Thinking back on it, a lot of my childhood was very flat. I got angry a lot, but thats the only major emotion I can remember feeling consistently.
I think the closest I was to be really happy was in the 6 month period between High School ending and when I started my first year of uni. I had a very small group of friends who hung out at one guy's apartment all the time, just shooting the shit drinking and playing video games. They all got girlfriends and we've never been that close since. I haven't had a serious conversation with another person in the 5 years since then. I still keep in contact but its always just superficial nothingness with them now.
Honestly a few months ago. I had a comfy job after a few years of hard outdoor good for the soul work. No outgoing money and a date lined up with a girl I actually quite liked and lived only a few houses away.
I fell for her. She absolute hates my guts now for no reason at all, my dog died and the jobs gone to shit but November was great.
>>26081903 I know it will sound horribly edgy, but it was two years back, when one of my friends took me to some demonstration I even did not care about and shit went wrong and rioting started. It lasted for next three hours, throwing rocks, bottles, fighting with sticks, breathing tear gas and all that shit you see in movies. Lazy fuck I am I nearly did not make it breathing-wise, but I do not know what happened, but I gave it all.
It was best three hours of my life. Not happy actually, but just empty and with a one single purpose. It was good, like nirvana or something. Just empty, clear minded and without any stress.
I was truly happy for 3 minutes once when I was 20, stuck me in the middle of the day. I was just at total peace for somehow, and I yearn for that moment everyday. I remember not being afraid or sad when I was with my first love if that counts as happiness.
High school. Used to go over to my friends house every weekend and we would play vidya and eat snacks all day then when it would get dark we would go out and walk all around the town and explore, listening to music while we walked all night. The whole school week I'd be thinking about the upcoming weekend and how fun it was gonna be.
Seriously like way simpler times when I had absolutely nothing to stress about. Now I'm a wageslave and everything is awful.
>>26081903 Around 2008-2009. I was 17, really into Black Metal, went into a lot of underground gigs, and the entire thing felt so exciting and fun. I didn't have any problems at school, and used to play Metal at the music room during breaks with drummer friend, who would sneak in beer once in a while. Every day after school I would go into my room, shut all the lights, lie in bed, think about my oneitis and listen to Blut Aus Nord until I fell into hazy sleep. Shit was so comfy.
Black Metal stopped being exciting about two years later, but it was a great place to be at the time. I felt confident and careless.
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