>tfw just got a letter mailed to my house saying I've been placed on academic probation
>three semesters' worth of being too depressed to work and too socially-anxious to go to class (or write an email, or go outside, or look people in the eyes, or do literally anything) have finally caught up with me
>my mom isn't even mad, and this makes me feel like even more of a shithead
>no friends to talk to about this
>probably going to go on medical leave and/or finally kill myself
I feel very calm right now. I think I should be scared, but I feel the calmest I've felt in years. Is the end near?
When you're depressed as fuck, just try not to fuck everything up so badly that it can't be undone. Because one day, you will no longer be depressed, and then you can go about fixing things.
I had the same thing happen to me. I'm not on academic probation anymore because I really tried to fight my depression and get some hobbies or things to do and talk to people. It works litte by little and all it takes is the initial WANT to do better. I wish you the best anon
Had the same thing happen to me, lost my financial aid for awhile even. Really a low point in my life, almost quit school altogether. Ended up working for a bit and now I'm finally almost finished even though I'm 28. Better late than never I suppose, but I wouldn't suggest letting it fester for so long, I hate my wageslave job I have right now, really struggle to balance everything together but I do.
Don't let yourself have to work and do school at the same time, you'll run yourself into the ground with exhaustion. You can get yourself back on track, but you gotta get some help. I went to therapy for like a year and half to get myself put back together, was on a ton of meds before that, didn't help me at all. You need one or the other or both.
Hope it gets better.
I've felt that eerie calmness too about this semester, barely passed my classes, literally didnt do shit in one of my classes and fully prepared for an f, got a c instead and i was slightly disappointed. it's like a physical form of self destruction, if you fail completely then you dont have to try anymore which is relieving.
take the semester off if you can, tell mummy or just go to a doctor and tell them your depressed, you dont have to give them details, and have them refer you to psychiatrist/whatever that your healthcare covers. get on meds, at best they'll give you motivation to try harder next semester
I see them every week, and once a month I go home to check in with my psychiatrist and another therapist.
The only reason I went to college in the first place was in the vain hope that, by surrounding myself with normies, I could become one and fix myself. It didn't work. I only felt worse being surrounded by young, happy, functioning people having the time of their lives while I'm a miserable, nervous wreck. I think I've accepted the fact that I'll never have friends, a wife, or kids; I'll never be able to go outside without being a nervous wreck; and I'll never amount to anything in life. That's just how it is.
Nigga, same thing happened to me. I managed to take a year off because I had seen some shit, and then I still fucked up another 2 semesters. I initially wanted so badly to do well, that if I fucked something up, I would just give up.
I got a letter telling me to pull my head in or I'm on probation, so I resorted to doing 1 unit a semester, and making damn sure I passed it.
I'm finally back doing my thing, and I'm on the right track. Superb marks or no, I'm not going to fail any more units.
I got put on academic probation the third quarter of my soph year. I stayed on it till I graduated.
OP, you'll be fine, you just have to MAN THE FUCK UP AND JUST DEAL WITH IT.
Trust me, work hard now, or you'll have to work harder in the future.
>what do you currently have to offer those imaginary people?
Well, I'm such a catch that any woman would be lucky to be with a stud like me. I'm
>without ambition (I'd be content with working retail for the rest of my life, as long as I could be happy)
>ugly and literally deformed
>someone who sucks the life and fun out of anyone who comes near them, like a parasite
>pathetic and meek
>inexperienced with relationships
>lonely and dependent
>a walking case for eugenics
>a leech on society
>a terrible son
>living a deluded escapist fantasy in my head where I'm happy and loved
I just don't understand why women aren't throwing themselves at my feet! I've got it all, baby!
op one thing you need to realize is that you are not that special.. and thats ok...no one really cares about you and thats ok, you should care for yourself...shift your view from external to internal....think about your own needs and wants and viewpoints....
the only persons approval that you need is yourself
so instead of thinking "will people approve if i do xyz?" switch it to "do i approve if i do xyz" and give yourself that feeling of approval even for minor things like getting out of bed
Just another bro that went through the same thing.
I bit off more than I could chew on my final semester of school and ended up tanking, dropping out but managing to wiggle my way into a graduation ceremony as a farce for the purposes of my family.
It hurt a lot, it still does, but once I get my feet under me again, once I start running towards my goals I'll get back to it and it will be in the past.
Challenges like this will seem like a wall to you right now - and it made me think of offing myself as well, but I'm glad I didn't.
I got out of the pit of self loathing (it took 3 years) and I'm confident about who I am, albeit a little less proud for now.
I was honestly so alone at the time, I shunned all contact and holed up waiting for someone to come save me from myself. In your recovery remember that no one will do that for you, they might care with all their heart and want you to get better, but those feelings are still built off a kernel of pity.
Shaking off the lack of motivation with some simple routines, amping up to a complete daily schedule should help. Exercise, go outside, see the sun, soak in the fact that we're all just fucking animals and social pressures shouldn't ever have this much of an effect on you.
I sincerely hope you get better.