Is the "I'm not okay at all. I'm trying to leave. It's hard for me too. Can't we just play games together? Maybe if we don't speak to each other we can get along. My intentions aren't even clear to myself. I just know this isn't healthy. I can't stay." anon from a few days ago still around?
>i barely have the effort to wake up and go to school >i have 2-3 alarms just for this reason >i have never had a true love interest and if i did it was proven or later found to be lust-motivated >i have best friends, but friends in which i cannot truly depend on or be 100% myself with >i am fairly popular, go to parties a lot but am severely depressed >alcohol is the only reason i go because i'm a robot with 3 or more people especially women present >am average looking male, yet i still do not have the courage to be outgoing and ask a girl i like or think is cute out >both of my parents never went to college, when i was a junior last year i had no clue that tests were important for college >not even friends told me until the end of junior year >senior year is here, i have to enroll in a tech school then transfer >(am i even going to successfully do that?) >everything is dull and takes 2x the actual energy it should >either i'm being very introverted recently or i am having a complete identity crisis
>>26086660 I feel like nothing matters. My family and I are poor as dirt and we're struggling to make ends meet. I'm a social retard who has trouble merely leaving his house. When I do I always keep my eyes on the ground and have my headphones on. I'm not smart, I'm not handsome, I'm not funny (other than funny looking). I have dreams but my current situation makes me believe it's nothing more than a fancy. I try looking for jobs but always choke with interviews; hell I have trouble talking to people over the phone. I'm always anxious, always. I can almost never do something without being anxious. There's this vague dread hanging over me as if something terrible will happen that's exacerbated by my dad's wife. She's grade-A cunt material, freeloading off of us. She hardly contributes with rent or anything else. My dad rides a rickety old SUV while she drives in a nicer sedan that she hardly lets anyone use. She throws tantrums like a 15 year old girl when she's a 48 year old woman. She makes sure she's seen in her distress, stomping and pacing like a child. What's worse is that my dad defends her. When I asked why he married her he told me: "I didn't want to die alone." Motherfucker.
Anyway, another thing that bothers be is that my friend (my only friend), whom i havent seen in 4 years wants to get back together because his bitch gf left him because of her craving for cocks; anyway, the guy wants to revive his dead friendship and of course i agree because i am a friendless loser and beggars cant be choosers.
He wants to go on a cringey fantasy-folk concert with me and another guy. Its too fucking expensive (student, no job, leeching off my mother), i could afford it but would have to live on water and bread for a few weeks. I really dont feel like doing it and would rather just get drunk and play videogames, but because my future seems bleak and lonely, I feel obliged to socialize with this fucker.
>>26086660 It's my birthday. I am actually quite happy because of all nice wishes and stuff (even though I know it holds no real value, I still enjoy it), but I got really sick yesterday and I feel like shit.
Today is one of those days when I don't think about life, existance, problems, future and stuff like that, and I can say I'm happy for it.
>>26087318 also, tomorrow is the last class with this girl that I like, and if I don't make my move, I never will. That kinda sucks because I'm sick as hell and I feel more disgusting than usually. I guess I'll just deal with the fact she's a missed opportunity for me. I also learned she has a boyfriend so maybe it's for the best.
I was wrong, right? I wasn't talking to the right person at all and you really are made of solid steel. You aren't hurt and couldn't care less what I do. I feel stupid for considering leaving you alone.
>>26086660 Did a comp sci exam and I fucked up on the easiest question of my life, was probably worth the biggest portion of the exam as well I feel so ashamed I honestly don't think I can see my teacher face to face again
>>26086660 Todays events >Laptop bluescreened >Leopard Geckos day bulb blew >Spillt an entire cup of fruit punch all over my food the tray the table the seats and the floor at burgerking >I think my fishtank is leaking >cut my arm on gecko tank >Got blisters from my shoes
>>26086660 A couple months ago I wanted to get a job delivering stuff, I was going to go for food. Pizza, sacndhiches, whatever. I would of settled for UPS or just regular mail stuff, I was mostly going to go for a job where you get tipped. Now that I think about it like if I went and gave something to someone and I think of the interaction like I'm sure it'd be fine. But for some reason I think men would tip more often than women. Like a female might be like "Oh yeah hey there I like what I see, how you doin?" A dude would be like "Oh YEAH!!!! FOOD I LIKE WHAT I SEE HERE IS MONEY AND SOME MORE MONEY!!!"
>>26088209 thanks anon Many trans folk maintain that it isn't a mental illness. It most certainly is, but it's one that society at large doesn't want to try to cure beyond hormones. So that's what I'm stuck with. Oh well.
>>26088185 >w-what? Stiff? Is this a lewd thing? If so, I don't like lewd I don't like where this is going either, the before proposal avoided eye contact mostly. Really don't like where this is going.
I can't get a hold of the third professor sending a letter of recommendation for my graduate program application and it's due by Monday. She's normally the first to submit and does it right away so I'm not sure what the deal is. Worried that my entire application will be discarded because I'm missing a whopping one letter.
>made one really good friend freshman year >stay up late on Fridays drinking and complaining about people and women >decide to move in together the next year >show up on the move-in date >he's there with his new girlfriend >almost 2 years later and they're still together >they're always at the house even though she doesn't pay rent or utilities >they never stop cuddling/touching each other >if we're all together they'll mumble quietly to each other so I can't hear >any time we plan something he just assumes she's invited >any time our friends are over they just go in his room and don't come out until they leave >I have become a third wheel in my own house
He had the fucking audacity to ask if I got tired of being a third wheel. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it because he was the one I talked to. Now I can't wait for him to move out so I can just be alone.
Why do people always try to take advantage of me? I've had faggots at bars try to get me stupid drunk because they think it'll make me more open to their ways and sociopaths starting conversations with me, trying to fill my head with their lies and bullshit. Hell, last time I went out a girl came out of nowhere and pulled me over to her table to try and use me to buy her drinks, I had never seen or spoken to her before.
Why do they do this? Do they somehow assume I am stupid? How am I stupid if I can see them for what they are? Is there anyone out there not wearing a fucking mask?
Its been a year since hannah moved. I thought I loved and fantasized about has moved and I lost total contact with her, I feel empty inside and can't go through each day without thinking about her. I would do anything just to see or hear her again. I can't tell anyone this because of the way people perceive me normally. Someone end this fucking pain
I'm almost over you. It doesn't hurt as bad as it used to before, but once in a while I catch myself still wondering what our lives would be like if we were together, or if we even gave it half a chance. I think I've nearly completely accepted that it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes I still want your attention, but I know you have someone else to give it to now.
Everyone told me it'd get better and it did. I'm glad we're still friends though, even if you're more important to me than I am to you.
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