In elementary school I made the mistake of prefereing to read in the corner at recess instead of playing with the other boys. Now I don't know how to talk to real people or make and maintain social relationships. On the plus side I'm reasonably well-read.
>>26092101 Personally I like the positive threads and the Frogs and Feels ones.
Anyway, my life was wrong since the day I was born (who else here /poorlife/. But I'm trying to fix it anyway, almost through community college (all on the government's dime), just have to take two more math classes that I've been struggling with then I can transfer. Finding a job in the meantime so I can start have money and saving up for stuff.
I'll have no right to complain that my life is going down the shitter if I don't do anything to improve myself.
>>26091990 >when did your life go wrong It's progressing as expected the only was it could, nothing wrong here other than hindsight. Though I can't say I don't wish I was born a different person sometimes.
I don't know anymore. Thirteen years ago I got my own room and a personal computer with broadband access. That was a turning point for me. I finally got what I had wanted for years, I was able to fulfill my passion. It also enabled me to shut out the entire world.
Now, thirteen years later, I have literally no friends, absolutely zero social life and I work 7 days a week. Supposedly I work so much because I have so much work to do... but really it's the only thing that brings me joy in life. I never feel as lost as when I'm on vacation.
>>26092580 The realization of how empty the outside world really is. The disillusionment with people.
I traveled the world, saw the some of the most beautiful places and spent time in literally some of the best hotels in the world. But aside from a few sideshow thrills, all I felt was emptiness. The kind of freezing cold and echo only a marble bathroom and brass could produce. None of it has any meaning or purpose
And people? Even the best ones I've met have no heart. Their souls are shallow ponds that flawlessly reflect whatever you shine upon them. The illusion shatters the moment you look closer and realize there's nothing there.
What the fuck is the point of all this? I'm not going to participate in hurting others just to get my rocks off. I'd rather die alone than become what I so despise about the world.
I know this all sounds melodramatic, but this is real life, not some teenager's vlog.
>>26092750 >I know this all sounds melodramatic, but this is real life, not some teenager's vlog. No it makes pretty decent sense. When you view human society for what it is as a true observer, it will show itself to be hollow and fake.
>>26091990 Luda, when I was thirteen, I had my first love There was nobody that compared to my baby And nobody came between us no one could ever come above She had me goin' crazy Oh I was starstruck She woke me up daily Don't need no Starbucks She made my heart pound And skip a beat when I see her in the street and At school on the playground But I really wanna see her on the weekend She know she got me dazin' 'Cause she was so amazin' And now my heart is breakin' But I just keep on sayin' LUDA
>>26092882 > When you view human society for what it is as a true observer, it will show itself to be hollow and fake. The external world I understand. The difference between a home and an apartment is the people in it.
But FFS, how hard is it to be benevolent towards one another? How hard is it not to project your own insecurities on other people? I was taught not to lie and to STFU if I had nothing nice to say. I always took it for granted, but it seems like alchemy or some mystical shit to people.
It's not like I don't understand the psychology behind it. If you weren't taught to analyze yourself and others, if your parents didn't listen to you and/or tell you were a good kid once in a while, there's no way you could've grown up straight. Nevertheless, it's depressing to realize people don't regard others as of something to be concerned about, but just as puppets to your whims and emotions. There's no respect.
Ever since high school I've always kind of romanticized the "lonely" lifestyle, I always pullet out of my group of friends to sit alone, didn't do things with them, etc, but since we knew each other for a long time, they always pulled me back.
When I entered college, I finally had the freedom to do as I wanted, to be apart from others, I've got the lonely lifestyle I pined for. Long and hard.
>>26092934 Thank you anon, I hope that you have a good day, and, even if you don't, I hope that you find at least a minute sense of happiness.
>>26093034 The way I see it, even if someone is a horrible jerkass you should still wish them well. They could be having a bad day, or the possibility of not knowing better. Of course, I usually spill my guts out to close friends but those are people who know what I'm really like. Just treat people nicely, even if they don't deserve it. Plus it makes them feel mad/stupid when you're nothing but nice and gives them a chance to reflect on what kind of person they are
i don't really know. all i know is that i never really did anything. and i really suffering for a long time. i just sort of shut myself off from an early age. i've had a few friends but it feels so transient, like i'm not even in control. former neet. my best friend just moved away with his first real adult job. now i'm in uni, 23 years old, and i just have a bad time living. i want to play music but i still don't do anything. i'm caught between just settling for some sort of job that i probably won't care about (thinking of massage therapy) or "pursuing my dreams," even though yeah, i don't do anything i opted for the latter. i read the alchemist and everything changed. and yet maybe it was all hopeless to begin with. maybe i'm gonna get sucked under the current and end up nowhere happy. i don't know what will happen to me. i need a reference for a job interview that i have on saturday and i'm thinking of asking a professor that i had last year who i got along with fairly well, but i'm worried that it's awkward. i might not even need it but i want to be safe as a said on my resume "references available upon request" ffffffffffffffffffffffff i don't know man i don't know what to do i pray to god but it seems like there's something i'm not learning
>>26093108 I agree 100%, you've got it down. But desu, I'm way past pondering on how to conduct myself, like you I go all the way with the Golden Rule.
The disillusionment I'm talking about goes deeper than that. In the sense I described, I feel detached not only from society, but from humanity. And frankly, I'm very aware of the implications of that. This is what concerns me.
I don't know...but I'll tell you one thing, it feels like the world in general became shit after 9/11. Everything after that has been shit, and my life has sunk down with it. Does anyone else feel this way?
>>26093192 Ask your professor anyway anon. Just ask them plain and simple, "Can I get your contact info so I can put it on my resume?" Boom just like that. Don't be afraid, and if you are scared make yourself do it. If you got along as smoothly as you say you did, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to give you the info. t. someone who made plenty of friends with his professors
>>26093222 Have you tried volunteering? Maybe even Church? I tried it once though, didn't really get it Just even observing people. Humanity isn't this one single end all thing. There are all kinds of avenues in humanity that we all partake in. Whether it's sharing a laugh with a friend, listening to music, looking at paintings or simply just reading a book.
A lot of people believe that we are truly alone in this world, but I don't think we are. Even the loneliest person on this website has a community they can partake in at any moment's desire. They don't even have to show their face or line themselves up with any beliefs. All they have to do is input some text and upload it.
That detachment from humanity is very human. The fact that you are aware of the implications means you haven't discarded your humanity. It's not too late anon, go do something, whether it's for free, work, or a hobby. Listen to music, take a walk and watch people. Everything they do, even if it's alone is part of the human experience and the things YOU do are part of that experience. The world is beautiful, despite what /r9k/ may say. There are things out there that must be seen.
>>26091990 >Be semi succesful academic >Be on multiple sports teams >Family member seppukus in my bedroom day before one of my exams >Actually get 100 in the exam >Depression kicks in >Flunk out, get depressed >Friends leave as I stop attending events >Quit all sports >Still sleep in the same bedroom
Not sure. There wasn't a single even that fucked me up. Just my teenage years that were spent inside at my computer instead of socializing and learning how to talk to women. Now in my late 20s I have no idea how to approach anyone. Some people are just meant to be alone I guess. And apparently i'm somewhat attractive and have a decent height. Doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to act like a normal human being.
>>26091990 >>26091990 Things have been wrong for so long that I don't remember when they were right.
Middle School and High School were the best times for me because I was able to escape my problems by playing video games. Now they don't entertain or interest me as much anymore, and they haven't for a long time.
However, my life went from bad to worse when I was 23 and left university with only a worthless BA, no job, and no plan for my future.
I'm poor. I can't find anything better than shitty near min wage part time jobs. I haven't gone on a vacation in over a decade. Im still a kissless virgin. I have no friends. I live with my parents and they hate me. I went through a period where I drank a lot of cheap beer, smoked cigarettes, and experimented with marijuana( the marijuana made me feel awful). I was arrested after a traffic accident that wasn't my fault( luckily I wasn't convicted of anything). I tried going back to community college and preparing for another degree, but I just wasn't motivated enough to continue studying crap I don't care about. I don't want to work in trades. Im 28 now and life has just been a big fat shit sandwich ever since I turned 23.
I really can't believe how terrible the last 5 years have been.
I have no life, I haven't really ever had one, and it's pretty obvious to most people in less than 5 min of talking to me.
>>26093536 Fuck. I'm 23 right now and will have my useless BA soon. I'm considering to do something more solid because when I started this shit I didn't give a fuck about anything and now I realise that I have wasted the last 4 years studying something that won't get me anywhere. Kissless virgin, poor, but I like my family. This might be the only thing preventing that I will end up like you. But I don't now. If one thing goes wrong from now on I will probably fail life as well.
>>26093426 >volunteering, church, observing I've been to church and talked to people there. The problem with them and my peers is that I understand where they're coming from, but it doesn't work both ways. I'm not looking to converse with someone I can get nothing out of, I want a two-way street of sharing insight and understanding. So far I've had success with some (now long gone) authors and philosophers, but it all rings a bit hollow when I'm surrounded by what I can only describe as average Joes and Janes.
Now, volunteering might be a fruitful endeavor, I need to look into that.
>It's not too late anon, go do something, whether it's for free, work, or a hobby. Listen to music, take a walk and watch people. That's what I've been trying to tell you, brother. I indulge myself in everything and anything that brings me satisfaction in this world, but without organic feedback it's like I'm shouting into an empty space.
The worst part is that I know there is no magic bullet here, no tutorial. But yeah, volunteering might be something worthwhile.
>>26093765 Try giving back then Anon, if it's organic feedback that you want then volunteering is the way to go. Even if it not's volunteering, try to give back someway.
It's true, there's no magic bullet or guidebooks for anyone. You have to find what makes you feel human and pursue it.
For me, I feel like it would be teaching. Ever since I held some observations for one of my classes, I feel like teaching is something that makes me feel the most human. But I'm beginning to doubt myself due to my lackluster math abilities. If I have to give up on that dream I think I'll try getting into a tradeschool.
Everyone has to find it, it doesn't come waltzing up to anyone. You can't close you eyes and wish for it. Stay brave and steadfast. As long as you keep looking you will find what you seek Anon.
>>26093939 Indeed. I think organic feedback is key for me.
Oh, there are so many fields to be a teacher in, I don't see a reason to give up just because of math. My brother got into an engineering occ with a mere trade school diploma and work experience.
>Everyone has to find it, it doesn't come waltzing up to anyone. You can't close you eyes and wish for it. Indeed, this board is a monument of what happens when you dream and do nothing. >Stay brave and steadfast. As long as you keep looking you will find what you seek Anon. I will do my best, as I'm sure you will too.
This was a meaningful exchange, I thank you for that. Now I have to go to bed, got to wake up in 6 hours. I sincerely wish you the best. G9
My mom is a fatass and bought too much soda for the house. Got fat and didn't lose most of it until hs. I am about 20 ish lbs overweight right now and still no muscle.
Boring personality since no sports. Had a bunch of reject friends in hs. I keep going through friend groups and never really landed in one. Basically group then solo and repeat. Have best friend from kingergarden, but have not spoken to him in like a year+ now. Sent him a text, but he never responded.
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