g. she was driving and I was in the passenger seat

what a fucking cunt
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Anon wtf hahaha you honestly fucked up how do you even ever recover your dignity after that
That's more rage than autism desu, I'm angered by that. Glad you got out of that mess.
>first time in a year and a half
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oh man this is gold. I imagine she must have just silently started walking towards the sunset until she disappeared

>I still wonder if she killed herself or something
she's probably here on /r9k/
Based as fuck rapist.
Why does stuff like this ne ver happen to me :(

Yeah but it doesn't matter, because "all girls only go for Chads amirite? XD".
Bro plane tickets aren't cheap
Ban this for underage: >>26184266
dude, that excuse was alpha as fuck
This nigga would be great at encrypting messages
based beast, king of /r9k/!
>be in agricultural economics class 20 minutes ago
>weird greasy haired dude wearing a scooter helmet and a hoody even though it's hot out comes in 5 minutes late to every lecture and acts awkward
>going to turn a paper in
>I'm behind him
>he doesn't move in line because he is too busy browsing 4chan on his phone
>I see it's this thread
>I post in this thread

Get a haircut and a new hoody.
And stop coming into the building with your goddamn scooter helmet on for god's sake.

t. Cadet behind you in line
I heard that in germoney you can't question the Holocaust or you get arrested, is that true?
>be me
>8th grade
>fat kid with bowlcut
>crush hard on some stacy
>tell her over text

next day in class

>"haha did you actually mean you love me?"
>"n-no i was just joking hehe"
>"it would be super weird if you weren't"

i lost weight and lift. i could kill her boyfriend with my bare hands if i really wanted to. feels good.
you're an asshole, please go back to /b/
>>have a psycho mom who would lash out at me literally she would go crazy and try to hit me with a belt
Agree with rage not autism.
I hope you stuck your dick in her butt.
denying the Shoa in public can get you up to 5 years, just like saying "sieg heil" and that kind of stuff out loud in public.
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Not him, but I'm a KV and my standards still apply that I will never fuck a fat girl. There's a clear line between that and chubby, which I'm okay with.
Its machine translated
>doing groceries for grandma
>at the cheese guy
>need pecorino
>I think it sounds kinda like kek-orino in my head and it's hilarious
>ask the guy for 200 grams of kekoriino
>he's clearly confused "pecorino?"
>this shits still hilarious in my head
>giggle like a faggot and go "no no, KEK o riino"
>his confusion continues
>I realise I'm just being retarded and making up horrible words out of 4chan slang
>cringe to myself really hard and leave without saying anything
>get the cheese from another store

Welp, maybe there's a cheese man googling for kekorino now.
This is some distilled autism.
isamu pls go
You could've literally grabbed her and kissed her on the spot kek
Im so alone that i dont even have such stories.....
Really nigga? And what would the accusations be? fuck that shit
Almost the same thing here.
>sitting next to qt at uni
>she asks me some questions about what the teacher just said
>I help her to understand and try to be funny by making a joke about it
>she laugh genuinely
>she offer me a clementine, I refuse at first
>realize I wanted it and it's probably a good idea to accept, so I balls up and ask for it again
>try my best not to eat in an autistic way
>continue conversation on random topic, everything is smooth
>class ends, I grab my shits and walk away

Didn't even ask her name. It's been 3 weeks already. We don't sit together anymore.
Man that sounds fucking terrible. Sorry to hear that.
that hits close to home. could feel the cringe
you dont belong in here buddy
but i spilled my beer on screen reading that
well done
Im the same
everytime i touch someone hand
they are like
"how the fuck are your hands so cold?!"
also pale skin
under eyebags
hungry skelleton
I feel like a zombie tbqh familia
>Starts kinda imperceptibly wagging my head and/or body back and forth
were you drunk already
or just autistic?

Not cringe, that's fucking hilarious, putting two rich assholes in their place
>has been working in a tesco for over 5 years now
she's the one that's supposed to be ashamed
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>be at music festival a few years ago
>tripping balls on md with friends
>major balls
>feel thirsty
>go buy a drink then come back to friends
>as i'm drinking it feel too hot
>mouth filled with drink
>put hand in front of mouth
>spit out and shake head
>realise just looked like i threw up on myself
>no idea why I did it
>friend asks me if i'm ok
>eyes twitch in response from too much md
fucking original KEK

what did it say?

original recipe
Bernie Sanders pls go and stay go
Why expect you to pay when she invites you anyway? Glad everyone splits in holland
It's alright anon, I've done the same thing. Except it was with a big booty black woman and I hugged her ass from behind. I want to die

I was eating you asshole. I actually feel sick now.
Same here anon same here..
Screw you dumb ass mute system.>>26206751
when you're one of the best in the world at pretty much anything, poon is guaranteed.
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You faggots want cringe, I''ll give you cringe.

>Be me 16 year 2002
>I'm scared of girls and have only a few friends who I've know since highschool
>They get invited places all the time but never me
>One day receive Chirstmas card from femanon
>She says how my friends are assholes (in a kidding way) and I'm the only cool one.
>She says come to a party she is having during X-Mas break and she'll introduce me to her friends.
>I don't want to go but friend forces me too
>They immediately decide to play truth or dare and everyone sits in a circle
>I say I don't want to play
>They insist
>I refuse and decide to sit directly behind friend.
>I sit there awkwardly behind my friend for almost 2 hours.
>we eventually leave.
>He asks if I'm gay on the way home
>I feel like such shit and play CS all night when I get back.

I could have gotten introduced to some real cuties that night but instead went full beta mode. It's been 14 fucking years and I still regret that night.
might visit my uncle in tenerife this summer, any recommendations?
I know that shit too.
My art teacher talked to my mom several times over me always putting guns and tanks in every picture, sculpture and everything else.
you should have just said 'yeah, what of it or some shit'. you blew the interview anyway.
i feel like you left something out
>Sit next to this girl on Math class
>She asks me whether I went to the previous class, asks to check my notes
>"Yeah sure"
>Next class
>Sit next to her again, she immediately asks whether I have some study guide
> Awkward silence
>"Wanna see it?"
> She turns around
>Never talks to me again

I don't know who's the cringiest one here, I realized too late that she probably just wanted to talk to me, but she looked pretty shy and probably didn't know how to start a conversation.

She was fat, in case you're self-inserting into the story.
>a girl I had a crush on in flirted with me
>I did not respond reciprocally
>watched her sing with someone else on stage at talent show

>mom and her coworker had a meeting
>I had to wait outside alone with coworker's pretty daughter, 1 yr my junior
>avoided eye contact and did not speak to her for the entire 40 minutes

>finally a close lady friend showed interest in me one night while drunk in HS
>makes out with me
>passes the fuck out on me
>no rocking will wake her
>I stay til morning next to her
>never has there been a more awkward morning
>she is still with the guy she started dating the next month
Fuck off you normalfag.
Nah dw I did this to a few people in my final year. She'll probably find it funny when she looks at it again.
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>Be me leaving uni lecture hall
>been talking to qt3.14
>try to push the door open as I'm walking out to so it won't close on her
>hand misses
>slaps her hand away from the door
>mumble sorry and power walk away

This life is hell.
Jesus fucking christ anon, what were you thinking?
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Oh wow. I could feel that cringe/awkwardness from here.
how about no fagot
>you don't want anybody to be nice to you because you never even liked yourself

That explains a lot about myself and the life I lead.

Maybe I will get that swastika tattoo.
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>be me
>standing in circle of people
>8.5/10 qt3.14 among people
>she's obsessed with me, has told me multiple times she wants to have sex with me, wants me to drive her around, go out, etc
>I'm so ashamed of myself I can't even look at her
>I've only really talked to her online but a little bit in real life when I mustered enough balls
>she asks me why I did that
>happens again a few other times
>she gives up on me
>shows up at prom a few months later with chad
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>be freshmen
>go to dance
>monster tits SR 8/10 dances with me all night
>she rubs my dick and sings in my ear all night
>her freshman sister 7/10 wants to dance as well, dance with her she rubs my cock with her body
>dance is finally over
>anon why don't you come back to our house and hang out with my sister and I and they will take me home later
>tell them my dad is coming to pick me up
>they tell me to call him
>I tel them I don't have a quarter (before cellphones)
>they tell me to tell him when he shows up
>both girls are giving me bedroom eyes
>my dad shows up, I tell them bye and go home and play Nintendo
>two years later I want to kill my self for being so dumb
>be me couple months ago
>work at chinese restaraunt
>not just delivery guy but very close with family and work all day doing everything
>tutoring little kid
>theres a customer that always comes in and is super nice to the kid, buys pokemon cards and stuff, awesome guy, , i happen to know his full name from credit card purchases and stuff just glancing at his name. and it's a super cool name, like memorably cool. the kid is having trouble with reading and i was having him write things, so he wrote my name, my friends name, his dads name, his brothers name, then i was like "write [CUSTOMERS NAME]" and the customer was standing right behind me like "oh....alright"

my cock goes into my chest when that guy comes in now
>yfw Chad helped you have an excuse to grab a tit you'd never have gotten to grab otherwise
All part of his plan.
Not green texting this.. All through my teens I was incredibly popular with girls. My family was very wealthy, I was tall, I showed horses and I was around horse girls 24x7. I had girls throwing themselves at me. I literlaly could have been fucking girls all the time. I never made a single move and generally disregarded every girl that gave me attention. 10 years later and I am still a kissless virgin.
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Are you retarded or just stupid
totally underrated m8
Maybe he just like cocks
when I was around 12 y.o. I thought I drew relatively well, compare to other 12 y.o.

so I drew and drew, the horniness and the art mixed, and twisted

for some reason I wasn't ashamed, I showed every piece to my family members after completion

it makes cringe to look back
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can't you just tell her sorry?
Tough it out for your bro, he'd be even sadder without you.
is she hot-fat or non hot-fat?
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because anthrax doesnt exist
they can literally pack anthrax in your anal toy shipment box
Being afraid of anthrax is autistic. If you start thinking like that you can talk yourself out of literally everything because you might die.

My mother died from cancer in 2010. I don't know that you ever get over it completely. A couple times a year I still dream about her and wake up in tears. But it gets easier. It never stops being terrible, but it becomes a sort of terrible background fact of the universe that you just accept. It's just part of the worldstate you're working from, like your height or where you were born.

A couple of months ago, my father gave me the local newspaper from the day I was born. She'd been saving it, and he was finally clearing out her old stuff. He finally felt up to it.

Back when she was sick he talked about killing himself, but he's doing much better now. He's got a new woman in his life and she seems pretty good for him. My brother got married and has a kid. I wish my mother could have come to his wedding and met her granddaughter. But I know that ending things just because she wouldn't be around to see them would be the worst possible way to honor her memory. She'd want us to go on and to be as happy as we can. I'm sure your mother wants that for you too.
This. Every time my headphones get unplugged from my phone I cringe to a whole new level. Mainly cause I listen to shit that makes normies flip.
Satan grants you mercy.
I'm rarely post so excuse me if my greentext is little awful.
>be me about a month ago
>go to Wendy's
>tell the female cashier what I want to order
>she takes an awkward pause and asks what soda I wanted
>go back later for a frosty for my little brother
>guy cashier says "sorry, we don't serve those here"
>I take a pause and frown and say "oh."
>guy then says "just kidding, heh"
>I fake a chuckle out of politeness
>female cashier steps in and calls him a douchebag and says it wasn't funny to say that
>she asks me if I'm okay
>I kind of don't know what to say and just say thanks
I rarely*
what's cringy about it?

How I wasn't able to speak or have a sense of humor.
you don't have to

if you feel like you absolutely need to, practice bit by bit and do it
at least you have trips
I fucking hated AP Lang, some Muslim chick carried me the whole year. I passed the AP test surprisingly.
This cringe was out of my control but nevertheless

>Be me, Junior in High School
>Go on band trip to another big High School for some show
>Sit with friends
>Bathroom break, everyone leaves except me, 9th grade Sax players(I was one myself so they know me), and a few others
>Sitting by myself and I notice 2 girls from another school staring at me
>Look up, start chatting
>One was a 7, other was prob a 4
>Move down a few rows to talk closer/flirt
>Redneck freshmen fags say stupid shit like
>They are sneaking pasta into my pockets
>Everyone else is coming back from the bathroom now
>"Well I uh... I guess it will start soon... uh Ill talk later
>Never do
Fucking everyone saw it but at least the blame wasn't on me. Fuck freshmen.
>go to school everyday with a homemade konoha forehead protector that I used to cover my left eye
>it was my mom's sleeping mask
>exam day
>can't solve one of the problems
>pull up my forehead protector revealing my sharingan that I drew on my eyelid with red and black sharpies
>weave tiger sign
>yell "sharingan!"
>pretend to write stuff without looking at the paper
I was in 8th grade
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>>get designated captain of the party for some reason
>be on mushrooms
>can feel the energy flowing through the room
>people telling me to leave if I don't want to stay for the orgy
>I feel like I can do it. Pull off some cool social stunts
>suddenly it's like go time and I can feel the energy arcing around trying to attach to something new, specifically me breaking through
>cute gender neutral leads me out, they are still pretending that they're not about to have a transcendent sexual experience while I'm going home alone again
>goes into car, when i turn the corner I hear a car door slam and steps running up to the apartment
I cringe every time
>high school
>always alone and look sad but dont give a shit
>one day look worse than usual
>10/10 tries to cheer me up
>walks up to me and smiles
>"Hi anon!"
>I try to say hi
Im a very quiet talker so she hears nothing
>stare at her for a few seconds while she looks confused and surprised
>she smiles again and says hi
>mumble hi again but this time nervous as fuck so even worse
>she looks even more confused
>go and sit down
>she comes close
>"whats up?"
>"are you ok?"
>"im good"
She didnt hear that either so she just asked my Chad brother if im fine and he said yes(he didnt give two shits). I dont think she talked to me again since that.
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I got a couple

>be sophomore in HS
>In gym class
>playing table tennis in the school's smaller gym
>most kids have stopped playing by now and socializing
>play alone with half a table up
>group of qts approach me
>one hands me a letter, doesn't say who it's from
>it's a love letter to me
>spaghetti immediately, can't even respond to them
>they literally mob me as I run off to a bathroom, asking if I like the person back
>hide out in BR until they dispurse
>run off to main gym, wait there until period ends
>one of the teachers asks why I left, had to imply someone was bullying me

Not quite as cringworthy but related:
>be senior
>in a club, first one I'd ever attended in school
>socializing with three girls, including oneitis
>hear they were talking about me with other people
>ask why, they say it's because of how "shady" I am
>eventually conversation shifts to who people "like"
>one girl asks who I like, I do the ol' "like? Like, like like. Like like like?" deflect
>leave shortly after, on way home decide it's just easier to act like i'm aesexual

>now 18, still a KV
>life is suffering
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I got one. I'm not good at green texting so I'll try:

>be me a few months ago
>get back to my apartment after long day of work
>open the door and the smell of mary jane instantly fills my nose
>past all the smoke is my room mate Christopher Poole is smoking ~20 bongs
>before I could ask him to quit his bullshit he asks me to check out how to site is going
>gives me his keys to his room
>as I open the door I have to get past his massive dildo collection
>get to his cum covered crusty shitty computer and open up his site
>on his dumb site he calls himself "moot"
>a steam notification comes up and someone called "Hiro" tells me that he was suppose to have ownership over my mates site a while ago
>me, being the good boy I am tell him that he shall gain access to it
>the next day I hear a loud scream come from my mates room
>come in fast and see his computer
>his beloved site was turned into a chink trash simulator
>anime and futanari everywhere
>moot realizes it was me who caused all the trouble
>poole rapes me everynight from then on
>implying 4chan was ever anything other than an anime and futa Sim
People forget that 4chan started out as an anime discussion website
It's okay, we're all Hollowed here.
I forgot, eh.
>watching wrestling on lazy day of Gym class in 10th grade
>sitting with two losers and a chad
>blurt out "when you overpower someone and it feels sexual, that means you're a lover not a fighter"
>chad says "more like a FAGGOT. HAHAHA"
>rest of the year everyone thought I was gay and weird
>actual gay dude hit on me

never again, man..
>be me,15
>walking in mall with friend
>see this qt we knew from a somewhat double date we had the year before
>she sees us too
>she texts friend after she leaves asking why didn't we come talk to her
>she tells friend she wants to talk me
>oh fuck a 9/10 wants to talk to me
>talk for a few days, she confesses feelings for me
>my friend sets up another double date
>shaky as fuck for days
>the day is finally here, tell myself to stay calm and be smooth
>we meet up with the qts and I'm already being a fucking autist
>we pick movie
>go in and sit beside her
>literally sit in silence and there are only two other people in the theater
>shes tries to talk to me but I clam up, pretend to have a call from mother
>speed walk out of theater
>try to get myself together
>go back in and sit beside qt
>pretends to fall asleep
>sit there with eyes closed for the rest of the movie
>movie is over we go to the arcade room
>keep walking in and out
>she tries to talk to me again, I say nothing
>father arrives
>leave without even saying bye or anything
>she never texts me again

still regret to this day
>be senior
>6/10 girl been miring me all year
>she tells me she wants to go prom with me
>shes not ugly but not really hot and smells a little weird
>despite this has the greatest ass known to man
>one day after class, just got a haircut, dressed up pretty good
>starts flirting with me
>"anon you look really cute today"
>"haha thanks"
>"so anon...what do you want to do to me?"
>confused, instantly freeze up, dont even know what to say
>some beta sperglord watching me in disbelief because he wants to fuck the shit out of her and talks to her everyday and shes begging for my d
>"haha i dont know"
>her expression changes from interest to annoyance and she just walks away
>she literally offered her pussy on a platter
>no other girl goes to prom with me, go to prom alone
>never get laid
>invite a girl I liked to go see a show
>she doesn't want to go
>goes alone
>some girls kept starring in the beginning of the show
>thought about going to talk to them, but didn't
>after the show she comes up to me and says that one of her friends is interested in me
>asks who
>she says it's her
>instinctively ask her: "are you trolling me?"

I hope this is fake. Otherwise you must have autism.
this chick that i use to hangout with (at some groupthingy) once told me that i would make a really good "gay friend"

wow, all that, and all you got to do was jerk on her shoes. I've never understood this. Hell, I'll suck a girl's feet while fucking her, I'll even suck her toes as foreplay, but a shoe?
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>12th grade
>Girl really liked me
>She was out of my league (I was maybe a 6/10, she was an 8/10)
>Every day she would send clear as fuck messages that only I could misread, or not even see to begin with
>She'd walk with me to class while holding my arm, laugh at pretty much everything I did and said, and say my name a lot
>One day my friend sitting close by asks me if I am retarded
>Says she clearly likes me and tells me to stop being a faggot and ask her out
>Bear in mind I was completely blind to this until my friend had to tell me, it was all sudden as fuck and I had no time to plan at all
>Next class the usual motions happen, she walks with me, talks with me the whole time etc.
>Near the end I finally start to ask her out
>"You uh haha maybe uh"
>"What are you saying, anon?"
>"Haha nevermind."
>Literally never get another chance at a gf again
This was painful to read. Sorry anon
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>Be me
>Be first year of school
>Be standing in line to go in
>Always chomped on the girls hair in front of me
I really don't know why I did it. It still makes me cringe to this day.
Hahahaha what
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>sitting with some friends eating lunch, culinary school so we had some prime fucking stuff
>mad bantz at our table and i said something along the lines of
>''If (blank) wasn't (blank) I'd kill myself''
>bantz continues
>few seconds later, get water thrown on the back of my head
>one of the hamplanets of the class starts yelling at me that i shouldn't say 'suicide' or 'kill myself' because her dad killed himself

Found out later that he killed himself about a month after she was born.
>mfw i realize she was a contributing factor to his death
>gym class
>throw the smallest, hardest ball at qt azn girls midsection
>she bends forward
>blood everywhere
>ball breaks her nose
I once pissed myself in the middle of my friends living room when I was about 12 years old
>at former workplace
>shift just ended and i was standing next to some fat guy that literally smelled of piss and a shirt that was drenched in sweat, allowed to dry, then re-heated and sweated
>lasted for two hours
>had to turn my head to breathe
>sitting during lunch with my back to the wall, talking with friends
>talking about the way he smelled and how fucking bad it was
>hear footsteps a few meters behind me and see a few startled eyes darting from my friends as i am mid sentence
>''-and the fish over there were just awesome, but the guy who i bought them from really needed a shower''
>cold sweat as i bluffed to the best of my ability
>get a whiff of the air without turning around
>it's the guy
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this thread still goin
whoa lads gj

I got pretty recent story maybe 2 weeks ago
>drinking with my buddy in pub
>buch of chicks invite us to their table
>we drink and talk for few hours
>decided to change place
>they can't agree as where to go
>i got angry and go to my fav pub nearby, by myself
>spoke to bartender, sat alone got some beer
>like 20mins later they all come there and ask wtf am i doing
>told em to fuck off
>they cringe but agree to stay there
>ask me to join em at their table (bigger one) in another room
>tell em ok, but stay at my table (which is small for 2ppl max)
>5 mins later they all come to my table and pull extra chairs
>finnished my beer went to toilet to pee
>peed and went home

Didn't even feel bad.
Whats wrong me with me?
Damn you could have done almost everything right then. Could have pulled your cock out and make her suck like a filthy bueckstueck.

>go out to the local pub by myself
>should have been studying
>i usually sit by myself brooding, and listening to my music with my hood up
>everyone knows i'm a loner
>i'm quite a big lad so people tend to leave me be
>go outside for a smoke
>open the door to go back inside
>two lads are attempting to go outside
>they offer to let me go first
>i stand there
>i try and be polite, and try to offer them to go past me first
>then i realize that words aren't coming out of my mouth
>awkward silence
>but intense stares
>suddenly i sense words forming
>i can see the impatience in their eyes
>the sounds start to manifest
>i feel them leave my mouth from my throat
>i was hoping when the sounds were pieced together they would say 'its alright, you first m8'
>instead i harness the spirit of Chewbacca: "HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>they say "thanks m8" and quickly walk past
>i go inside
>start getting paranoid about how much of an autist everybody will think i am now
>i'm not capable of socially communicating something as basic as opening a door for someone else
47 keks of grey, had me going for a little
You're in the right here anon, that fatass heard what he needed to. I anything he should thank you for opening his eyes
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>>"honestly not very much, no"
>>"me neither, I thought you'd like it"
it's too much holy fukc
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>game boy color
>asked oneitis to prom through text
>she responds 3 days later
>an astounding no
>she breaks her ankle or something and in her prom pics she's wearing a giant foot cast thing
>i laugh and go to prom at different high school

i never went to my own prom. fuk it
Perkele Pekka.
Everyone tells the joke that op tried to tell though. Except a normal person just says "whelp gonna have to take you out back and put you down" upon learning of the leg injury. There's no need to even say the word horse because it's already known.
>lost property
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>two years ago
really, who the fuck cares if their family member dies past 6 months.
This was good
>started Uni last year.
>normie house mate convinces me to go to a local pub for a pint
>takes me to a shit club instead
>pull up seat on same table as these 3 girls
>get talking
>7/10 bit chubby is into me grabbing my hand and asking me loads of questions
>squeeze my sweaty hand away from her
>autistically deflect questions and give no answers
>she is obviously getting creeped out at the point
>my friend ditches me with one of her buddies to go for a smoke
>her other friend takes the girl to the toilet with her
>sit alone at the table
>for 15 minutes
>go to find my friend and see girls on another table on other side of bar
>friend is outside and said he left because the girl was into me and he was giving me a chance to get closer
>fake stomach ache and go home
>haven't been out since
Is not always the case
All their efforts were in vein
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>freshman highschooler
>get on bus
>some whale sits next to me
>lean head against window and look out of the window
>"hi my name is (forgot name)"
>she sticks her hand out to shake
>im forced to shake her hand and i just say my name and look back out window
>so, what grade are you i-"
>mfw this bitch is still talking
>too beta to tell her to stop so i reluctanty answer her questions
>this fat bitch tries to get my number but i say i forgot it
>give her a lethal dose of morphine instead
>thought she would only sit there once
>bitch does it again the next day
>mfw she was too fat for the dosage
>after that they i just zoom to the back of the bus to hide
>should've dosed myself
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But this was already posted?
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i rate this 5/5
it went through the robot therefore it's original. :^)
have a uni interview at Imperial, wish me luck fellow robots
>be me
>be 9-11 years old
>surprisingly mature for my age and extremely greedy
>have this thing at my school where you throw caramels at the 9th graders last day
>1st-4th graders collect all the caramel wrappers
>which ever class gets the most caramel wrappers wins a shitty bag of shitty candy
>my class haven't won yet (i'm in 2-3rd grade at the time)
>really wanna fucking win
>go into all the classes and steal their wrappers
>doing it at recess so nobody spots me going into all the classec cause everyone is outside
>about halfway, walking down the hall
>immediately stop and look down at the bags.
>over 9000 caramel wrappers
>"im stealing fucking caramel wrappers"
>drop them and go play outside like a normal kid
Holy shit are you guys me?
Dude I used to get in so much trouble for that shit it lasted pretty much my entire time in school. I used to have like a bunch of drawings of tanks and gasmasks and when it wasn't that it was brutal medieval battles where the bloody bodies of hundreds of knights lay dead defending the king. I actually got really good at drawing because of it but I cringe sometimes at it. One time I got sent to the principal because they thought I was going to slash up the school after I wrote an article about melee weapon laws.
This is the only opportunity I've ever had and probably the last, but I fucked it up.
>be 18, get dragged to a thanksgiving dinner by my family
>it's a big thing, friends of my parents and sister are there
>suddenly, I see a girl who used to be in my class in 4th and 5th grade, that I hadn't seen ever since
>she's become a stunning, tall, objectively 9/10 qt, pretty much my ideal girl
>on the other hand I'm 5/10 on a good day and I feel like dying when I realize she's actually as tall as me (5'9)
>I'm not sure what to do but I miraculously manage to not spill spaghetti during the night
>as I'm leaving I muster up the courage to ask her for her number
>during the following weeks I can't stop thinking about this and how to not fuck it up, considering that she's clearly out of my league
>I ask her out on a first date, goes well, make her laugh and all but nothing happens
>then on a second date we hang out in the city and just walk around
>we're having a good time at first but I'm barely sustaining a conversation, I'm just asking her stuff about her with no real purpose since I'm not used to long social interaction
>she's cool and goes with it, but at one point tells me (jokingly) that I don't say much about myself
>it gets worse and by the end of the day she clearly makes allusions to my introversion
>I don't know what to say since I'm tired as fuck and just want to be alone
>I walk her back to her place, and suddenly it's the both of us alone in silence, in front of her apartment door
>my heart starts racing, the awkwardness kicks in and I just stand there like a faggot while trying to make eye contact
>this goes on for around four seconds
>suddenly she goes "okaaay then" and we just say goodbye
>later I apologize by text about being silent and awkward, she tells me it's fine
>I try to take her out for a third time and she says she can't
>texts me "another time perhaps, bro"
>never texted her again

I'm so fucking retarded
>be 15 year old fembot in marching band
>have a crush on nerdy senior guy who is into anime and vidya, justlikeme.jpg
>on a bus for a band trip, my friends know i like him and switch around the assigned seats for me so i can sit next to him
>we start watching anime on his phone, sharing earbuds, it gets cold and he shares his blanket with me
>i snuggle up to him a little bit and fall asleep, i'm so happy i'm experiencing this moment
>next part of my memory of this, we stop at a gas station for food and break
>he's standing around with his other cool senior friends
>my heart gets all fluttery and i walk up to him, waiting patiently to have my turn to talk to him
>eventually his senior friends start eyeballing me with annoyance
>he turns to me after i've interrupted them too much with my presence
>"what the fuck do you want, femanon? i'm busy"
>other kids snicker
>i slink away to the bathroom and cry
>he doesn't even look at me for the rest of the trip
>bullies me and is mean and rude to me for the rest of the year, while still being nice to everyone else

Maybe I drooled on him or something? I don't know. I will never know
his friends probably gave him shit for hanging out with you.
He was just being an asshole and wanted to appear cool in front of the other guys, there's no reason to tell you that unless you really did something offensive which doesn't seem to be the case

Drooling isn't offensive and most normal people would just laugh it off or enjoy it, I would
>be me
>be 9-11
>allahu ackbar

On a related note
>be me
>be 7-11
>thank you come again
>Girl has tits hanging out
>complains that people look at her tits

>at family christmas lunch
>there's two first courses
>you're supposed to eat a bit of both
>first course is some kind of fish
>dont have any problem with fish
>want to save my appetite for the meat on the second course
>dont put any fish on my plate
>too autistic to say i just want meat
>too afraid other people will think "LOL YOUNG DUDES DONT LIKE FISH LOL" that thing
>dont eat fish
>too autistic to stop caring
>dont eat meat either
>fake being sick
>dont eat anything until dinner at like midnight
>I post on this thread
>everyone else stops posting

That's the real cringe right there.
That just makes it worse, how could he act like this to me like a dirty fucking Chad??
thats some advanced autismo tbqh pham
Don't act entitled
He was an asshole so you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him in the first place, stop whining
>autistic 11 year old grill camping with my family
>bored, riding bike around campground, see karaoke under pavilion
>4 teenage girls hanging out doing karaoke, one old man controlling it for them
>sit there silently staring at them while they sing
>request a song from the old man and go up to sing
>they're all staring at me
>sing "Don't Worry Be Happy" in an exaggerated Jamaican accent
>girls silent the entire time, not even laughing just staring at me

My memory on what happened after is fuzzy but holy shit I can't hear that song without flinching in emotional pain. I'd frequently do shit like walking behind people/standing outside their group staring at them until they'd either yell at me or start making fun of me. I haven't improved much sadly
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>mandatory army service
>innawoods, my turn for a night guard outside
>go take a slav shit a 100 meters outside my post
>while shitting, I see the "enemy" sneaking close by preparing to attack our camp
>I go in full panic mode because this is happening during my shift
>try to get my gear back on quickly as possible, don't wipe my ass
>slip and fall to my own shit
>my whole back is covered in shit
>don't care, run to my tent, silently wake them up
>wait outside for them
>we start flanking them
>get close enough only to realise they're our own guys setting up their camp
>we sneak back to tent so we don't look like retards
>at the tent, guys realise I'm covered in shit and reek horribly
>too autistic to explain what happened properly
>they force me to sleep outside
>mfw listening for hours at them coming up with nicknames for me
>we still had 2 nights to go
>mfw I sleep those outside too

At least they were nice enough to not tell the whole company about it, or at least nobody gave me any shit about it and in the army you get shit for anything so this makes me believe this remained as a secret between our group.
Story of my life. I'm a robot to the robots
How ? I say that kind of thing all the time and the class just laugh it off you must be creepy as fuck to get this kind of reaction
How ? I say this kind of thing all the time and the class just laugh it off you must be creepy as fuck to get this kind of reaction
what's up elliot rodgers
Will you marry me and do jamaican accents all day? I don't care that you're mtf
Someone post that greentext from /r9k/ it was about robot going to cinema with a girl and saying I will just pop that here or something like that when he touched her leg
Everytime I take the bus there is always a little girl staring at me trying her hardest not to blink, she don't even look down when I make eye contact with her it is really annoying and the worst type of social awkwardness
You're the awkward one in that situation, govna.
She's alpha as fuck.