the next day you wake up and you are given the following abilities:

Go on /r9k/ and post about how it doesnt help my depression at all.

>>26038608
use powers to get laid

>>26038624
more specifically? what would you do, exactly, to get laid?

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Teleport to Eggman and make him my personal cumslut

>>26038623
I laughed so fucking hard. This completely sums up this board.

Can I ressurect myself

>short term
RAPERAPERAPERAPERAPERAPERAPE

>long term
Dress up as an angel, claim to be from god and take over the catholic church. From there, have a /pol/-style purge of non-whites and degenerates.

>>26038681
you have unlimited regeneration dumbfuck. No cell degrading, no death.

>cut self in half down middle
>regenerate into two copies
>repeat ad infinitum
>have 1000000 man orgy with myself

>>26038703
So how fast does my cells regenerate

>>26038648
*teleports into girls DMs*

>>26038608
infinite
appetite

>>26038739
you can kill yourself by teleporting into the core of the sun, but pretty much nothing can harm you on Earth

I think about my lack of friends

Teleport to cool location to bee honest

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>short term
I'd probably try and see if I can do a handstand

>long term
I would just be comfy desu, teleport around to cool places, try to not let people become aware that power. Pose as a doctor and get rich by curing rich people. Probably become bored someday and cause havoc.

OOOH I'M THE TYPE OF GUY WHO WILL NEVER SETTLE DOWN

>>26038608
>teleport to and from school and maybe get away with living in Mexico
>get in to boxing and shit and earn a fuck ton of money
>neglect that ability cuz I don't fuck with that Satan shit
>heal myself after fights and low key cure family of shit. nobody else would believe that I have healing powers and keep it a secret

>>26038898
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town?

Constant rape

>>26038945
>and keep it a secret
but why

>>26038703
Fug I don't want to be immortal.

>teleport people out into vacuum of space for shits and giggles

Seriously tho, short term I'd teleport to the moon to have breakfast picnic, while listening Pink Floyd. Long term, dude, it's government-toppling time. Middle east might be fun. Sure I'd probably fuck it all up, but what do I care, I'm indestructible.

>really long term my conscience would probably get the better of me and I'd try to help people

I would heal my mother.
Also rewrite my genes to fix my physical flaws.
Teleport myself to cool places.
Save time and money.
Start healing people randomly. Become a urban legend.

I'd teleport the earth into the sun.

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>>26038623
Anon you dog

I'd go to Africa, cure aids, cure everything there, become Eternal King of United States of Africa and send my army of 1 billion ultra giga niggers to Israel to racemix with jews until jews are no longer pure, then chill out in my African palace watching my innovation on classic Gladiator games.

>>26038982
what do you think, it'd feel like to be on the Moon, right now?
just think for a minute please

>>26039083
>unlimited regeneration, virtually unkillable and indestructible

>>26038623
Not
>Go on /r9k/ and post about how it still hasn't helped me get a gf
>>26038684
>Dress up as an angel, claim to be from god and take over the catholic church. From there, have a /pol/-style purge of non-whites and degenerates.
Now THIS is podracing.

Use my powers and become god emperor of mankind, take complete control of the solar system by teleporting in resources and colonies, build up a massive army and then go out and take the galaxy for humanity, then eventually create a massive planet/palace/spaceship/deathstar with a harem of billions of aliens and hot girls and give most of my empire a sort of federalization and let them do their own shit

use my abilities to solve petty world conflicts. completely wipe out groups that are too unreasonable to work with.

rapidly re-allocate resources to r&d, improving infrastructure, and education. create a utopia in the west and start expanding it to the rest of the world. begin the push to settle/terraform other planets. hopefully have FTL travel within a few hundred years if not sooner. keep the most useful/intelligent people alive with my healing so they can continue their work. become god of a galactic empire which will rule the milky way, then the universe at large

>>26039133
Yes, and what would it feel like? what would it feel like to experience ~3 kelvin and 0 atmosphere pressure? Please think for a second

>>26038608
not tell a single soul about it

continue in my life while using the powers to keep it great

disappear when I'm old

regenerate myself, live a new life, repeat

after I've learned and experienced enough things I might help mankind on a larger scale

>>26039243
>teleport in nice oxygenated warm air around you
>teleport away any bad cosmic rays constantly
>teleport in some water
>teleport in a floaty
>teleport in a minibar
>teleport in a computer to shitpost on r9k on while lying down on the floaty, floating in water, which is floating on the moon, which is surrounded by nice comfortable breathable air, while sipping a drink

motherfucker, i'm not even that anon but you think for a second

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>>26039244
original movie poster

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>>26038608
>>26038623
For Future threads

>>26038623
>almost Godlike abilities, genemodification, raising the dead, immortality
>doesnt help my depression at all.
if that doesn't help, what does?

>>26038608
Open a stall at a shopping centre "free teleportation" then teleport all normies to Syria

>>26039455
what if a robot stands in there

>>26039322
Yeah kinda like that.

I wouldn't tell a single soul though, although it might be unbearable being unable to confide in anyone after so long.

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I would quietly wander the earth, healing people who need it when the opportunity arises.

I would start teleporting into the room of any robot that kills themselves and say "You aren't getting out that easy" before teleporting away. Eventually word would spread about me, and a mythos would develop. Robots would begin to panic as they realize they can't even escape their miserable lives through death. Eventually I'd start modifying the genes of those who try to commit suicide, taking an inch off their height for every attempt.

>>26039435
That's the joke you fucking autist jesus fucking christ you people are dumb

>>26039693
Haha, this is a good one! Although you'd have to be omniscient to teleport to robots in the moment where they kill themselves.
>>26039635
I love this one too. I'd become a hermit on top of some mountain, healing anyone who walks the long, tiresome way to the top. But only if they bring sacrificial virgins with them.

>>26040276
>Haha, this is a good one! Although you'd have to be omniscient to teleport to robots in the moment where they kill themselves.
I'd modify my genes to give me both superhuman intelligence and superhuman reaction speed to be able to calculate a list of places most likely a robot would be committing suicide and teleport to each of those places at nanosecond speed to until I find one.

Teleport to my ex and kill her, then wing it

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>>26038760
*teleports behind you*
*teleports dick out*

>>26038982
Listining to pink floyd won't work cause no air

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>>26038608
I would wipe every single human male species off the face of this planet Earth, leave only the most beautiful females & take them back to the Garden of Eden.

>>26038608
Lock myself in my room forever. Don't even have to eat cause of regeneration.

>>26038608
Go to area 51

>>26041200
...why? then what?

>>26038969
I would embark on a quest to rape every single female on the planet.

>>26038623
APEX KEKS
P
E
X
K
E
K
S

>>26039178
You're forgetting about using your gene manipulation abilities to create your legions of space marines

>>26041219
I'm curious to see if the rumors are true