Hey anons. After a trip to South America, I'm back to open the tavern again.
Come on in, have a drink, listen to some tunes, and share some feels.
So I've completely given up on dating, got rid of my dating profiles a few weeks ago and it just feels really shitty to just give up. Something that's so commonplace for a normal person is elusive to me, I haven't even held a girl's hand before. Makes me feel like I have some kind of defect. "He needs to be recalled, he's unable to function socially and unfit for love."
I feel it's better to give up because dating is not worth the effort for a homely autist. Hell, I don't even think I want sex anymore, the thought makes me anxious. I'd rather just have a girl who is willing to send me nudes on demand and just jack off to them. The idea of intimacy is so foreign I'd rather forego it.
Anon, many people choose not to date or pursue relationships. And intimacy is a terrifying thing. Have you perhaps considered becoming a monk or joining the priesthood? I know an anon or two who's done that and they felt worlds better.
No I'm not really spirtitual or anything. I just want to pursue my goals and the only relationships I want to form are professional ones. I don't even want friends at this point, being alone is just comfortable to me now.
>The idea of intimacy is so foreign I'd rather forego it.
I know how you feel, anon. The idea of someone loving me is so alien that I'd probably push them away out of fear.
Hey bartender. Occasional patron here. Based on /r9k/ standards a cyborg. Always was around "normies" but never felt like one. Yet now I am slipping into solitude now. Finally left with practically 0 friends or people I see daily except family and that is until my broke ass moves away. Bartender, I know not of your struggles, but I must ask. How does one cope with feeling truly alone? It's been awful for me, makes me feel not human, disconnected, and has sent me into an existential crisis where now everything feels hopeless and useless. I want to find happiness but I think I'm too much of a cynic and skeptic to find it. I know you are not a guru or a psychologist or a holy man but dammit, bartender, you are the closest I have.
Also a double whiskey.
I've nearly hit my four year mark from first suffering depression. A dosage of >tfw no gf (as well as burning every bridge down with every one of my friends because of my failures with a woman), post school year blues, and general outlook on life because of sociopolitical issues occurring, I can't see it ending any time soon. However, I think I'm teetering on the point of wanting it to end, and not caring if it ends because it's slowly becoming the norm? Any robots get that yet?
The usual, bartender, the usual.
Me too. I can't imagine myself having any sort of romantic relationship in my life. I have made good friends in the last years, I have a good future (studying medicine, and I like helping people, so it's not as if I do that just for money) and I love my family. But it feels like I simply am not one of those people who are allowed to go and enter relationships, form connections, get disappointed, try again etc. Like love is meant for someone else, but not for me. It's a sad feeling.
Here's a double whiskey, anon. I coped for a while by throwing myself into my work, never leaving my room except for lectures. I also found hobbies (bartending classes and drinking) that helped me cope.
I know that feel, anon. I felt that way for a long time; not wanting to die but not wanting to live either. The irony is that now I don't really have a choice in the matter. Can I get you a drink?
What was your usual, anon?
I have strong feelings for a girl, but it's because she was the first girl in a long time to be kind to me. I want to say it's love but I know it isn't. After all, we had only spoken for three days before we parted ways. We did end up exchanging numbers though.
Still, I don't think any good can come from telling her how I feel. On the off chance that she feels the same way about me, only a long distance relationship can happen because we live a state away from each other.
It's probably best if I forgot about her, but it feels impossible.
I like the song choice, anon. Here's some Four Roses, it's my personal favorite whiskey.
Try forming a friendship first, anon, then take it from there. Have a drink on the house, courtesy of those dubs.
Heya Bartender, do you serve food as well?
I'd like my usual cuba libre along with some asada fries if that's not asking too much.
What was South America like?
As for me, I have an interview tomorrow that looks promising. I hope I can get this so I can start giving back to my family and saving up for stuff I'd like to have. Along with buying anime figurines and crap.
It'd be nice to have some worth you know?
Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing okay or at least doing their best.
Here's a song for the jukebox.
Glad your back open, been ages since I've passed through. Been missing your tavern. Let me get a brandy my friend! How was South America? Where did you go?
Here's some easy listening! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cj3sGyG_esc
Heineken please. Hows the health bartender?
My life has become significantly better as of late. I keep myself busy every second of the day, lift an hour or two, run an hour or two, and plan out all of my vidya and movies in the morning.
That way im always doing something, and I have a schedule going for months. Play an eu4 et campaign as the Goths, play a CK2 ate campaign as louisianne, play a witcher 3 campaign, play a vicky 2 campaign, play an hoi3 campaign, level a Private server WoW char to 90, etc. No more indecision. Gaming is like work, no more mindlessly staring off into space, keep playing, keep thinking keep happy.
Same with movies. Got a second monitor, now I watch documentaries and stimulating TV shows and movies 24/7. Just watched a 10 part series on Hominids, a rather long one on Rommel's African campaign, a series on the mighty chingges, and planet earth.
Reading is also good too. Just read lone survivor and the first 2 dune books, now im reading a collection of Robert E Howard. Guy was a robot autism genius, too bad he killed himself.
Finally, physical activity. It is only recently that I have come to realize I am much better than the average human being, after 10 months lifting, I hit 175/265/315/410, with a 5:15 mile, 19:00 5k, 43:00 10k, and finally strict muscle ups. Each person I look at, I am stronger than, faster than, and I can endure more. Even chad with his pack of girls, im stronger as faster, he has a defined jawbone. Ive come to realize being an ubermensch that exists alone is better than being a lesser human others like.
All in all, im too busy to be sad. And I have big plans for the future.
good. Girls slow you down. They have no substance because of the value the world puts on them at birth. They dont have to work for anything, you do. Why would you spend time with people like that? Why would you waste your time and energy on people you dont get along with? Spend it on yourself instead.
Something I wrote after coming home from some shitty, unsuccessful date a few weeks ago.
The robot was malfunctioning and the limbic layer of the artificial intelligence seemed to be broken. The scientist wondered why he couldn't make his robot happy until he looked down at his heavy, metallic hands and realized it was his own processing which had failed.
Everything I say to this girl comes out as either sarcastic, bitter, or hurtful, when I am trying my hardest for her. Makes me think I have some high-functioning autism or something. Why can't I just SEEM normal even if I'm not? It seems so frustrating when everything works so well in your head, but when you think you have a chance to be happy, you end up fucking yourself in the end. Both metaphorically and literally.
We sure do, anon. Here's your Cube Libre; I'll have the line cook bring out some asada fries for you. I spent some time in the Amazon with my father. It was incredible; we saw the sunrise from the canopy and met with a shaman, among other things. We also saw some penguins in Chile. Only one continent left now.
Here's a brandy, anon. I spent some time in the Peruvian Amazon and some time in Chile and Argentina with my father. He's always wanted to see penguins, hence the detour further south. It was good to have a positive experience with him.
Sure thing, anon. Here's a bourbon.
>off by one
Here's a Heiny, anon. It's good that you're keeping yourself busy; I've taken to watching documentaries lately as well. My health has been deteriorating, but I'm still able to walk and sometimes type. Death date is still estimated to be sometime in the late summer or early fall.
I know that feel, anon. Have you tried telling her that it's difficult for you to convey your feelings? If she's worth keeping, she'll understand.
Here's your drink, anon. I spent some time in Peru, Argentina, and Chile.
Where are you going to die? Are you going anywhere?
Pesh is hiring, might as well die in battle.
I think I'm going to the UP, probably Isle Royale. I've always liked the woods.
I have Bell's Winter White Ale on tap, if that's your sort of thing. I also have Smithwick's and a few domestics.
Do you believe in god?
Cheerleaders for you.
I'm not really sure whether I do or not, anon. Thanks for the women, anon, but I'm VolCel now.
Sure thing, anon. Are you a Michigander by any chance? Out-of-staters usually don't know about Bell's.
You should Try to find a god. It will make it easier. Pray to anything, odin, jupiter, God, vishnu, kthulu, whatever. A prayer twice a day, and you will start believing in a god. Then you can pass nice and easy knowing where you are headed.
Music for the juke. International cooperation, heading into Valhalla.