>diagnosed with clinical depression during first year of college
>dad suggests I take a break from school for a while
>move back in with him
>was in a low mood today
>he gets mad that I'm sad and tells me it's my own fault I have depression and that I'm making the whole family uncomfortable
>he tells me not to look/act depressed in front of him
What the fuck? No one understands depression unless they've had it
>isolating yourself further
why the fuck would you take advice from that idiot?
Anon, I know you're going through a hard time. Believe me, I really do! But there is a way to make it all better. Do you want to know? You have to kill him, Anon! You have to show him who's in charge! I believe in you. We all believe in you. Do the right thing Anon, for me?
I play awake all night trying to grasp the concept of death, just imaginings thousand ways to die and how each would feel
An arrow through the lung would be full of pain and choking on blood
Being brained by a falling rock would be a quick snap into death or a short period where your damaged brain takes you on a trip
Starvation would slowly take you, towards the end you'd feel euphoricand in touch with God but this is just a malfunction of the brain
Asian family here so it doesn't work like that.
I don't wanna live but I don't even have the willpower to kill myself. I don't feel anything but sadness
He keeps telling me I have depression because I don't believe in god and he's making me pray for 15 mins every morning. He always thinks he's a doctor or something
Hello, I have depression too and also moved back in with my parents, and they keep telling me to "just pull yourself together". I can't really help you with your situation but I thought it might comfort you to know that this seems to be happening to a lot of depressed people ^-^
He probably does have it is why he's mad.
He's had to get through some hard long days with real concerns compounding his mental state while you sit around leaving easy feeling sorry for yourself.
I told my mom I was depressed once and she said 'What you don't think everyone else is. Go outside'. Actually helped alot.
depression is a sane reaction to modern domesticated living.
>tfw beaten depression 2 years ago
>tfw realized I have a great life
>happy ever since
Almost the same thing happened to me.
After 2 years in college, it was absolutely clear to me that
1. I'm too poor to afford living normally without having a job. the money my mother sends me just aren't enough.
2. I'm not interested in my degree
3. I'm too socially isolated and depressed to stay here
So what do I do? I gather my courage and tell my mother.
But she doesn't take no for an answer.
I must get my degree, I must push on etc etc.
She was a complete bitch, but at the time I couldn't see it.
It was all about her. How could she brag that her son is an engineer if I drop out?
And me having a job? That's just an insult to her.
That would imply she doesn't send me enough money.
So she convinced me to ignore all problems and stay at uni.
I became a shut-in neet, being terribly depressed, spending 2 years doing nothing in my dorm room. I passed 1 course over that period, and that was by accident.
So after 4 years in total, I decide it's time to stop this. I felt physically and mentally sick.
So I get my shit together, and I move back to my hometown.
I tell my mother that I want to get a job, maybe start a small business when I gather enough money.
I had a plan, I was confident.
I told her about my depression. I told her I was stuck at a dead end.
I hoped that she would help me. She said she would support me.
But of course she didn't.
In 2 months, she crashed my confidence, she destroyed my self esteem and made me give up all hope and dreams.
She made me believe that life would be over if I don't get this degree.
I became suicidal. First time after 7 years.
And for the first time in my life, I was so desperate that I turned to religion (I even had to hide this because she would mock me for being weak and uneducated).
Nonetheless, there's hope.
Move away from your toxic father. Cut all contact. Tell him to go fuck himself.
It gets better fast. If you get rid of your dad, you'll realize how easy and fun life can be.
Good luck anon.
Just let the depression get even wrose and worse until he's bound to feel sorry for you.
People often forget that depression isn't just feeling sad, but when it gets really bad, you'll go into a full-on breakdown. You can't even leave the bed, you'll feel so sick, you can't eat food without throwing up, trying to move a muscle takes so much effort. You can even lose your bowels because your body says fuck it I don't give a shit.
Let it go that bad to show your father what depression really is.
Anyone else here feel okay during the day?
Well, not okay but that things are bearable and you have hope that you'll be better soon.
And when night comes, you feel like total shit. Like the world's closing in, you don't wanna be alive but you don't have the energy to kill yourself. Just kinda wish you didn't exist, you know? But you know in the morning you'll feel a bit better so you put your head down and stay awake going over everything you fucked up in life until you pass out.