>>26075694 >Be me at 13 >Mom and dad have been fighting every night for nearly six months >Dad hasn't found a stable job in nearly a year >Takes seasonal work in any form (Christmas tree salesman, construction, etc...) >No one in our area is hiring chemical engineers, which was his degree >Too broke to move >Barely getting by >Really takes a toll on my parents >I'm pissed off and edgy about the whole thing >One night the fighting was really bad >He storms out of their bedroom gets on his coat >Mumbles under his breath, "I'm done, I'm going to kill myself" >Hear him just as he leaves out the front door >Say, "When you're done with that can you pick up some milk too?" >He pauses for a second and slams the door shut behind him >Go to bed >Wake up to hear mom crying >Cops are at the door >My dad had gone out to the woods behind the bar he would go to and shot himself in the head >My last words to my dad still destroy me to this day
>have friend >friend's dream in high school was to join the army >gets DQed because he has some weird skin condition >goes into depressed phase but we go to college and things get better >he goes into criminal justice program, planning to be a cop and eventually detective >he's smart enough but doesn't really apply himself, squeaks through with Cs mostly >despite my urging he never does any physical training >skinny as a rail, almost no muscle mass, can actually see the orbits of his eyes >goes for his academy entrance exam >passes written exam with flying colors but fails literally every single evolution of the PT test >out of school now, decides he'll go into private security for a bit and then work his way back up to law enforcement >gets accepted to training program for big security firm >one entry test they have is a firearms test with pistol >offer to take him to the range to practice since he doesn't own guns and didn't have much experience >every time he ducks out >fails pistol exam by mile and a half >is now depressed and despondent, gets FedEx job, angry and sad all the time >nothing I say or do helps >one day he disappears >family is frantic >we search around, even call cops >we eventually learn that he had left to join some tin-pot private militia fighting ISIS in the Syrian borderlands >he left a note on his computer that basically said all he ever wanted was to be a hero, someone people looked up to >militia is a small spooky private company run by some guys in Ukraine so it's very hard to find any info >finally find a little snatch of news >apparently the unit took some kebab outpost but suffered heavy casualties due to "mortar and rocket fire" >eventually find out friend was among the dead >tell the family, they are devastated >one of my best friends and the only friend who was there for me in the shittiest parts of high school and college is lying in an unmarked grave somewhere in the Syrian desert
No matter how much I improve my life, I'll never be able to show my dad I'm no longer a piece of shit anymore. I'll never be able to prove him wrong. I'll never get the chance to do something that's good enough to him. Because he killed himself two years ago.
>TFW I remember being in highschool and playing Runescape every day >TFW I remember my really good RS friends >TFW I remember staying up late, telling spooky stories while grinding >TFW I remember that I'll never see or talk to any of them ever again
I suffer from a serious mental illness called Schizo Affective disorder
five years ago I had a vision of the end of the world and got into prepping, I excommunicated everyone in my life and didn't talk to anyone for like 6 fucking years. I'm totally alone now and everone is scared because i was very vocal about truther stuff. so im kinda fucked.
I'm grieving over the fact that I've never had a long term girlfriend. I've had lots of flings but I've never been in love. I feel I would be a different person had I been in a loving relationship where I can grow consistently over time instead of slow and sometimes stunted growth of a mostly solitary life. Small beans compared to some of you KHVs maybe but that's mine.
Very close friend sentenced for life. He had recently been kicked out of his mom's and I told him he could move in with me when I came up the next month (I live in Orlando and he lived in Pensacola, about a 6 hour trip). He was homeless for about a week before it happened. If I were a week or two earlier it never would've happened. Everyday I wish it were me and not him. Then there's my great-grandfather's death. I'm not too close with any of my family aside from him and one of my aunts. He developed cancer that spread through his body. The last time I saw him I didn't even say goodbye because I was being childish and bratty, I was mad at my mom for something I can't even remember. That was a year before he died. When he was dying I was in a court ordered program and couldn't go see him or talk to him before he died. I wasn't even told he died until a week after. It makes me feel like shit all day, everyday. It hurts my soul. It weighs on me and makes me feel empty. It makes me hate myself, makes me feel like I'm alone and life is pointless. Coupled with other things it makes me have a difficult time talking with people. They tell me I'm emotionless, seem bored and disinterested. I have no ability to become attached to anyone or anything. I just lie in bed and sleep all day and stay up all night thinking.
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at email@example.com with the post's information.