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ITT: share cringy shit you did as a kid
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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ITT: share cringy shit you did as a kid

>be 6 year old me
>find out about porn at a young age
>too spergy to talk to a girl
>desperate to kiss something
>cat usually sleeps in my bed with me
>before going to bed I kiss it on its cat mouth
Mfw remembering this
I kiss my cat on the mouth all the time. Quit being a faggot.
Everything but can't think of anything.
Wore anime cosplay to school
kill me
Only girl i ever loved liked me back and one day she came up to me in the school yard and asked if i liked her and i said no.. KILL ME
Printed out several dozen copies of a "communist newsletter" making fun of the school admin and urging the students to rise up and left them all around the school.

No one ever found out it was me.
Seriously? Kissing your cat on your mouth? That's the best you could think of when it comes to cringy stuff?
I sniff my cats neck. Whenever I pick her up I take a really long drag of cat smell. I'm not sure if this is a weird thing to do.
One time i bit my brothers shoulder till it bled
Tried to hit on my friends mom when I was 12
This is just middle school:

>sharpied fingernails black so often they turned dark yellowish-brown
>did weak shallow cuts all over arms
>unironically spread the gospel of Satan
>unironic nazi youth
>played industrial metal loudly on a portable CD player while everyone else had mp3
>wore cheap black headphones with the foam ear pieces, around the neck, never on ears
>wore the same pair of black pants every day and everybody knew
>smelled like cat piss, covered in cat hair
>drew goth anime porn in class
>drew on eyeliner and added those dumb spiky tears
>continued wearing eyebrow ring even after it turned purple and started oozing yellow pus
>wore an oversized pleather jacket because I couldn't afford a trenchcoat
>legitimately enjoyed happy tree friends and invader zim

Fucking kill me now this hurt so much to write
Fuck you, OP, that's not weird. I kiss my cat all the time. It's my fucking cat! I love that guy. Fuck you.
I rubbed my dick on my sister's cat face when I was 11. I felt guilty and threw him out so I didn't have to look at him.
>sexually molesting your cat
I've called the cops
Why does every person like this always have cat hair and piss all over them
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>be me
>be 11
>huge fucking social outcast/weirdo/nerd
>didnt give a shit desu
>just spent most of my days playing spyro and sonic
>my dad was a huge prodigy nut
>shows me videos of the melbourne shuffle on early internet
>impressive shit.png
>decide to try it out on hardwood floor
>complete ass of myself, literally just jigging up and down like a fucking retard
>gave up from that point on, went back to sonic
>at school
>end of year dance is coming
>thought nothing of it
>night of the dance
>did that stupid fucking spiky hair every kid did
>pretty much spent most of my time with my nerd lads in the cafeteria drinking oj having an 11 year old giggle
>prodigy comes on in the hall
>tell friends to follow me into hall
>literally go smack bang in the middle of the hall
>start doing that fucking jig again, this time worse
>literally just jumping up and down like a retard in the middle of the hall
>everyone looking at me
>i stop
>i look around
>everyone's having a giggle at my expense
>better get the fuck out
>back to cafeteria with oj
>literally said nothing more that night
I thought this was America asshole
Shit anon noone deserves to kill your pathetic self. Do it yourself faggot.
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>be 14
>at grandma's house with dad and sister
>running around outside with sister
>thought it'd be funny to show off
>whip out dick and start pissing in the front yard
>dad comes out and yells at me and chases me inside
>5 years later still have a hard time repressing the memory and not cringing in front of my dad
I dont want to remember, I had just turned 4 and dogs were out in backyard sniffing dicks and buttholes, I pull pants down for dog to sniff dick and mom sees and screams and beats me then tells dad, no idea I did anything bad fml I did get a bad ass set of crayola crayons that birthday thouh..
at least the cat know you loved him

> be like 12-13
> was at friends house, he had a small female puppy
> friend leaves house to get lunch
> had a random boner
> let the puppy give it 3 licks
> feels disgusted and regret it immediately afterwards

kids do stupid shit when they are horny I guess
I used to refuse to wear anything by pajamas even if I left the house
>be me about 5
>little sister had barbies
>I would take the barbies under the blanket with me
>get them naked
>tell them I would protect them
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You think kissing your cat on the mouth is cringy? That pails in the face of what i "did"

Prepare your anus

When I was 8 and my older brother was 10 he used to make me play the "penis in butt game" where he basically ass fucked me because he saw my dad watching porn and we took turns but we were allways flaccid and I thought it tickled
>mfw remembering this
No man cats natural oils smell good
That's not cringy, that's hilarious
Same happened to me when I was in bed and my sisters chiwawa or whatever it's called was under the covers I was 10
I was molested for years so I did a ton of cringeworthy shit with my friends/their dads and I'm not even going to list it all.

But I'm still friends with several of my elementary school friends and every now and then something will remind us of some shit I did and no one says anything but I know what they're thinking and it's this big quiet unspoken thing. Just writing this is making me cringe so bad.
Their dads?
Yeah, and teachers. I'd be like "if you let me and X do Y I'll do Z ;)" or ask them questions about their dicks and shit.

I guess it's kind of messed up none of them thought to tell my mom like "yo, your 8-year-old son just offered to suck my cock for an extra oreo".

>your 8-year-old son just offered to suck my cock for an extra oreo

I think that you might need professional help.
shit anon
Invader Zim was cool.
Happy Tree Friends is edgy trash though.
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>mfw reading this
Sorry I could not hold it
Made me kek
Dw I've been in therapy for quite some time.
>be 6 year old me, male
>2 brothers who are 14 and 17
>17 year old bro dares me and 14 to lick each others armpits
>we take turns, I'm first
>Start licking his pit
>9 year old me thinks nothing of it
>his turn
>when we're done 14 tells me he was just spitting in my armpit
>Tfw squandered by life again
Remembering this is making me cringe so hard jesus christ
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>be around 10
>mom's coworker just died of cancer, her kids (6yo & 12yo boys) need friends or something so mom asks me to hang out with them
>they come over one night while my parents are out, turn out to be bretty cool, we have backyard nerf battles
>a few hours later we're all playing PS2 being bros
>randomly ask "So your mom died, huh?"
>they both get really quiet, older one nods
>younger one starts crying
>say "oh man, that sucks"
>back to vidya, they're both pretty solemn for the rest of the night until their dad come gets them
>think nothing of it
>next day mom bitches me out
Shortly after meeting new kids I would ask them if they would "Be my friend" then go home to my mom and tell her how I had made a new friend...Just to never talk to them again.
Used to run around alone in the playground minding my own business imagining some fantasy world.

I used to play with the other boys, like sports or whatever, but i found they didn't like to share or like include people, so i fucked it off and just fully autismed into my own fantasy worlds.

I used to also have long hair and get teased about it, but i would hold my own and kick and spit at people and i punched this one guy in the face for trying to bully me.

trying to think what else? probably just talking too much whilst being autistic about things.
>7th grade
>would take my sisters barbies, get them naked, and cum on their faces
>would sit on my knees while staring out the window at my neighbors kids (same age as me) and jerk off
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you arent alone

i did that shit with my cousin and a friend when i was like 8-12. found my first porn at 8. go figure. we would go in the closet, suck eacothers little 4 inch boners, even had this "belly button game" where we took turns putting our dicks in eachothers belly button

>tfw my cousin is my best friend now and that hasnt been spoken of in at least 6 years (we're 19)

god fucking dammit
I had shoulder length hair from 7th go shortly before I graduated highschool, got tons of shit for it but never surrendered.
That's pretty rad.
Holy fuck why am I laughing so hard at this
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>middle school
> I only had one friend, he was Asian
>he came over a bunch to play ssbm
>used to mess with him a lot
>eventually started tickling him
>one time we were in my room I started tickling him so much he was on the ground
>he tells me to stop
>says he'll yell
>I immediately stop and realize what I did
>we start talking less and less
>I eventually move away
typing this made me want to an hero
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>drew on eyeliner and added those dumb spiky tears
>and added those dumb spiky tears
>dumb spiky tears
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>11 years old
>I repeat, 11 years old
>about to get a hair cut
>decide to get my head shaved
>as I do I grab nearly all of the parts of my hair while the barber isn't looking
>when I wake up before I get to school I glue this shit to my head and get on the bus
>I thought I looked so cool
>I'm wearing a hoodie so no one sees my cool hair until class
>I'm also asian and looked like pic related until I got my head shaved
>walk in and announce to the teacher I'm the coolest kid in here
>take off my hoodie and throw it onto my desk, go up and shake a girls hand
>everyone laughs, I think I'm so cool
>girl runs to the bathroom, absolutely repulsed
>a few minutes later the teacher takes me to the office by the hand
>starting to feel embarrassed
>teacher takes me to a mirror before
>fucking cry my eyes out once I see what I've done
>piss my pants right there, jeans are fucking drenched
>allowed to leave school, got a reputation as the fashionably retarded asian who thinks he's cool
>teacher treated me like a toddler for the rest of that year
>be me walking back to my house
>see qt girl who i know is usually shy and quiet walking my way
>i attempt to chat up a girl for the first time in my life
>street is empty except us to
>act like i thought a gang banger would (i thought all girls fantasize this) and shout "hey bitch suck my fucking dick"
>looks scared
>i block her way and grab her ass
>tell her "wank me off now or i'll fuck you up the ass"
>she unzips my pants and grabs my dick
>she pulls my dick hard hurting it
>punches me
>runs off
>got BTFO by a qt
btw i apologized to her after and explained and that was embarassing
Edge Lord, did you plan to shoot up the school at some point?
>>I immediately stop and realize what I did
What's supposed to be cringey about this, the fact that you tickled him? Or are you trying and failing to imply something
I use to play doctor with my big sister and older female cousin
>be 13 y/o me
>be edgy Atheist with no real friends
>make facebook groups titled "Atheism!!!" and "Anarchy!!!"
>invite everyone from my school to join
>no one does
>i talk like a pretentious James Bond villain in an effort to make myself seem smart
>when people get mad I tell them it was a social experiment
>literally all I did on youtube was watch AmazingAtheist and later ThinkingAtheist
>took me almost 4 years to get over that stupid fucking phase

Fuck me. The sad thing is other than being literally Autistic, I don't look that ugly or anything. Looking back, I could've been at least a partial chad, had I put just a bit of effort into being likable.

I have other stories of me being an Autist too if anyone wants to hear them tho lol
>"So your mom died, huh?"
Im fucking dying anon, thats hilarios
are you a woman or a homosexual?
>be me
>be in 4th grade
>just transferred to ritzy french catholic school
>my single mother baptized me solely so that I could go have a better education there despite us being poor
>desperately wish I was still going to shitty inner city public school with degen children
>have no friends at all, they can tell I'm poor and gross
>riding the school bus home one day, finally hitting it off with other girls
>they sing this rhyme "Girls go to college to get more knowledge, boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider."
>didn't understand what it was supposed to mean, trying so hard to fit in with these girls
>older girl turns around and peeks over the seat
>"If boys are stupid, then, y-you're saying, that, um, that that means uh that your DAD is stupid."
>seething daddy issues rage inside, my face changes completely
>become beyond enraged
>"MY DAD ISN'T STUPID." (I had never met my Dad at the time, I didn't actually know if he was stupid. For the record.)
>freak the fuck out over her casual and frivolous comment
>jump on top of this girl and start ripping at her face and hair
>choking the girl, murderous rampage
>8th grade bus patrollers don't know what to do because they're kids
>they try to pull me off of her, it's too late I've fucked this girl up
>finally pull me off of her and I'm flailing with fist fulls of this girls hair, kicking every where
>piss myself, piss all over my kilt
>bite the bus patroller, start screaming "FREE ME" in broken french
>they contain me to the back of the bus and call the police
>all of the girls think I'm crazy
>known as ****re Tare for the rest of my time at that school (Tare = Psycho)
>Mom collects me at the bus stop and explains loudly to the driver that I have no Dad in my life
>never make friends
I once put a full 12 cans of Dr pepper into my hair to dye it. It didn't dye so good.

holy fuck i love this
No one who fucked their dogs?
chimps, everyone
Post em.

Myerre? There was a girl with that name at my high school, she got arrested for trying to beat up some stacie with a hammer.
No, that wasn't me. I was for the most part quietly taunted for the rest of elementary school.

>Why does every person like this always have cat hair and piss all over them

The same parental neglect that causes kids to adopt a subculture for attention in the first place


Of course. My myspace theme was a collage of all the notable school shooters even. But nobody ever acted concerned because they all knew I was a worthless feg. Humiliating.
Holy... shit. I'm so sorry, anon :(
I thought it would happen
please go ahead and see
Dress up as Batman to go to daycare when I was 4 or 5. I'd walk around and tell people that "I don't talk"
>>whip out dick and start pissing in the front yard
That's really not particularly bad at 14.
>>be me about 5
>>little sister had barbies
>>I would take the barbies under the blanket with me
>>get them naked
>>tell them I would protect them

I love you, robro.
>pick wildflowers when I was supposed to be playing soccer
>draw/write my thoughts in class
>sit at an empty lunch table
That is aside from be tormented every fucking day from 1st to 9th grade. I stopped attending school at 15.
>I guess it's kind of messed up none of them thought to tell my mom like "yo, your 8-year-old son just offered to suck my cock for an extra oreo".
That's actually pretty typical for someone who got molested. They probably knew what was up straight away as teachers need to be able to recognise that shit (at least in civilised countries)
I hope it's going well for you robro.
I genuinely mean that
that's normal, little kids like being super heros
It think you're cool robro.
>Was in 8th grade at the time
>was over at a friends house
>go to take a piss in bathroom
>laundry hamper next to sink
>friends mom had her dirty underwear on top of a pile of clothes
>took her panties home, strong pussy/asshole smell, instant rock hard erection
>kept them in a plastic bag to keep the smell as long as possible
>smell finally dissipated after about a year
>threw them in an empty lot near my house

I must of jerked off at least 300+ times to the smell of those panties. The smell was amazing to me at that age. Friend never mentioned anything about it.
Did the same thing with a pair of my friend's sister's sweaty socks (footfag) sans plastic bag
I don't understand how you thought it would be cool :S
what number of years had you been alive for?
So what are you now? Are you a jesus-junkie?
Please elaborate.

Original comment here.
Dude are you colton? I swear to god a kid did this exact thing in my school too
This reminds me.

>Be like 8-9
>There was this kid 2 years older than me
>Didn't really bully me but I was angry at him for some reason
>His father just died of cancer several months before
>"You deserve having your father dead!"

Kid just stared at me in shock before he went home and cried.
Are you kidding me? That is really bad for a teenager
sounds like something a /fa/ggot would do desu

>be me, 14
>health ed class
>we're supposed to write an inspirational quote that means something to us
>i giggled, rubbing my hands together
>wrote some quote about how stupid religion was
>as i put it up on the wall i smiled a shit-eating grin to everyone else
>the girl I had a crush on at the time was in that class
>she just rolled her eyes and shook her head
>no one in that classroom talked to me all semester

I was such a fucking Autist, holy shit. As I type this, more and more memories keep flooding to me. I legitimately have no idea why I had to be such a confrontational prick. Too bad I became self aware too late to make friends.


No. I'm still an Atheist but I never talk about it because I learned that I don't have to let something as minor as how I feel about religion be a defining part of my identity.
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>be me
>had a handgag fetish since forever (hand gag is literally just covering someones mouth with your hand, I guess it vaguely falls under rape fantasy or bondage)
>the idea of doing it to a girl makes my dick diamonds
>be like 12 or 13
>moms friends kids are here
>boy and a girl
>the girl is a fucking qt, probably hot as fuck now
>I have a jacuzzi in my backyard
>me and her in it
>we're just talking and I'm looking at her and some intense sexual agression is brewing inside me
>really want to handgag her, need a way to do it that doesn't make her freak out
>start play fighting with her
>finally handgag her, she's laughing, I nearly cum buckets
>suddenly think it'd be a great fucking idea to shove her under the water while I do it
>don't know why I thought this
>do it for a bit too long
>she wriggles free, spits water out coughing
>'what the FUCK anon!'
>she gets out
>brother finds out and tries to beat the shit out of me
>mummy intervenes
>they go home
>beat it like a pilgrim

Only saw her like twice after that and she seemed to forget about it (or not who gives a fuck). Not seen her for at least a good 5 years anyway
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"Anata no egao wo mamoritai, Baabii."
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I made one of those impact-font captioned memegenerator compilations using a fb profile pic of a kid that picked on me during middle school and anything I considered a "douchey" stereotype as a caption.

I posted it on a 9gag-esque website and it became popular overnight. I uploaded two of them and they collectively gained +50k views total. It got to the point where there were other people using it on memegenerator and making its rounds to other sites.

Of course, people at school knew about it. Other classmates would call up the posts at a computer I was sitting at and show it to the kid who I used for the image. He wasn't opposed to it or even asked me to take it down, he just looked through the page and was all "whatever" about it. The school asked me to take it down a couple weeks later and I admitted it was stupid and it wouldn't happen again.

From my understanding the original images and ones made by other people can't be found anymore.

I honestly deserved every bit of shit I referred to as "bullying" that I got from that kid for being the insufferable, social inept brat that I was.
>be 6 or 7
>see dog in hallway
>pull down pants and let it lick my ass
>caught by mom
>shes shocked, tells dad
>shouted at a lot by both

I hope to fuck they forgot about that by now...
Alright /r9k/ I'll fucking bite.

> be me.
> 10 years old
> at cousins house in Alberta for the first time
> alone in house with girl cousins and my two sisters
> parents outside with aunt and uncle paying no mind to the shit we are doing.
> all horsing around having fun
> decide to chase them around the house with my balls hanging out of my pants
> yell "dingleberrys" as my soft hairless balls flop around as I chase my screaming cousins and sisters.
> still remember it to this day
> sister hasn't brought it up since the incident
> in constant fear of being blackmailed for eye raping my sisters and cousins.

Fuck my autistic 10 year old self.
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>8th grade
>at friend's house one morning after sleepover
>we're both in his room, he's still asleep
>his dog comes in
>think it would be lolsorandumb if i took a picture of his dogs dick & texted it to him
>dont realize door is open, hear his 9yo sister's voice saying "WHAT are you doing?!!" as I have my cell phone camera shoved into this chihuahuas nether regions
>say absolutely nothing, just stare & kinda laugh nervously
>she runs out
>never hear a thing about it
I still talk to her pretty regularly
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Highschool was when I was at my cringiest.
>be me at 16
>never figured out how to come onto girls
>learn girl I like happens to exclusively date guys from where I'm from
>decide the best course of action would be to let her know I'm from there
>have never spoken to her before and way too beta to do it now
>get on the same bus as her on my way home
>over the course of the trip keep making comments loud enough for her to hear
>she gets off the bus after a few stops
>friend next to me tells me how much of an idiot I am
>realize how stupid I just looked
>realize how big of a jackass I just looked
>friend rips on me all the way home
>it was all a waste because she doesn't even know me
This is a feel i've felt.
One more I can remember off the top of my head.
>be me getting out of school on a hot summer day
>decide to get some ice cream
>bus gets there shortly after
>everybody wants to get on the first bus
>I'm trying to keep my ice cream steady
>people push me into another guy
>his hair gets in my ice cream
>he has a big patch of white in his hair now
>I'm laughing because I didn't mean to do it
>people call me an asshole anyway
>make sure to get on the bus first to spite them
>it's still hot and I have a half melted ice cream in hand
>decide to eat it
>don't pay much attention but notice some people looking my way
>see some cellphones pointed my way too
>completely oblivious to what I'm doing
>finish my ice cream and go home pretty happy
I still don't know why I ate that fucking thing. I didn't even realize what the fuck I did and that people were staring at me the whole time until nearly a year later.
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Fuck anon. You just brought up some similar memories I tried to repress.
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