Death and stuff

How does it feel, RC?

>>26076748
>"RC"
you're gonna have to help me out, I'm usually a /b/ or /int/ fag

I'm fine more or less, now, if that's what you're asking?

>>26076804
RC stands for Rotisserie Chicken

I was more thinking along the lines of how it's felt overall as a process from back when it happened to now. Did you grieve and shit?

>I'm fine more or less, now, if that's what you're asking?
That's good to hear, from my perspective
How close were you?

>another unrecognizable tripfag whoring out their own family member's death for attention

who are you again?

How do I beat depression?
How did you do it?

>>26076845
Oh. That's obivious

Grieved at first yeah, still in shock some. Like I didn't see him much; different colleges, but we still had some good times together recently.
But it hasn't sunk in yet.

Somewhat close. Shared interests. Watched the new Star Wars movie which was decent enough.

>>26076862
Just another cookie cutter human

>>26076893
I have no idea.

I haven't yet. Medicine's helped though. I switched around a lot before but Prozac seems to do something this time, it helps you not drop as "low" emotionally. But it hasn't helped motivate me much more, probably a change of environment or getting a job would help

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did you let the cops see his porn?

i mean you microwaved that shit right?

How does it feel when your brother is more successful than you?

>>26076893
I've figured out a few ways to cope though. ASMR, and gaming distract me. Books are nice too I suppose. But it's mostly escapism till I figure out something better, probably should hang out with friends more

>>26076948
I'm guessing the cops kept it for themselves, then deleted it, cuz I haven't found any on his computer yet. They actually got to look through his computer before I did...

>>26076717
How did your brother's death affect you? I've been depressed for some time now, and think about suicide pretty much every day. I don't plan on killing myself, but I just want to know how you've been handling his death. My older brother is a much better person than I am, and I can't stand the thought of hurting him in any way. If you don't want to answer, that's fine.

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i dont mean to be a dick but

whyd he an hero?

>>26076942
Yeah I feel you on that last part
I feel so apathetic. Sometimes I feel motivated doing school work, sometimes I could not give a shit. I'm borderline insomniac now, i have no idea how i'm actually functioning with so little sleep,also Im not sure what im gonna do with my life in the next few years. I guess i could use some friends to go out with, feeling pretty lonely.
Funny how this turned into a sudden blog post, i guess typing this all up is better than being totally silent. I wish i actually had a friend that i felt comfortable enough with to talk about this kinda shit

>>26076989
Academically? Idk. Different strengths and weaknesses.
Or did you mean more successful at dying?

>>26077032
Greived a lot at first.
Some of my thoughts may or may not be selfish, things like:
won't ever have a sibling when I'm older, a ton of memories (that I've forgotten details about) died with him. Mainly just sad that I didn't get to see him become more of a better person. He was growing socially and doing well with school. And managing fine from what I could tell, although it's obvious now he'd thought about it for a while

>>26077086
not quite sure. A lot of things probably. I suspect existential stuff, wondering what his purpose was. I think he was into nihlist stuff a while ago. More recently considered himself a secular humanist.
Also a pet he had died, and a relationship with a girl probably wasn't going where he wanted? Might have been friendzoned I don't know the whole deal.

>>26077095
If you're in college I recommend group therapy. It's not bad, and if you leave the group I got to be facebook friends with people, a few hot girls lol. Individual counseling's nice though if you're looking for more time to discuss things just yourself.
Whacha studying? Do any gaming / drinking / anything?

>>26076717
>About police, computer forensics
Are you a forensic examiner?

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>>26077086
And in his writing he said he wanted to end on a "high note", so there's that too. Thought everything would go downhill from there.

It actually seemed rather impulsive

>>26077284
No, I guess that was bad phrasing. Just what I've looked through myself, although there was a forensics guy that was supposed to look through it, didn't seem to do much (maybe just short on time? or the other evidence ruled it out as an obvious suicide)

>>26076717
how did your parents and his friends react?

Did he leave you anything like a note or prized possessions?

What method did he use? Are you going to off yourself next? Or are you on too many happy meds?

>>26077415
Haven't had the memorial service yet
(he was cremated; we wanted to wait until people were back in the area at his school).

So I haven't met most of his friends out there yet, he kept rather private.

Those I have talked to, as well as family, responded how you'd think, I suppose.
Suprise, regret, wishing he'd stuck it out (whether that's realistic or not I don't know)
My parents turned to the "once-saved always saved" philosophy and immediately saying "he's in heaven" and stuff despite me never hearing them supporting that belief before
(We were both raised Christian, he rejected it in high school. I'm still not sure what I am)

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>>26077462
No, it seemed rather impulsive from what I would've personally done lol.
I'd like to think he left me the bottle of Bailey's in his kitchen. But I've gone through pretty much all his possessions when we moved his stuff out of his place.
Keeping a good portion of it, minus some of the money in his bank account to pay for the cremation and services (at least $3000 I think)

>>26077471
Hung himself with an electrical cord over the doorway, inside his apartment. Makeshift knot.
No, at least not within the next 5 or 10 years.
The meds aren't happy meds, they're more like, not-extremely-sad-under-normal-operating-conditions

>>26077591
did he die instantly?

That's a shame.

Was he under the influence of anything? Typically impulsive suicide attempts tend to play out under those circumstances (speaking from experience).

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>>26077662
no idea. I didn't ask about the details, I don't care to imagine his death with too much clarity.

He wanted an open casket viewing as well as cremation, which wasn't really reasonable for time and chemical reasons. The autopsy delayed things not to mention people being away due to winter break.

>>26077707
Nope, sober. Sleep deprived perhaps but he always drank in moderation, never smoked or did drugs. Police report confirms this.
I was surprised, the vodka he had was at the same level when I saw him a few days earlier. And it was good vodka too.

He must've been in a lot of pain.
Can't personally comprehend willingly fading into nothing without being high or drunk enough to not give a fuck about the depth of it.
Hopefully when I die I'll be oblivious as fuck to it.

Sorry you're going through the aftershock though, you seem to have a rational outlook on it however.

>>26077842
Yeah. And he never took medication for depression (he self-diagnosed, though I'm 99% sure it's genetic) or had therapy for it. Talked to some friends but mostly tried to deal with it on his own, or hope for romance to fix it all. Sleep deprivation probably does some crazy stuff though, hallucinations etc

Yeah I feel like the best way to die is when you're asleep. Or instant stuff like stepping on a landmine. Though you probably won't get an open casket viewing.

>>26077970
>genetic
>not because the world is in a shit state for most
keep telling yourself that b-buddy

>>26078030
nature vs nurture. Probably some cultural stuff you could draw from as well.

Maybe humanity's getting too close to its maximum capacity. Not necessarily resource wise but like society wise. Who knows

I'll have to think about that though, that might not make any sense