Just lost 6 solo ranked matches in Dota 2, I have never gotten mad at this game before and I am not mad now but this feels bad. Two games thrown by players who got angry. One because a player disconnected and he was important. One because we had a really stupid player. One because I played pretty bad. And now on the last one I got 600 ping because of an unknown reason. Considering quiting Dota, just realized I probably wouldn't even mention it if you asked me about my favorite games.
All I want to do is go running but my thigh joint is fucked up and hurts too much. I feel like I can't do anything right.
I find I like to talk about stuff in my life by offering advice to others at the same time but whatever.
Does anyone else find that spending too much time on the computer makes you sort of disconnected from reality? A year ago I was in a really good place, and it lasted until just last month. I'm back where I was, waking up, going on computer, going to bed, repeating. I must say after even a week of doing this again I'm very disconnected from the world even when I'm not on the computer, like I'm constantly distracted by something and can't focus on anything.
A year ago I was almost the complete opposite person that I am now and I'm watching myself spiral down quickly. I haven't put weight on yet and god forbid I do but I'm losing my strength fast. I'm also getting pimples and have a lot less energy and I fap easily ten times as often as before.
>>26057613 >I haven't put weight on yet and god forbid I do but I'm losing my strength fast. You need to go lift anon. The same thing happened to me, the spiral of demotivate, and abandonment of physical fitness. Now I'm dadbod tier and can barely bench 1pl8 and hate myself more than when I was obese. Go lift at least.
>>26057613 the computer, this board, is a symptom of a bigger problem, not a cause. I find myself here when I'm fucking up, I don't fuck up because I come here. When shit is going well I don't come here. When it's 4am and I'm still procrastinating a paper due in 6 hours by coming here I know I'm in a bad spot. What really fucks with my mind though is that knowing this changes nothing. I can know I have anxiety, I can know I shouldn't be wasting my time doing X or doing Y but it's like I have no control over my actions. I'll close my browser window 3 dozen times but just keep coming back. Personally I think it's a struggle against lack of control. I don't control my life and what I do, I'm controlled by obligations. So if I deliberately fuck around I feel at least a little bit in control.
Take for example reading. Last semester I was reading some literature that was eventually gonna be required for a class this semester. I had no concrete due date, I was just reading for fun. Then when this semester started and I knew I had to have the book read by X date, I completely shut down and stopped reading. I liked the book. I would read this book outside of school for my own enjoyment. But that simple requirement completely destroyed my willingness and to some degree my ability to read it.
>>26057636 I tried lifting quite a few times, never got into it. I used to work for my dad in a cabinet shop so that's where any muscles I had came from. I like being skinny anyways, I don't have to eat very much.
>>26057680 I agree 100% that the computer and this board are symptoms, but I think staring at a screen is what makes me feel all disconnected.
Yeah, fuck procrastinating. Screwed me over so many times. I think you're onto something with the lack of control thing. What are your parents like? Were you controlled and sheltered to the point of having almost no freedom?
>>26057376 Just finished. This is the worst game I've ever played. Story is absolutely shit. Can't multiplayer because tiny ass country or something, no one joins the game. What a waste of forty bucks.
>>26057578 The physical reason we are alive is because early organisms evolved over many millions of years into humans. The abstract reason of why we are alive is the same as "What should I do with my life" and is entirely up to you. If there was a hidden meaning of life, and you spent your life doing your own thing, would your life be any less meaningful? I think not.
>>26057735 Well my parents are controlling people, but I don't feel like I had a very controlled childhood. That's the rub of it though, I can't remember much, and even the stuff I do remember doesn't strike me as odd because that's just the way it is. I do remember doing a lot of things not because I specifically wanted to but because they just sort of put me in that position and I wound up doing it. Like basketball. I didn't outright hate playing it, but I wouldn't have chosen to do it had I been given the option. I also didn't like to shit as a kid. I always thought it was because I was having too much fun out playing and stuff, but I would deliberately hold it in which is apparently in some schools of thought a control thing. I feel like I should be over it by this point in time though. I mean I moved out, I'm on my own in school. I don't know...
>>26057750 >>26057765 Shit forgot pic It's got an original plot that isn't very detailed, it's summed up in the five minute intro to the game. The plot also has jack shit to do with your game. It has no morals, no meaning, no substance. Modern Warfare had more substance than this. I heard the cooperative was good though.
>>26057648 Every choice I make just seems to have a negative outcome, I tried to become a better person and make my life more enjoyable, but still, when I try to make decisions instead of supressing my problems and forgetting everything, my life seems to become worse. It just makes me feel powerless. Suicide seems to be the only decision I would make, which has a foreseeable outcome, I know what will happen and what the end result would be. Seriously, it is the only thing over which I would have power.
The train ride is pretty enjoyable, it gives me a feeling of serenity, which I get rarely. It makes me actually forget about negative stuff, but that's only for a short moment and it will end.
/pol/ got invaded by reddit today so I was pretty sad about that. Really happy about Trump though. He's actually given me some hope for the future. Dragon's Dogma is so shit but I can't stop playing it for some reason. I think I'll watch Toradora again.
>job hunting going nowhere >my first therapy session is today that my mom is paying for, I'm reluctant to it but have to go >don't know what to say Therapists don't prescribe medication right? So there's no reason for me to hold back on my thoughts like red pill (she's a girl though fuck)
I just don't know what to expect from a therapist and how they can possibly help me being a beta loser with shit social skills
>>26059451 >>26059406 Real-talk; just spam every social media platform you can think of; add a wiki page or wikia page, spam it on Reddit or something equivalent using multiple accounts - surely you can E spam and gain a decent userbase these days.
>>26059865 I haven't watched in a while and don't have the ep handy but I thought the dress blew up and we saw skin on her torso below the dress but the pantsu would've been below the bottom of the frame
I asked a girl who I've known sort-of for the past two or three years if she wanted to go ice skating, not even as a date. She said yes. I waited there for 30 mins and she never showed up, so I went ice skating by myself for an hour. My ankles really hurt now. Why did she say yes if she didn't have any interest at all? She didn't send a message or anything saying she wasn't gonna show. Feels bad man
The usual of wasting time between elevators and wondering what I should get for lunch. Wondering if I should keep up my streak of being offline on Steam or log on and remove all the /v/ermin nest that is my Friends list myself. And finally what should I have for lunch; a tuna wrap or chicken n' pesto pizza?
Black cock is always on my mind I seriously think I've been brainwashed by cuck porn.
>Used to download pictures of it to shitpost with >Started fapping to it >Started watching brain washing videos and gifs >Never stopped Please help me. I'm not even kidding at this point. I've been 100% honest. I'm sick of this shit. I want to go back to fapping to hentai and not feeling like a completely worthless sack of shit...
>>26060081 It's very important to realise masturbating to cuck porn doesn't mean you want to get cucked. There's a line between real life and your fetishes on the Internet. I fap to this stuff sometimes but I understand I would immediately break up with my girlfriendnot that I have one if she cheated on me. Pornography is highly exaggerated so it can play into the wild imaginings those who see it.
I write some cuck fanfiction from time to time as a form of catharsis. Reading it on pdf makes it crystal clear how silly it is. Relationships are not all about sex. Women will not leave you because a guy has a huge dick. If she did, you were dating a massive slut and lost nothing.
In fact, most of the females sexual nerves are at the entrance to the vagina. Women usually orgasm from oral. Read She Comes First by Ian Kerner.
If I'd take a guess I'd say you're a /pol/ack and this stuff arouses you precisely because you think it shouldn't. Fetishes always are something taboo. Think, why are you aroused by this stuff?
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