Requesting a robot who knows a thing or two about heavy feels.

>>26134839
Please don't do this me guys

Green text the story and people will sympathize

>>26134839
I'm not that deep in but

>pissed entire life away
Frightens me the most.

>>26135310
I don't know what to say.. fuck if I can talk to people it's why I'm after the same type of messed up consoling.

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>>26134839
Idk Hop on a freight train

>>26134839
http://outofthefog.website/what-it-feels-like/
read up well.
the only one who will ever help you is yourself.

I'm trying to post but I don't want to be a faggot. inb4 too late

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>>26135424
shut up.
grass is always greener is a load of shit.
>>26134839
be nihilist accept things only have the meaning you give them, and that people are terrible but you are your own worst enemy and your own best friend.
you could run and hide. you could OD. you could never go outside or see anyone. but you do it to yourself. Every short coming in the world is the result of someones inadequacy, so its not ALL on you, but you are still very accountable. don't drift is just lets your past haunt you, your most likely to come to terms with shit when its still a part of your world.
death is a tragic reality. homelessness is a fucked experience. idk how old you are or what resurces there are for you, but do try to avoid the other homeless, you cant afford to get fucked over, or look after someone you feel sorry for. poverty is workable, just learn your foodbanks and shelters and you wont starve, and and cash you hustle can be used for things loike a bedroll or whatever is a priority purchase.
everyone pussy's out on suicide attempts, the only succesful suicides are those where the action was so drastic that there is no undoing it by the time the will to live kicks in. besides suicide by definition prevents things from getting better, rather it precludes the possibility of that ever happening.
I wont share stories, but I know 7 dead people, two were close and one was senpai. I am street ( you dont forget those times.) homeless and on the street for 5-6 years on and off, spend 4 winters outside. I didnt even have welfare or anything for the first few cause I was too young to be eligable. I tried to snuff it a few times too.
Idk if any of this does anything for you. irrelevant of whether anyone else in this thread takes this shit seriously, even you op, if this is bait then fuck you,, but I swear that I'm no RP fag and that I will monitor this thread for like 20-ish and answer any not revealing questions.

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>>26134839
I've tried to commit suicide and it was the biggest mistake I almost made in my life. The most important thing you need to understand about a suicidal ideation is when you think about killing yourself you're doing so because you're depressed and all of your thought processes and modes of reasoning are severely warped. It's like using a calculator that's giving you false results. According to Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology our thoughts influence our actions and our actions influence our thoughts, so when we become depressed we need to do things to try to elevate our mood. If when depressed you don't do anything but think about how bad your life is you're creating a self-reinforcing cycle wherein you're making yourself more depressed. So find something to do like watching a movie, browsing the internet or playing a video game to preoccupy your attention with something other than thinking pessimistically and since you're doing something you enjoy you'll also be elevating your mood in the process. Doing so is known as behavior activation, and it's difficult to do at first, but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

If you don't have a girl friend or a social life find things that you can value aside from sex or doing things with friends. Try taking up a new hobby like Programming, Chess, playing a musical instrument, drawing, Creative Writing or anything else that requires skill which you can be proud of yourself for mastering. Don't think in terms of "should" like "I should have a gf" or whatever and instead deal with the way things are, and find things you can value and accomplish instead of the things you can't. Think positive and be thankful for the things you have rather than feel bad about the things you don't.

>>26134839
Probably it will be light shit compared to yuors, but still.
>25 y/o
>Have computer sciense degree
>didn't go for related job after university because of the work of my dream: blacksmithing
>it was the best time of my life, but due to awful management of my boss i had to change this job
>tried to get an IT job for a year
>didn't make it
>disappoint my parents
>moved to another country to do a shittiest manual labour because salaries in my country africa tier
>have autism since i remember myself
>no light at the end of the tunnel
>drink every day now
>it don't help anymore
>what do

>>26134839
I deal with these things everyday. The only thing I can tell you is that we are indoctrinated since we are little to think that we need to fulfill a standart of living to be happy or succesful.Most people who follow that path end up miserable when they are old and full of regret. Killing yourself is not a crazy idea,but sadly,it won't solve anything.You are still part of this world. It's difficult to explain it. I think that the ride never ends.never.

>>26136255
It's not bait, I'm just rambling and none of it sounds right.
Here's the only thing I can say:
> being a self-imposed autist fucked up my childhood
> having a codependent single father fucked up my adolescence
> his unwillingness to let me explore who I was means I have no fucking clue how to stand alone and decide for myself
>This morning, I froze up in the store at 23 years old because he asked me to buy Gain, but they were out. I didn't know if I should buy Downy or nothing but it seemed like he would guaranteed flip shit either way so it took me 8 minutes to decide.
> I am a 23 KV who lives at home, doesn't go out and doesn't trust anyone. I've never taken a road trip, I've never had friends come get me on a whim, I did nothing with permission from dad my entire life.
> Last year, we discover he has the big C, stage three
> He doesn't have anyone, just me. I am his caretaker and only soul who is aware he is sick.
> Been his maid and confidante for 13 months so far, last cycle is in March?
> He's tired, I'm fucking tired, he knows I'm tired and I feel guilty
> I'm tired of not knowing how this will go; should it go south I'm entirely fucked.
> I don't know shit about the world, I don't have support, friends or the love of family
> Feel resentment because he fucking cucked my life and now I'm going to be lost and alone with no skills whatsoever
> I just wanted to be a normal person and I was never normal by any stretch but maybe I could have changed but now I will never have this sense of normalcy
I'm a fucking faggot. I'm sorry.

>>26136661
ce faci frate?

>>26136815
>I'm a fucking faggot. I'm sorry
ur rite

>>26136815
Please someone at least tell me if I'm justified

>>26136815
My best friend lost his father last year.
I never lost anyone but I experienced depression for 3 years and tryed to kill myself
It got so bad that I sent half of the last year in bed only getting out to eat and shit
My best friend was there with me tho, tryed getting me outside and making me play wow to distract me
When his father died I stayed a total of two days
I'm a piece of shit but he was OK, surrounded by friends and I didn't have any money left on me
At least I visited him, I was the only one from out friend group

>>26137969
You gotta reach out to your friend and tell him you're sorry.

>>26138122
It was a year ago, he wasn't mad either I just remember everyone asking why was I leaving so soon
Worst part is his mother left the country so he kind of lost all his family
I'm planing on making it up to him by helping him get his ged tho

>>26137719
fuck off you're a faggot
>>26137969
this little cunt too

>>26136255 Returning.

>>26136524 Very Yes. Solid advice for anyone in thread.

>>26136661 euro bro, I assume, so i can't speak to some stuff but shop that resume around more, maybe polish it up a bit. keep searching for blacksmith, or a metallurgist, or best yet talk to the programmer and blacksmith in japan who legit make a mech, see if they need a dude of your inclinations. dont be a an alcoholic mess. don't give up so easy.

>>26136815
I said 20 minutes, went and make a delicious brie and egg sammy. Things like that are important, I try not to take the tack of >>26136524 because while its really solid, it doesnt come off in a way that makes people repeptive, even if opened with a personal experience, but in the medical jargon they call what >>26136524 is talking about a few things, and amoungst the mindfulness techniques there is also this thing called self care, and it basically means just doing things you like that are enriching, it doesnt have to be a daily painting session, is can be taking the time to make yourself a nice meal, and not going for the "sketti'n'buttah"

but real shit, go see a psych(iatrist), and even if their a dildo, push till they give you lorazepam or something, this won't happen first session so bear with it, but if shits rough, you have anxiety, or lots of bad memories shit like that helps, it doesnt solve anything but it makes coping easier, and once you have a mechanism like that, pot doesnt count cause functional daytime smokers are rare, and as a canada fag I can say that. but start with simple things you can do on the daily to help make it more bearable, and from there start making bigger goals, like one thing for every day, one for each week, and a month goal. like i said i dont like putting the advice out there in this manner as it comes of rather pandering to me, but resist the urge to say fuck off, and go with it. I wont tell you how to handle your dad cause mine wasn't a big part of my life, but you need to find purpose

>>26138511
your not helping anyone yeah, get your kicks shitting on shitty people on a shitty site like reddit, faggot.

My dad and older brother died when I was five years old. They drowned. My earliest memory is sitting in the grass outside my house, watching the shoes my brother died in drying on the clothesline.

>>26138780
I feel like I've been doing self-care for a while. I'm barely functional, but I do function. Self-care has been getting the meat lover's pizza, creating a waifu, and most recently avoiding my dad as he needs me the most. My version of self-love is tainted, even if I tried changing and taking control it just feels like punishment and abandoning my father.

I'm gonna try and sum up my life without being too biased
>Grew up pretty intelligent
>Everything just came to me easier than everyone else
>Elementary school
>Always had trouble making friends
>Was bullied
>Few friends
>Middle School
>bullying worse
>Called a faggot and shit
>three friends, one girl and two guys who I was p. close with
>high school
>still friends with that one girl
>drifted apart from other two guys because we lived further apart
>mostly very good grades though
>good SAT scores good AP scores etc
>Apply for top tier schools and get accepted to none of them (even guidance counselor was surprised desu)
>I think it may be due to my lack of being on any sports teams or clubs or jobs, basically as a result of me being so lonely and depressed
>end up going to a private college and getting in debt
>At first make friends with fellow spergs
>After a few months of hanging with them realize that they don't really like me.
>I'm never texted and no one ever asks where i am etc
>later make friends with stoners
>alpha and alpha jr of the group always puts me down
>if I ever say anything back "lol calm down it was just a joke"
>they think I'm asleep and they're straight up talking shit about me in my own dorm room
>totally had enough
>scream my lungs out, threaten to fight him
>after that never hang with them again
>awkward because one of them is my roommate :^) mfw
>guy who i normally got along with just ignored me
>really hurt desu

continued in next post

>>26139672
>eventually try to get in with the straight up druggie crew
>one guy I get really close with
>he's a huge degenerate who I do all the fucking drugs in the world with
>we become SUPER, super close
>Switch colleges
>I'm basically a poly-drug addict now
>He was a literal psychopath who was manipulating me the entire time because he saw my loneliness and it made me an easy target
>The only true friend I thought I had can't even feel emotions
>forgot to mention, the one girl I was friends with in middle/high school became a Stacy slut who fucked my other friend
>Addicted to drugs, no job, no friends, in college though. decent grades tho
>family hates me for being a druggie with no job

how fucked up is my life on a scale of 1-10

>>26139706
Awwww you poor wittle victim you can't get a break can you? :(
How about you stop talking about yourself like you were a passive bystander on your life? It's a coping mechanism you know? And it won't get you anywhere in life