My brother killed himself within the last month.
I figured it'd be an opportunity to do a thread
But in all seriousness
Ask me anything you're dying to ask.
About police, computer forensics, general topics, etc.
I've also had depression so I relate to some stuff he seemed to go through.
RC stands for Rotisserie Chicken
I was more thinking along the lines of how it's felt overall as a process from back when it happened to now. Did you grieve and shit?
>I'm fine more or less, now, if that's what you're asking?
That's good to hear, from my perspective
How close were you?
Oh. That's obivious
Grieved at first yeah, still in shock some. Like I didn't see him much; different colleges, but we still had some good times together recently.
But it hasn't sunk in yet.
Somewhat close. Shared interests. Watched the new Star Wars movie which was decent enough.
Just another cookie cutter human
I have no idea.
I haven't yet. Medicine's helped though. I switched around a lot before but Prozac seems to do something this time, it helps you not drop as "low" emotionally. But it hasn't helped motivate me much more, probably a change of environment or getting a job would help
did you let the cops see his porn?
i mean you microwaved that shit right?
I've figured out a few ways to cope though. ASMR, and gaming distract me. Books are nice too I suppose. But it's mostly escapism till I figure out something better, probably should hang out with friends more
I'm guessing the cops kept it for themselves, then deleted it, cuz I haven't found any on his computer yet. They actually got to look through his computer before I did...
How did your brother's death affect you? I've been depressed for some time now, and think about suicide pretty much every day. I don't plan on killing myself, but I just want to know how you've been handling his death. My older brother is a much better person than I am, and I can't stand the thought of hurting him in any way. If you don't want to answer, that's fine.
Yeah I feel you on that last part
I feel so apathetic. Sometimes I feel motivated doing school work, sometimes I could not give a shit. I'm borderline insomniac now, i have no idea how i'm actually functioning with so little sleep,also Im not sure what im gonna do with my life in the next few years. I guess i could use some friends to go out with, feeling pretty lonely.
Funny how this turned into a sudden blog post, i guess typing this all up is better than being totally silent. I wish i actually had a friend that i felt comfortable enough with to talk about this kinda shit
Academically? Idk. Different strengths and weaknesses.
Or did you mean more successful at dying?
Greived a lot at first.
Some of my thoughts may or may not be selfish, things like:
won't ever have a sibling when I'm older, a ton of memories (that I've forgotten details about) died with him. Mainly just sad that I didn't get to see him become more of a better person. He was growing socially and doing well with school. And managing fine from what I could tell, although it's obvious now he'd thought about it for a while
not quite sure. A lot of things probably. I suspect existential stuff, wondering what his purpose was. I think he was into nihlist stuff a while ago. More recently considered himself a secular humanist.
Also a pet he had died, and a relationship with a girl probably wasn't going where he wanted? Might have been friendzoned I don't know the whole deal.
If you're in college I recommend group therapy. It's not bad, and if you leave the group I got to be facebook friends with people, a few hot girls lol. Individual counseling's nice though if you're looking for more time to discuss things just yourself.
Whacha studying? Do any gaming / drinking / anything?
And in his writing he said he wanted to end on a "high note", so there's that too. Thought everything would go downhill from there.
It actually seemed rather impulsive
No, I guess that was bad phrasing. Just what I've looked through myself, although there was a forensics guy that was supposed to look through it, didn't seem to do much (maybe just short on time? or the other evidence ruled it out as an obvious suicide)
Haven't had the memorial service yet
(he was cremated; we wanted to wait until people were back in the area at his school).
So I haven't met most of his friends out there yet, he kept rather private.
Those I have talked to, as well as family, responded how you'd think, I suppose.
Suprise, regret, wishing he'd stuck it out (whether that's realistic or not I don't know)
My parents turned to the "once-saved always saved" philosophy and immediately saying "he's in heaven" and stuff despite me never hearing them supporting that belief before
(We were both raised Christian, he rejected it in high school. I'm still not sure what I am)
No, it seemed rather impulsive from what I would've personally done lol.
I'd like to think he left me the bottle of Bailey's in his kitchen. But I've gone through pretty much all his possessions when we moved his stuff out of his place.
Keeping a good portion of it, minus some of the money in his bank account to pay for the cremation and services (at least $3000 I think)
Hung himself with an electrical cord over the doorway, inside his apartment. Makeshift knot.
No, at least not within the next 5 or 10 years.
The meds aren't happy meds, they're more like, not-extremely-sad-under-normal-operating-conditions
no idea. I didn't ask about the details, I don't care to imagine his death with too much clarity.
He wanted an open casket viewing as well as cremation, which wasn't really reasonable for time and chemical reasons. The autopsy delayed things not to mention people being away due to winter break.
Nope, sober. Sleep deprived perhaps but he always drank in moderation, never smoked or did drugs. Police report confirms this.
I was surprised, the vodka he had was at the same level when I saw him a few days earlier. And it was good vodka too.
He must've been in a lot of pain.
Can't personally comprehend willingly fading into nothing without being high or drunk enough to not give a fuck about the depth of it.
Hopefully when I die I'll be oblivious as fuck to it.
Sorry you're going through the aftershock though, you seem to have a rational outlook on it however.
Yeah. And he never took medication for depression (he self-diagnosed, though I'm 99% sure it's genetic) or had therapy for it. Talked to some friends but mostly tried to deal with it on his own, or hope for romance to fix it all. Sleep deprivation probably does some crazy stuff though, hallucinations etc
Yeah I feel like the best way to die is when you're asleep. Or instant stuff like stepping on a landmine. Though you probably won't get an open casket viewing.
nature vs nurture. Probably some cultural stuff you could draw from as well.
Maybe humanity's getting too close to its maximum capacity. Not necessarily resource wise but like society wise. Who knows
I'll have to think about that though, that might not make any sense