[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Home]
4Archive logo
who /reallylowselfesteem/ here?
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.

You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

Thread replies: 25
Thread images: 5
last night

>be me
>go to the mall with my friend (literally 1 of 3 friends I have)
>already mildly anxious because I'm worried we will bump into someone we know from school which would be literal hell for me
>get the shit I need, we start heading back
>his friend he used to be best friends with (and I used to be mildly acquainted but had no real relationship with) calls him, and asks if he wants to meet him at a bar for a drink with his friends
>says yeah and asks if I can come
>''Who anon?''
>''Yeah s-sure''
>too beta to say no, desperately trying to think of an excuse the entire walk to the bar
>eventually get there
>can't back out now
>he's in there playing darts with his normie friends
>takes like a full 30 seconds of me awkwardly standing there for him to say ''Hey anon long time no see!''
>spend the night awkwardy sitting with them, having to impose my self in the conversation in random intervals, otherwise sat there drinking quickly and staring at people playing darts
>catch a few glances from the guy who invited us which looks like he's saying ''what the fuck are you even doing here?''
>have an awkward encounter with him in the bathroom where he tried to ignore me when I said hi
>his friends won't talk to me
>literally hear one of his friends say to my friend who I came with ''You're a cool guy you should chill with us sometime''
>I'm just sat in the middle pretending to be on my phone
>tfw even when I'm drunk I can't socialise
>he doesn't ask me what I'm up to now
>he doesn't say bye when they leave
>spend the hours after just dwelling on how pathetic I am

Well, fuck you too I didn't want to come anyway

Why are normies so cold to shy people? I honestly don't get how you can think ''oh he's shy and vulnerable, instead of helping him come out of his shell like I would to a cute shy grill, I'll be totally passive aggressive and indifferent towards him and make him feel more uncomfortable than he already is because he's a guy and he's not good looking''
>>I'm just sat in the middle pretending to be on my phone
Theres your problem, being on your phone is an indication that you want to be alone and makes you unapproachable. Same with crossing your arms, looking sad etc.
>tfw even when I'm drunk I can't socialise

I acted a lot like you but after I found that I can socialise while being drunk I kind of established a social life. It is really unhealthy though because it's just getting drunk at bars, but I have a lot of fun sometimes. It also helps to know people who are not complete normies and have at least a few shared interests

To be honest I can socialise well when drunk but I have a history of being too imposing and I feel like it probably comes across as tryhard and artificial half the time. I was trying to dial it back and not embarrass myself but I didn't know how to initiate conversation normally
That makes sense, but I didn't know what else to do, just nod at the guy when he's talking to my friend the whole night?
I also have killer social anxiety, can we get some suggestions ITT about how to interact with people in a positive light or have more welcoming body language etc?
File: 1444622029983.jpg (42 KB, 600x557) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
42 KB, 600x557
Just look unoccupied, and look around at them and act interested in their conversation. You don't have to be talkative, just don't look like you're deliberately closing yourself off. If conversation goes quiet, you can use it as an opportunity for a generic conversation starter like "How'd you guys meet?", "What are you studying?" etc., and just let them do the talking.
I used to have social anxiety, came upon yourbrainonporn.com and literally discovered I was a robot because I had been bating to hardcore shemale gangbangs a,d stuff since I was 11
Also discovered that I was addicted to masturbation, internet and porn (no big news though, my ratio was like 10 faps a day and I'm not even joking)

I decided to stop porn forever and masturbation for a few months, shit was literally hell but my life has been better since. I masturbate twice a week without porn, and don't suffer from social anxiety anymore.

This YBOP might be bullshit and placebo effect but who cares. You should give it a try maybe. Of course it won't be enough but it played a big role for me
It's OP's fault, if you didn't want to be there you should haven't in the first place. It's your friend, isn't it ? You can say that to him.
The thing is I know I could do that, but in the moment it was a mixture of being too scared to do it, and also me having no interest in getting to know them because I genuinely don't see myself equal to them, and as a result don't see myself ever having or even wanting a relationship with them so I just said nothing.

I guess it's because I'm not particularly that fond of the guy who invited us anyway and I just got generic dudebro vibes from everyone else
Too much of a bitch, senpai

Didn't want to leave him alone and possibly trigger a chain reaction which results in him not wanting to be friends any more, and resulting in even less reasons to leave the house
That would maybe work if the reason for my SA was the same of yours. But I'm almost certain mine stems from self imposed isolation and being talked down to practically all my life
pack mentality, probably.
If he really is your friend he's not going to stop suddenly being one. The most important thing is yourself, don't do things you don't like to please others. He should understand that, if not that's his problem.
That's fair enough, I used to be a bit like that. like that. Keep in mind that these guys have no idea what you're actually like, and theres a difference between just being quiet and looking like a total loser. Just don't wear a constance grimace, don't slouch, and don't cross our arms. You'll come off to them as just a quiet but all round regular guy. Even better if you can work in an occasional conversation starter when they stop talking amongst themselves just to show that you aren't oblivious to their own conversation.
>Be me
>go to and live on university
>people go out of their way to smile at me and say hello to me, even girls I don't know/have never met
>results in a momentary boost of confidence
>until I hear someone laugh
>it can be from the other side of a busy dining hall and I'll still assume it's about me
>tfw paranoid everyone hates me
you have to wait until everyone is really drunk so they won't mind if you act tryhard or artificial. Don't be scard of being too imposing, you actually aren't. It's just your fear of rejection telling you not to reveal too much about yourself. The sad truth although is that noone cares much about you, so stop caring too much
File: babysteps.jpg (1 MB, 1366x2304) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1 MB, 1366x2304
>normies in my flat getting drunk af
>I'm playing some undertale in my room
>guy gets thrown towards my door and says, "don't disturb the cunt!"
>everybody laughs
hardly said anything to the guy; I even used to wake up early and wash their dishes.
File: 175249.jpg (134 KB, 446x400) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
134 KB, 446x400
>having friends

are you guys for real?
Came in the thread to post this. Being on your phone during social interaction makes you look like a cunt.

I try to make it a point to include quiet people in group conversations, I think normies should do the same, but they're too self-absorbed.
this pic describes my life perfectly what the fuck

>I try to make it a point to include quiet people in group conversations, I think normies should do the same, but they're too self-absorbed.

If you do this and aren't obnoxious and patronising about it and you actually talk to them like humans and not test subjects then you tha real fucking MVP

Thanks fellas (or fella if it's the same person)
>oh he's shy and vulnerable, instead of helping him come out of his shell like I would to a cute shy grill

You are right, OP, if you were a qt shy grill, people would actively engage you and entertain you. But you aren't; you are a man. Because you are a man, the people in this world are not going to have any intrinsic sympathy or empathy for your shy awkwardness. You are expected to come out of your shell on your own volition. You are not intrinsically entitled to others' attention, appreciation, or recognition. That is what it is to be an adult male.

Your greentext story makes it seem like you are resentful and jaded toward normies. I would wager that you acted like it, and this group of friends quickly picked up on it.

>impose my self in the conversation in random intervals

When you talked to these people, were you taking an active interest in them and their lives? I think you probably didn't, because if you had, they most likely would have reciprocated. Were you interjecting into their conversations to dictate to them your shit opinions? If so, you may have discovered that doing that is not going to get you very far. People tend to not give a shit about what you or I or anybody thinks. If you make the effort to give a shit about what somebody else does or thinks, it will make them feel special, and they may take an interest in you in turn. If not, fuck 'em.

Have a couple of quotes from Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

>You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

>You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.

I made some assumptions about you based on what you wrote, and I may have pegged you wrong, OP, but I think not. I say that because you seem to have attitudes that I used to be wrapped up in and still slip into sometimes. I hope this helps.
Me, holy shit.

>girl invited me over to stay at hers next weekend
>she's working her ass off at uni and then planning on what we'll be doing together
>even offered to pay for my train tickets
>even said that she wants to see where it leads after I asked if we're just meeting up as friends or what
>still think I am being manipulated and friendzoned hard

I know I am a fucking idiot for thinking this but you don't know how much fucking rejection I've faced in my life.
Thread replies: 25
Thread images: 5
Thread DB ID: 465966

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at wtabusse@gmail.com with the post's information.