Hello robots, oldfag from '07 here. This place seems a whole like 7ch's /b/ from back in the day(complete with complimentary beer & 12-y/o)- slower moving, less chaotic than 4ch /b/ and much more original.
Now, onto my point here. I have a compilation project in mind involving greentext stories. Not just screencaps of funny shit going on online, you know the kind I mean: Tales typed out in the greentext format that come from the lives of anons. And I'm looking for all sorts. I'll bump with my collection so far, but there's all sorts of stuff, and that's exactly what I'm looking for. Funny, sad, disgusting, prideful, scary, happy, it's all good.
The story here is a long read, but a great one. A guy tells of how wiping his ass with a friend's family bible completely fucks his life, from getting him discharged from bootcap to eventual homelessness, to near death until he ends up in an Indian reservation where he meets a girl. Eventually he settles into a proper job and finds out the life of the prior friend who started the whole chain of events is fucked. Real circle-of-life sort of shit here.
bampu: This is a bad trip a guy had. Short but sweet, it tells what the person believes happened and then what his parents/sister informed him actually happened whle he was tripping
bampu2: This one's a little less rare as far as greentexts go. My sister who's a die-hard redditor linked me this and was all 'hey-I-thought-you-might-find-this-entertaining'. She was right, but I've had the .jpg for years. Anyway it follows a guy who pits two groups of crows against one another by feeding one group fries and pelting the other with rocks. Lulz ensue.
bampu3: A kid talks about finding a porn vid of his friend's mum, fapping to said vid, then finally showing his friend. The mum sees them watching it, lulz ensue.
bampu4: Some anon on a train says 'fuck' in front of two kids, the children of some idiot who spills a coke on him. The family leaves, but not before anon notes she's reading a harry potter book and spoils it for her (doubledork dies HNGGGHH). She bursts into tears.
No contributions? Anyone lurking?
bampu5: A bottle of fermented apple juice explodes in anon's room late at night. He's freaked out, but googles it and finds this is a common thing for apple juice left out. Anon uses this knowledge to get revenge on and eventually mentally cripple his ex.
bampu6: Great little story about abuse of power in the little ways. Anon is an IT for some company and he convinces a Hispanic customer that he has to scream ACTIVATE at his phone to get it working, among other things.
bampu7: Anon works at a games store/firearms shop (the south, amirite?) and a woman comes in bitching about Zim Zam and other crimes with guns. She knocks some clay pot anon made over and he holds her at gunpoint with an unloaded firearm. The cops come and are on his side. He makes 800$ out of it by calling his stupid handmade pot an 1873 one-of-a-kind Poisuo or someshit
bampu8: anon's several-year relationship ends because of clapping. More specifically, anon conditions his girlfriend into freaking out at him clapping his hands. I suspect autism.
bampu9: collection of ministories between anon and his friendbro Anthony. Shenanigans, and too many to recount.
bampu10: anon is the only decent person in some art class. Shitpeople disrupt and eventually crack a cancer joke when prof's husband has cancer. Prof kills herself because of this and anon beats the shit out of head shitperson. Prof leaves him her sketchbook.
bampu11:Yung anon says 'fuck' in front of his dad and his dad proceeds to put green frogs all around the house. This comes to a head when anon comes home from school to see a guy in a frog suit. He tells frogman 'chill dad' and frogman replies in a voice not anon's father's 'I'm not your dad'. Ends up being his uncle. Dad comes in and says 'anon, we don't say 'fuck' in this house'.
bampu12: In a classic case of anon being a fucking weirdo, he tests m&ms for 'genetic superiority' by squeezing two between his fingers. Inferiors are eaten immediately and he saves the superiors (indefinitely? don't recall)
bampu13: catfishman is an anon who has resigned himself to a life of wizardry, and spends his days trolling women who are out for the D. This is a collection of his stories.
bampu14: Anon's little sister Charlotte becomes his raison d'etre, and they become terribly close. After much life trouble, Charlotte eventually kills herself, asking Anon to carry on for her, knowing she was a burden to him. The last post is anon apologizing to her, saying he can't live without her
Still no lurkers then? Pls Anon I implore you.
bampu15: Not greentext format but fits the bill, certainly. Anon works in a music store and some cute girl walks in with a more heavily autistic Anon named Chris. Anon helps them out and eventually gets the girls number after dropping hints that he lurks /b/, but feigns ignorance which infuriates Chris.
bampu16:Anon becomes labelled as the 'computer-illiterate' of the family, while really it's his idiot sister downloading .exes on Limewire.
I'm only at 'C' in the goddamn alphabet and I ain't stopping
bampu17:Lulz from domestic violence court. Anon is a prosecutor(?) and regales the reader with stories of gross humans being terrible in court.
bampu18:Renfaire Anon apprehends a would-be thief while shouting guard things from Morrowind. Gets promoted to king's guard for his efforts.
bampu19:Anon and friends go to house party of a kid nobody likes, go in with intention to destroy the place. A deer crashes through the window, among other things. Party scenes, really.
bampu20: Dennis is a student at an all-boys military school. Anon tells us of his shenanigans.
Not too bad. I've established a rate of roughly 20pph.
bampu21:Anon's friend Dmitri is a college bro and turbo-fuckwit whose parents keep sending him money despite him failing all his classes and doing nothing. This is a collection of his stories
bampu22: Neckbeard anon watches Drive and models himself off of the character portrayed by Gosling. Life turnaround, gets gf and steady job.
bampu23:anon is diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, his gf who dragged him out of neckbeardhood, eventually his fiance, kills herself from the stress of it.