>In HS, junior year
>Had never had a GF. Afraid something is wrong with me
>There is a girl in my class; nice, pretty face, big tits, but fat. Not 'chubby' - fat
>Rumor has it she is crazy, too; that she had freaked out on a field trip in Freshman year and had to see a psych
>I start talking to her; she is nervous, pretends she is smarter than she is, but obviously needy.
>After a week or so I wrangle an invitation to meet her parents for somme excuse
>Her mom and dad are nice, normal, have some money. She is an only child.
>Ask the dad if I can date her; he is obviously surprised, tries to play it off that he think it is old-fashioned
>He says OK; take her to the movies
>I am super nice to her parents, which is easy 'cuz they are nice
>Keep taking her out, make sure to do things like hold her hand and stuff at school where others can see
>When people ask, just honestly say 'yes, I am dating her. She is nice and we have a good time'
>After about 3 weeks decide to make my move. We take each other's V-card
>I get the impression her parents are pretty sure it happened but are happy, not mad
>She Was so happy I think everyone shee met for tthe next week knew she was no longer a virgin just looking at her
>I made sure to talk about how sweet she was, how nice, how kind in front of the girls I knew
>I took her to every school dance, every football game, every event.
>I always held her hand, would kiss her on the cheek, go get her hot dogs, etc.
>I would talk to girls I knew and get advice to buy her jewelry, little gifts
>She is losing weight, gets her hair done, starts wearing makeup, looks pretty good
>She is talking about us going to college together,
>Overhear her parents talking, wondering if we were going to get married
>Figure it is time to start
>Make sure I am sweeter than ever in public or around others, but really cutting and vicious when we are alone
>At same time start asking her parents if she is... ok
>She seems to be speaking and acting... oddly
>Act very concerned to them
>They admit she had had an 'episode' 2 years previously
>Tell me I have to keep it a secret (she already knew) but she was adopted and they feared she had a 'disturbed' mother
>I keep up the dual identity of 'super nice boyfriend' in public and 'super mean douche' in private
>I have been making the sex a little rougher, now I make it humiliating
>She is starting to crack; she bursts into tears around me at home a few times since I am confusing her so badly
>Just two weeks of classes before Summer Break she finally snaps
>I have been nice to her in public but at lunch I lean over like I am going to kiss her and whisper the names I have been using while I fuck her
>She snaps in the cafeteria, in front of everyone
>She starts shrieking, crying, throwing food, tearing at her clothes, pulling heer own hair
>I have a Very Concerned Look as I try to help her but I am pinching her and such where you can't see
>She starts screaming at me that I should just kill her and end hher misery
>She grabs a plastic knife and stab heer own arm with it
>Security and nurse show up; we all take her to the nurse's office.
>Ambulance comes. They restrain her, take her away.
>I visit the hospital. her parents say the doctors want her in isolation for a while as they evaluate her. She is on suicide watch in the psych ward
>Spend the rest of school being Very Sad
>Visit the hospital with her parents through the first part of Summer
>Doctors say she has acute depression, delusions, mild paranoia, possible schizophrenia
>I ask to meet her with her folks
>She sees me and starts crying hysterically; I tell her I love her, she switches to laughing hysterically
>They sedate her
>Outside her mother has tears in her eyes, tells me 'Oh, anon. Thank you for making her happy before she lost her mind'
>Keep coming for another month. Her parents decide to commit her because she believes all these crazy things, like I hurt her, or I called her names
>Her dad tells me I need to move on
>Senior year begins
>Have her picture in my locker
>Tell everyone she isn't coming back
>After about 3 weeks this cute cheerleader, a junior, asks how she can cheer me up
>pretty soon she's a FWB
>All the girls see me as this sweet, wonderful guy who loved a girl that went mad, just like in their books!
>Spend all year banging cheerleaders
>Go to college
>Have a picture of me and her on my desk
>When people ask I tell the Very Sad Story of my Doomed Love
>Spend uni banging a series of 8/10's, 9/10's who feel like maybe they can cheer me up and make me forget that Tragic Love Story
>College senior finally
>Fucking the captain of the girl's gymnastic team
>Get an email from the girl's mother
>My old GF is going to a halfway house to see if she can transition to living outside of the psychiatric facility
>She sends me a pic; the ex has slimmed way down, looks about perfect weight for height. Face prettier than ever, kept her huge tits, too
>Her eyes, though, are like a doll's eyes.
>I told her mother I will visit after I graduate in the Spring
So, I wrote this out for the first time back in a 'practice GF' thread. But that made me think.
I mean, I knew at the time what I was doing was wrong. I convinced myself that it was worth it. That alphas are ruthless, that it didn't really matter, all sorts of things.
But I thought about her, really remembered, for the first time when I typed that out
I've met and fucked girls that are prettier than she was
I've met and fucked smarter girls, even nicer girls.
But never a girl that loved me and trusted me like that.
The Doomed Love shit gets me laid, but they are shallow enough to fall for it.
I look at her and remember how she was losing weight, getting into shape, doing all these great things *to make me happy*.
I made her crazy when I could have let her make herself awesome
I didn't just fuck her life and her parents' life
I just realized - I ruined MY life, too.
How do I fix it?
hmm well ill sit back and think about it since ur admit ur sins and want to repent so hold on... do u still talk to her. shes prob a lost cause and u can never get her trust back at this point
lost my virginity and fucked many prostitutes, some very attractive and fun, others wretched and disgusting and scaring
I will take it all with me to the grave, I'm glad I did it but I'll never tell a soul, even my soulmate if I do meet her
I send cards to her mother every Christmas, Easter and on my ex's birthday. We exchange emails now and then.
If I get back with her....
Do I pretend she imagined I was a monster?
Do I tell everyone the truth?
My high school boyfriend was legitimately a sociopath, like you. I also ended up hospitalized because I kept directing the anger and depression inward and developed some nasty disorders as a result. Luckily I didn't go full nutter butters like your ex, and I ended up meeting a really great guy during my time at the nut house.
Of course, I was still angry, emotionally dead inside, and had a drug problem that just wouldn't quit so I spent the following 7-8 or so years being a terrible person. Getting into relationships and purposely going out of my way to make my boyfriends get very emotionally invested before pulling the rug out from under them, secretly satisfied by breaking them down. I just didn't get a fuck. It wasn't until I met my current boyfriend that I realized how truly fucked up my first relationship made me.
You sound like a terrible person, miles and miles beyond what my high school ex, and there's nothing you can do to make things better. You stole her life from her. She spent the bulk of her formative years being medicated, hating herself, being trapped in a crazy house with no one to believe her, and for you to be motivated by selfishness *now*, after you've had your share of fun, just shows what a piece of shit you are. Disappear from her life and don't ever show your face to her or her family. Nothing you could do will ever make things right, your presence will only make shit worse.
Im sorry bud but the GRIL in this thread is kinda right. You are selfish to want her back after what you did. Also you will never make things right if you don't TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID TO HER AND WHAT EXACTLY WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD. TELL HER SHE CANT BLAME HERSELF FOR ANY OF IT. IF SHE ISNT COMPLETELY FUCKED AT THIS POINT YOU MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE TO SPEND MONEY ON HER AND SHOW HER LOVE WITHOUT THAT BULLSHIT YOU PULLED WHEN GUYS WHERE ALONE. I think your fucked honestly and actually I wouldn't be surprised if something just as bad happens to you in your future love life. Satan wrapping up his hands watching us. Your soul is damned
>Anyone here ever do something so bad you know you can never tell, let alone make it better?
>posts it twice
Overconsumption of wheat based products can be harmful.